I rose quickly from his shoulder, meeting his dark eyes. “You scared me,” I whispered. “I thought you were asleep. I was about to wake you so you could go home,” I fibbed quickly.
Crossing his arms over his chest, he sighed. “How often do you get up with him at night?”
I shrugged, self-conscious suddenly that I flopped an entire boob out for him to see. I wasn’t shy about breastfeeding, but Elijah had hawk eyes, and my skin heated knowing that he was staring at us. “Hardly at all. Once every now and then. I’ve been lucky. He slept through the night a lot quicker than Lucy. I think she was a year old before I got a peaceful night.”
He made a ‘hmm’ sound. “I can imagine working and going to school didn’t help.”
Another shrug. “No, it didn’t, but it was worth it.”
“About their father,” he began.
I exhaled. “Hold on. If we’re going to have this conversation, let me carry them to bed.”
He got up, wincing as he cupped his neck. “I’ll carry Lucy. Her room’s the one on the right?”
I nodded. As soon as Eli fell back to sleep, I quickly covered myself while Elijah walked away and burped Eli before carrying him to his crib in my room. When I returned Elijah was back on the couch with his legs sprawled. My heart kicked up a notch, fueled by the thrum of heat low in my stomach.
Between work and motherhood, it had been so long that my body experienced desire that I didn’t recognize it at first. Even when I was with Scott, I didn’t get that level of craving for intimacy. Sex usually happened because he wanted it, and he didn’t care that I was exhausted and needed a lot more effort to make me feel good with him. I felt that down to my soul and thought that was what made it impossible to want sex with Scott.
But with Elijah, I felt a hunger for it. It made me extremely nervous and aware around him. Elijah was my friend. What was worse was that he behaved in ways that I’d want in a lover—a partner. He was everything Scott had never been. I was afraid. I realized sadly, Scott didn’t even do my body right when having sex. Funny how I didn’t notice all the flaws of our relationship when blinded by love and loyalty.
So, how could I even allow myself to trust Elijah after all that Scott put me through? Then again, how could I not want to call him mine?
When Scott followed us to the apartment yesterday and not only hurt mine but Lucy’s feelings, the only comfort I felt was in asking Elijah to come over. My choice was the correct one. Lucy’s misplaced fear and worries were forgotten after an afternoon with him.
Dropping onto the couch beside him, I tucked my legs underneath my butt and faced him. “Go on. If you’re going to make me admit to how foolish I’ve been, let’s get on with it.”
He laid his head against the couch watching me with a stare I couldn’t decipher. “You’re too sweet for your own good. How the fuck you got with that shithead I saw yesterday, I’ll never know. Your kids are the cutest because you’re their mother. Definitely didn’t get anything from him.”
“First off, if I ever hear you talking like that in front of Lucy, I’ll smack you. No matter what she might hear from his family, I’ll never stoop to their level.” Then, I smiled. “But since she’s asleep, I can agree. I loved him and as pathetic as it makes me sound, I would have taken care of him if he had never cheated. But now when I look back, I wonder how I thought I could be happy when I was always so disappointed in Scott.”
“I’m guessing he didn’t work?” There was anger in his tone. I nodded. “Still doesn’t?”
“No, but he’s in school.”
“So, the fuck what? He had a responsibility when you became pregnant. Who lets a pregnant woman work and go to school?” He was getting a little loud. I tapped Elijah’s shoulder, and he took a deep breath, closing his eyes and calming himself before he spoke again. “It amazes me that you thought this was okay. There’s no way I would have let you go through that. He should have made the sleep sacrifices you made. He should have been the one to juggle work and school and parenthood while you went to school and came home to Lucy. You should have stayed at home and spent all the hours you wanted with Lucy.”
At that point, tears rolled down my cheeks. Elijah’s words reminded me of the tenderness I missed because Scott never helped me. The embarrassment I felt was worse. I allowed myself to love a man who never once cherished me or our family. I was the only adult working toward our future. Because of Scott’s selfishness I missed moments with Lucy. Moments I’d never get back. I covered my face as the tears came harder.
