He’s desperate to find you. He still doesn’t know where you are, and I’ll go to my grave keeping it a secret.
Love and kisses to you and Drew
Your loving mother
Dear Mariana,
I’m writing this crying. My darling, I’m so sorry. He raped me last night, saw the caesarean scar from when I had Drew. He was going to kill me thinking I’d been unfaithful, I had to tell him he had a son.
He wants his son, Mariana. I wouldn’t tell him where you are. I lied, gave a fake address in California. He may be able to check that out, if so, I doubt next time he’ll hold back. He was so mad I kept Drew quiet. He wants you too, wants to use you to make a marriage that will benefit him.
Pray for me, Mariana. I’m praying for you and Drew. Know that I’ll love you always.
Your loving mother.
The last letter is dated eight years ago, presumably just before her mother died. I need to get these letters to the lawyer, perhaps the thinly veiled threats about using Mariana as a pawn in a union she’d be forced into would help her case. It’s all that I can hold on to.
The image of her in that detention centre, how pale she looked, how sunken her eyes were, plays on me as I drive. I drum my fingers against the steering wheel. I’ve visited brothers inside before, but they were doing their time for a crime they might have denied, but had committed. Mariana has done nothing wrong. What do they expect? A four-year-old kid to refuse to cross the border? It’s the unfairness that gets to me. She should not be incarcerated. She should be here, with me. With her brother. Free to live the life she’d been brought up to expect.
“Can we stop, Tse?”
Turning, I notice Drew shifting uncomfortably in his seat. Intuiting the reason, I realise I could do with a break myself. Pulling off into a rest service area, I get out, stretch my long legs, cramped with the drive, then follow Drew into the bathroom. Coming out, I point toward the restaurant with a jerk of my head.
His eyes, tearless now but still red and puffy, light up. We go in, order, then sit to eat our burgers.
“Would you marry Ma?” Drew asks.
What the…? “I said we were engaged to see if that would carry any weight.”
“But if you were married, you could sponsor her for a green card, couldn’t you?”
“Drew, unless she’s released, how are we going to get married?” I can’t see ICE letting her marry an American citizen before she’s deported. I haven’t worried about having to do anything more than letting it hang as an intention, in case it could help.
“What if she’s deported? Could you follow her, marry her, then bring her back?”
“Once she’s deported, Drew, she might not be allowed to return. Married or not.” His words make me consider the idea. Would I go that far? Marry a girl I barely know? While my cock thinks having her in my bed every night is a very attractive idea, it’s the days I’m worried about. Sure, what I’ve seen of her I like, but fuck, I’ve only seen her twice. And once was her wearing orange.
While I go quiet, Drew fills the gap. “I’m leaving with her,” he says, determined. “She’s my sister, she’s not going anywhere alone.”
He hasn’t seen his mother’s letters. I’m certain. Otherwise he would know the danger she’s in, and would have mentioned it. Instead his concern is about her being alone in a strange place. I’m not going to enlighten him; the boy doesn’t deserve more worry on his plate. “Drew, there’s a lot of water to flow under the bridge before we come to any decision like that.”
Looking up, he seems older than his age when he presses again, “Will you at least think about marrying her, Tse? Once she’s legal, you could get divorced.”
“Whoa.” I hold my hand up. “What you’re suggesting is exactly what the authorities think happens. If, and it’s a very big if, if I marry your sister it wouldn’t have an expiration date.” Not the way it works in my world. You don’t make someone your old lady unless it’s for keeps. Brothers would never agree to it.
I finish my plate, he clears his, then again catches my eye. “Wouldn’t mind you being my brother, Tse. It would be cool.”
I’m just about to blurt out I wouldn’t mind being his, when I manage to stop myself. Hey. My fake relationship with Mariana is to help her. Don’t want ideas of anything permanent to sneak up on me. For a start, she’d probably have a few objections of her own.
But if she was mine, I could imagine her under me, on top of me, bending over my bike.
I stand, abruptly, willing my cock to behave before I get a hard on in front of a teenager due to having inappropriate thoughts about his sister.
As expected, Drew starts to perk up, especially as he’s now got food in his ever-hungry teenage stomach. This time I don’t stop as I pass the Navajo Nation sign, just point it out to Drew. He immediately starts looking around eagerly as though he’s going to spot Indians riding horses in full battle gear. As time passes, and all we see are a few produce stands, he closes his eyes and drifts off.
