by Lisa Campell
“You know the host?” Wymore asked.
Edward nodded. “We fought together. He was my senior and finished his service two years before.”
“Ah. I see. A wonderful young man, he is. It is easy to see why you two are such good friends. Well then, I shall love to stay and converse more but I am afraid we must take our leave. I have just been called away on an urgent matter.”
“Oh dear, but the night is ever so young, and we have all only just been reunited again!” Aunt Helen protested.
Her husband put a calming hand over her shoulder then.
“We can always see them some other time. It’s a good thing we all are in London now. Have a safe trip home, James. I hear you no longer live in Brighton?”
“No. We are way down in Berfount now,” Wymore replied simply.
This got Edward’s attention, but he thought nothing of it.
“Caroline, dear. You look especially lovely tonight. Do call often, will you? Mayfair is not so far from Berfount, you know. I should love to spend some time with you.”
Aunt Helen proceeded to hug her and kiss her cheeks. His uncle simply smiled at her.
Soon, the farewells were over and the Wentworths took their leave.
As they did, Edward turned to see if Nathaniel was still there—if he had seen it all—but he wasn’t. Edward suspected he was long gone.
It was just as well.
“You must be so happy, seeing Caroline again. We know how much she’s always meant you.”
“Neither of them looked happy, Helen,” Uncle Ethan said.
“Oh?” she looked at Edward for an explanation, but he had none to give. She turned to her husband, who shook his head at her.
She finally understood. “Oh.” She closed her mouth then, immediately looking sad.
Edward did not have it in him to try to appease her.
“I have to go look for Nathaniel. I promised to be by his side all night.”
He walked away then, all the while feeling like he had returned to the battlefield.
Only this time, the war was happening inside of him.
Chapter Eight
Caroline needed to be alone.
She wanted to lock herself in her chamber and have a good cry.
She did not understand a thing that had happened that evening. All the days, the weeks, the years she had spent dreaming about that perfect moment when she would be reunited with Edward.
She had never once thought that it would go that way. That he would be cold, unfeeling. Hurtful.
He had been like another person. As though someone else had taken his body as host and he was not the one who had spoken to her.
Edward had liked her rebellious nature, the side that she refused to tame in order to be more ladylike. They had gotten into trouble so many times for causing mischief and he had always laughed.
He had never thought them tomfooleries.
She supposed her father had been right. People did change. The war had changed Edward. He was no longer the man she knew.
The boy she loved.
She was hurt, very much so. Nevertheless, she could not bring herself to give up on him.
He must have experienced so many horrors. Perhaps they hardened him. The simplicity of the life they had had in the countryside must seem like a lifetime ago to him.
She simply had to remind him. Show him again that life could be beautiful, it could be simple, it could be enjoyable.
Yes, she simply had to show him. Then, and only then, would he appreciate the seemingly foolish things he once had.
He would also remember their friendship and the love they’d always shared. Eventually, he would come to the realization that that love had always been more than innocent, it had always been deeper.
When that happened, all would finally be well with her world.
Because she was so deep in thought, she didn’t pay heed to how much time had gone by until the carriage pulled to a stop and her father announced they were home.
One by one, they dropped from the carriage. She looked up at the building. She was slowly growing accustomed to calling this place her home.
In a few days, it wouldn’t feel so strange anymore.
The silence remained as they climbed the stairs. The butler opened the door as soon as her father knocked and they were let in.
When the doors shut, her father broke the spell.
“Whittaker will be calling on you on the morrow. Prepare to receive him.”
He didn’t stop. He simply kept walking towards his study.
Caroline did not believe she had heard right, so she followed him, entering his study and closing the door behind her.
“What did you say?”
“Have you gone hard of hearing?” he asked in the most affectionate way possible. She startled, thinking that he was genuinely worried about the possibility.
“No!” she forced out as she recovered. “I have not gone hard of hearing.”
“Then I will take it that you heard my words the first time. Why do you then ask me to repeat myself?”
Caroline shook her head. “I do not understand you. One moment, you are warm and sweet. The other, you are cold and…”
“The world is a cold place, dear Caroline. One must adjust to survive.”
Caroline’s jaw dropped. Why did all the men she loved chose to be cruel to her that night? What had she done wrong?