Suddenly two strong hands grabbed me and pulled me close. Elijah wrapped his arms around me and tugged me until I was half-on and half-off his lap. The sheer mass of him soothed something deep inside, giving me a sense of comfort I’d never known before. Not the peace you got from your parent or friend, but something more. His gentle caresses soothed me while stoking a fire deep down, igniting intense emotions within me.
Hooking one arm beneath the bend of my knees, Elijah cupped my cheek. “I didn’t mean to make you upset, baby. I just wanted you to know how much you deserved. Still do.”
I swiped under my eyes. Suddenly, I was burning all over. Heat from Elijah seeped through my jeans. At that moment, I thought I wanted something more from him. “I know,” I breathed out. He gripped the meaty party of my thigh. Prickles flowed from the spot.
“I’m glad you’re not with him,” he murmured, running his fingers through my hair. My eyes met his as he asked, “He upset you and Lucy because I was outside with you guys yesterday, didn’t he?”
I averted my eyes, but Elijah grabbed my chin and forced my gaze back up. Without warning, the words rushed from my mouth. “That’s not what upset me. I can talk to whomever I want. It’s none of Scott’s concern, but when I didn’t give the reaction he wanted, he started in on Lucy. Scott told her that he’d be upset with her if she associated with you. Like what the fudge, Elijah? She’s four, and he’s hounding her to get to me.”
Thankfully, Elijah said nothing, so I continued, “Then, Lucy cried. She was confused about why her dad was so angry. I was speechless when Scott stormed off without telling her bye. I simply held her while we both cried. There was no way I would have let him take her after that fit, but all of this will backfire. Lucy is already so reluctant to spend time with Scott. She doesn’t even care when he backs out on coming to get her, but it’s me that gets the blame for that. His parents say I make Lucy not want to go.” Blinking rapidly, I wiped my eyes and tried to laugh but it caught in my throat. “Sorry, this is probably a lot more than you expected when you wanted to befriend us.”
“Don’t apologize. Never apologize to me. I want to be that shoulder you need to cry on.” He tapped it. “Go on, use me all you want.”
The way he watched me with those intense brown eyes combined with my blossoming desire made me aware that I was almost on Elijah’s lap. All the heat in my belly dipped between my thighs.
I quickly stood and smiled. Raking a hand over my face, I stretched nervously. “Ugh. I can’t believe I cried.”
“Are you okay now?”
I nodded.
Elijah asked, “What about Lucy?”
I frowned. “I think she’s too young to fully understand what happened, and it scares her. One day when she’s older, I hope she understands why I couldn’t let her dad stay with us.”
Elijah stood, towering over me. He moved closer, gently touching my shoulder. “I don’t think she wants that. I think you have a four-year-old that pays attention more than you think. She only wants her mom. And to be happy. I notice Lucy.”
“What do you mean?”
“She’s rotten, but she has a heart of gold, especially when it comes to her love for you. You haven’t noticed that Lucy’s not happy unless you are? I think she might have been more upset that you were unhappy than over the things her father said. And… Me. She cried because she thought she’d really not be allowed to see me again.” He chuckled. “Like I’d let you guys go.”
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That was true. Lucy had been extremely upset when Scott said he wouldn’t let me bring someone like Elijah around our kids. He went on about his tattoos and things until Lucy cried. Scott honestly believed I was still his or something. It was absurd that he thought he could tell me who I could be friends with. I didn’t tell Elijah that part.
Elijah’s deep voice was low as he continued, “Lucy told me about her dad wanting you guys to stay away from me. She cried as she said it. That’s how I knew that somehow, some fucking way, I became special to someone so precious that I didn’t see how anyone could make her cry.”
Oh, fudge.
He was making me feel things. So many different things. Why did he have to be so kind? Couldn’t he have stayed the jerk we’d first encountered?
It made me yearn for a bigger part of him—those parts friends didn’t share with one another.
