Maggie mounted up and rode out into the middle of the ring. I stayed outside at the rail.
She rode past me. “Should I do anything special?”
“Just do your typical warm-up. Make sure he’s listening. And pay attention to the class announcements.”
Maggie warmed up without incident, navigating through the other ponies and riders without getting into any confrontations. When they called her class I waved her over to me.
“Okay, the ring is right over there. You go in that gate - see it? You ride with everyone else in the class, and they’ll ask for different gaits. When they ask for a different gait you want to be prompt, but be sure to make a good transition. Otherwise, stay straight, remember your position, and try to find a spot on the rail where you’re visible to the judge. If you have to pass an obstruction, do it and find a new spot. But don’t always be passing everyone or it looks bad. At the end the judge will have you line up - at that time they‘re still placing the class. So don‘t slouch or start screwing around.”
Maggie nodded. She looked ahead at the ring and clucked to Twinkle.
“Wait.” I grabbed his bridle, holding him to the spot. “I want to talk to you about something. It’s very important. I expect you to go in there and be professional. I don’t care if you’re seven. Whether the judge gives you a blue ribbon, a brown ribbon, or even if the judge gives you a lump of coal, you will smile, and you will say ‘Thank you’. That’s what sportsmanship is about.” I’d been drilling her on this, but I felt she could use some last-minute coaching.
Maggie glanced at the ring impatiently. “Can I go in now?”
“What do you say to someone who beats you?”
“Good riding.”
I studied her for a second. “Okay. You can go in now.”
I let go of Twinkle’s bridle and Maggie urged him forward. They disappeared into the crowd of kids and ponies.
I found a spot on the rail and leaned inward. I searched for Maggie and found her. She’d gone right to the front. I smiled.
The loudspeaker crackled, asking the riders to trot their horses. Twinkle made an easy transition. Maggie and Twinkle were both light and balanced. Maggie’s confidence was clear. She had the look that show riders strive for. She was declaring herself the winner and backing it up with technique.
It was a big class, and the kids were asked for many transitions back and forth. Finally the judge lined them up. Maggie swung out wide, and Twinkle halted squarely at the very end of the line. Maggie sat up straight. She had presentation down.
I stood there waiting alongside assorted other trainers and parents. The judge went down the line and back. I was actually nervous. Really nervous. I was bouncing on tiptoe. Please place her, I implored the judge. She did an awesome job. You can’t imagine where she started.
They started announcing placings and handing out ribbons. Little kids started leaving the arena with ribbons that covered half of their ponies’ faces.
“In second place is number 73, Maggie Allsteen on Twinkle’s Little Star.”
I squealed out loud, eliciting a few glares from my fellow trainers. I darted to the out gate, waiting for Maggie to emerge. Soon she rode out on Twinkle. He flipped his head a few times, bouncing the ribbon, which was covering one of his eyes.
“Good job, Maggie,” I said warmly. Then I shifted the ribbon so Twinkle wasn’t partially blinded. He settled down.
“That was fun!” Maggie thumped Twinkle on the neck a few times. “Good boy, Twinkle!”
“You guys looked great out there.” I smiled.
Maggie looked at me. “Are you sorry I didn’t win?”
I shook my head. “No, Maggie. I’m glad you didn’t win. Now you have something to work for.”
“Yeah,” Maggie smiled. “And red goes better with pink anyway.”
I laughed. “Blue would just clash.”
“Yeah,” Maggie agreed.
Lawrence
There was a line of balls in front of me, and many more scattered around. Maybe twenty. Maybe more than that. I sat on the wooden, headless horse and I hit the balls, hit them over and over again in every way possible. I took out a chunk of lawn a couple times when I started to get sloppy and it didn’t matter, I just kept going. I had to feel the impact, the sound, the vibration of it. I just had to feel it.
