by Janice Ross
He must’ve sensed me right before I reached him. “Your phone was—”
“Don’t start!” I drew the attention of everyone within earshot. I dipped my voice after hearing gasps. “You and those damn messages. If your ass is gonna send a text, do it right. If you’re gonna leave a message, get it right.”
“Look, man, I need another phone. You have no idea what I went through last night.”
“So what am I supposed to be pissed about?”
—
If I knew things would’ve gotten blown out of control like this, I would’ve kept my ass in Delaware. Perhaps the only good things about coming to the city were the drinks and meeting Erika. Everything blew up in my face, and now this.
My poor ride had not only been smashed up from the beating, but also had skid marks all across the bodywork. To top it off, the hood had been caved in as well.
“I’m gonna wake up in Delaware any minute now, right?” I asked.
Rory leaned on the hood of the car like the damn thing could take the abuse. I was stunned because how was it possible for my Camaro to have been out in the first place, since it should’ve been getting worked on?
“I’ve never seen anything like this,” Rory mouthed.
“Yes, you have,” I reminded him. We’d seen this and worse. The only difference was that it wasn’t our property at the time, and we didn’t stand to lose out in quite the same way.
“Was he drunk? This dude Ryan, where is he?” I scanned the pound. Other than Rory, the worker, and maybe two other people, I didn’t see the bastard.
“He got out before it spun out of control.” Rory stretched to the other side. He shook the beaten-down metal with ease. “If he didn’t push out this chick and get himself out of there, they would’ve been buried.”
“You know what, at the risk of sounding like a dick, what the hell was he doing with my ride?”
Rory stood still. His temples pulsed. “I’ll be in the cab. Meter’s running.” He started walking off, but stopped after reaching only a few feet. “You’ve got every right to be pissed over the damn car, but we’re talking about a life. I get that he might’ve done something wrong, but don’t discount someone’s life that way.” He moved out from the lot.
I waited. His words permeated. I’ll admit he had a point, but I still had a right to be angry. I needed someone to understand my frustrations without me getting condemned. One person always made me feel like so much more.
“Shay.”
“Hey!” That voice, the one capable of changing all things crappy to hope.
“I need you.”
“Poor baby.” She giggled out the words. Shayna knew how much I despised those nicknames, but coming from her I couldn’t be upset.
“My Camaro is ruined.”
“No way, Lucas! What happened? Are you alright?” Her words became shaky. I damn near saw the flooded look of concern in her eyes, and sensed her bottom lip being sucked into her mouth. “I don’t know what I’d do if anything ever happens to you.”
“I-I’m okay,” I tried to sound convincing. Still taking in the sorry-ass remains of my ride, I didn’t feel okay.
“So tell me what happened. I don’t think my heart can handle the suspense.”
Where am I supposed to start?
Just then the other line beeped. It was Erika.
“Shay, I gotta take this call.”
“What? What’s going on?”
“I’ll explain. Besides, my phone is gonna die any second now.”
The break would give me an opportunity to think up a reason for all this shit. Sure, I could’ve stayed on the phone with Shayna, but my story would’ve sounded made up. Moreover, even in our friendship, our connection was strong enough to let her sense bullshit.
“Why’d you call me now, then?”
“Sorry, Shay, I gotta go.”
“Then don’t bother calling me back.” She hung up.
I didn’t reach out to Erika right away, since the other line had stopped and my phone died. Rory and I met up with the workers and Bash, and I waited about two hours before redialing. By then I was set with a charged cell.
“Oh my gosh, Lucas!” Erika shrieked into the phone. “He’s here.”
Rory hadn’t spoken to me more than to grunt. Bash was his usual oddball self and I hadn’t had any real sleep in more than a day. I was overwhelmed, over the nonsense, and ready to leave out of the city. Instead of carrying on the conversation with Erika in front of the guys, since I was in earshot, I hurried out of the abandoned house.