But I couldn’t stop picturing it, especially after that night and everything Elijah said and done for us. Why did he treat us so good? My heart wasn’t safe in that situation.
“Do you work today?” he murmured, his fingers idly rubbing my shoulder.
Thinking about work, I groaned. “You just reminded me that I do. What time is it?”
“You have four more hours that you can sleep. I’ll be here around six-thirty.”
“Thanks, Elijah.”
“Don’t thank me. It’s no problem.” His hand dropped leaving behind a phantom warmth.
“But it is.” I reached and grabbed his hand. “Despite our first encounter, I’m glad that we have a friend in you.”
He turned away hurriedly but not before I caught his tight expression. His jaw was set, and his eyes downcast. Did I say something wrong? I wanted to ask but was suddenly unsure. That expression confused me.
He paused and glimpsed over his shoulder. There was something hidden in that gaze. “I’m not going anywhere,” he said as he headed out the door.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Elijah
“I took this picture earlier. She was so mad when I showed it to her before we dropped her off at her grandparent's house.” I chuckled as I handed my phone over and showed Ma the picture of Lucy with her mouth wide open, catching flies as she slept in her car seat. I was a little tired myself. I didn’t sleep much after leaving Hadley’s apartment, but it was a good tired. Probably wouldn’t be feeling that way as the day went on and I was at work but that was okay too.
Ma smiled down at my phone. “I was wondering what you were doing up so early. Did the mom—”
“Hadley.”
“Did Hadley have to work this morning?”
I took my phone back. “Yeah. I’ll get her at seven, and we’ll go pick up Lucy and Eli.”
“That’s the baby, right? Got any pictures of him?”
I shook my head. “No, but I’ll take one of him with Hadley. That’s the first one I took of Lucy.” I grinned thinking about the way she pouted. It only made it worse that I laughed at her. Everything was all good in her eyes after I told her I only wanted a picture of her.
When I glanced over at Ma, she was watching me with curious eyes. “Might as well bring them over.”
I rubbed the back of my neck. “How do I suggest that?”
Ma arched a brow my way, slightly amused. “What do you mean?”
“Answer me honestly, Ma. You’re the only female who can still say they love me after knowing me. Should I leave Hadley alone? She’s been through a lot. They all have. I don’t want to fuck them up—”
“Language, Elijah,” Ma scolded me.
Hank opened the screen door and ruffled my hair like he did when I was a kid. Back then it would always piss me off. That hadn’t changed. I leaned my head away and caught him smirking down at me as he went to refill his coffee cup.
“Are you going to leave them alone?” Ma asked me.
I didn’t even have to think about it. “No.”
Ma laughed. “Then why are you asking such a silly question? I know you, you know you. Do you plan to hurt them?”
“Of course not, but…” I placed my elbows on my knees, dropped my head between my hands, and sighed. “I want to be in their lives more than I am now. This being her friend shit is for the birds.”
“Language,” Ma muttered while Hank grinned. “Why haven’t you asked her out?”
“A lot of reasons.” I sighed. It should have been easy to do so since Hadley was letting me into their lives. I could have that morning. I should have, then was equally glad I didn’t when she mentioned I was a great friend. She had me bent out of shape.
“If it’s about her kids, they’ll make your life fuller,” Hank told me after another sip of coffee. “My life would have been empty and dull without your mom. You were such a little shit—a serious handful—but I wouldn’t trade a moment we had together.”
Ma muttered under her breath about our word choice while we laughed.
“Lucy is amazing. You’ll fall in love with her. Beautiful and sweet like her mom. And Eli is a little butterball.”
“Listen to you,” Hank chuckled.
“What?” I smiled.
“You sound proud. Like they’re already yours.”
I frowned. But they weren’t. The fact that they weren’t mine sucked me into a giant black hole. It left me devastated.
“All I know is that I want more than two grandkids. You got to impregnate her at least one more time.” Ma’s words were amusing but far from terrifying. I’d thought about being a father a lot since meeting Lucy. Being a parent was so much more than I originally thought and maybe it was something I wanted.