When all the space inside me got filled up with things I couldn’t change and the pressure started to split me open, there was stuff I did to make my mind livable again. It had never been this bad. I did what I could, but I couldn’t do what I wanted the most. I thought about it all the time. It didn’t help, of course, but I couldn’t not think about something so undoubtedly wonderful.
I was down to only a few ways to release the tension, and I worked them hard. I didn’t know how much longer I could keep going this way. There were only so many shots I could make. I could only rub soap into leather for so long, polishing every piece, giving it my full concentration. I could only feel my own hand on myself so many times thinking about her. Eventually I just had to lie there, full of energy I couldn’t do anything with. Eventually I had to stop trying to make it bearable and just endure it.
I swung the mallet again, and it ran into the ground and shuddered. My left arm hung limply at my side, overused and weakened. The muscle was tender to the touch. I eased my hand off the mallet and left it. I slid off the horse and walked away.
I registered overwhelming noise and fumes, and a moment later Amber rolled up the driveway in the Harley. She put it in park and kicked the door open. I headed slowly in her direction.
Amber’s eyes scanned the yard. “Um, holy fucking mess. Is there some reason why you decided to knock polo balls all over the fucking yard?”
“I don’t need to have a reason,” I snapped wearily. “It’s my fucking yard, okay?”
“You’re cranky when you’re not getting laid all the time,” Amber observed. She smirked and jogged up the front steps.
I stared at her back, and for just one second I let myself think about how great it would feel to throw her over the railing.
When I was done with that I went into the house. I cut a jagged piece of cake and started inhaling it. Amber was banging around in the cupboards. Then my phone began vibrating across the countertop. I leaned over to see the caller ID. Erica.
I leapt for the phone, nearly sending it off the edge. I opened it, and my hands shook slightly, like I was trying to find a vein.
I saw Amber gazing at me. She caught my eye and shook her head pityingly.
I turned away from her. “Hey,” I said into the phone.
“Hey,” Erica said. “I’m at the feed store on my way home. Is there anything you need?”
There wasn’t. Not from the feed store. But I needed to see her. “Um. I can always use more barn lime. If you don’t mind.”
“No, it’s easy for me to stop by.”
Amber, who was obviously listening in, said, “Is she at the feed store? Have her get some of those Pony Pop Tarts in apple cinnamon. Soiree loves those.”
I whipped around. “Amber. Shut up.”
“Ooh, I hope she didn’t hear that…”
I walked away from Amber quickly. “Well, I appreciate it.”
“No problem. I’m next in line now, hold on.”
I stayed quiet and listened to her place her order. I actually stood there with the phone clutched to my ear and listened to her place her order for barn lime, PerforMax and rolled oats.
I heard a rustle, and then Erica spoke into the phone again. “Okay, well, I’ll see you in a few.”
“See you,” I said.
I waited out in the yard to avoid the potential wrath of Amber. She was kind of on a roll. Finally the green F-150 pulled up beside me. Erica stepped down from the cab. I sank into her eyes and drowned.
“So, late feed store run,” I said intelligently.
She smiled. “Yeah, I was at a show all day with Maggie.”
“The little brat?”
“Correction, she was a little brat, until I whipped her into shape. Now she’s quite the little rider.”
“I knew you’d turn her around,” I said happily.
“Well, she’s a good kid.” Erica looked around. “You’ve been practicing a lot.”
I stared blankly at her for a moment then followed her eyes. Oh, right. Stick and balling. “Yeah, I guess so.”
“What for?”
“Oh, uh, just, like, important stuff.” I couldn’t look at her for some reason. My whole head was filling up with heat.
“Well, I’m sure you’ll be awesome.” Erica smiled. She moved to her tailgate. “I hate to run, but I should probably get this unloaded.” Erica lowered the tailgate and slid a bag of lime onto it before I could react.
“You don’t have to get that,” I said hurriedly.
“It’s okay, I got it.” Erica threw the fifty pound bag over her shoulder without finesse and headed for the barn. I watched her go.
