Somehow I got D.M. tacked up. I looked everything over to make sure the girth wasn’t twisted, or that I hadn’t made some other stupid, brainless mistake. Everything looked good.
I stepped into my boots and zipped them up. I reached for my helmet and gloves and put them on. Then I was ready, in the sense that I had strapped all the necessary equipment to myself and my horse. And when I took a second to feel how I was feeling, I found I was also ready in the sense that counted.
D.M. followed behind me as I walked to the arena. I’d ridden there so many times with Harry that it felt a little strange to have D.M. attached to the reins I held. It looked like Jennifer was done, so I went directly to the gate and let myself in. I led D.M. to the rail, and he stood solidly as I climbed the fence, then onto his back.
I started walking D.M. while Lawrence finished talking to Jennifer. She sure looks happy, I thought, allowing myself a brief moment of fear and slight resentment. Then I focused on D.M., because my moment was coming.
I saw Jennifer lead Pointer out, and then Lawrence was walking up to me. I stopped D.M. and waited for him. He came right up beside me, although I kind of towered over him now that I was on D.M. It didn’t matter. There was still the zing, the electric jab to my heart.
He smiled easily. “So,” he said, voice low and soft, “I finally get to teach you something.”
There was a chaotic patter in my chest. If I hadn’t been on a horse and in front of a dozen people I think I would’ve jumped him right there. I was done for.
Lawrence
I turned around, and she was there. I had been waiting for this all day. I felt a strong pull in more than one direction, and I stood still for a moment, caught between running to and away. Then I went to her.
Erica halted her horse. She looked right at me, and I was hit by an onslaught of nerves. Paralyzing, torturous, dry-heaving-into-a-muck-bucket nerves. Oh God, I thought. I couldn’t even think about being awesome. I was going to have to work just to stay on my feet.
I looked up at her. She was high above me, like I had already sunk down to the ground.
“So. I finally get to teach you something.” I said the first stupid thing that came to my mind.
She smiled, and I tried to reach for a persona. Some shield I could put up to make me charming and capable and not just a scared little kid in fancy riding clothes.
I had to look somewhere other than her face, so I looked at the horse she was riding. I tried to focus on her horse. He was a bright bay with four white stockings and a wide blaze down his face. He was massive. I kept looking him over, because it was helping the vertigo subside. Then, finally, I looked up at Erica again.
“So. This is your horse?”
“Yeah, this is D.M.” I could see by the way she spoke that she really cared about him.
“He’s…enormous.” I shook my head in slight awe. “What’s his breeding?”
“Thoroughbred and Shire.”
“Wow.” I stepped back, remembering a conversation we‘d had. “So this is your draft cross.”
Erica grinned. “Yup. This is that draft cross.”
“Well, you’ve done a great job with him. I walked around to the gelding’s other side. “He’s in terrific shape.”
“Thank you,” she said, smoothing the hair over D.M.’s withers.
“So what do you need help with?” I asked, finding my way.
“Turns,” Erica said decisively. “We need help with turns. D.M.’s a big horse, and he can jump whatever you put in front of him. But jumper courses are tight, and we lose ribbons on the turns. It’s just hard for him to be quick and catty enough sometimes.”
I smiled, and I felt my face relax. “Thank God you asked me something I know.”
Erica
I asked D.M. to walk on, and he moved off promptly. Lawrence went with us, keeping up with D.M.’s sweeping stride.
Lawrence looked up at me. “Tell me what you do when you work on your turns.”
“Why do you want to know that?” I asked.
“Because I have to come up with something different for you to try.”
I laughed. “Okay. Well, I usually build a course that really challenges our weaknesses, and I work on really compressing him and finding the right balance of collection and impulsion to get us over the fences.”
“And you do all that at a canter?”
“Well, a jumping pace. So more like a controlled gallop.”
Lawrence stopped, and I kept D.M. moving around him. “Okay. Here’s what I’m thinking. I think you need to slow everything down and go back to basics on him. He needs to learn how to turn within his own length, and then he needs to learn how to make himself smaller so he can turn even tighter. He’ll understand that better if you start at a walk.”
I nodded. “That makes sense. Maybe I’ve been overloading him with stuff to think about.”
Lawrence stepped back. “Try a turn now, at the walk. Make it sharp.”
I half halted, bracing my back to shorten D.M.’s stride, and asked him to step around his planted hind foot. D.M. made a neat turn on the haunches. I could see Lawrence scrutinizing our every move.
“You’re being very careful,” he said. “You gave him time to get his feet sorted out, and you took it one step at a time.”
I nodded, unsure if this was good or bad.
“Don’t be careful,” Lawrence said. “You’re not riding dressage here. All you care about is making it to the end in time and leaving fences up. You need balance for that, but that balance is different. It doesn’t have to be pretty. There’s no room for being careful. You need to push him a little.”
I stared for a second. “Okay.”
“Try it again,” Lawrence said. “Don’t ride every step. Leave it up to him to get it done.”
I asked D.M. to walk and quickly brought him around again.
“Ask for more. Spin him around on his haunches! Don’t think about the balance. He has to learn how to balance.”
