Elijah (The Cooper Brothers Book 1)

by Nikki Ashton

“Yeah,” she answered, appearing from the kitchen.

  “Do I have time for a run?” I asked, scrubbing a hand over my head.

  She glanced at her watch. “If you want to,” she replied, a catch of disappointment in her voice. “I’ve made sandwiches and a salad, so it can wait.”

  My only response was to turn toward my bedroom to get changed.

  My feet pounded along the canal tow path as Rag ‘n’ Bone Man’s moody, soulful voice belted out the chorus of Human in my ear. With an understanding of every word he sang, I pushed my legs harder, quickening my pace until I was almost sprinting. It was punishing, but I needed the burn in my lungs to push away all the thoughts whirling around in my head.

  With the cool air whistling around me, I felt freer than I had in weeks.

  I wasn’t having to lie to my girlfriend that I was happy with her moving in.

  I wasn’t having to lie to my brother that I was okay.

  I wasn’t having to lie to myself that I didn’t love Amy any more.

  There was only the tarmac beneath my feet and the music in my ears. It felt good and I knew I’d made the right decision to get out of the house.

  Finally, as I approached the canal café, I let out a long breath and as the music slowed to Dermot Kennedy’s Heartless, I gradually reduced my own speed until I was walking with my hands on my hips. I was breathing heavily, but I felt good for having blown away my memories and thoughts for a short time.

  Walking inside, I held a hand up to the young girl behind the counter, pulling out a five pound note from the pocket of my shorts.

  “Bottle of water, please,” I said between panting breaths.

  She smiled and turned to the fridge, before placing a bottle on the counter and then taking my money.

  “Thanks.”

  “No problem.” She smiled as she handed me my change and then turned to someone who had come in behind me.

  As I turned to leave, I almost dropped the bottle.

  “Shit, Amy. I didn’t see you there.”

  Amy blinked rapidly as she looked at me and then glanced at the girl behind the counter. “A large Americano, please,” she said, her head half-turned to me. “Hi Eli.”

  “Hi. How are you doing? How was Scotland?”

  I sounded breathless and it wasn’t from the running, it was all down to Amy and how she affected me. The long lashes of her brandy coloured eyes, the soft curl of her hair that almost reached the small of her back, her high, rounded breasts, her full lips that were a perfect natural pink and her smell – fuck, her smell, it was fresh and light, it was home.

  “It was okay,” she replied, lowering her gaze to search through her purse. “It was a little cold up there, but nice people.”

  She flashed a small smile at me, before turning back to the counter and handing over some cash for her coffee.

  “I’d buy that for you,” I said, sounding stupid and hesitant, “but I don’t have enough money on me.”

  “No, it’s fine.” She shook her head, stowing her purse back into the bag she had across her body. “I was just, um, going for a walk so I decided to stop for a drink. What about you?”

  She looked at me and then started to laugh.

  “Sorry, pretty obvious you’re out running.” She shook her head, covering her eyes with her hand.

  I grinned, taking the opportunity to drink her in a little more. She was wearing tight jeans that stopped at the ankle, a white long-sleeved t-shirt, and navy and white Converse, and she looked beautiful. Her face was devoid of make-up, with the simple flush of fresh air on her cheeks.

  “It’s fine,” I said, uncapping my water. “I can see how my legs would distract you.”

  She dropped her hand to her throat as her mouth quirked up at the corner. “Still modest, I see.”

  I shrugged and took a swig of my drink, swallowing hard as I kept my gaze on Amy. “You fancy some company while you drink your coffee?” I asked, nodding toward a table by the window.

  “I…um, yeah, okay.”

  We waited for another couple of minutes for the coffee and then I followed her over to the table, desperately trying not to let my eyes linger on her arse which I’d always loved so much.

  “I believe the gardens ended up being gorgeous,” Amy said as we each took a seat. “I spoke to Sophie yesterday, you know just to check everything was still okay, no issues.”

  I nodded. “Yeah, I’m really pleased with them, and Tino and Sophie seemed happy.”

