“What size are your feet?” I asked, not looking up.
“Why?”
“I want to get you a pair of boots and a new pair of sneakers. If it snows again, your feet will need to be warm and you have basically ruined the pair you have running around in the snow. You need a new pair.”
“They’re fine, Joshua. I don’t need them.”
I stopped writing and looked up, meeting her troubled eyes. “What size, Rabbit?” I asked again, my voice firm.
She sighed in frustration. “Six and a half.”
I moved onto the next item. “What size do you need in shirts and pants?”
She came over to the table. “I don’t need Cecilia to get me a wardrobe, Joshua.”
I shook my head. “She isn’t. You can go online and order yourself some clothes; whatever you want. I just thought I’d get her to pick you up a couple of things. I thought maybe you were tired of drowning in my clothes. And there wasn’t a lot in your bag. Maybe your own sweatpants and some tops? Some under … garment … things?” I explained.
“I put a load of laundry in, Joshua. The things from the bag you found are fine for me. I have enough.”
I narrowed my eyes, looking at her. She was studying some highly interesting spot on the floor. Something told me not to push this right now.
“Okay,” I said soothingly.
Wanting to lighten the dark mood I could feel spreading, I looked back over to her list.
“Broccoli, lettuce, carrots, apples? Seriously, Rabbit, I see a lot of fruit and vegetables on this list. What I don’t see is chocolate or chips … or any freaking alcoholic items. And where are the jujubes? What are you trying to do to me?”
I saw her lips twitch.
“And don’t we need some lard stuff? Because I really need more of those pies. I don’t see that either, Rabbit,” I sniffed indignantly. “I’d say your list-making skills are more on par with your criminal abilities rather than your mad snowball skills, frankly.”
A soft giggle escaped from her mouth and she looked up at me. I winked at her and was rewarded with another giggle and her beautifully shy smile.
I leaned forward and refilled our glasses.
“We’ll work it out together, Rabbit,” I assured her soothingly.
She smiled tremulously at me and nodded.
I didn’t think either of us believed that.
Chapter Nineteen
Joshua
“You’re really sexy, you know that?”
I looked up in surprise. Rabbit was sitting on the other end of the sofa, staring at me reflectively over her wine glass.
“I like that sweater … it looks amazing on you.” Her head tilted and I watched fascinated as she drew the wine glass over her bottom lip again and again. I was suddenly envious of the glass.
“Of course, it looked even better when it was lying beside me in the snow the other day,” she murmured.
I felt myself stir at the memory. “Rabbit, how much have you had to drink?”
“A bit,” she giggled softly. “Actually, quite a bit,” she admitted. “But you’re still sexy.”
I grinned. “Good to know. Any reason you decided to share that?”
Her foot reached out and stroked my leg. “No particular reason.”
I arched an eyebrow at her and looked pointedly at her foot. She giggled again and withdrew it. Shaking my head, I looked back down at the pad of paper I was holding. I was sure I had everything listed I wanted to order, but I was checking it over again. Suddenly, a bundle of fabric landed on top of the paper and I stared at it fleetingly. Then I glanced up to make sure I was actually seeing what I thought I was seeing in front of me. Yep. Rabbit was sitting topless and the shirt she had been wearing was now on my lap.
“I’m cold.”
I chuckled while I sat back and appreciated the view. “I think you’d find if you kept your clothes on you wouldn’t have that problem.”
“I like yours better.”
“Um, Rabbit this is mine,” I grinned, holding up the shirt she had discarded.
“Your sweater looks warmer.”
I smirked. “Why don’t you come and get it then?”
I wasn’t entirely prepared for how quickly she pounced. One minute she was on the other end of the sofa, the next moment her entire body was delving under my sweater, her head popping through the loose neckline. She wrapped her arms around my waist with a sigh as she snuggled closer to me.
“You smell so good,” she whispered.