I gave D.M. a push with my outside leg and he reacted quickly. His head came up, and he stumbled around the turn. Instinctively I took up on the reins and widened the turn to help him gain his footing.
“Stop helping him,” Lawrence said almost sharply. “You can’t keep holding his hand through this.” He looked in my eyes. “I know he was a baby once. I’m sure he needed your help then, but he’s better than that now. You made him, Erica. But now you’re just interfering. Let go.”
I felt moisture on my eyes. He was right.
Without saying anything I got D.M. walking again. I put my leg into him hard and he reacted, scrambling around the turn. I patted him and then asked for it again. He felt disorganized and a little unsure. The balance wasn’t there. I had to fight to stop myself from trying to make it for him. I kept asking, pushing him around messy turns.
D.M. was adaptable. He stopped feeling tight and worried. And gradually his movements began to feel smoother, quicker, more efficient, until I gave the aid and he spun around on engaged hindquarters, coming to a light stop when I sat back in surprise.
Lawrence walked up and thumped D.M. on the neck. “All right! Now take him up to a trot.”
Lawrence
I liked Erica’s gelding, although I’d never ridden a horse of his type. He was heavily built and incredibly tall, intimidating really, but his eye was soft and generous. His way of going and his work ethic spoke of careful, gradual, systematic training. I could see Erica had learned the right way. Her foundation was solid and I saw it in her training, her patience and finesse. And I was asking her to leave that all behind.
She was doing well. She’d had a little trouble early on, just with letting go. But she learned fast. She’d given herself up to me and my teaching, unquestionably, fully. And she was finding out something important about her working relationship with her horse. Something that needed to change. Selfishly, I loved that I had been able to show it to her.
At some point I stopped talking and just watched h
er. She was more than capable. She really hadn’t needed me, other than in those first few minutes. So I just watched her ride her horse.
Erica was building speed now, working up to rollbacks at a hand gallop. Her reins were light; she asked her horse to turn, really move his feet. Expected him to. And he did. And I saw a few moments in there that told me he was more athletic than anyone had thought. She praised him after every effort, talked to him and encouraged him. And he showed up for her every time. He worked to please her. Their relationship was beautiful.
I watched them gallop across the arena, and in the center of the ring her gelding planted his hind foot and did a 180. He was fast, catlike. He didn’t stumble. Erica gave him a flurry of pats and let him walk. She looked around, found me, and rode up to me.
She was grinning and radiating happiness. I let myself get caught up in it, even though it made it hard to speak, just because it felt so good.
“Thank you,” I said before she could say anything. “I loved watching that.”
Erica
The clinic was over. Without fanfare it had ended, and now it was just over. My head was crammed with images and words, people, horses and undoubtedly important things I’d learned. But most of what I saw, what I kept replaying, was Lawrence, and our little exchanges throughout the day. Those moments made it to the front of my mind over everything else that clamored to be remembered.
Slowly the fatigue was setting in. I’d been on my feet much of the day, and the action had been so constant I had barely eaten. Light-headed and heavy footed, I started off in the direction of my trailer, in critical need of a snack. I was nearly there when I saw Lawrence. My instinct was to go over to him, but then I saw Jennifer, and I stopped dead.
She had honed in on him, and she was getting close. I stood there dumbly, in a dull, heavy fog of horror and denial. I watched Jennifer saunter over, her long hair falling against her back. Her breeches fit. Her boots did have zippers, but not because she needed them.
My body revolted. I felt sweaty and ill. I’m going to lose him, I thought. There was nothing I could do about this, and in fact I had facilitated it. I’m going to lose him to Jennifer, because that’s just how it works, I thought wildly. They’ll get together, be perfect together, and have kids who’ll win all the equitation classes…
I shut down my out of control thoughts with a mental shove that knocked the wind out of me. And I flattened myself against my trailer before anyone could see me. I didn’t exactly flatten easily, but I made it happen anyway. And I listened.
“I just wanted to say how great you are,” Jennifer gushed. “You have such a way with horses, and it’s like you always knew what everybody needed help with!”
I rolled my eyes. No duh. Because he, like, asked them. I felt nauseous again. I knew why I was so bad at flirting. I could never say such stupid things to a guy, even if they worked.
“Thanks,” Lawrence replied pleasantly.
“I’m just so glad I came,” Jennifer went on. “I learned so much from you.”
“That’s good,” he said to her.
Slowly I was realizing something. Lawrence didn’t seem that into her. His responses were minimal. He didn’t elaborate or flirt back. And he definitely hadn’t asked her out. I craned my neck to get a look at them. Jennifer was intent on his face. Her whole body was open and facing him. Lawrence didn’t really meet her gaze. He shifted and looked past her, like he wanted to leave.
My spirit rose. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t let myself hope.
Jennifer was getting impatient. She went in for the kill. “I’d really like to hang out sometime. Would you be up for that?” She smiled and the wind caught her hair at the optimum second, fanning it out and making her look like a model in a photo shoot.
Lawrence glanced down at her. “I’m flattered, but I’m just way too busy right now. I can’t.”