The door creaked open, and Amber stepped out onto the porch. She walked down the steps and stopped beside me. She had a weird look on her face, but I wasn’t focused on her.
“You look at her like a starving puppy looks at a bag of Milk Bones,” Amber said.
Erica
Amber and I were driving out to my parent’s farm to go for a trail ride. There was a pie on the seat in between us that was going to be stuffed in a pannier and go along for the ride on D.M.’s broad back.
I’d picked her up from Lawrence’s as usual. As my truck covered the miles, I felt compelled to ask Amber something. An idea had been formulating in my brain for a little while.
“Are you still looking for a job?” I asked.
“Well, yeah,” Amber said, like it was obvious. Which it pretty much was. Amber abhorred stupid questions.
“You were working at the track, right?”
“Yeah. I was.”
“Is that something you’d like to return to?”
Amber was quiet for a while. Her mouth seemed to have shrunk in her face. “I don’t know. I mean, I love the horses, and I love the riding. The responsibility of keeping them fit and strong. But I don’t know if I could go back to that life.” She raised her hand to her mouth and bit down on a nail.
I nodded. “I understand. It can definitely be a hard life for horses and for anyone who cares about them. But you should know that not all trainers are like that asshole you had to work for. I’ve done a lot of work with ex-racehorses, and I’ve gotten to know one trainer in particular. I’m really impressed by how he manages his horses and keeps them happy and healthy in a racetrack environment. He doesn’t run horses injured, and he doesn’t throw them away. I’ve gotten a lot of nice horses from him over the years.”
Amber looked up from her chewed nail. “Must be nice,” she said.
I looked over at her. “Are you any good?”
“You mean, was I good at my job?”
“Yes.”
Amber straightened in her seat. “Yes. I’m very good.”
“Okay. Well, I know he’s short-staffed right now. One of his riders decided to go to college. I can put in a good word for you, if you want to go talk to him.”
Amber didn’t broadcast it, but I could tell she was eager. “Sure, okay.”
I smiled. “I’ll call him right now,” I said, picking up my phone.
Lawrence
The couch was soft and easy. I was sprawled across it, enjoying the quiet. I was tired, but it was taking an effort to get close to sleep, and my mind kept jolting, shoving me back into consciousness. I stayed down anyway.
Then I started hearing things. The motor of the Harley, like a gunshot repeated over and over. It roared in the drive, even faster than usual. The engine was cut off and a door creaked and slammed. There was a heavy patter of feet and then the door of the house was thrown open.
I opened my eyes.
Amber lurched through the doorway and came to a stop at the arm of the couch. She was smiling and showing her teeth. She was all shiny.
I looked up at her. “Yes?”
Amber started talking. Fast. “Ohmygosh, this is so awesome, I can’t even believe this happened to me! I mean, I have shitty luck, good shit doesn’t happen to me but I got a job and it’s working racehorses! Erica said she knew this guy, and I wasn’t sure about it but she convinced me and she called him and he said he wanted to meet me! So Erica drove me right to the track and I met him and we talked for a long time. He showed me around and I met all his horses, oh my God, Lawrence, they were so nice…we talked a lot about his training philosophy, and how he handles it when he needs to retire a horse…it was so different from Clint’s barn, and it just made me so happy, and then he said he liked me and he thought I’d be a great fit for his barn!”
Amber was bouncing in place and almost weaving slightly. She was vibrant. She gazed at me. I had never seen her so happy.
I sat up and leaned forward, holding myself up by my knees. “Wow. Amber, it sounds amazing.”
“I know.” She shook her head. “I just can’t believe it…I never thought I’d be able to do what I love and not be miserable. You know?”
I nodded, feeling it right with her. “This is great, Amber. You deserve this. I’m so glad this happened for you.”
I stood up and stepped over to Amber. She reached forward and hugged me. She stayed right with me.
“Thank you so much,” she whispered. “You’ve been so good to me.”
I stood still as I realized what she was saying. What this meant.
