by Janice Ross
“Not someone like me. Me,” he confirmed with a confident nod.
“I’m sorry. Then you come along.” I smiled. The thing was, my fingers were itching to run across his lips, wrap around his upper body and just snuggle into him like I’d done the night at Chesapeake. “What makes you think you’re ready to take on some chick’s issues?” I giggled in a sort of low-keyed response.
“Damn, Shay, no matter who comes along, there will be issues, baggage and shit. You only need to decide if you believe the person is worth it.”
His reply was perfect, in the way it hinted at me being worth it. I might’ve been able to believe Lucas if I had been a different person; the kind of person my mom believed I’d never be.
“Right now, I could do with a friend,” I muttered.
“You're sure about that?” He pulled his chair closer, over to my side.
I wrapped my arm around his arm, leaning into him. His question stung. It was a direct rebuke. Seemed almost rhetorical, though I knew he was waiting for an answer. Hadn’t yet felt him exhale either. The right answer would’ve been no. That would’ve been a lie though. So, I pressed my face to his side just enough that he couldn’t recognize the tears formed in my eyes. With all of my strength, I forced down every shred of hope. Not wanting to say yes, I said what was required at this point in my life. It was a definitive answer to him as I solidified our future because I honestly believed it was meant to be that way.
And so, I mumbled, “Yeah, friend, just friend.”
Lucas nodded in response and blew out the air he’d been holding onto. He didn’t dispute my decision or argue the point. He let me lean into him and own up to my choice. In fact, he proved himself to be a good guy; the type of guy I probably wouldn’t ever deserve in my wildest dreams and imaginations.
FOUR YEARS LATER
__________
LUCAS
SHAYNA BROUGHT OUT wild emotions, sick and overwhelming feelings. I knew she felt them too. She just refused to own them. And I started to feel alone all over again. I didn’t want to lose what we had, so I didn’t push her. I focused on the friendship.
We were two entities that were ready to converge a long time ago. Looking back now, I know what the problem was: Neither of us were brave enough to give into the path life had drawn out for us. When I was supposed to be living in the moment, I chose to exist in a shaded bubble to avoid drifting. I enjoyed our time together, but walked lightly on thin ice to keep from sinking. Otherwise, I would’ve told her hell no to this bullshit! I shouldn’t have ever let her put me in the friend zone.
And I . . . I was too terrified to reject her fears. She was too scared to accept my cares.
“Someday I’ll find Mr. Right,” Shayna blew out as she walked alongside me. She closed her eyes, pulled in a swallowed air and held tightly onto my upper arm. If she was paying attention, she would’ve noticed the veins pulsating almost instantly.
“Someday, Shay,” I mumbled with obvious resolve. After snaking my arm around her midsection, I blew at flyaway strands of hair. “Maybe Mr. Right will find you, Shay.”
“I don’t know when I’ll be ready for anything like that, but I know the time will come.” She smiled. Her head nestled against my chest. We continued to walk along a winding path down at Battery Park, up from the first place we’d me in Old New Castle. The stretch ran along the water as a calm breeze set me up. Shayna and I could’ve been mistaken for lovers. To everyone else, we carried an aura of love. We lived as one. We loved as one. And still rejected the inevitable.
—
After spending several hours out with Shayna, just walking and talking about nothing in particular, I found myself two hours away in New York City. My network of associates ran along the East Coast, with sparks of people reaching various locations. This was all courtesy of Rory and our renovation services.
We’d purchased two brownstones in Brooklyn about a year ago. After completely gutting the houses, which sat right next to each other, the work was finally done. This was just our own walk through, but seeing the final product gave me a sense of accomplishment.
“I can’t believe this nightmare is over,” Bash’s lazy ass shouted. His words bounced back at us from the empty space of the first level.
Rory had gone next door to secure the other place. The final step would then be inspections. I was ready to hop on the turnpike for Delaware, but Rory knew some guys having a barbecue.
