by Taras Ford
“I won’t lose you to this,” he said. “You swore you were mine, and I’m holding you to that. Tell me you don’t love me, that you don’t want this. Tell me I’m wrong about you, that our love is a lie! Tell me to my face that you want me to leave you alone. Tell me, damn it!”
Crying harder, she closed her eyes. “You don’t understand."
“Make me understand, sweetheart. That’s what you do when you love someone. Help me be the man you need because, without you, I’ll never be that man. We have too much to lose, and you have to know that I can’t survive this. I can’t!” He thrust in and out of her, and her hips undulated upward to receive him.
She opened her eyes, her arms still pinned above her head. Raising her legs, she wrapped them around his waist and locked him on top of her. Lowering his face to hers, he ran his tongue over her lips and then along the side of her face to her ear. Sydney gasped and arched her back as she always did when she braced herself to receive him. He stared into her face, still holding her hands as he rotated his hips, driving himself deeper inside her.
“Make love to me, sweetheart. I need you,” he said softly, letting go of her hands as she nodded and bit her bottom lip, breathing softly through her nose.
She pushed at his chest in the familiar way that let him know she would submit. He gripped her hips and rolled over so that she could be on top. Sydney sat up in his lap and wiped her eyes to stare down at him. She moaned. “I do love you. God help me.”
Nolen’s eyes fluttered shut as he held on to her hips, rocking her back and forth, speaking her name and making promises she no longer believed in.
“I love you,” he said.
“I love you too, Nolen, so very much.”
She meant it. Those were the words he needed to hear. He was past the point of no return, and if she left him, he didn’t know what he’d do. Grabbing his throat, the way he taught her, she rode his cock, squeezing and releasing until his face was flushed and his body jerking though his orgasm. Exhausted and heartbroken she collapsed against his sweaty chest, listening to his beating heart.
“Go to sleep. We’ll figure it all out in the morning,” he said stroking her back.
She lifted her head, kissing his jaw and shaking her head sadly. Resting her head on his shoulder and sliding her arm across his chest to hold him tighter, she eased off him feeling him sticky between her thighs.
Soon she drifted into a fitful sleep.
At four AM Sydney stood next to the bed with her backpack on her shoulder and her suitcase in her hand, watching Nolen, who lay tangled in the sheets, his creamy skin glistening in the dark. He wore a small, contented smile. He had told her how beautiful she was, inside and out, how he was a better man because of her, how wonderful their life would be. Her tears had stopped, but her fear raged on.
She had left behind all the clothes that he’d bought her, hanging them in the closet and taking nothing but her own things. She had started to lay the pink cell phone on the nightstand, but she knew that where she was going, he wouldn’t find her. She’d hold on to the phone to let him know that she hadn’t completely abandoned him.
Instead of empty promises she needed time and space to work it all out. She had to be with Trish, to repair the damage done to their hearts by the betrayal of their lovers. Easing the phone in her pocket, she walked out of the room, not bothering to close the door behind her.
Nolen heard the phone ringing and sleepily opened his eyes. Sydney wasn’t next to him; he felt a twinge of panic. He’d tried to ease away her pain, but he knew that she was still very angry and hurt. He reached for his watch on the nightstand, and relief washed over him. The time read a little past eight. Sydney had a dance call at eight thirty. Everything would be all right.
The phone’s ringing grew more insistent. He’d forgotten it temporarily, thinking of his butterfly. Falling back on the pillow, he reached for it.
“Yeah?”
“Hey, man,” Todd said weakly.
“What’s up? How you feeling?”
“The same, but Trish opened her eyes last night. They took out her breathing tube.”
“That’s great!”
“She hasn’t spoken. She just stares straight ahead with a far-off look. It’s like she’s retreated into herself or something.”
“What are the doctors saying?”
“They’re waiting for some neurological tests, but it looks like she’ll recover physically.”
“Have you been home? Have you even left the hospital?”
