I turn to take her in my arms.
“Better still, come with me, I have something to show you.”
I lead her by the hand out of the one bathroom and into the other. I always wondered what the point of two bathrooms was, when I only showered anyway but now, I’m glad. Covering Serena’s eyes with my hands, I open the door. I hear her shocked gasp as I move my hands from her eyes when she sees the very large clawfoot tub. It’s huge and takes up most of the floor in here.
“Oh my God.”
“You can me Dylan it’s all good.”
Narrowing her eyes at my smug grin, she turns back to the bath in front of her. Securing the plug, I turn the hot tap on.
“I know you love bubbles but I don’t keep them and I wasn’t counting on this tonight.”
“It’s okay. I’ll just use shower gel.” Squirting some gel into the bath, it starts to foam up right away.
“I’ll go get us a drink, my phone and I’ll be back…”
“Can you get mine too please?”
Answering with a nod, I wrap a towel around my waist and run downstairs. I grab the glasses and half empty bottle of wine, together with both phones and go back to Serena. When I reach the bathroom, she’s sitting on the edge of the bath, mixing in some cold water.
“You have a message.” I tell her as I pass the phone back over.
She looks at the screen. “It’s only Bon I’ll call her tomorrow.” She switches off her phone and gets up to place it on the window sill. Testing the temperature of the water with her hand she looks over at me.
“Are you joining me?”
“Try stopping me.” I smile tenderly as she steps into the foamy water and waits for me to climb behind her. Reaching over and putting my phone on the sink, I sit down. Serena places herself between my legs, resting back and placing her head against my chest.
Sinking down into the water I wrap Serena in my arms as we lie dormant and enjoy the peace and togetherness of each other.
I submerge the sponge from the side, into the water and squeeze it over her chest. Pressing my lips to the top of her head, she lets out a pleasurable groan, as I drag the sponge over her body. This isn’t about sex; it’s about showing her I’m not like others. I’m definitely not like dickless Steve O’Malley, because if there’s one thing I’ll never be guilty of and that’s cheating.
“Tell me about Steve.”
She twists to look at me, “Do you have to ruin the moment. I was enjoying that.” She sighs, “Fine. We were okay for the first couple of years, but then once we were comfortable, I let my guard drop. While their company was getting more status; he thought his popularity had risen with it. He was staying out later, working longer hours... The first time I forgave him, but then came the second and the third - it was becoming a pattern. I’d finally started getting my shit together and was looking to leave, Bonnie was well behind me on this. There was a couple of times she had a go at him. He didn’t listen, he wasn’t bothered. Steve only gives a shit about himself and his rep.”
I listen closely, repeating the actions with the sponge to keep her content.
“I came home early from seeing a client and there he was in bed with some bleach, blonde tart with plastic boobs. I threw their clothes at them and told them to leave. When Steve wouldn’t leave, I grabbed what I could and left myself.”
“You’re worth so much more than him, you know that don’t you?”
Nodding her head, she goes on....
“I do now. It took a while though.”
“I know you said you had a plan, but sometimes the best laid plans don’t go the way we want. I’m not like him Serena, I promise.” Her large green eyes stare up at me trying to work out if I’m telling the truth.
“You know this works both ways Dylan. I’m a good listener, at least I try to be.” She turns back to face the front and I carry on with the slow glides of the sponge over her body.”
“It’s complicated.”
“Isn’t everything?”
I don’t even know where to start with all this... Maybe I should just blurt it out and see how it goes. Or maybe I can change the subject.
“Does it have to do with a woman Dylan?”
“Doesn’t everything?” I smirk as she twists back to face me again, her eyes wide at my accusation.
“Dylan Proctor that’s rude.” She splashes me with water, letting her feelings known as I laugh.
“I don’t let myself get close to women for a reason Serena.” I admit turning things serious again. “In fact, you’re the first woman I’ve even got this close to in a long time.”
