“Vile.” Adam finished for me.
I nodded.
“He deserved what he got. And then some, in my opinion. You were defending her, Joshua. She knows that. I think she is just reacting to the entire fucked-up situation here. I highly doubt she is frightened of you,” Adam offered in comfort.
Daniel nodded. “I agree; her body language was that of emotional pain, not fear, Joshua. Give her some time to process what happened. Talk to her.”
I smiled grimly at both of them. “I will.”
I heard Cecilia come down the hall and I turned, watching her go to the sink with an uneaten sandwich and the glass of milk she had taken to Rabbit. I grimaced, knowing she hadn’t been able to get Rabbit to eat anything. I left the others discussing the plans for the rest of the day and went over to Cecilia. She looked up as I approached and I saw the glimmer of tears in her eyes.
I grabbed her arm. “What? What did she say?”
She looked at me and shook her head. “I got her to talk to me a little, Joshua. I won’t break her confidence. Be patient. She’ll tell you.” Her voice lowered. “She’s going to need some support that only you can give her.”
“She’ll have it, no matter what,” I insisted.
Cecilia smiled. “I know that, Joshua, it’s just sometimes a woman needs … reassurance, okay? What might seem insignificant to one person can be … devastating to someone else.”
I was confused. But I nodded anyway.
I stood in the kitchen after having been in the hot tub, the pain in my leg lessened from the pills and the heat. Adam was upstairs, talking and typing. I could hear the muted sounds of Frank’s snores from the other side of the house where he was sleeping. Cecilia, Trevor and Daniel had left. I blinked, feeling how heavy my eyes were. Daniel was right. I was tired. Between the emotion of the past couple of days and the effects of the painkillers, I was having a hard time staying awake.
Quietly, I made my way down the hall and slipped into the bedroom. Rabbit was still curled up under the blanket. The late afternoon sun was around the front of the house, leaving the bedroom bathed in a dim light. Sighing, I crawled onto the bed; desperately wanting to feel Rabbit close to me but unsure if she would want that right now. Tentatively, my hand reached out and stroked her hair that lay across the pillow, softly caressing her head and down into the thick tresses. She sighed and rolled over, fitting herself against me. I smiled in relief as one hand found its usual purchase on my shirt, anchoring herself to me. My arms wrapped around her, drawing her closer, and she burrowed into my chest and quietly breathed my name. I nuzzled my face into her fragrant smelling hair and finally allowed myself to relax. I drifted into sleep surrounded by her warmth.
The room had darkened into early twilight when my eyes opened again. I looked down and was immediately caught in the vivid gaze of Rabbit’s stare. Leaning down, I grazed her lips with mine.
“Hi,” I said warily.
Her answering smile was timid, her eyes troubled. Frowning, I cupped her cheek. “Tell me. Please. Did I frighten you, Rabbit?”
Her eyes widened. “No. You defended me. I know you didn’t plan that, Joshua. I also know it’s not in your nature to be violent with another person.”
I nodded in relief. “Tell me then. What is it?”
She regarded me guardedly. “It seems to me that I’m a lot of trouble,” she whispered, her voice shaking. “Are you sure … I’m worth it?”
I stared at her aghast.
Was she worth it?
Before I could answer her, she continued. “I don’t have anything to offer you.”
“Stop it.” My voice was firm. “Rabbit, did you not hear me out there? You are everything to me. I will do anything for you. You don’t have anything to offer? You have given me more in the short time I’ve known you than you realize. You have brought so much to my life. Look at what I overcame because of your love and support. Please, don’t question how vital you are to me now.”
“But am I … enough?”
I stared at her unable to figure out what she was saying. “Enough?” I repeated.
Her eyes looked away. “Am I enough … good enough for you … everywhere, Joshua?”
Now I was totally lost.
“Rabbit, I need you to tell me what you’re thinking. What are you trying to ask me?”
She spoke so quietly I could barely hear her. “I know I don’t have much experience in some areas, do I … satisfy you, Joshua?”