  “Well, she was really complimentary. Said the kids barely leave the garden and the Llamas love it too.”

  “So I believe.” Tino had called me, full of excitement that the Llamas were apparently ‘frolicking’ in their part of the garden. “Anyway, tell me about Scotland.”

  Amy’s cheeks pinked as she took a sip of her hot coffee, wincing slightly.

  “Like I said, it went well. Nice people who appreciated what I did.”

  She gave me a tight smile and then looked out of the window.

  “Marty saw Claudia and she said you’re in Manchester now,” I lifted the bottle to my lips, pausing and waiting for her answer. She nodded.

  “Yeah, another hotel. This one is part of a chain though and getting a total refurb, so all I’m doing is the design. They’ll get their own contractors in and I’ll be there in a consultation capacity.”

  I laughed and almost choked on my water.

  “What’s so funny?” Amy asked, a small smirk on her lips – she knew perfectly well what I found amusing.

  “You giving up control and only having a consultancy role. It’ll kill you.”

  She narrowed her eyes, trying to look affronted, but her gorgeous smile broke through.

  “Okay, so I may have to bite my tongue, but there isn’t much I can do about it.”

  “How come you’re not doing the lot; bringing in your own contractors like you normally do?”

  Amy took another sip of her coffee, wrapping both hands around the large, pale-blue mug. “They like to have a different designer for each hotel, and each one is given a different theme to work with – mine was bohemian.”

  “I guess that means every hotel is individual, but surely it’s more corporate savvy to have them all looking the same?” I asked, leaning back in my chair.

  “All the staff wear the same uniform, the menus are the same, and every reception has to be in the corporate colours of purple and orange, and it works,” Amy replied with a shrug.

  We sat in silence for a couple of minutes and I felt sure that Amy was trying hard to think of something to say, just as I was. That in itself was like a punch to the gut; we’d never struggled to have conversation. It was one of the reasons we were successful as a couple – we were best friends who chatted constantly.

  “Where are you at the moment?”

  I blew out a quiet sigh of relief that Amy had broken the silence. “Twenty miles out of town, working for Darren Baker, you remember him?”

  Furrowing her brow in thought, Amy shook her head. “No, the name doesn’t ring a bell.”

  “He made a comeback when we were about eighteen. He was the guy that wore red leather trousers all the time, sang that song that was on the advert for men’s aftershave.”

  She thought some more, eventually smiling. “Oh yes, I know. Your dad took your mum to see him. He was pretty old then, wasn’t he a big star in the eighties?”

  “That’s him. Well he and his very young wife are having their garden totally overhauled. It was just grass and he wanted some plants and terracing put in.”

  “Well, famous footballers and now popstars, you’re really getting a name for yourself.” Amy’s eyes were soft as she gave me a genuine smile. “I’m really pleased for you.”

  “We’ve just finished working for an ex-professional rugby player, too. He was the Ireland Captain for years and has just retired.”

  “Wow, you won’t want to speak to little old me soon,” she giggled.

  I drew in a breath, the words
‘I’ll always want to be in your life’, on the tip of my tongue. I didn’t say them though, I just smiled and took another swig of my water.

  We continued to chat, staying on neutral ground of work, the weather, and Netflix recommendations. When my mobile buzzed, I picked it up from the table, where I’d put it with my Bluetooth headphones and stared down at the screen. It was a text from Mia and suddenly my skin felt cold and my heart a little traitorous.

  Mia:Need to go home. Leah has locked herself out. Will leave your lunch in the fridge. Call u later xx

  I felt like such a shit. I knew she’d made us lunch, yet instead of rushing back as I should have done, I’d chosen to sit and talk about some fucking TV series about a haunted house, with my ex of all people.

  “I have to go,” I said, standing up quickly and almost toppling my chair over. “Great seeing you, Amy.”

  Amy looked up at me with a frown, her lips parting and the tip of her tongue flicking out to lick her top lip. Watching her, I almost sat myself back down, but knew it would be the wrong thing to do. Mia didn’t deserve to be treated as though she didn’t mean anything to me - she did. She was important to me and I loved her. Problem was I was fucking obsessed with Amy, but there was no going back, we’d moved on.