“Who?”
“Tony!” She’s frantic. Her cries grab and shake me. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Where is he?”
“Downstairs, searching for you.”
“Me? What the hell kinda relationship do you have with this guy?”
“You don’t understand. I’ve never been scared of him. He hasn’t put his hands on me, ever. And no, I’m not one of those women that believe in taking a beating and keeping quiet about it. Not into abuse!”
“Did you call the police?” My blood boiled for the bastard I was ready to pulverize all over again.
“Lucas, he tried to choke me. Please, I don’t need the police, I need you . . .”
“You broke my heart!” I hear Tony’s husky cry in the background, sounding like a grown-ass baby.
“We’re not together anymore.”
“But we were, before you screwed up my world. Eight years, Erika. How do you walk away from eight years?”
Thud! Thud!
“Hello?” I inquired. Erika wasn’t on the line. I heard wrestling, even muffled pleas for help. “Erika?”
Nothing.
It wasn’t enough that this fool had gotten his ass kicked, he was out to hurt her.
I started calling 9-1-1, but Erika’s number popped up.
“Please help me, Lucas,” I heard before it got to my ears.
“I’ll call the police. It’ll take longer for me—”
“No . . . No! I-I knocked him out.” Between the cries and uncontrollable breathing, she managed to continue, “I need you, Lucas. No police.”
~
—————
LUCAS
I DIDN’T SET out to find someone. I didn’t need someone to take care of. And I sure as hell didn’t need someone to take care of me. I didn’t even need to love or be loved. Yet here I was, acting in that capacity.
Love was a strong word. On the drive from Flatbush, in a car I’d borrowed from a worker, I couldn’t help but wonder if Erika’s appearance in my life meant it was time to settle down and be loved. She’d agreed to not being interested in a relationship, but I saw the hooded expression. Whatever this meant, however this might turn out, I made up my mind to go with the flow.
Erika’s block wasn’t too busy. Her front door had been left slightly open. Her cries carried through the house as I stepped lightly. The only weapon I had or needed were my fists, so I made certain to use every single sense to guide me.
A crashing sound echoed from upstairs, while the ceiling vibrated. The walls shook, causing several paintings to tilt. Two more body-slamming noises, then cries from the second floor. I wanted to say her name, but that would ruin the element of surprise.
“Lucas . . .” Erika’s voice seemed strong, though pained.
I wasn’t ready to reply yet. I stood at the bottom of the steps, gazing up to a semi-lit top floor. My heart pounded so much that my inner silence filled with the echoes. Climbing the stairs, shifting my focus up, down, and sideways, I planned for every possible obstacle.
“Lucas, are you here? I’m in the bedroom.”
I didn’t respond, but quickened the pace, fully shoving open the door once I got there. Erika was propped up on her elbows, crawling for me. Behind her, a barely conscious Tony reached for her ankle.
“No,” she cried out, while her gaze rested on him. Then looking up to me, she pleaded with trembling lips, “Lucas, please.”
I stretched my feet and crashed down a size ten and a half boot on his wrist as he nearly reached her. Don’t exactly know how I reached him so quickly, but I threw punch after punch into his face.
He grunted. Compared to the other night, this jackass did nothing to protect himself. He accepted everything I threw at him. After close to a half dozen fists to his face, I stood back to look down on him.
“Let’s go,” Erika encouraged. She’d gotten to her feet, and now rested her fingers on my waist.
“Go where? You’re gonna leave him in your house?”
“It’s not mine.”
“What do you mean it’s not yours?” I removed her fingers from my waist. She looked so depleted, leaning forward and holding her gut through a white tee. The collar had been ripped wide. She also wore loose shorts resembling rags.
“What the hell is going on?”
“I’ll explain, but please get me out of here.”
“And what’ll happen with him?” Tony was a defeated pile of crap in the middle of the room. I needed an explanation not only from Erika, but Tony too. But would that ever come? I couldn’t imagine that a jerk like him, that believed he had the right to beat up a woman, would sit down to hold a man-to-man with me.