“Very well, since you are confused, I shall help you understand better. Whittaker has declared an interest in making you his wife. He shall go about it the proper way, of course. He will woo you and court you, then he shall ask you to be his wife and you will say yes. I will have you know I have already given him my blessings. As it is, you could be betrothed in a matter of weeks.”
I have to be dreaming. This entire evening has to be one terrible nightmare. Dear Lord, no!
She had dreaded this day, ran from it for two years. All she had done could not be in vain, could it? All her efforts, futile?
“No,” she said. It was firm.
“I beg your pardon?” her father asked.
“No,” she said again.
“No what?”
“No. I will not marry Whittaker. I will not be wooed or courted by him. I do not like that man and can never bring myself to, much less love him. He is arrogant and a rake. He has no appreciation of good manners and sees me only as property to be acquired.”
“I see. It appears you’re quite given to theatrics tonight.”
“I am not being theatrical!” she cried as tears streamed down her face. “We made a pact. You said you would let me choose who I want.”
He remained calm. Too calm. “I let you stay away for two years. One would say I have done well, do you not reckon? I am your father and I know best. You are wrong about Whittaker, and I am offended that you judge him so harshly when you have only just met the man. I’d hoped I raised you better.”
“Father!” she cried again. It was evident he was not listening to her. This was not the agreement they had.
Had this been his plan all this while? Had she been fooled into believing she was having her way when he had simply been biding his time?
“What is it? Is it love? It is but a fickle emotion. Too fickle to have your entire future, the rest of your life, depend on it. Whittaker is a good man from a good family. His reputation is impeccable, and on top of that, he is an earl. He might become a duke if his uncle dies without an heir. His family has wealth running for generations, so you will never lack. I promise you, I have his word that he will care for and cherish you. What more do you seek?”
She could have told him of Edward. She knew her father would approve of him. The words were on the tip of her tongue but she could not say them.
He would ask her if Edward felt the same way. He would ask Edward if he was willing to marry her.
She knew that from what had ensued between them that evening, that Edward’s answers would be no.
She needed more time to change that.
If her father had indeed deceived her all this time, waiting for the perfect moment, she had to be wise. She had to do the same.
“Why Whittaker? The Season is yet to begin. I am certain that there shall be many more eligible bachelors, some with even better prospects than the earl. Give me time, Father. Please. Just this Season. If I do not make a choice, then I shall marry Whittaker.”
“I have already given him my word!” he bellowed then, raising his voice for the first time ever.
Caroline jumped. She had never seen her father this way. It scared her to her bones.
He rose to his feet. “You would have me go back on my word?”
“No, Father,” she responded, her voice broken. She felt so small. Her heart was shattering and she had begun to shiver.
“Then you would have us lose everything?”
“Father?” she asked, not understanding.
“Look around you! Open your eyes and look around you, Caroline!” He hit the table with his fist and papers flew all over. “We have lost everything! We have nothing!” He threw his hands in the air. “Nothing! This place isn’t even our home!”
He paused to drag in a deep breath. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. He remained that way for a long moment.
When he spoke again, his voice had dropped, but not entirely.
“I couldn’t afford to get us a home after losing the townhouse. We are simply renting here for the time being. Soon, I shall run out of money to afford the running costs.”
He dropped his hand then, opening his eyes.
“Thankfully, I was sensible enough not to stake our estate. We would have lost it, too. I would have lost it. Whittaker is… Whittaker is wealthy enough to help me pay all my debts and reclaim my honor. He will also take care of you, I’m certain of it. This will see your future secured. He will never be able to gamble away all that money, even if he tries. You will want for nothing. You will never have to put up with… this.”
He looked at her then. “Do you now understand? Do you now see why you must do this? I failed you, but this is my chance to make it right.”
Caroline shook her head as she began to step away from him. She was trembling all over. From shock at the news and her father’s anger.
The tears wouldn’t stop flowing. Her head hurt. So much.
How did it get so bad? How had her father gambled away everything they had? How did he expect her to pay the debts caused by his own sins?
“No, I do not understand. The only thing I see is that you failed me as a father. You failed this family, the ones who came before you. You are not making things right by having me pay for your sins. I am human, not property to be exchanged for money and favors. I will not marry Whittaker, Father. I will choose a man for myself and you will be lucky if he decides to pay your debt. If he does not, it is just as well. I was no part of your gambling, I shall be no part of your recompense.”