I watch for her next reaction. It’s going to be hard to talk about. I need to get the timing right; I don’t want to upset apple cart. We’ve managed to get on mutual territory - maybe it’ll wait…?
The water starts to go cold, so I squirt some gel onto the sponge and begin to wash over Serena’s gorgeous body. Her head dropping back to my shoulder, as she stretches out in the water. I’d love to turn this into more but I’m enjoying this closeness. I don’t want our relationship when we decide on one, to be just based around sex.
“Why don’t we get out of here, order some food and you can stay here tonight?”
This will be the first time I’ll have a woman sleep in my bed, but for her I’m willing to do it.
“I think that Mr Proctor, sounds like a damn good idea.”
Once we’ve washed up, I step out from behind her and wrap a towel around my waist. With my hands leaning on the edge of the bath, I kiss her leaving her to finish up.
“Don’t be long, I’ll pour us a drink and order food.”
Once I’ve thrown some shorts on. I go downstairs, grab us a cold bottle of wine from the fridge, pop the cork, and order us a selection of food. I grab some plates and forks, putting them down on the coffee table, then wait for Serena to join me on the couch.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Serena
There’s more layers to Dylan Proctor than meets the eye. I just have to peel them back a layer at a time and hope I can deal with the root of his issues when I get to it.
Submerging myself in the hot water, I wash my hair the best I can with Dylan's man products. Before climbing out of the most gorgeous bath I’ve ever had the pleasure of using. The jets on the side have relaxed my overused muscles and the depth of the claw, footed bath, has covered me from top to toe in bubbles.
The turmoil that swims in his eyes when he looks at me is heart-breaking, I want to help him, but how can I if he won’t even talk to me? I get that he’s scared, but in all honesty how bad could it be? I’ve opened up to him about Steve. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little hurt that he didn’t return the sentiment. I thought by doing that, that it might be the push he needed. Clearly, I misjudged the situation.
Drying myself off with the white fluffy towel, I go in search of something to put on, knowing I can’t put my dress back on if I want to be comfortable. Standing in the middle of his bedroom I spin around slowly until I spot a chest of drawers over in the corner.
There has to be some sort of t-shirt in there.
Yanking draws open one after the other, only to be met with nothing but socks, boxers, and piles of jeans. That is until I open that last draw.
Bingo.
There’s just a couple of t-shirts neatly folded in a small pile. Grabbing one, I shake it out only to stop what I’m doing when an old creased piece of paper flutters to the floor, landing at my bare feet. I know I should just pick it up and put it back, but at the same time my gut instinct is telling me that if I look at it, then I’m going to be opening up a big can of worms. I’m going to be invading his privacy. He didn’t want this to be seen or why else would he have hidden it?
Curiosity gets the better of me though and I can’t help myself. Picking it up gently like it might scream out and tell Dylan that I have it in my hand. I peel back the edges and before I know it my entire worl
d changes…
Tears that I didn’t know had appeared silently run down my cheeks. The drops of water landing on the paper that I still have in my hand. I knew his troubles had something to do with a woman, but I would never have guessed this. I’m a crying, naked mess in the middle of Dylan’s bedroom invading his privacy. I feel such a bitch for reading it but I had too. I had to know why he is the way he is. Now that I know, I’m starting to think maybe I wish I didn’t.
“What do you think you’re doing, Serena?” His stern voice startles me, making me freeze on the spot.
Oh fuck.
Snapping my head up at the sound of his angry voice, I see him standing in the doorway with a face like thunder. He’s staring straight at the letter I have in my hands.
“I came to see what was taking you so long. You know just in case you had drowned or something, but it’s quite clear you were just snooping.” His tone gets angrier the more he talks, and I know I’ve fucked up.
“I… I didn’t mean to; it fell onto the floor when I pulled a t-shirt out of the draw to wear. I didn’t intentionally go looking. Please Dylan, you have to believe me.” I’ve never begged a man for anything in my life, but I will beg for him to believe me on this.