“No. She’s asleep, but I’m afraid that she’ll wake up and I won’t be there. We’re taking her to Sail Brooke Institute like you and Dr. Patel arranged—after she’s cleared, of course. I wanted to thank you, Nolen. You saved her life. And mine.”
“Where’s Hesser?”
“I don’t know. He gave me the guardianship here at the hospital, but he said he still plans to deal with me before he leaves.”
“Don’t worry. He won’t bother you two again. I’ll make sure of it.”
“How? How did you get him to back off?”
“He has too much to lose, and he’s a coward,” Nolen said dismissively. “I simply reminded him that I’m the fox in the henhouse. He didn’t want to negotiate.”
Todd heaved another burdened sigh into the phone. “Will you come to Sail Brooke to see her? Bring Sydney. I know it’ll help.”
“Yeah, I’m going to the dance studio now to check up on her. We’ll head out to Rochester tonight.”
“I don’t know how you fixed it, Nolen, but thank you so much. I really do love Trish, and I plan to help her.”
“I know, and she’ll be ok.”
Nolen thought of what Sydney had said. She was right. He hadn’t wanted to hurt Trish, but his actions had been self-serving. And yet if they hadn’t been, they wouldn’t have each other. That had to mean something to her. He dropped the phone and headed to the shower. He would go to the office to check in with Annemarie about the SEC and the federal indictments before going to the dance studio.
Sydney turned over on the couch and opened her eyes to see a golden Labrador licking her face.
Startled, she jumped up and grabbed a tissue to wipe her face.
“Dexter, you leave Ms. Thang alone,” Juan called out, snapping his fingers to order the dog to return to his side.
Sydney looked over at Juan, then down at her watch. “Why aren’t you at the studio?”
“Honey, why aren’t you?” he asked, sashaying over in a floor-length pink robe over pink satin baby doll pajamas. “I woke you up in time, and you told me you weren’t going. Now Ms. Juanita heard the short version early this morning, but you got some ’splainin’ to do!”
“I can’t go there,” she said softly. “He’ll be there.”
“Ok, let me get this straight. Ole boy hooked up Goldilocks with a photographer that hooked up with your other friend that he got arrested? And now you want to run away because?”
“He deceived me to get me to go out with him. He manipulated me and my feelings. Because of his selfishness, my friend tried to commit suicide.”
“This is better than The Young and the Restless,” Juan said, shaking his head, which was covered with pin curls under his sheer pink scarf.
“It’s so complicated, Juanita. I know he didn’t want to hurt anyone,” she said, pulling her legs up under her. “He just doesn’t know how to love me without controlling me.”
“And what’s the problem with that? Ms. Juanita would love for King Ding-a-ling to walk in here and take control, damn it.”
“The problem is he sees nothing wrong with it. I won’t be with a man who thinks of me as his possession.
He loves me, but he doesn’t trust love. So he manipulates everything to make sure he controls it. I can’t resist him when I’m near him, but I’m not sure that I can be with a man who’s so self-absorbed, arrogant, secretive, and—”
“Didn’t you say last night that he bailed out that model?” he asked, wa
ving his pink french manicure in her face.
“Yes.”
“He dealt with that creepy bastard Ben Mendoza? By the way, he’s a leech chica. I’ve seen in him in action.”
“Well yes, he beat him up. But I didn’t ask him to—”
“And didn’t you say that he took you to meet his family in his fancy-schmancy jet?”
“Yes, that too, what’s your point?” she snapped.
“Ms. Juanita is pretty sure he did a bunch of other stuff in between that was about loving you and helping you, honey.”
Sydney thought of the Valentine’s Day presents that Nolen and Todd had arranged for her and Trish.
She put her face against her knees. “Maybe. Maybe not. I don’t know anymore. I’m not good at this. What am I doing?”
“That man wants to give you a kingdom, and all you want to do is worry about the peasants!
Relationships are hard! Nobody’s perfect!”
Sydney looked up. “My parents’ marriage was perfect, but my daddy would never do this.”