“He’ll be fine,” Erika promised, then walked out from the room.
I stooped in front of him, gripped his collar and forced him to look at me. “Stay away from her. Lose her number. Forget she exists.”
Tony mumbled, “Man—”
“You don’t know me, and believe me when I say you don’t want to. That last ass-kicking was a warm up.” I shoved him with my booted foot.
Erika sat on the top stair with a large bag. She gently sobbed. When I placed my palm on her shoulder, she gripped it and cried even more. It broke my heart to see her broken apart like this. I couldn’t leave or turn her away. She needed me more than anyone had in a helluva long time.
“You saved me.”
“We need to get out of here, Erika.”
“Let me get the rest of my things.”
“Don’t worry about that.” In saying so, I knew I’d just taken on a new responsibility.
“Where’s Tony?”
“Same spot. He won’t ever bother you again.”
“Is he dead?”
“Let’s go, Erika.”
She glanced to the open doorway but moved forward. I held her bag. She clutched onto me but was weak and trembling. So I scooped her into my arms. “I got you.” It felt odd referring to someone like this, especially if that someone wasn’t Shayna.
We quickly moved down the stairs in pursuit of the front door.
“Are you okay?” I asked, taking her hand.
She nodded.
I ran my palms along her face and forced her head up. “Are you hurt?”
She shivered, so I set her to stand on the floor. Although questions loomed, and I wasn’t able to wrap my mind around this, all of a sudden I wanted her, along with everything that entailed. I swiped my thumb across her cheek several times when I realized tears were flowing. This should never have happened. Not to her, or to any woman.
“I’m gonna protect you from him, or any asshole like that.” The moisture increased. She caved forward. I opened up, “My foster mother was killed by her boyfriend on my eleventh birthday. I can't stand by and watch anyone else go through that kind of pain again. Damn, Erika! I've seen too much shit with assholes using their influence or power over others. I've handled those situations in the past, and I'll be damn sure I don't do it again.” I hadn’t thought about, much less made those confessions out loud in years. Not even to Shayna. But now, with this situation, Erika had to know that I would fight for her. Just maybe I was sent here to protect her, and bring her into my world. Just maybe destiny meant for us to be together.
I snaked my arms around her waist to draw her into my chest.
“I’m so sorry, Lucas. Aww, man, I’m sorry.”
Shit, my eyes stung. I wouldn’t allow myself to show emotion, though, never.
“I don’t have anyone. I guess you don’t either.” She kissed my lips then continued, “We can be someone to each other.”
Erika’s lips pressed to mine. I kissed her wholeheartedly. Her expression, the deep declaration I’d someday hoped to hear from Shayna had never come. Well, not from the woman I wanted. Shayna wasn’t ready, but Erika was. And although I couldn’t understand my timing, I suddenly felt ready too.
“Someone’s bound to call the police, if they haven’t already,” she advised. I nodded. “We need to find somewhere to go, Lucas.”
I started to see Erika as the perfect woman to build a future with. She was not afraid to love and was ready for me. My heart pulsated at the thought. My entire body flushed over. In that moment, just when I happened to picture Shayna’s face and hear her words: “I’m never giving away my heart ,” I became confident in the knowledge that I was ready to give away mine. I was ready to love. Although I wasn’t in love at that very second with Erika, I wanted . . . needed to be.
“I’m gonna keep you safe,” I promised.
“You already did.”
“No, I’m gonna keep you safe and take care of you. Come to Delaware with me.”
Erika’s lips trembled. Her lashes fluttered. She hung onto my words as if she had some kind of insight. “You want me?”
“Yes, I want you. Let me take you home.”
FULL CIRCLE
——————————
Present day
—————
SHAYNA
THE BURN. The sobs. The pain.
Loss. Heartache. Uncertainty.
