A sudden thought occurred to me and I stood up and crossed over to the car. I looked inside and then went to the work table and grabbed a pen and paper.
“Do you still use Frank?” I asked Trevor.
“Frank the Pit Bull? Yeah, I use him a lot.”
I nodded. I had used him a lot as well. The nickname Pit Bull suited him. He never stopped until he had the answers. I handed him the paper. “Hire him again. Tell him it’s for me and he’s got whatever he needs to take care of this. I want it to be his first priority. I want this VIN traced. I want to know who the owner of the car is. And I want to know everything there is to know about Brian James. And Elizabeth James. Everything.”
“Joshua …”
I held up my hand. “Just do it, Trevor. I did what I thought was the right thing. Now I’m going to fucking make sure it was.”
“Okay, Joshua. Relax. I’ll get him right on it. Now I need to get going so I’m there when Cecilia needs me.” He hesitated. “Are you going to be okay here, alone?”
I nodded and walked with him to his car. I stood and watched as it disappeared from view. There was another chopper at the small airfield waiting to take him and Daniel back to Toronto as well. Records would show that helicopter transported all of them back to Toronto together. It was another additional layer to keep Rabbit safe.
I turned around and stared at the house knowing the emptiness that now waited for me when I walked in the door. My knees crumbled as I fell into the snow, my head flung back as I roared my pain into the sky until my voice was hoarse. Bear pushed his head into my chest, whining deeply in his throat. Spent, I sat hunched until I felt the shivers tear through my body from the cold. Rising, I trudged wearily forward and Bear and I entered the house. I stood in the doorway watching Bear run around searching for Rabbit. The silence screamed at me in its intensity. The quiet had always been a welcome reprieve for me, but right now, it was an unbearable torture. I walked to the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed. I picked up Rabbit’s pillow and breathed in the scent of her. A piece of paper caught my eye and I picked it up.
No matter what— I am always yours.
Rabbit
I fell back on the bed, grasping her note.
My Rabbit was gone.
I buried my head in her pillow and felt the bed shaking with the intensity of my sobs.
The dampness of my clothes soaked into the bedding.
I didn’t care.
Nothing mattered now.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Rabbit
I woke up reaching for Joshua, but the bed was empty. Even Bear was gone. I sat up as the door opened, thinking it was Joshua coming in with coffee, only to be greeted quietly by Cecilia.
I stared at her, my stomach instantly in knots. “What are you doing here?” I asked, already knowing the answer.
“It’s time, Elizabeth.”
“Don’t call me that,” I whispered, trying not to cry. Not yet. I wasn’t ready.
“I need you to get up and get dressed. We’re leaving soon,” she said kindly but firmly.
“Tell Joshua I need to talk to him … please.”
She shook her head. “He isn’t here. Get dressed; I’ll meet you in the kitchen.” Cecilia turned and quickly left the room pulling the door shut.
Not here?
Joshua wasn’t here?
I grabbed a pair of the yoga pants that had come from the bag Joshua found, but added his t-shirt that was lying on the chair. His scent surrounded me and I needed that while I figured something out. I needed to talk to Joshua. I splashed some water on my face and brushed my teeth. I padded out to the kitchen with a pair of his socks in my hand. I stood by the table where Cecilia was sitting. “Where is he, Cecilia?”
“He’s in the barn.”
I nodded. “I’ll go talk to him there then.”
Cecilia stood up. “No, Elizabeth. He doesn’t want you to.”
I stared at her, not understanding. She handed me Joshua’s grey hoodie. “He said to make sure you wore this. It will keep you warm.”
I shook my head, the enormity of what was about to happen hitting me. “He’s not going to say goodbye? He’s just letting me leave … without … without …” my voice broke.
No. Joshua wouldn’t do that.
I straightened up and pulled on the socks, the tears rolling down my face. I began walking to the door, but Cecilia stepped in front of me. “He can’t, Rabbit,” she said pleadingly. “This is killing him. Don’t make it any harder on him. Please.”