As the door opened, we could hear music from up the street. Rory gave a thumbs-up from the doorway. “I need a beer and a plate,” Rory said.
I shrugged and set off for the door. Turning around, I noticed Bash hadn’t moved. “Not coming?”
“Kinda wanna take in the place. I’m feeling proud as hell!” He was grinning like a damn fool.
“Proud for what? We did most of the work and we put in most of the money,” Rory threw at him.
“I kept the workers in order,” Bash replied, referring to the guys we’d hired as contractors.
Rory flicked him off and left. I followed as Bash promised to catch up in a few minutes.
The place was crowded as hell. A bar had been built onto the back of a house, with a thin pathway leading the way. I headed for the bar which formed an L-shape along the back and left side walls, across from the entrance.
While Rory traded stories with anyone who’d listen, I observed the crowd. Honestly, the women were sweet. Funny thing about finding someone interesting . . . I always compared them to Shayna. She actually made me doubt myself. I had to stop thinking about it so much. Bad enough, I couldn’t leave her alone.
I shook away the thought and grabbed my glass. Although the bar was crowded, I easily made my way to the front door.
“You can’t take that outside,” one of two security guards said.
Before I could tell him I was only trying to get some fresh air, someone stumbled into my side and made me spill my drink.
“I’m sorry,” a female voice cried. Her fingers squeezed my right bicep like she knew me. I waited for her to let go. She didn’t.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
She nodded slowly, but kept her head low. Her hair was pulled up, into a bun.
“Get outta here!” the same security guard yelled before ripping her off of me and practically tossing her toward a fence.
“What the hell is wrong with you? That’s how you treat a woman?” I walked up to him, ready to take him down if needed. I was tense. The veins throbbed along my temples and my emotions were on edge. I’d been living boxed in for what seemed like forever and I was over it.
“You can get the hell outta here too, man!”
“I’m all right. I’ll leave,” the woman said, taking a turn up the pathway for the front of the house. She didn’t walk strong. Her head hung low as her tiny frame moved further from me.
I felt it for her. As with most men, I couldn’t resist a damsel in distress. And then, I thought about Shayna as the dark night surrounded me. Couldn’t help but wonder what she was doing. Thought about calling her, for a quick second, but I changed my mind. She’d have me feeling lonely all over again. So I headed in the same direction as the stranger I’d tried to save.
I followed. Didn’t know anything about her, but I got curious. Besides, I needed something, someone to take my mind off of someone.
“Wait!” I called out.
She waved to me without turning around.
“Are you going to be okay?” I asked. “Walk with me.”
“I’m fine,” she replied.
“No, you’re not.” I stretched out my arms to touch hers. She pulled back. “I’m not trying to violate you. Just looking out.”
“But I don’t know you,” she cried out.
“Okay, I know. You’re hurt. Walk with me. Talk to me.”
“I don’t feel like talking.”
“Okay, fine. Then we can just walk.” With that, I took the lead. After a few minutes of strolling to nowhere in particular, we approached
the parking lot my car was in. I shifted sideways to see her resting on a fire hydrant. “We can sit in my car, you know.”
“Why are you so comfortable picking up a stranger?”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Not trying to pick you up. I was only making sure you were okay.”
“And?”
“And nothing. There’s no catch. I’m not a bad guy.” I spread my arms wide. This shit could weigh on someone’s nerves, but I thought about Shayna. My lips curved. Shayna had needed me, the night at the marina. She’d been caught up in her emotions and seconds away from falling into the Chesapeake.
“Why do you have that look on your face?” She cut into my thoughts.
“You made me think of someone?” My smile got wider. I closed my eyelids. Her face was there. I inhaled quickly but exhaled slowly.
“Girlfriend?”
“No. Good friend.”
“So what about me made you think of her?”
“I’m weak for a damsel in distress.” I sighed.
This time, she walked up to me. “You’re in search of someone to save?” The jab was semi-serious, semi-funny from the way her words curved on her tongue.