He must have realized then the evil of his words. His eyes widened and she saw the brokenness in them, the regret.
“Oh goodness. Caroline. I’m sorry. I never should have raised my voice… Heavens! What came over me? My dear…” he started to reach out to her but she was not having it.
Instead, she turned around and ran out of his study. She didn’t stop running until she reached her chambers and shut the door behind her, turning the lock in place.
She went to her bed, fell atop it and wept bitterly.
Her whole world had been shattered. She had never thought she would see the day when she would be ashamed to be her father’s daughter, but that was what he had brought to her.
Shame.
This wasn’t even her chamber. It wasn’t her bed. Soon, she would have to leave.
Her father could not afford to give her a Season. He was already running on debts. Seeing her married as soon as possible would take her off his hands.
Then, he would return to Yorkshire to live out the rest of his days. Or perhaps, he would receive enough money from the earl to buy back their townhouse.
To be married to Whittaker…
Goodness!
She couldn’t conceive of it. She had disliked the man on the spot. He was no good. It was clear she would be very miserable with him.
Not just because her heart belonged to another, but also because he was no good. How could her father not see it? Or was he simply too blinded by greed?
Three knocks sounded on her door then. She knew who it was, but she did not wish to see anyone.
“Go away! I want to be left alone!” she cried.
“No, you don’t,” Aunt Trudy replied. “You want someone to hold you, pat your hair and tell you everything’s going to be alright.”
It was true. She wanted all of those things. Why did she have to refuse them?
Sniffing, she rose from her bed and dragged her feet to the door. As she turned the locks, she went back to her bed.
“Keep father out,” she said as she fell on her bed again.
Aunt Trudy must have understood, for she turned the locks into place as she shut the door behind her.
In another moment, she was by Caroline’s side, lifting her into her arms.
Caroline couldn’t stop crying.
“He was mean, wasn’t he?” Aunt Trudy asked.
Caroline nodded as she snuggled into her aunt’s arms. “So mean. He wouldn’t stop shouting.”
“I know. I know. I heard it all. We all did. I’m so sorry, my love. So sorry.” Aunt Trudy began to rock her as she whispered, patting her hair and back comfortingly.
It was just what Caroline had hoped for and more.
“Whatever am I to do? I cannot let him be ruined. I’m so angry at him but I love him. And I cannot marry Whittaker. You saw him, Aunty. He is no good. What shall I do then? We cannot continue to remain here, and the Season has barely begun. What hope have I of finding a suitor?”
“I take it your reunion with Edward didn’t go as you’d hoped?”
Caroline shook her head, sobbing harder as she remembered the encounter.
“It was a disaster. He was so cold. So unkind. He’s not the Edward I knew. You were right. I hoped for too much and I was disappointed.”
“Oh dear… I feared it would happen, yet for your sake, I prayed it wouldn’t. War changes people, Caroline. You should know that.”
“I do.”
“So, will you let him go? Can you?”
Caroline shook her head. “Never. I have a plan. I just need time, and I need to remain in London. I don’t know how.”
“We will find a way, my love. We sure will. For now, just rest. It’s been a terribly long night.”
Caroline couldn’t agree more. She continued to sob until finally sleep took her away.
Chapter Nine
The days that followed were gloomy and filled with much tension.
Meal times were awfully quiet.
Caroline had gone on full rebellion and refused to say a word to her father. She wouldn’t respond to his questions or his greetings. She simply refused to speak to him until he came to his senses.
Whittaker continued to visit, and she continued to refuse to see him, claiming ill health. She also refused to honor any invitations, including the ones from the Daltons.
It was to Edward’s dinner, but she had been too angry to go. She didn’t want to see him when she was feeling that way. She didn’t think she would have the strength to put up with his indifference.
Lady Dalton had visited the day after with medicines, showing concern. They had shared tea in the drawing room, talking about everything and nothing.
After she left, Caroline realized that it was just what she had needed. She started to feel better. Her father must have sensed it, for he came to her that evening.
“Who is it?” she called as she heard a knock on her door.
“It is I. I wish to have a word with you. Please, don’t turn me away this time.”
Caroline sighed. It had been three w
eeks. She could not keep this up forever. Not speaking to him was hurting her as well.
Deciding to call truce, she went to the door and let him in.
She took her seat by the breakfast table and he joined her, taking the other chair.