I looked at her, my sobs shaking my body. “But I need to see him, Cecilia. I don’t know how to get in touch with him! I don’t even know where we are!”
“That’s what he wants. The less you know the easier it will be to stick to the story he has set up for you. You won’t get mixed up.”
I looked at her in horror.
“He doesn’t want me to know where he lives?”
She shook her head.
His words filled my head; we never happened.
I sat down, my legs unable to hold me up. I buried my head in my hands and sobbed.
I heard a strange noise and lifted my head. I looked at Cecilia.
“We had the helicopter come here. We have to leave now,” she explained.
I nodded numbly, not even caring enough to ask any questions, and stood up. I went into the bedroom and looked around. I opened the dresser and took some of the money from the envelope. I grabbed a piece of paper and wrote the only thing I could think of on it and placed it on the bed. I left everything else.
I walked back into the kitchen. “Bear is with him?” She nodded, holding out the hoodie again. I pulled it on and stuffed the money into the pocket. I felt the tears welling up again. I wasn’t even allowed to say goodbye to my furry protector.
“I don’t want this, Cecilia. I want to stay here,” I whispered. I looked at her. “I love him. He needs me.”
Her eyes glistened with unshed tears. “You have to. Joshua’s right. He loves you enough to let you go. He has worked hard to make sure you can go back to the life you had, with no repercussions, so respect him for that and do what he is asking you to do. You have to do this … for him.” She paused and drew in a breath. “I know you’re hurting, Elizabeth. He is as well. This wasn’t an easy decision for him.”
My heart hurt so much I instinctively lifted my hand, rubbing my chest in comfort. Feeling empty and defeated, I nodded and pulled on my sneakers. We walked out of the house and I felt myself shaking so hard I could barely stand, let alone put one foot in front of the other. I had no idea where I was going, who I was going to. Everything in me screamed this was wrong and here with Joshua was where I belonged. I felt Cecilia’s arm come around me and I looked at her through the tears streaming down my face. I could hear my own gasping breath as I struggled to breathe against the onslaught of pain.
Her eyes reflected her understanding of my agony, but still she urged me forward. I struggled to get away, wanting to run to the barn. I could feel him watching me leave. I strained to get a glimpse of him, just the chance to look at him one more time, even from afar, but I was pushed into the helicopter cabin and the door slammed behind me before I could turn my head. Cecilia helped me buckle up, then pulled me into a tight embrace as I wept onto her shoulder as the chopper took off, taking me away from Joshua and Bear.
My saviors.
My protectors.
I turned and watched the house and barn quickly disappear from my view.
Joshua. Bear.
Their love for me.
Mine for them.
My world was gone.
Cecilia looked at me questioningly. “Do you understand, Elizabeth?”
I nodded from my place on the sofa. Dutifully, I repeated everything back. “I woke up in the care home. I have no recollection of how I got there. Nothing they have done has helped me remember. Dr. Tate saw a repeat broadcast of the press conference and recognized me.”
She no
dded, and I continued. “He contacted his lawyer, Trevor, who brought me here. And you’re here …” I trailed off.
“Simply to escort you and to be certain you are comfortable. I came because Trevor asked me.”
I stood up and went to the window, restless and unsettled. There was so much noise here. I could hear people and movement and even the traffic from outside. “Isn’t that a little convenient, Cecilia? Too close to Joshua? His lawyer and his assistant?” I asked, feeling my hands clench as I thought about Joshua.
“Trevor has a lot of clients, Elizabeth. And, no one knows I’m Joshua’s assistant. He only ever refers to me as CC and, legally, my name is Cecilia Jones. Any business I conduct on Joshua’s behalf, I go by my maiden name. Josh isn’t the only one who likes privacy.”
I turned around. “Well, how convenient. He brings mystery and subterfuge into his personal life as well. Aren’t I lucky?”
Cecilia looked at me. “I know this isn’t easy, Elizabeth. It’s not easy for me to see two people I’m fond of hurting either. Can you try and remember that?”