“Why should I? You not only fifteen minutes ago tried to get me to talk to you. Now this, it doesn’t look like you weren’t intentionally looking, Serena.” He narrows his eyes at me. His voice is nothing, but cold and void of any emotion now. He’s disconnected himself; he’s put his walls back up and I have no idea how I’m going to get him to bring them back down.
“Here, have it back.” I hold my hand out for him to take the letter from me, “But just so you know, whatever went on between you and her it’s clear she loved you, and you her. Wherever she is now she wouldn’t want to see you like this., You were very much her world Dylan, and all she wants is for you to be happy. Not this man who’s angry with the world. Who works himself into the ground, just so he doesn’t have to feel anything for another person.”
Abandoning the idea of putting one of his t-shirts on, I search around for my dress. The need to get out of here before I break down completely overwhelms me.
I’m just slipping it on over my head when he whispers the two words I never thought would slip from his mouth.
“She’s dead.”
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Dylan
Serena stills. Her hands instantly going to her mouth, the look of shock evident. Just from looking at her face, I can tell she didn’t find it by searching... Why would she, but I can’t seem to push the anger down. Everything comes rushing back to the surface. All the hurt, the upset, the memories of that fatal day.
I drop down to the bed and sit as I whisper the words, I never thought I’d ever have to. This has been my secret for so long now. I feel like I’m betraying Zoe by saying it out loud. Serena stays put, the waterfall tears continuing to stream from her eyes. As much as I want to go to her and comfort her. Say I’m sorry for accusing her - I can’t.
I’m rooted to the spot.
“Dylan… I’m so sorry.” She whispers, her voice full of emotion and pity. I don’t want pity; I don’t know what I want, but I know I can’t deal with this.
I don’t deserve all those things Zoe says I do. I’m not all the things she says I am either. I’m a bastard. Plain and simple. I haven’t read that letter since the day she gave it to me and I can still tell you what it says word for word. Every word is engraved on to my mind.
I realise I still haven’t answered her; I look up at her again wondering what I can say to make it easier, but nothing comes to mind.
The letter in my hands drifts to the floor as if it’s burning my skin. I don’t know why I kept it all these years. For my own personal torture, I guess. To serve as a reminder for what I did, for what I agreed to do, to help her.
The memories from that day come back and hit me harder than ever…
“Dylan, it’s going to be okay. We’re both going to be okay, I promise you.”
I can’t look into her eyes, they’re hollow. There’s no spark to them anymore, none of the zest for life she always had.
“Zoe. I can’t do this; I can’t let you leave me. We were supposed to grow old together, this wasn’t our plan.”
Tears are streaming down my face as I take her fragile hand in mine.
“God has other plans for us, baby. You’ll go on to do great things with your life and I’ll always be watching over you.”
The doctor walks in with a solemn look on his face and I know it’s time; time to say goodbye.
“I will always love you, Zoe. I’ll keep you with me forever.”
Just as I’m finishing telling her how much she means to me; the doctor inserts the drug into her IV, that will take her away and end all of her suffering.
Watching Zoe take her last breath while she held my hand, will stay with me for the rest of my life. Abruptly standing from the bed, I walk out of my room and run down the stairs.
I need a stiff drink.
Going to the cabinet where I keep my hard stuff, I pull out a small tumbler and pour almost half a glass of my good friend, Jack. Desperate times, desperate measures, and all that. Jack has been with me through all the hard times and as usual he never fails…
The burn glides down my throat giving me the kick I needed, as I practically gulp the lot down all in one go.
“That’s not going to help you know.” She states from behind me; I laugh at her sarcastically, not realising she had followed me; she has no idea how much Jack has been my friend in all this.
“If you want me to dig deep and spill my secrets to you, then trust me this is very necessary.” My tone is short and straight to the point. If she wants to know the real Dylan Proctor, then she’s going have to take the rough with the smooth.