The Rez is exactly the same as when I left it a few days ago, but something inside me has changed. Instead of bringing me peace, it now does nothing to stop the thoughts churning in my head. The anger that rises at the thought of white men determining who has the right to live in this country that they all came to as immigrants in the first place. I wonder what the country would be like if my people had been successful in driving them out when they started their first colonies.
Would Natives have been better leaders? Nah, probably not. Tribes couldn’t even band together to fight the white men. At the bottom of it, we’re all human with the same frailties. All with the same strange desires—we each feel we were born to try to rule the world rather than just live in it.
That’s why I joined the Satan’s Devils. We live to a code, it’s our own, not anyone else’s. But anyone who steps on our toes, or tries to take anything from us, better watch out and be prepared for a whole load of pain. I suppose I’m not so far removed from either side of my ancestry when you get right down to it.
I park outside the hogan. Drew gets out, stretches and yawns, then reaches over the seat for his backpack of clothes, and I drag out his other box of belongings. He stands, his eyes taking in the hexagonal building built of logs in front of him. I’m half expecting him to turn around, put his pack back into the car, and demand to be taken back to Tucson. But the lad’s made of stronger stuff.
“You know? The saguaro around Tucson always made me think of the old westerns. Now I’m going to be living in a tepee. With… Native Americans.”
I smirk, realising he went PC at the last moment. “Hogan,” I correct him, pointing at the structure he’ll be calling home for the next few weeks. “Navajo don’t live in tepees.”
“Tse!”
I turn around still grinning, putting my arm around my mother. “This is Drew,” I tell her, and to him I say, “And this is Lina, my mother.”
She turns and looks at Drew who politely holds out his hand. After a quick glance at me she tells him, “Tse here was raised as an American, down in Tucson. He tell you that?” When Drew shakes his head, she continues. “He came here at sixteen, had his life turned on its head. Guess I know a thing or two about boys adapting to our way of life.” When Drew grins as he’s meant to, she grows serious. “I’ve heard about your sister, and that for the moment, you’re all on your own. While you’re here, Drew, you’re one of us. You need something explained? You just come and see me.”
Drummer’s been blowing up my phone, and I’ve got to return one of his calls soon. I’m eager to be off. I’d already explained to the kid I couldn’t hang around. But something tells me he’s more excited than uncertain. Part of my anxiety about him settling in fades. I check, though. “You okay with Mom, Drew?”
“Yeah.”
“I’ll take him up to the school, get him registered for while he’s here.”
“I’d like that.” Drew nods. He would. Mariana’s impressed upon him the importance o
f education. Never known a teenager so adamant on insisting on doing his homework on time.
“I’ll be back next week to take you to see Mariana,” I promise. A final hug for my mother. A back slap for Drew, and then, if only for a short while, I head back to resume my real life.
Not a moment too soon. My phone rings as I slide into the driver’s seat.
“Drummer.”
“Things are heatin’ up here, Mouse. Need you back.”
“I’m on my way. Just leavin’ the Rez now.”
“Good. See you in a few hours.”
It’s late evening when I arrive. A party’s in full swing in the clubroom, but brothers with old ladies have already left. I ignore the bodies in various stages of their own porn shows, and without anyone taking any notice of me, go into my office. One by one I switch on the monitors, watching the screens all light up. Opening the drawer, I take out what I need to roll myself a joint then hold the flame of the lighter to the tip, leaning back in my black leather chair as I wait for everything to boot up. The familiar whirring of the fans in the computers providing the comforting music of home. I close my eyes, as I take my first real drag of my drug of choice I’ve not sampled for the past few weeks.
I expect to feel settled, but I don’t. I take out my phone and check there’s been no calls, half expecting Drew to want me to rescue him. Half hoping to hear from Mariana’s lawyer with good news. Suddenly I feel like I’ve abandoned them both. I’m doing my best. Can’t do much more.
Chaos Riders. I pull a piece of paper in front of me. Yeah, Chaos Riders. That’s what Drummer wants me to investigate. I start tapping on the keys, and soon lose myself in the trail of names and faces.
After a tap on the door, my office door opens. “Mouse?”
“Prez.” I thought he’d gone to bed.