My eyes widened in sudden, painful understanding. Two things crashed into my brain at the same time. The sneering comments Brian made and Cecilia’s quiet ‘women need reassurance.’ Brian had publicly degraded and humiliated her. Rabbit was questioning her ability to satisfy me sexually.
I stared down at her in disbelief. She could even question herself? After all we had shared? The passion she ignited in me? It was so ludicrous I wanted to laugh, but I could see the pain and doubt in her eyes.
I sighed sadly. Just as my words had hit the mark with Brian, his degrading ones had found a way inside her head.
I thought back, remembering our first time. Rabbit’s tentativeness in returning my kisses, her hesitancy to touch me, how her hands had trembled and fumbled the first few times we had been together. But it had been endearing, her passion had been warming and she had responded so eagerly. She was a warm, giving lover.
“Rabbit,” I began soothingly, leaning down close, my fingers stroking her cheek. “You are more than enough.” My fingers lifted her chin. “The way you respond to me? The way you make me feel? There aren’t enough words, Rabbit, to express what you do to me, body and mind.”
She still looked unsure.
“Am I satisfied? Sexually? That’s what you’re asking me?”
A small tilt of her head indicated her answer. I drew in a deep breath. I was not going to let her dwell on this. “Your lovemaking more than fulfills me, but I need to be honest. No, I’m not satisfied.”
Her eyes widened. Leaning down, I kissed her warmly, capturing her gaze with mine. “I will never be satisfied, Rabbit. Before we have finished making love, I want you again. When I watch you make one of your delicious pies, I want you. When you laugh or scowl at me, I want you. Fiercely. Christ, don’t even get me started on how I feel when I see you curled up in the chair wearing my shirt. I can hardly fucking see straight. I’m surprised I haven’t taken a header down the stairs yet. And just thinking of you sitting in the hot tub, your skin wet and glistening …” I groaned deeply and squeezed her chin lightly, my forehead resting on hers. “All the time, Rabbit. I want you all the time. And every time you are more than enough.”
“He always said I was cold. Unresponsive and awkward. The few times we tried it was … awful. He said it was my fault. That I was frigid and not stimulating. And … you heard what he said earlier,” she whispered. “I didn’t have very much experience before him … and I had never, ah … really enjoyed myself ...” her voice trailed off.
“He said a lot of really inane things out there. None of which I or anyone else paid any attention to, Rabbit. Don’t let him do this, baby. Don’t let him get to you.”
I cupped her face and kissed her deeply, again and again, until she was breathless. “You are, without a doubt, the most innately sensual lover I have ever been with, Rabbit. If you didn’t respond to him then the problem was his, not yours. I have no doubt he was a selfish bastard.”
I kissed her again. “I've felt things with you I’ve never felt before. You’ve taken me places I've never been, Rabbit.” Again our lips met, softly, sweetly moving together. “And I want you to take me there again.”
I held her closely for a minute, giving her a chance to think about what I’d said. “It doesn’t matter that you don’t have a lot of experience. In fact, I’m rather grateful for that. I get to discover all of this with you. And if you’re telling me I’m the first man to give you an orgasm, then I am beyond thrilled.” I tapped my chest, waggling my eyebrows at her. “I’m
rather possessive when it comes to you.”
I was pleased to hear her soft giggle. Leaning closer, I nipped at her ear. “In fact, I’d be thrilled to show you again … just how unsatisfied I am when it comes to you,” I whispered, pressing my growing erection against her leg.
She looked up at me, surprised.
I raised an eyebrow at her. “I told you, Rabbit. Never enough.”
“But there are people here,” she protested half-heartedly.
I slid my hand up her side, caressing her soft skin under her shirt. “I can be very quick and very quiet, my sexy little Rabbit. But I promise to be thorough. How about you? You wanna be naughty with me?” I whispered lowly, desperately wanting her to forget about everything but us for a few sweet moments. I wanted her to feel how good we were together. I wanted her to smile and feel me loving her.
And most of all, I wanted her to forget the cruel words flung her way earlier and to know that they were just empty lies told by a desperate man who wanted to inflict pain on her one last time.