“Your daddy? You’re sitting here comparing your man to your daddy? The same daddy that won’t speak to you? Is that right? Tell Ms. Juanita about this daddy of yours that’s a saint.” Sydney smiled faintly. “He’s a school teacher and one of the assistant pastors of his church. He’s the most honest man I’ve ever known. Nolen is nothing like him.”
“Thank God!” Juan squealed. “Seriously girl, who wants to fuck their daddy?” Stunned Sydney blinked, then laughed. She laughed so hard a snot bubble formed in her nose and she had to get another tissue to wipe the mucus. Early this morning she had nowhere to go. She called Juan to talk.
But he invited her over instead. He even offered her his sofa. Normally she wouldn’t have taken advantage of his generosity, but she needed a friendly ear. Someone to talk too.
Juan threw his hands in the air and rose from the couch, shaking his head fiercely from side to side.
“Down-home Southern teacher, and you’re his daughter. I got me a preacher’s kid up here! No wonder your ass is so damn confused! Tell me your daddy didn’t try to control you, Ms. Thang!”
“Of course he did. It’s why I left.” Sydney stared at him. “But that’s not the same thing.”
“Why the hell not?” he asked, folding his arms as the dog circled his legs. “Does your daddy know what you’re doing now?”
“We don’t speak, I told you that,” she said softly.
“Oh, right honey, I’m sorry,” Juan said, coming back to the sofa. “I can be a real dick sometimes on the details.”
Sydney shook her head. “It’s ok, really. My father is a good man, but he controlled every aspect of my life.
All my life, my friends and family have controlled me. I was drawn to Nolen because I thought he was different.
He was controlling, but in a different way. He wanted me to be free, different with him. And he never judged me. My mistakes, my demands, my hang-ups, he took it all in stride. I thought it was just love between us, but it’s something more. Now I’m back where I started, and it hurts so damn bad.” Juan nodded. “So what do you plan to do, honey? Hide away from the world in Ms. Juanita’s lavish pad?” Sydney looked around at the tiny flat. The walls were painted pink, and the sofas had been reupholstered in a pink-and-white leopard print. Resting on a pink stand near the door was a Greek statue with no arms, its legs cut off at the thighs, wearing a pink thong. Instead of doors, there were pink crystal beads in the doorways of the bathroom and bedroom. Pink throw rugs decorated the hardwood floors, and even Dexter had a pink bandana tied around his neck.
“Stay here today and think it through,” he said, rising. “I’ll go to the studio and calm down that uptight bitch. And I’ll keep a lookout for that hunk of a man of yours!”
“I don’t know if I can do the ballet.”
Juan stopped and looked at her. “What?” he squealed.
“Nolen will flip out when he finds me gone, and the first place he’ll go is the studio. I need time, and Xenia won’t give it to me. There’s no way. If I decide to leave him, I can’t do the ballet, so why even bother?”
“Wait, wait, wait. Nobody said a damn thing about leaving King Ding-a-ling. Now I know you’re upset, honey. Trust me, Ms. Juanita’s had her share of heartache. But that man is too fine, too damn rich, and too damn in love with you for you to throw it all away!”
Sydney shook her head. “I don’t care about his money. I never did.”
“I’ll tell you what to do. Get some rest, order a damn pizza, and watch some soaps. Then end the pity party you’re throwing that nobody wants to come to. Take a bath, comb that pretty head of yours, and go get your man!”
Sydney lay back on the pillow. “Please don’t tell anyone I’m here,” she said.
Juan shook his head. He looked down at Dexter, who was staring up at him as if he were puzzled as well. “Only in New York, honey! It takes all kinds!” he said, breezing away with Dexter at his side, wagging his tail.
Chapter 24
Moving Forward
Nolen made his way through the dancers with Annemarie at his side. She had informed Nolen that the FBI would bring down indictments this week. Agent Michaels had indeed brought Scott Harris in and offered him a deal. “Is everything in place?”
“Yes sir, when they come for you we will be ready.” She said.
He’d tried reaching Sydney on her cell phone earlier, but it had gone straight to voice mail. He was pretty sure that she was just busy in rehearsal, but she’d left without saying goodbye this morning, and he didn’t appreciate that.