Maybe I already did. I pictured Hadley with a rounded belly like when we first met. Only that child would be a part of me and Hadley. Suddenly, I realized I wanted that life.
I couldn’t deny it anymore. I wanted that. I wanted them. With me. As my family.
I wanted Hadley—all pieces of her.
______
The moment Hadley hopped in my car that evening, I had a hard time deciding if I should hand her the cake right away or wait until after we picked up Lucy and Eli. It wasn’t like she couldn’t see it in the back seat if she glanced over her shoulder.
When I saw the half-eaten one in her hands, I decided to wait. Had she been working there long enough for her co-workers to know about her birthday?
Hadley saw me eyeing the cake and smiled. “You can have a piece. A good friend I worked with, the one that taught me most of what I know, brought it to me today at work and told me to share it with everyone.” She snorted. “I think she wants me to go back to work with her.”
Pulling out of the parking lot, I asked, “Where did you work before the hospital?”
“A nursing home.”
“Any plans to go back?”
Another snort. “No. I love it here. The hours and time off work are perfect for me. As much as I miss Georgie, I don’t miss the mental and physical exhaustion that came with working there. When you’re a nursing assistant, you learn the importance of team work. Most of the nurses at the home wouldn’t help us out. I promised myself that when I became an RN, I’d help without asking. I never wanted anyone else to feel bogged down or alone.”
I understood the basics of nursing, but there was a lot I didn’t know. The determined smile on Hadley’s face, though, told me how important her career was. “Sounds complicated, but I’m sure you’re great at this job, and that’s not because I think you look fucking cute in scrubs.”
Her eyes slid over my way, and her cheeks reddened. She tucked strands of blonde hair behind her ear and rolled those ocean-blue eyes at me. Beautiful.
“Stop it.”
“Stop what?”
“Complimenting me the odd way that you do. I don’t know how to react.”
I chuckled. “React however the fuck you want, baby. I’m going to enjoy it, regardless.”
She shook her head, still smiling as she peered out of the window.
Her dad was outside with
Lucy waiting for us when I pulled up. This was a habit of his. Hadley’s customary behavior was rushing to leave with the kids as if she was terrified of what her parents might say to me. Maybe it was necessary with her ex—needing to defend him or feeling frightened that he’d get upset with her—but I was a grown-ass man who didn’t want her stressing on my behalf. I understood why Hadley’s dad worried about who she hung out with. She was his daughter. If Hadley and her kids were mine, I’d be a lot worse.
Her mom stepped out a second later, smiling with Eli on her hip. I parked the truck and grabbed the cake I’d purchased. “Do you want to share this with them?”
Her gorgeous blue eyes bugged out as she took in the cake. “Elijah…” She stared into mine. “You didn’t really have to get me a cake.”
“Nonsense. Besides, Lucy would have held it against me ’til the end of time.”
“Elijah!” Lucy said excitedly, a second later her knuckles were hitting the side of my truck as she tried to climb on the sidestep to look through the window at me. “Come in and eat. Mamaw made barbecue ribs for Mommy.”
I laughed as I carefully opened the door and stepped out. She gasped when she saw the cake in my hand. “See, Papaw?” She glanced over at her grandfather on the porch. “I told you he’d bring one.” Hadley finally relaxed a little—the tension in her shoulders eased tremendously.
“Have you wished your mom a happy birthday yet?” I asked Lucy.
She became quiet and looked over to Hadley. “No. Happy birthday, Mommy.” Those bright, curious eyes were back on me. “Do I get a present, too?”
I tugged one of her pigtails and laughed. “We had birthdays last month. I think it’s your mother’s turn.”
She crossed her arms. “Drats.”
Her reaction made me remember the unicorn portrait I still hadn’t given her. “But, when you go home later, there’s something I made for you.”
Her eyes lit up.
“Lucy, why don’t you introduce Mamaw to Elijah since your mom never does?” said Hadley’s mom from beside me. I hadn’t realized she’d stepped off the porch. Hadley glared at her mom.
One Percent of You Page 15