  “Oh, okay,” she said, shifting in her seat. “I’ll, um, see you around maybe.”

  “Yeah, maybe.”

  I gave her a quick smile, and picking up my headphones, exited the café and jogged back home, sending a quick text to my girlfriend asking her not to leave until I got home. The need to see her laying heavy in my chest.

  Amy

  aged 28

  “You really don’t need to do this,” Matty said, scratching his head and holding his other hand against his chest. “It’s too much, Ames.”

  I wrapped an arm around his shoulders and gave a squeeze. Nothing would ever be too much for him, or my new nephew or niece, and buying a pushchair was what I wanted to do.

  “Matty’s right.” Carla looked at me with anxious eyes as she ran a hand down the hood of the top of the range pushchair. “We can’t possibly accept this, Amy. It’s far too expensive.”

  “No it’s not. I want to do this for you.” I turned to the sales lady. “You’ll be able to keep it here until the baby is born, won’t you?”

  “Why?” Matty asked.

  The lady, with greying hair and bright-blue, twinkly eyes, gave me a warm, understanding smile. “Of course we can.”

  “But why?” Matty repeated.

  “I think I heard it’s bad luck,” Carla chipped in, moving to walk around the pushchair and taking a closer look.

  Matty’s gaze swung to mine, his mouth parted on a gasp. I smiled and rubbed his arm. “It’s fine, Matty.”

  “I-I didn’t know,” he stammered.

  “Do you want the matching baby bag?” I asked, changing the subject.

  Carla’s head shot up from her inspection. “God, no. Honestly, the pushchair is enough.”

  I turned to the sales lady and nodded. “We’ll have the bag too please.”

  “I think we can get you a little discount on that,” she replied with a smile. “I’ll go and get one from the stock room while you have a last look over the pushchair.”

  “God, Ames, I don’t know what to say.” Matty blew out his cheeks. “I’ll never be able to thank you enough. That’s eight hundred quid’s worth of pushchair there.”

  He looked at me with the look of a man in pain and I couldn’t help but laugh. It was typical of Matty, he’d give his last penny away, but found it wholly uncomfortable if anyone helped him out or showed him kindness. I didn’t care how he felt though, I wanted to do this, they deserved it because it was going to be hard enough being young parents and living with my mum and dad. Not that Mum and Dad were awful, but they’d have very little personal space and if I knew my mum, she wouldn’t be able to stop herself from giving Carla and Matty the benefit of her advice, no matter how much Dad and I had warned her not to. If me buying them a pushchair helped them to save more to be able to move out, then so be it.

  Carla rushed over to me and pulled me into a tight hug, and I had to quell the reaction that her slim arms wrapped around me brought. I’d been close to tears at the slightest thing recently; ever since I’d realised that I still loved my ex-husband. Although, helping my little brother to prepare for the arrival of his child was pretty emotive in itself. With my feelings for Elijah filling my heart, anything else that happened was simply that cup of water which overfilled my glass of emotion.

  “Thank you so much, Amy.” Her words were muffled as she squeezed tighter. “You and your mum and dad have been amazing.”

  Matty came closer as his hand came out to rub Carla’s back. The three of us standing in the middle of a host of pushchairs and highchairs in a little group hug.

  “Okay,” I finally said. “Let me go and pay while you take a final look at it and make sure it’s the one you definitely want.”

  “Oh god, we do,” Carla gushed, swiping at tears on her cheeks. “It’s perfect. Thank you.”

  As Matty pulled her into his arms, I left them to meet the sales lady at the cash register. As she started to put everything through, including a cute little baby sleeping bag that I couldn’t resist, I turned to watch the street outside. It was then that I saw them – Elijah and Mia, holding hands and carrying a couple of bags each. Mia was talking animatedly to him and he was listening intently, his head slightly cocked towards her, with a smile on his face.