“Do you mind if I sit, or would you like me to leave?”
“You wanted this Serena, so please, take a seat.”
Looking her in the eye, I raise my eyebrows daring her to run from me. When she doesn’t, I start to tell the story that is me and Zoe Franklin.
“I met Zoe when we were only a couple of kids at school. She moved into my class because she was getting shit off a couple of the other kids. The teacher thought she might fit in better in mine. I was only twelve, but I knew then she was special. She had this air about her that screamed innocent and docile. I just wanted to take her home and protect her, but what did I know at that age. As the days, weeks and months went on, I still hadn’t plucked up the courage to actually speak to her. That was until the day I saw her struggling to walk and she was trying her best not to show she was in some sort of pain. We became good friends; we were soon inseparable, but by the time we left school her condition had worsened and had to go into a wheelchair to help.”
Taking a deep breath in, I go on…
“She had a condition called DMD - Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy. It affects children and teens...”
A shudder racks my body as I try to get a grip on myself, I calm it by taking another gulp of Jack Daniels.
“She was twenty. We’d made all these kinds of plans together. I was going to put off college so I could help to look after her. She refused to let me do that - instead I went to college, got my business degree, but I did put off Uni. There was no way I was going away and leaving her behind. As her condition deteriorated, so did her spirit. She got more and more depressed as it worsened. She couldn’t do anything for herself anymore and she hated that I was stuck in this life with her. Never once did I mind. It didn’t bother me that I wasn’t going out. It bothered me that I was losing her and day by day, I lost her a little bit more, physically, and emotionally.
“Oh my god, Dylan, that’s awful…”
“She didn’t want to die, but on the other hand she wanted to determine how she died. She wanted a choice; she didn’t want to suffer anymore…” I quickly swipe at the slow rolling tear, the pain and anguish re
aring its head like it was yesterday. “Which left only one option. She didn’t tell me what she was doing. She filled in a form online to have all information sent to her without me knowing. When I found out I was so angry, I felt cheated. I didn’t want her to leave me….”
“Oh god, did she kill herself?”
Raising my gaze at Serena and looking in her green orbs, I let her guide me and prepare to tell her the full depth of my secret…
“She had a one request. I had to fulfil it.”
There’s an unnatural silence drowning us.
“I helped her die.”
Chapter Forty
Serena
He did what?
I misheard him surely? There's no way he’d help another person to die, no matter the circumstances. The story is heart-breaking. I’ve read about things like this happening, but I just thought it was exactly that; a story. Something that was fabricated to sell newspapers and magazines. Not once did I ever think it actually happened. My mouth is hanging open in shock as I stare at him, I really am speechless.
“Will you please say something, anything? You wanted to know, so I’m telling you. I did warn you it wasn’t pretty. I’m fucked up because of it. I carry the guilt around with me every day, Serena. I’m petrified to love or let anyone in again.”
I want to go to him, the anguish on his face is painful to see only I can’t. He’s telling me he helped another person to die. I can’t get past that; I can’t see him has anything else other than a murderer.
Without thinking my brain decides to wake the hell up and voices my thoughts, loud and bloody clear.
“So, let me get this right… what you’re saying is that you helped murder your girlfriend?”
In an instant he’s crouched down in front of me taking my face in his hands.
“I didn’t murder her, I helped her take her own life. I went with her and supported her through her choice to end all of her pain. I sat and held her hand whilst a doctor took her away from me. You have to understand, baby. I had no choice. She was in so much pain and was getting worse every day. Her parents didn’t understand. Hell, even the laws in this country don’t understand. I helped her to do what she wanted and that was to end her pain and suffering, but by doing so, I paid the ultimate price. I’ve had to live with my actions for fifteen years and there hasn’t been a day I haven’t regretted not talking her out of it.” His eyes are pleading with me to believe him, but I just can’t wrap my head around it all. His head drops until his chin is resting on his chest.
The Forever Plan Page 15