Lucas! Lucas!
“Don’t do this, Shay!” he pleaded.
“I can’t.” If only I’d turned around again, but I refused to.
I reached for the door and threw it open. I gave him my back, making sure he couldn’t see the tears. I’m sure he heard the muted noises. I tried to hide by biting my lips shut.
The light breeze of early evening was a relief. If I had remained inside just a moment longer, I’m sure I would’ve fainted. It wasn’t an easy task, keeping my mind straight at all times—yet I somehow managed to do so. I hung my head low as I hurried along the back of the building and turned the corner while advancing from the grass onto the concrete path. Air rushed at my face with each second of my fight to escape the fire we’d ignited.
But then I slammed into something, or rather someone. Before looking up or trying to confirm what had now blocked my passage, I squeezed my eyes shut and inhaled. My arms hung low, while I made tight fists at my sides. I dug fingernails into the palms of my hands. Drops of tears flopped down to my cotton tee. I tried to stop them with the back of my hand. It got soaked up. It wasn’t until that second that I realized how much this whole episode had me caught up.
“Excuse me?” A light, yet curious female voice cut into my pity party.
Up until that moment, I hadn’t considered the fact that this life didn’t only include Lucas and me. Specifically, this life, in this particular time. Although his ex-fiancée was ever prevalent, she was an outsider in our world. One that could never fit into our key moments. So me running away from him and into her truly caught me off guard. The hurt, the whole suddenness of it all had plagued me so much that I’d forgotten to wise up.
“I-I’m sorry,” I mouthed. I arched my neck, blinking unnecessarily over and again. My eyes still burned from the tears. “Lucas is inside.” She was a shadow behind my tears.
“Lucas!” A high-pitched squeal shot out.
Truthfully, I was a bit bashful, this girl was not. Then, just as quickly as we’d collided, she stepped off to the side and walked around me.
From behind, I could hear Lucas’s voice, “Erika . . .”
I never despised a name like I despised that one. Anytime he’d previously said it, I would shut down my mind from thinking, caring, or registering how imperfect of a name it was. Honestly, how does someone by the n
ame of Erika end up with a guy by the name of Lucas? Yet somehow she had.
Any other time before, I’d block out Erika’s existence. I had chosen to remember my friendship with Lucas, nothing more; not even the desires that were sure to creep up. I’d chosen to not pursue anything further, and in doing so, missed out on something so powerful. Erika was able to capture his affections because I had been too stupid to do it when it counted the most.
As I slid into the seat of my girlie yellow VW Jetta, the one I’ve loved for the past year, I placed my right palm on the passenger side seat. Lucas had been in my domain only moments ago. I inhaled with my nose tilted up into the air, as if his scent might’ve lingered. And in my mind, even when I knew it was highly improbable, I got a high off of this.
I yanked away my hand, swiped at a stray teardrop that had chosen just that time to roll down my cheek, and started the car. Before driving off, a quick glance to my left made my heart skip. In the distance, standing close to the path alongside his house, I made eye contact with Lucas. Even though it was no longer daytime, and the evening had robbed us of perfect sight, I could almost see a longing in his eyes.
Inhaling the jasmine air freshener flowing through my ride, I had to convince myself that we needed to maintain a healthy distance, for the sake of his confused mind and my weak heart.
“Go, Shayna. Drive off,” I pleaded with myself. “What are you doing?” Boy, did I want to run to him. Every inch of me felt a calling to be next to the man I was starting to believe was supposed to be mine. “What the heck?” I sobbed; even tried to muffle the sounds by biting on the insides of my lips. But . . . there was something almost magical, cliché-ish. What if I were to put the emotions to the test right this instant?
Could I really?
No. It’s not right.
I certainly couldn’t and definitely wouldn’t.
He’d initially chosen someone else, though I have been here all along. Couldn’t forgive that decision, even when he eventually changed the outcome.