Laughing, I wrapped my arms around her, loving the feeling of her skin against mine. “I thought you wanted to wear the sweater?”
“I am … I’m sharing.”
“Kind of you.”
“I know.”
I nuzzled the top of her head and let her rest against me. She’d been so tense since the power was restored. I knew why and I felt it as well. If it comforted her to be close to me, I was good with that. It comforted me as well.
“Joshua?”
“Hmm?”
“Why don’t you have a girlfriend?”
I was startled at the strange question. “Well, firstly, that would make this position rather awkward if I did. Secondly, yeah, I don’t get out much, Rabbit. And, thirdly, strangely enough, aside from you, not a lot of women just show up here,” I chuckled.
She raised her head. “No. I mean why didn’t you have a girlfriend when you came here?”
I looked at her and stroked her cheek. “I was seeing someone before I was attacked, but it ended fairly quickly.”
“Why?”
“I was a mess, Rabbit. We hadn’t been seeing each other for very long before it happened. She certainly wasn’t emotionally invested in us enough to want to stick around while I recovered.”
She regarded me for a minute then pulled herself up and kissed me sweetly. “I would have stayed. I would have supported you through that dreadful time. You are too remarkable to give up on, Joshua.”
Touched by her words, I smiled and kissed her again. “I know you would have. But you are special, Rabbit. There are very few women out there like you.”
She curled back onto my chest, her one hand now softly stroking my skin. “I think you are an amazing man, Joshua Bennett. I don’t think I have properly thanked you for taking care of me and being so wonderful. You are … so incredible.”
My throat clenched with sudden understanding.
“Don’t, Rabbit. Don’t do this.”
Her voice was soft. “Do what?”
I pulled her face up to look at me. “Don’t start saying goodbye. Don’t tell me all the things you think you need to say. Just don’t.”
We stared intently at each other and I felt her slight nod of acknowledgment. I leaned down and captured her sweet mouth. Our lips moved together softly, languidly, never trying to deepen or push past the soft moment. Eventually, I pulled away and settled her back on my chest.
“I love you, Joshua,” she whispered, her voice low.
“I love you as well, Rabbit. So much.”
For a while there was nothing but the sound of her soft breathing and the hiss and pop of the logs in the fireplace.
“I still think you’re sexy,” she said sleepily.
I tightened my arms around her and chuckled. “Good to know, Rabbit. Good to know.”
She was asleep. I smiled as I looked down at her. It had been a tough day for her and she had drunk more than I had ever seen her consume before. Maybe it would help her sleep through the night. After some careful maneuvering, I managed to lift her up and carry her to bed. I did have to leave her in my sweater, ducking out of it awkwardly so I didn’t disturb her. She looked so endearingly sweet in the bulky knitted material, now hanging loosely on her, the arms empty. I looked down sadly on her sleeping form, seeing that even in sleep, her face was still tense. But I was feeling the same way she was. We were both frightened of what we would find when we searched for her on the computer. The looming possibilities were terrify
ing and our emotions had been all over the place for most of the day. Sighing, I tucked the blankets around her and patted Bear’s head, as he was already stretched out across her feet.
I went and got my lists and sat in front of the computer. I emailed Cecilia with the items I needed her to get, and then did the same with the local merchants I used. I was grateful for Cecilia. The nearby town was small and although I could get the basics, some of the things I liked had to be brought in from further away. If Cecilia couldn’t locate the items, one of us ordered them online and they came via shipping company. But I had missed her regular calls and was looking forward to seeing her again, although I hoped her presence wouldn’t frighten Rabbit too much. There were times she was a force unto herself. She had been my assistant and friend for so long; I couldn’t even imagine my life without her. Once I was done, I sat and stared at the screen, struggling. Part of me wanted to turn it off and go downstairs and just curl up with Rabbit against me and sleep. The other part of me knew I should be actively looking for answers. That it would be easier if I did this alone, and then shared what I found with Rabbit.