“I’m your knight, minus the shining armor.” I spun around, making four steps to turn.
We both laughed.
“Look, my car’s parked right over there. You can rest your feet.” I pointed further into the parking lot. Like before, I led the way. She followed. I unlocked the passenger side and set out to grip the handle, in order to open it for her.
“I’ll get it.”
“Sure, fine. I won’t bite.” I stopped myself from laughing. Didn’t want her to be uncomfortable. So I went over to the driver’s side and got in.
She held open the door, but just stood there.
“Come inside,” I said.
“Okay, but just so you know, I’m a fighter.” She had a decent sense of humor. I liked that. She gave me something else to think about, besides Shayna.
We sat in the dark. Her breath rushed in and out. I could almost hear her heartbeat.
“What’s your name?” she finally mumbled in a playful tone.
I stretched over, resting one hand on the cup holder to pick up a bottle of water I’d left from earlier.
“Lucas. What’s yours?” At the moment, it seemed like a necessary formality. I opened the bottle to take a sip.
“Damsel,” she teased, batting her lashes in the process, but then giggled. “My name’s Erika.”
“Oh . . . okay. I expected something more exotic.” I thought back to inside of the club. She seemed mysterious. Her name seemed too regular. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m not disappointed.” I reached for her hand, then placed the back against my lips before adding, “Nice to meet you, by the way.”
“What exactly is wrong with Erika?” She reached up to loosen her hair and smiled, tossing a heap of shiny tresses.
I reached up to turn on the light and was literally blown away. Sure I’d seen her, but this . . . unbelievable! Her lips were damn bright red. She’d been chewing on and squeezing them shut only moments ago.
“You’re gorgeous,” I extended. “All of that was hidden under the damsel persona.” I wanted to make her comfortable, to make her laugh.
“Whatever!” she screeched, reaching over to touch my hand.
A vibration caught us slipping. Pulling out the phone, I felt guilty as Shayna’s name flashed on the screen. I turned off the light.
“Girlfriend? Wife?” Erika pried, trailing her fingers on mine.
“No. No.” The call ended.
“Boyfriend? Husband?”
A text then came through. I knew it was Shayna. I didn’t want to do this. She’d been a part of my life for so long, without anyone else that I’d forgotten to live. I mean really live!
Just sitting there in the car, taking in Erika’s light, airy scent had me further making comparisons with Shayna, who was constantly pushing and pulling me, in a totally different state, less than two hours away.
Damn Shay. I needed to force her out, to break free of the thoughts. I placed a finger on the control, reclined and shifted as far back as the seat would go.
“Okay, so,” Erika began nervously, “I don’t typically do things like this. I mean . . . I-I have a decent job, a degree and the respect of everyone at my work.”
“Do things like?” I asked, reaching up to grab my hair as Shayna settled in my mind. I hated her for making me weak. She made me feel like I was living in her world. Everything revolved around her wants and needs. I mean, really, four years?
I kept my lips tight. Thank God for the dim lighting because I knew better than to believe that she was this good girl with a temporary lack in judgment. “We all gotta live sometime.”
“Don’t patronize me.”
“Look, we’re talking. No need to justify a damn thing.”
“I know, but—”
“We’re adults, right?”
She nodded in response. Her hair danced forward to shield what embarrassment she must’ve been feeling.
“Enough then.” I could take only so much talking about something so irrelevant.
Erika’s next words got lost before they could register with me. A dim light that had settled on the dashboard gave me something to zone into because my emotions were on edge. I needed to distance myself in order to not get yanked back into Shayna’s world of comparisons with Erika either.
But then . . .
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
A loud thud on the window shattered my thoughts. It snatched my focus, throwing it to shit.
“What the hell?” I was ready to kill the asshole fucking with my ride.
Gazing up and toward the loud knocking, Erika instantly sprawled backwards against the door.