Instantly, I felt terrible. I sat down and reached for her hand, my eyes once again filling with tears. “I’m sorry, Cecilia. I’m just so … overwhelmed and scared.”
She squeezed my hand. “I know.”
She smiled sympathetically at me. “Dr. Tate will be here any minute. He is going to do a quick exam and add a few things to your ‘records.’ Trevor had some things to take care of and then he’ll join us. When he gets here, we’ll go over everything one more time and then ...” she drew in a breath, “your husband will come and get you.”
“He’s been contacted?” I asked, my voice trembling.
She nodded. “He has. He thinks you are being brought here later today. Did you want to go shower before Dr. Tate comes? I brought you some things.” She leaned over and handed me a small bag.
I nodded and went into the bathroom, more for the quiet and chance to be alone than the desire for a shower. Again, I did as I was told and stripped and stood under the spray. My thoughts were a chaotic symphony in my head. The pain of leaving Joshua, the fear of meeting Brian, the uncertainty of my future. How did I face this man, my husband, after the past weeks with Joshua? Go back to a life with someone I couldn’t remember, when the person I loved was somewhere else, living a different life? Could I do that? Would I remember Brian and would Joshua become what he said he would? Just a quiet memory of someone I shared some time with?
I had studied the pictures of myself on Joshua’s computer and read snippets about me. From what I had read and seen, my life was very much one social event after another. Fancy dinners and charity events seem to be the mainstay. I was terrified of the kind of person I was before Joshua. I liked the one I was when I was with him. What was I like with Brian? Was I kind and loving? What was our relationship like? Was he what he portrayed in the news? How could I completely block out someone I was supposedly so in love with?
Wearily, I shut off the water and stepped out of the shower, not feeling any more refreshed. I dried off and changed into the new undergarments and pants Cecilia had thoughtfully provided, but slipped Joshua’s shirt and hoodie back on. They were all I had left of him and I wasn’t giving them up. I brushed my wet hair and squared my shoulders. I could hear voices in the next room and knew the doctor had arrived. I opened the door and went to find out what was next for me, dreading every single second.
I sat curled into the corner of the sofa, my stomach in knots and wave after wave of nausea hitting me. Brian would be here any minute. Dr. Tate had been very kind, insisting on me calling him Daniel. He checked me over and used some sort of portable x-ray machine on my head and ribs. He made additional notes on my “chart” and made copies which he had handed to Trevor when he arrived.
Currently, he, Trevor and Cecilia were sitting, quietly talking. I could feel them looking over at me every so often, but they let me remain silent for the most part. I had asked Trevor about Joshua as soon as he arrived and his sad smile told me more than his brief ‘it’s been a tough day all around’ did. He filled me in on the fact that he had contacted Brian’s lawyer and told him of my being discovered and between them had made these arrangements. He also told me Brian’s lawyer had insisted this be done quietly without any media, as per his client’s wishes. I was grateful for that fact since I didn’t know what my reaction would be when I saw him.
I shut my eyes as another wave of nausea raced through me. I wasn’t a good liar. Joshua teased me about that all the time. How was I supposed to look this man in the eye and pretend to be something I wasn’t? Feel something I didn’t? Pretend like the last few weeks never happened? Just the thought of being touched by a man other than Joshua made me cringe. How was I supposed to…
My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a firm knock on the door. I stood up and fled to the bedroom. I wasn’t ready. Shaking and desperately trying to stop the tears that were flowing down my face, I sat on the edge of the bed rocking myself. “I need you, Joshua,” I whispered brokenly into my hands. I could hear the timbre of a deep voice talking quickly through the door. I listened but nothing stirred in recognition of the voice.
I started when a soft knock came on the door, but relaxed a little when I saw Cecilia slip in. She knelt in front of me. “He’s here and wants to see you. You need to come out now, okay? We’re all here, Elizabeth.”
I wanted to scream no, it wasn’t okay. To stop calling me that. To demand she take me back to Joshua. Instead, I wiped my face and stood up. She stood with me and held out her hand. In it was a tiny white envelope, no bigger than a business card.