I sighed. I knew what part was the right decision. My hands shaking with nerves, I opened a new search engine and began an investigation my heart didn’t want my head to work on.
After about an hour I sat back with a sigh that held both relief and sadness. Each new inquiry I started, my heart would clench and my hands felt like they were weighed down with sand as I typed in new parameters and looked for information. Every time I hit enter my eyes would shut, afraid of the data that was going to appear in front of me. Each time I failed to find something, I would release a deep breath I didn’t even realize I was holding, and yet, there seemed to be nothing to find. I could find nothing about a recently missing woman in this area. No reports about a missing Escort that matched the description of the damaged car in the barn. Logistically, I had assumed she had to have come from nowhere further away than about two hours given the severity of the storm she’d been driving in. Coming up with nothing, I expanded the search to larger cities, even as far away as London and Toronto. But still nothing came up.
I even changed the dates, going back further. Maybe she had been missing longer. I searched newspapers and headlines, local newscasts, everything I could think of. An article came up about a kidnapped wife of a wealthy businessman but it occurred after Rabbit had shown up, and although the photo was rather blurry, the couple was older looking. I didn’t bother looking at the video clip, since she was already here when the kidnapping had taken place according to the date on the article. I checked various sites and headlines but came up with nothing. I even did a cross-country search and went through many articles on missing people. But none of them were Rabbit.
I sat back, perplexed. Nothing?
There wasn’t a person looking for Rabbit? Not a single article or newspaper story that remotely matched. Not one person was missing this incredible little woman? I found that hard to believe. Not a spouse or boyfriend. No family member. Not even a friend? Was she that alone in this world?
My heart ached at the thought of her being so alone. It was so wrong. She was so special; loving and giving in ways that constantly astounded me.
Another part of me was relieved. No one was looking for her. She was still mine. She would stay with me.
Neither of us would be alone again.
I leaned forward, my head falling into my hands in exhaustion as I felt a huge weight being lifted from me. I wasn’t stupid enough to think it was done, that no one would ever be looking for her or that she wouldn’t remember who she was one day. I needed to do some more searching.
But it wasn’t today. Today she was still safe here. With me.
A noise made me look up. Rabbit was standing at the top of the stairs, frozen. She still had on my ivory-coloured cable knit sweater, and it hung down past her thighs and the arms were miles too long on her, her hands barely visible through the layers of knitted material. Rumpled from sleep, she looked adorable. Except I didn’t like the way her eyes were darting between the computer screen and my face.
“Joshua?” The one word spoke volumes. Fear and anxiety were prevalent in her tone.
I opened my arms. “Come here, Rabbit,” I said quietly. I watched her hesitate then make her way over. I pulled her down onto my lap and wrapped my arms around her. She was shaking so badly I became concerned. I pulled her even tighter and felt her head burrow into my chest. “It’s okay, Rabbit. I’ve got you.”
Then I quietly explained what I had found, or not found really. As I spoke, her trembling calmed and I got her to look up as I showed her some of the results I had located. I even clicked on the article about the kidnapped wife but she had no reaction other than a murmured ‘I hope he finds her.’ When I was done, I sat back still holding her.
She raised her head. “Nobody is looking for me?”
“Not that I can find. I’m sorry, Rabbit.”
She shook her head. “I’m not.”
I was surprised at her reaction. “Why?”
She regarded me steadily. “This is where I want to be.”
I smiled at her declaration. “We have to try to find out your identity, Rabbit. Surely, you want to know who you are and what happened to you that night.”
She shrugged. “I’m not sure I want to remember that night. And … I know who I am.”
I looked at her in confusion.
“I’m your Rabbit. That’s all I need to know,” she whispered softly. Her incredibly lovely eyes stared up at me, filled with tenderness and adoration.
“You are,” I agreed, relief and lust abruptly coursing through me. I kissed her deeply and stood up, taking her with me.