“Bitch!” just barely traveled inside of the car. It wasn’t that the yelling wasn’t loud or anything. The stomping on the ride was worse than any words, even my insides bubbled up with each assault.
“Oh shit . . . shit . . . shit,” Erika cried out. “Don’t open the door, please!” She snatched her hair back up, this time into a ponytail.
“What’s going on?” I quizzed, staring at the way she shivered. My right hand found her thigh, but she was trying to stay far away. Her head flashed around, being all nerves. I was in unfamiliar territory, held up with a stranger. I was in my ride, and hadn’t foreseen a threat. My best bet would’ve been to get my ass out of there, then all this bullshit would be dead to me. It wasn’t that I was a coward or anything, but when you were a guy with a past, or one that practically had to learn to control his anger, you knew what you knew. Whoever felt the need to taunt the lion might want to think twice and regroup.
I gazed over at Erika before wiping at the window. I’d previously only seen a big blob. She must have seen more, or even knew a hell of a lot more than me when this all started. Things got clear. There was a big-ass man stomping away at the driver’s side door.
Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud.
But then he suddenly stopped and just as quickly moved away. Silence once again. I hustled forward, wrapping my arms around the wheel. I had hoped to start up the Camaro, but only then realized that the key was missing. So my key fob was more than likely on the ground, underneath the ride from when I’d opened it.
I side-eyed Erika. Her eyes averted my glare. Her shoulders rounded as she leaned forward, lightly sobbing and repeating the same phrase: “Shit . . . shit . . . shit.”
“Cut it out!” I wrapped my fingers around her elbow. “Who the hell is that?”
“It doesn’t matter. I’m dead,” she announced. Her voice faded, disappearing into the night. And as quickly as they first appeared, the tears stopped. She gulped as if she’d somehow decided to accept whatever fate awaited her. Judgment loomed?
I was not a fan of surprises. I’d had my share in the past. The past was something I’d only wished to stay behind me, even though the mistakes I constantly tried to outlive haunted me. While the inside
temperature grew, sweat lined my forehead. My hands swiped across my face, then my palms lingered at the sides. I took a deep breath. I couldn’t help but wonder—if I’d continued to live a rigid life, I wouldn’t currently have been stuck in drama.
Would this trouble be worth it to the unlucky bastard that thought it was okay to tempt a stranger with a past? I didn’t give a damn if he was there for Erika or not. And damn, the guy would never imagine what was in store for him if he didn’t chill out.
“We can’t just sit in here, Erika. I think my key might be on the ground.”
“No, don’t open the door!” She lunged to the steering wheel, fighting to keep the door shut.
What the hell did I get myself into? “I don’t know who the hell this guy is and what he’s about. Besides, I don’t know if he’s strapped or any of that bullshit.”
Then she begged, “Please, let’s wait a few minutes.”
I was not one for this type of drama. I contemplated going outside and facing whatever the hell was lurking. Or just putting her out and saying fuck it because she wasn’t my concern. Or a third option might’ve worked. I could’ve squeezed out of the door and grabbed the key from the ground. I had to get as far away from this night as possible. I was over this shit!
The ultimate decision came all at once when the passenger-side glass shattered, and speckles torpedoed inside of the Camaro. I raised my arms to shield myself from the fragments, and fortunately didn’t feel the remnants. From the corner of my eyes, I examined Erika.
“Ahhhhhh!” Erika screamed. Blotches of red formed across her skin. Rather than try to shelter herself, she’d been focused on looking outside. The minute the breaking had begun, she should have turned away and avoided ruining her face. The screams were chilling, as if she had insight into what hung in the balance. But then a bulky fist entered through the jagged edges of the window, grabbing onto her hair. The bastard tugged, pulling her with such a passion that he almost knocked the wind out of her.
Her arms flew out and wide. But Erika fought to remain in her seat, or even inside of the vehicle. I gripped for her body. This attempt was actually more damaging because she ended up dragging on the glass, since the bastard on the other end made sure to tug her downward.