“Joshua wanted me to give you this. He said to keep it safe. Guard it. And use it if you need to.”
I took it carefully. “What is it?”
“I have no idea. He wouldn’t tell me. He just said you would figure it out.”
Unsure what to do with it, I patted my pockets, then remembered the little one inside the waistband of the pants. No doubt it was there to hold a small item when running but it would do well for this. I slipped it in and pulled the hoodie back down.
“Ready?”
Trembling, scared and feeling ill, I nodded. We stepped out into the living area. There were three men standing to one side of Trevor and Daniel. Two of them were total strangers. I recognized the third as Brian from the pictures I had seen. We stared at each other. He was tall, dark-haired and large, so large he was almost square looking. Bulging muscles were made more evident by his stance. He stood looking at me, his hands on his hips, head tilted to one side. I looked back at him, waiting to feel a rush of recognition. Nothing. I could have walked past him on the street and never known he was my husband. My stomach tightened as he suddenly began walking towards me. He stopped in front of me, still staring, as I fought back the impulse to step back away from him. His hand reached out and I looked down at it. It was out of proportion with the rest of him. Blockish and thickset. Unbecoming. Not like Joshua’s long-fingered, beautifully tapered hand. I shuddered at the sight of it extended towards me. His voice speaking to me brought me back from my thoughts. “Elizabeth?” he breathed, his hand flexing, waiting for me to touch him. I drew in a breath and placed my hand in his. His bulky hand closed over mine and this time something stirred.
And, before I could stop it, I vomited all over his shoes. The last thing I heard before everything went black was a muttered string of expletives that I knew were directed at me.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Rabbit
I came to feeling panicked and unsure. My eyes flew open as I remembered why, only to find myself lying on the sofa. Standing at the end of the sofa was Brian and one of the other men that had been in the room. They were quietly conversing. I sat up and looked around, relaxing when I saw Cecilia and Trevor standing a few feet away, looking at me with worried expressions on their faces.
Daniel was leaning over me, his fingers on my wrist. “Are you all right, Elizabeth?” he asked calmly
, although the look on his face was intense and questioning.
I stared at him, filled with uncertainty, but I nodded. He handed me a glass of water which I drank gratefully.
Frowning, he stood up, releasing my wrist. “She seems fine now. No doubt a reaction to all the stress,” he said to Brian.
Brian came over. “Elizabeth.”
“I’m so sorry, I’m just so sorry …” My voice was trembling.
He held up his hand. “Mrs. Jones explained how nervous you have been. No harm done. I over-reacted myself. Are you feeling all right now?” His tone was kind, yet somehow I found no comfort in that fact.
I was puzzled at the formal use of Cecilia’s name, but realized quickly I was not supposed to know her, or any of them, very well. I drew in a shaky breath, knowing I needed to remember to act accordingly.
Brian sat down. Again, he reached for my hand and, this time, I steeled myself not to show a reaction, even though just the sight of his wide hands made me cringe. Why, I had no idea.
“I’m sure you’re feeling very disconcerted. You have been through so much. I’m anxious to get you home and settled.” He drew in a deep breath and studied my face for a minute. “We’ve much to talk about. No doubt you are eager to be in familiar surroundings as well.” His nose wrinkled in distaste. “And, out of those clothes. I suppose that’s all the home had to give you.”
I looked down. I was in Joshua’s shirt and hoodie. I never wanted to take them off. But I looked up and nodded silently. It seemed to be what he was expecting.
He stood up. “I am taking my wife home now. Obviously, she is still recovering and she needs rest. Thank you for your efforts. I will make sure the care home is amply rewarded.” His tone brooked no argument.
“You should make sure she goes to her doctor as soon as possible,” Daniel spoke up, stepping forward.
Brian’s hand shot up, stopping Daniel’s motion. “I will make sure my wife is seen to properly. There is no need for you to be concerned any longer,” he snapped.
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