  I felt sick and my legs felt weak. My heart drummed hard and the sensation of falling took over my body. It felt as though I’d lost my grip on the parapet that I’d been gripping and no matter how much I screamed or scrabbled to get my grasp back, I was going to thud to the ground and never get back up.

  “It is a card, you’re paying with?”

  The sales lady’s voice broke my living nightmare and when I turned back to her, I had the feeling she’d already asked me the question once before.

  “Sorry,” I said, handing over my card. “I was in a world of my own.”

  Not saying anything but simply smiling, she took the card from me and I dared a glance back through the window, but they were gone.

  Feeling hot and clammy, I unzipped my leather jacket and ran a hand across the back of my neck, under my hair. It was sticky and the feeling of nausea was still there – I couldn’t un-see how happy they were. I’d never get that image out of my head.

  As we left the shop, Carla saw a friend of hers, so she went ahead of me and Matty. As she did, I felt Matty’s hand curl into mine and squeeze it tightly.

  “Are you okay?” he asked, his face full of concern.

  “Yes, I’m fine.” I nodded and gave him what I hoped was a reassuring smile. “Honestly.”

  “I know this must have been difficult for you.” He cleared his throat and leaned in to kiss my cheek. “And I know I don’t say this often, but I love you.”

  “I should hope so, I’m the best sister you’ve got.”

  “The only one, unless Dad has got something he needs to tell us.”

  We both laughed at the absurd thought of our dad cheating on Mum – it would never happen. A silence fell between us and as we slowly walked toward Carla, who was chatting animatedly to her friend, I felt the need to tell Matty what I’d seen and how I was feeling. Maybe letting it all out would cleanse me in some way and I’d be miraculously cured – or maybe I wouldn’t. Maybe saying the words would only serve to reinforce them and make my heart feel heavier and my lungs fuller.

  “When I was paying, I saw Elijah,” I blurted out, as we pulled to a stop a few feet from Carla.

  Matty groaned. “Oh fuck, are you okay? Did you want to go and punch his fucking lights out?”

  I shook my head, looking down at the pavement, my eyes focused on a piece of chewing gum that had been trodden into the concrete of the path.

  “No, we’ve been talking pretty amicably, since we worked together.” />
  “Oh, you never said.”

  “Didn’t really think it was important,” I lied.

  I knew exactly why I hadn’t told any of my family, because they’d loved Elijah and he’d hurt them too, and if we were talking, they might get the wrong idea and I couldn’t dash their hopes as well as my own.

  “And how’s that going – the talking?” Matty asked, his shoulders straightening and his jaw tensing.

  “It’s good,” I replied, rolling my eyes. “I promise, we’re behaving like adults and it’s not upsetting me if that’s what you’re worried about.”

  “Something is, because you’ve been really quiet since you paid and even though you’ve just spent a shit load of money on a pushchair, I don’t believe for one minute it’s your future credit card statement that’s upset you.”

  I narrowed my eyes at him and sighed heavily. “Okay, Sherlock. He was with his girlfriend and-.”

  “You felt jealous,” he finished for me.

  “Yes, a bit.”

  Who was I kidding? I felt as though I’d had my heart cut out and fed to the birds. It was so much more than jealousy, it was heartbreak.

  “What else?” Matty asked, stooping down his six feet, one inch frame, so he could look into my eyes.

  There was no point lying to him, he knew me too well. Plus, hadn’t I decided that sharing my thoughts might help.

  “I still love him, Matty,” I blurted out. “I still want him, I still love him, and I’ve realised I was a stupid fucking idiot for not listening to him five years ago. Now, it’s too late, he’s happy with Mia, and I hate it. I hate that she’s moving in with him and I hate that I feel as though he’s still mine and she’s taken him away from me, when actually he hasn’t been mine for five years.”

  “And you hate her too,” Matty said with a grin.

  “I never said that.” I protested.

  “No, but you do. I can see it in your eyes and the way you said ‘Mia’.”

  I laughed as he impersonated me.

  “Does he know how you feel?”

  I shrugged. “He might have an idea, seeing as I tried to tell him one night in Ziggy’s and I think he was going to kiss me.”