Her eyes glowed in the dim light and I watched her lips curve into a smile. I smiled back before capturing her mouth with mine.
And then, quietly, thoroughly and not very quickly, I made her mine, happily swallowing her cries of ecstasy deep within myself, keeping them private and safe. I loved her with everything I had until she knew, without a doubt, that she was more than enough.
She was everything.
Chapter Forty
Joshua
My breathing was harsh and its sound filled the cabin of the truck. I looked down at my hands which were clasped so tightly on the steering wheel in front of me, that my knuckles were white. The key sat in the ignition, just waiting for me to turn it and start the engine, but I couldn’t. I was desperately fighting for control, feeling confused and angry at myself.
I had done this once before. I had left the confines of my property to go and get Rabbit. I should be able to do it again.
I could feel the beginnings of a panic attack starting and I closed my eyes, trying to concentrate on slowing down my breathing. The feeling of Rabbit’s arms coming around me from the back seat was a welcome comfort and I released the steering wheel, instead grabbing onto her forearms and holding her against me.
Adam’s voice from the passenger side startled me. “You know, Joshua, I’m not an expert or anything but it seems to me the most important thing here is getting Lizzy to the hospital. Does it really matter if you are the one behind the wheel?”
I shook my head silently.
“Do you think that will help? If he wasn’t trying to drive?” Rabbit asked, her voice close enough to my ear for her breath to tickle my earlobe.
“He did okay last time, when someone else took the responsibility of removing him from the property. Maybe it’s just a matter of baby steps and this is too much all at once. Maybe if he sat in the back with you and I drive, it would work. You want to try that, Joshua?”
I forced my eyes open and looked over at Adam. His eyes regarded me with nothing but kindness and concern. I looked in the rear view mirror and was met with Rabbit’s love-filled but worried eyes. Her arms tightened around me and I nodded. Adam was right. The most important thing was getting her to the hospital. As long as I was by her side, it didn’t matter how we arrived. I unclipped my seatbelt and slid out of the driver’s seat and into the back with Rabbit. Adam slid his seat forward, and came over to the driver’s side and climbed in. Wordlessly, I moved to the other side to give him enough room to move the seat back. As he got comfortable, I pulled Rabbit into my shaking arms, burying my face in her neck. “I’m sorry,” I breathed into her soft skin. She shook her head.
“No,” she whispered fiercely, running her fingers through my hair. “I feel better in your arms anyway.”
The truck lurched forward and I wrapped myself around Rabbit even tighter, shutting my eyes as I had done in the chopper the day we went to find her. This time, I had her sweet voice in my ear, telling me how much she loved me, how proud she was of me, to concentrate on. Her words and touch were comforting and I relaxed a little into the seat, keeping her close. I heard the sound of the gate opening in front of us and I began to tense, my breathing picking up again.
Without warning, Rabbit’s words stopped and her mouth crashed onto mine. Startled, I gasped and instantly her tongue was inside my mouth softly stroking as her hands wound into my hair, holding me tight. Groaning, I gave myself up to the taste and heat of her, kissing her back with everything I had, lost in the kaleidoscope of feelings she brought out in me. Finally breaking apart, both of us gasping for air, I lifted my head. My property, my safe haven, was far behind me. And, I was surprisingly okay. In fact, I was way better than I had been a few minutes ago when I was thinking of leaving the property. Looking down, I smiled warmly into Rabbit’s sweet face, my thumb tracing her swollen lips. “Nice diversion tactic, Rabbit.”
Up front, Adam laughed. “I think your sidekick status just got a permanent check mark, Lizzy.” Then his voice became serious. “I know this is a big thing, Joshua. I think the key may be having the actual leaving taken care of by someone else for a while. Give yourself time to adjust and work up to it. One step at a time.”
I nodded, once again dropping my face into Rabbit’s neck. Her arms tightened around me again and I was content to remain like that for the drive. I still had to face walking into the hospital and being in an unfamiliar environment.