Xenia was at the end of the hallway with a man dressed in tight pink leather pants and a furry pink turtleneck sweater, who turned all the way around to watch Nolen approach, his pink-glossed lips widening in a smile. Nolen stared back, puzzled by the recognition, and then directed his attention to Xenia.
She marched straight at him, glaring. “Ok, I’m not putting up with this, Nolen. She isn’t a star yet, damn it, and I have a production to run!”
Nolen raised an eyebrow. “What are you yammering about?”
Xenia tossed her curls and narrowed her eyes. “I understand that you’re an investor, Nolen, but I won’t put up with this shit from your girlfriend. It’s my damn show, and don’t you forget that!” Nolen slipped his hands into his coat pockets and stared at her, remaining silent.
“Where is she?” Xenia snapped.
“What do you mean, where is she? She’s here.”
“The hell she is! She’s supposed to rehearse the lead with the songwriter, and she hasn’t even bothered to call in. Juan keeps stalling, but I know something’s up!”
Nolen looked past Xenia to the man in pink, who averted his eyes. “Sydney was supposed to be here today,” he said. “Are you saying she didn’t show up?” Nolen asked.
“You heard me!” Xenia said in an angry undertone. “That bitch can be replaced!” Nolen’s stomach tightened. “What do you mean, he’s stalling?” he asked.
Xenia frowned. “What?”
“You said that this man is stalling. How is he stalling?”
“Juanita is always—”
“Answer me,” he barked, causing a hush to fall over everyone in the corridor.
Xenia blinked in surprise, and Annemarie smirked. Juan stared at Nolen with his hands on his hips.
“He said she was running late,” Xenia said, “but that was over an hour ago. Then he said she was sick but trying to get here.”
Nolen pushed past Xenia to the man, who flashed him a seductive smile. “Hello, there,” Juan said sweetly.
“You’re friends with Sydney?” Nolen asked.
“Black Butterfly? Yeah, she’s my home girl,” Juan said.
“Really? Xenia said that you spoke to her today.”
“What if I did, honey? It’s a free country and all.”
Nolen nodded. “Where is she?”
“I beg your pardon?”
“I said, where is she?�
� Nolen took a threatening step closer.
“Don’t take that tone with me, honey. I’ve got nothing to do with you and the diva. She called and said she was running late and then called again and said she was sick.” Nolen stared at him, trying to determine whether he was lying.
“Trouble in paradise?” Xenia asked.
He flashed her a hate-filled look over his shoulder. His instincts told him that the man called Juanita was lying. The cold, sinking fear that she would go to her ex-lover crept into his gut, making him sick with jealousy.
How could she do this to them? Today of all days, with all the bullshit he had to deal with.
“Get her understudy to meet with the songwriter,” Xenia said to her assistant. “We’ll work around her and replace her if we have to.”
“The hell you will!” Nolen bellowed.
Xenia cast him an irritated look. “Now wait a minute!”
“Your office, now!” he said and stormed off.
Annemarie caught up with him, and he glanced at her. “Cancel everything.”
“Sir, we need to meet with the attorneys. It can’t wait!”
“Cancel it, damn it!”
Annemarie turned pale, but he ignored her, storming into Xenia’s office, his coat flapping around him.
Xenia walked in behind him and slammed the door. “Look, I will not—”
“This production is closed!” Nolen snapped.
“What?”
“You heard me, damn it. Over! Stopped! I want the doors closed to the whole damned place until you find out where she is!”
Xenia laughed coldly. “This is some kind of joke, right? You don’t expect me to find your piece of ass.
You can’t be that crazy.”
He glared at her. Sydney was out there, running from him. Out there blaming him for failing her and hiding from his love. “Not you, stupid! That pink weirdo you’ve got as an assistant!”
“Juanita?”
“He knows where she is. I have a good idea already, and I’ll head there now, but if she isn’t there, I expect you to know where she is when I get back.”
“Have you lost your mind?”