Amber
I saw the field rolling on ahead of me. Maude yanked at the bit, trotting stiffly in a sideways staccato beat. I pushed my heels into her sides and let go of her up front and she took off in her jarring gallop. I rose above her and went with it, laughing as she pinned her ears and lurched forward, even faster. It felt reckless and just good.
When we’d made a few laps I started pulling her down, leaning back on the reins when she stubbornly kept going. Finally I got her to slow down, and with her momentum gone, she fell back into a plodding walk and snorted loudly, repeatedly. She shook her head and meandered along, contented. I let go of the reins and rested a hand alongside her prominent withers. Maude had so much life in her still, a crazy, almost defiant energy. There was a lot more to Maude than she made apparent, that was for sure.
My shitty apartment was waiting for me. I still needed to pack up all my shit and then I would be leaving Lawrence’s. It was a good thing. It was time for me to have a job and a place of my own again. Lawrence had saved my ass, and I’d sunk into his couch in relief. I had found it hard to remove myself from the couch. It had been easy to just sit there, and I had gotten seriously comfortable. But real life was going to be nice.
Maude and I finally made our way out of the field, and I dismounted just outside the barn. I took my time grooming the old mare. Then I fed her some expensive processed horse treats from the feed store and led her back to her paddock. I slipped off her halter and she stayed with me, probably just out of laziness. Maude wasn’t good at showing affection. But I wrapped my arms around her neck and her skin didn’t twitch. She didn’t drag me off my feet. She was indifferent, but she was nice about it, and that meant a lot to me.
Soiree was standing in her little paddock, looking grimy. Her golden mane blew around in the wind. She nickered when she saw me and walked up to the fence. I ducked under the boards. “Hey, silly,” I said, running my hand down her neck. Dust puffed up.
“You are so filthy.” I found a tangle in her soft mane and started to work on it. “You’re still so beautiful, though.” The filly was soft from inactivity, but her muscle tone was starting to reappear. I knew Lawrence had been gently working Soiree and Eloise every day. “He’s gonna take care of you,” I said. “He’s gonna get you riding again, and somebody’s gonna love you.” I kissed her small muzzle.
I left Soiree before I could get really emotional. Lawrence was over by the porch, studi
ously giving me my space. He was carefully examining a cracked railing, like he actually knew how to fix it or something.
I walked over to him, and he looked at me. “You okay?”
“Yeah.” I smiled. “I’m gonna miss seeing her every day. But I know you’ll be good to her.” I paused. “Just be good to Maude, too. I know she was a little rough on you, but she’s nice on the inside. She’s just done a lot of living, that’s all.” I sniffed a little. Damn. I didn’t think I was going to cry today.
Lawrence hesitated. “I’ve been thinking about that. What I’m doing with Maude. I know I said I wasn’t going to keep her, but I don’t know who else would take her. She’s old, cranky and ugly, and she’s definitely particular about her riders. But you get her, Amber. You understand her. And I think that’s really important.” He looked down. “So I think Maude should be your horse. If you want, she can live here the rest of her life, and you can come and just enjoy her.”
I stared at him, close to shaking with happiness and shock. “You’re giving me Maude?”
He grinned slightly. “Yes. If you want her.”
I shook my head at him. “Of course I want her! I love her!” I nearly jumped into his arms. Laughing, he supported my weight.
“Do you realize - ” I stopped, taking a moment to breathe. I started again. “Do you realize I have never owned a horse? Not one horse in my life. You have all these horses, and I’ve never had one.”
“And now you have Maude.”
“And now I have Maude.” I laughed out loud and disengaged myself from Lawrence. I ran back to tell Maude the news. She was eating grass.
“MAUDE! You’re my horse now!” I shrieked.
She kept eating.
Lawrence
Amber’s stuff was all loaded. Her whole life was thrown in the back of the Harley. All the CDs were packed in an actual box, but the rest of it was pretty much rolling around loose.
Training Harry Page 49