“Joshua?” Rabbit’s voice was a pleasant hum in my ear.
“Hmm?”
“Did you have some exercises, maybe … like some positive thoughts or something you used to do with Maggie when she was helping you to be able to leave the house the first few times?”
I nodded.
“Maybe you could try and use them again. I can help you, if you want.”
I looked up at her in wonder. “You are so clever, Rabbit,” I whispered. “Having you in my arms already helps more than I can tell you.” Leaning back, I took her with me, pushing her head gently onto my chest. I concentrated on my breathing and reached into my memory, finding the phrases and key words I used to practice with Maggie as I took the steps to leave my front door. I began to recite them in my head, and their familiarity helped to ease the panic I was feeling. Keeping Rabbit close, I opened my eyes and watched the vista fly past; my heartbeat slowly returning to normal.
I had to do this. I could do this.
For Rabbit.
Daniel met us at the door of the hospital. Seeing him in his doctor’s garb and feeling the sudden tremor that went through Rabbit reminded me of exactly why we were here. For her. Holding onto the thought of her needs, I was able to pull her off my knee and get out of the truck fairly easily. I held out my hand and helped her down, then wrapped my arm around her, keeping her close, as we followed Daniel through the maze of hallways, Adam right behind us.
Daniel led us to a small office and examination room, while Adam remained outside in the waiting area. He sat down behind the desk and indicated we should sit as well. Rabbit looked around confused.
“What is it, Lizzy?” Daniel asked kindly.
“I thought you ran a private care home, but you work here?” she asked.
He smiled. “I own it, but my wife actually runs the home. I am the primary care physician there and I maintain an office here. I’m only here three days a week and when I occasionally cover for other doctors. I’ve always been very interested in geriatric medicine. The home and making sure the people there get the best attention is my main focus.”
Rabbit nodded in understanding.
“Okay, Lizzy, how are you feeling?”
“Better. Calmer.”
“Good. Today, I am going to do a few tests, along with some blood work and we’ll get that chip out of your neck. It’ll be just a small incision but it’ll be sore for a few days. I’ll have to put one or two stitches in it that you’ll need to have removed. Dr. Woods will come around and I’ll introduce you to her. If
you like her, she’ll set you up with an appointment for a full physical. Does that sound okay?”
Rabbit nodded and I squeezed her hand gently in silent support.
“I will have a nurse in with us at all times. It’s up to you if you want Joshua in the room with you as well.”
I looked over at Rabbit. It was her call. I would do whatever she wanted. She smiled nervously at me. “I think I need to do this myself. But if I needed him to come back in he could?” she asked quietly.
“Without question.”
I saw her deep breaths and how she seemed to steel herself, straightening her shoulders. “All right.”
I smiled. My brave girl.
Daniel stood up. “Let’s get started then.”
I sat beside Adam, nervously watching the door. Daniel’s office was in a relatively quiet part of the hospital but there were still a fair number of people around. Before I left the office, Dr. Woods came in and introduced herself to Lizzy and me. She was an older woman, tiny in stature, but with a firm handshake and kind, knowing eyes. I had left then to give them some privacy and when the doctor came out, she stopped and shook my hand saying she would see me when Lizzy came back next time. Her eyes had widened when she took in the appearance of Adam beside me. I did a quick introduction and her eyes narrowed as she stared up at him. “You’re going after the bastard who did all this?” she asked. He nodded silently. She handed him her card. “If you need something, let me know. Nail him.” She looked over at me and smiled. “I’ll take good care of her, Joshua.” She turned and walked away quickly. Adam looked at me. “I like her. Little fireball,” he chuckled. I agreed. Daniel had done well in choosing a doctor for Rabbit.
I was surprised a few minutes later to see Dave come around the corner talking with a tall woman. He headed directly for me with his hand outstretched. “Joshua!”
I stood up and shook his hand. He introduced the woman beside him as Trina, the new head of the psychiatry department in the hospital. We conversed briefly and it struck me that this part of the hospital was an unusual place for him to be. When I questioned him, he had the grace to look slightly embarrassed.
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