From my hiding place, I gasped. My chest filled up, and I stood there, breathlessly revolving between disbelief and joy. I knew I shouldn’t celebrate Jennifer’s bad luck, and I knew he still wasn’t my boyfriend and he probably wouldn’t ever be. But the hope was still there, bursting inside me, when I’d thought it would be taken from me. And I couldn’t help being ecstatic that it hadn’t been.
In a moment I came to my senses and hurried in the opposite direction before Jennifer could find me huddled by my trailer, obviously eavesdropping. I headed for D.M.’s paddock. I needed to get him loaded anyway.
I wasn’t even halfway there when Jennifer caught up with me. I kept my face impassive. “Hey, Jenn,” I said. “How’s it going?”
She didn’t say hey back. She was clearly upset. “I can’t believe this.”
“What happened?” I asked.
Jennifer turned to me. “I went to talk to him, I asked him out, and he said he was too busy!”
“Ouch,” I said. I couldn’t help it. “Maybe he was telling the truth, though,” I offered, to be nice. “Maybe he really is too busy to date anyone.”
Jennifer glared at me. “He is not too busy.” She shook her head. “I can’t believe he just shot me down.”
“S’okay, Jenn,” I said, patting her shoulder. “You can’t win ‘em all.”
Jennifer brushed past me. She went right to her trailer and untied Pointer, pulling her into the trailer. Then she slammed the door, jumped in her truck and started it up.
I stared after her. Well, jeez. No reason to be such a baby about it. I shrugged and headed off to get D.M.
He was waiting by the paddock fence. “Are you ready to go home, D.M.?” I asked. “You were so good today.” I picked up a lead that was draped over the fence and let myself in. I clipped the lead to his halter and rubbed his face. “You are so good,” I whispered, briefly resting my head on his. Then I let the gate swing open and led D.M. out of the paddock. Slowly I made my way back to my trailer, where I debated whether to put the shipping boots on D.M. We were both tired, and it was a short haul. I decided to do it anyway.
Once that was done I threw all my equipment in the trailer. Then I was ready to load D.M. I turned to untie him and saw Lawrence walking toward me. I stopped and stood where I was. D.M. sighed.
“I’m glad I caught you,” Lawrence said. He stopped just short of me. “Are you taking off?”
“Yeah, D.M.’s ready to go home.” I smiled and glanced at him. “He’s been a good sport.”
“Okay, well, I just wanted to thank you for being here.” He smiled. “I hope you had a good time.”
I nodded with feeling. “I had a great time today.” I fell silent for a moment. “Lawrence?”
“Yes?”
“I wanted to know something. You rode just about all the horses today, but not D.M. Why?”
“Because I knew you could do it.” He looked right in my eyes. “You didn’t need me to do it for you. You know what you’re doing, Erica. I know that better than anyone.”
I glanced down. “You have a lot of faith in me,” I said quietly, unsure if I felt elated or undeserving.
Lawrence stepped forward, even closer. “Did you not see yourself in what I did today? You were all over that clinic, Erica.”
As I drove home, my head was no longer full of everything that had gone down that day. It was full of that moment alone.
Lawrence
I walked into the house and let the door shut behind me. Everyone had left. The horses were fed, and I was ready to sit down and do nothing for a while. Or a week.
I took a moment to grab a box of Cookies ‘n Cream Crunch and went straight to the couch. Amber was already sitting at one end. It looked like she’d dropped like a lead weight, and the couch was slowly absorbing her. I sat down beside her. “How’re you holding up?”
Amber was slow to answer. “It was a two Manic day.”
“What happens when you drink two Manics?” I asked warily.
“You can do anything. Lift a car, whatever. And then you crash like you wouldn’t believe.” Her eyelids closed. “You might
want to stop me if I try to do something stupid.”
“Like what?”
“Like take a bottle of pills. Or another Manic.”
“Okay.” I settled into the couch and opened the box top. I reached inside the bag and pulled out a handful of cereal. “Want some?”
“No thanks. I think that much sugar would kill me right now.”
I sat for a minute. I was happy here, eating Cookies ‘n Cream Crunch straight from the box with Amber comatose by my side. It was just nice. I could think of better ways to end the day, sure, but this was really nice.
“So how was I today?” I asked Amber. “Was I awesome enough for you?”
She stirred slightly. “Actually, you may have been a little too awesome.”
“What? How can you possibly be too awesome? Explain that to me, please.”
“Well, when you fix everyone’s stupid horse problems and tell them exactly how to proceed, it’s very gallant and all, but you are trying to make money here. Nobody’s going to come back for more training if their horsey is all better after one lesson.”
I rolled my eyes. “Why would I want to keep working on the same stupid problem with the same horse over and over when I can just fix it and move onto the next one?”
“Like I said. To make money.”
I shook my head confidently. “There will always be more horse problems. Trust me.”
I fell into silence and rested my head on the back of the sofa. I felt sleep coming on, but there was something I needed to do first.
“Hey, Amber?”
“What.” Amber rolled onto her side, burying her face in the arm of the couch.
“I just wanted to thank you,” I said. “You did an amazing job today, and all along. You made this thing happen, Amber.” I paused. “And I think you should have fifteen percent.”
Training Harry Page 46