“What are you doing?”
“Taking you to bed,” I growled, walking downstairs quickly. “I’m going to show you just how much you’re mine.”
She hummed happily. “Good. It’s something I need to be reminded of … often.”
“Not a problem, Rabbit.” I smirked at her as I laid her on the bed.
Almost giddy with relief, however temporary, I playfully arched my eyebrow at her.
“Now, give me back my sweater.”
Chapter Twenty
Joshua
I leaned over, laying my hand on top of Rabbit’s. She had been nervously fidgeting and playing with her napkin for the last five minutes. “Relax, Rabbit.”
Her tired eyes flew to mine. I could see the tension she was holding in, and I could tell from her body language another headache was coming. Her expressive eyes were shadowed with the start of the pain.
“It’s just Cecilia, Rabbit. She’s one of the people I trust the most. You have nothing to be afraid of.”
“What if … what if she doesn’t like me?” she whispered.
I smiled at her. “Not possible, Rabbit. She’s gonna love you.”
“What if she …” her voice trailed off.
“What? Recognizes you when she sees you in person?” I asked softly.
She nodded.
“Then we deal with it,” I stated firmly. I sat back and looked at her.
I spoke gently. “There is a very good chance it’s going to happen, Rabbit. You’ll remember your past or one day you’ll run into someone who knew you. We can’t live in fear of it. I don’t want us to live like that.”
“Maybe I won’t leave the property either,” she huffed. “Then I won’t run into anyone.”
I stood up, annoyed. “Don’t even say that. Do you fucking think I chose this? Do you think I want that for you? Never leaving here because you fear what’s out there?”
She stood up and came over, wrapping her arms around my tense form. “I’m sorry, Joshua. I shouldn’t have said that. I’m just nervous.”
I sighed and pulled her closer. “You would start to resent me, Rabbit. Not right away, but eventually. Never leaving gets old really quickly.”
“I’m sorry,” she repeated gently. “I didn’t mean it. I’m just nervous.�
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I kissed the top of her head. “I know.”
We stood together, the closeness comforting. The intercom buzzed.
I looked down into Rabbit’s worried gaze.
I grinned encouragingly, wanting her to relax.
“Brace yourself for the whirlwind that is Cecilia.”
Rabbit didn’t stand a chance.
Cecilia blew in, arms full of bags, issuing orders to help her with the rest. She directed where things went, roughhoused with Bear, pulled Rabbit in for a hug, confiscated my cup of coffee and, after taking a sip, refused to give it back, then informed me I looked great but I needed a haircut; all in the first ten minutes.
Then she pulled Rabbit into the bedroom, showing her the items she had picked up for her, even though Rabbit had insisted she didn’t need anything. Luckily, Cecilia was far more practical and had picked Rabbit up other items aside from the shoes and boots I had requested. Things like some socks of her own and some shirts that would actually fit her. I stood rubbing the back of my head, watching them empty the bags. I was glad to see the conditioner I had requested, but I really didn’t know shampoo made a difference as well. Or that women liked different lotion for their body as opposed to their face. Good thing Cecilia knew. There were other bottles, jars, and boxes, and I was completely lost. It all seemed so … complicated. I could see Rabbit blushing when Cecilia pulled out some pretty lingerie and I had to leave the room. Seeing Rabbit’s pink cheeks and thinking about Rabbit wearing the item she was holding up made me twitch and wish Cecilia was already gone; and I knew that wasn’t happening any time soon.
The delivery service I always used arrived, bringing a familiar face as well as the items I had ordered. Jim Unger had been helping me since my first winter here and was well used to the many tasks I needed done. For a while I was busy with restocking the kitchen and bathrooms while Jim drove the truck back into town to fill the tank with gasoline and refill all the empty gas containers so they would be ready for the next emergency. Once everything was complete and he had departed, I trudged back to the house to see how Rabbit was making out with Cecilia.
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