Drummer steps in and takes one of the chairs opposite my desk. I start hoping he’s not going to get into something detailed, after the day I’ve had. I’m drained. Seeing Mariana like that, a long drive, well, it’s all caught up with me now. “What can I do for you, Prez?” My hands rub at my tired eyes.
“Want to know whether you got your head straightened out.”
What can I tell him? That I’m engaged to be married without having brought it up to the club? To a girl I’ve not touched, yet alone kissed, and an illegal immigrant at that. Or that I’m now responsible for her brother? He’d probably tell me to leave it alone, it’s none of my business, no reason for me to be involved. Probably the reason I’m not coming clean, there’s no clear motive for anything that I’ve done. Maybe I’m not telling him as I could be swayed by such advice. Mariana and Drew don’t need someone else to abandon them.
“I’m fine, Prez.”
His steely eyes focus on me. “The fact you took so long to reply tells me you’re not. Don’t want to lose you, Mouse. You got anything on your mind, you talk to me, okay?”
“It’s nothing that will affect the club,” I reply.
Another sharp look. “Better not be. Got too much going on with the Chaos Riders and Rock going rogue.”
“Rock’s really betrayed us?” For an answer, he just nods. I stare at him, unable to process that Rock stole from the club and is now out bad. Seems a lot’s happened while I’ve been away. “Well, let me know where I can help. Already started looking at the Chaos Riders.” I inhale again, then blow smoke out.
It seems to be the signal for Drummer to leave.
The next morning, I try to get through to Drew to check on how he’s doing, but the call never connects. It was optimistic anyway, the signal’s not good there on the Rez. Still, he’s got a good head on his shoulders, he’ll get in touch if he needs me. I hear nothing from Carissa, but whether that’s good or bad I have fuck all way of knowing.
My brothers greet me when they see that I’m back. If I’m slightly short when they ask how I’ve been doing, I turn away before I can see their expressions. I’m trying to give my all to them, but a big part of my mind is someplace else.
Chapter 13
Mouse
“Mouse?” Again, it’s the prez interrupting me, making me start a bit guiltily as I was looking up immigration law and nothing to do with the club. I lower the lid of my laptop slightly, peering over the top. “Need me?”
“Got a name for you. Alexis Gardner. Got a handle, Hawk. Gone away on a three-year stint. ’Bout all the info I have.”
“I’ll get on it, Prez. Anything to do with that girl, Becca? Thought her family name was Gardner.” He’s staring at me, making me put my head to one side, and ask, “What?”
“Even when your head’s not completely here with us, nothing much passes you by, does it?”
I pick up the joint and hold it to the flame. “Listen and learn. People drop things. Puzzles fall into place.”
“And exactly what puzzle do you think you’ve solved, Mouse?” None of my own. I tap my nose. “Something’s going on, Prez. You’ve got a plan. But not my business to ask what.”
“You think?” Drummer scoffs. “Feels like I’m playin’ it by ear.”
I can understand that. As he gets up and goes, I call out, “I’m taking off for a couple of nights. Won’t be gone long, Drummer. Need to hit the Rez to sort something out.”
He narrows his eyes, opens his mouth, but just when I think this is the time he’s going to ask me to explain myself, he shrugs. “Keep your secrets if you want, Mouse. But I ain’t stupid. There’s something going on. I’ll leave you to figure out when you need your brothers at your back. Thing about brotherhood, Mouse, is you’ve got backup when you want it.”
He closes the door behind him, leaving me to think over my problems. Can’t see where he or anyone else could help.
I do a bit of digging on the name Drummer gave to me, set searches off to proceed while I’m gone, then set off to drive to the Rez. I’ll spend the night there, and in the morning I’ll be taking Drew to see Mariana. Fuck knows how much it will upset him to see her in orange again. He didn’t cope well with it last time.
Drew’s sporting a black eye, but he grins when he sees me. “The other asshole looks worse.” He’s so proud as he tells me, I suspect that he does.
I put my arm around his shoulders and lead him off to one side, indicating a fallen tree trunk which doubles as a seat. “Wanna tell me about it?”
“White boy, Navajo school,” he replies succinctly.
Yeah, I can well remember that. “You doing okay?”
“They’ve moved me up a grade.” He grins. Again, I’m not surprised. Navajo aren’t stupid, far from it. Just don’t think book learning will help them through life. He is probably more advanced than others his age. Now Drew’s lips curve right up. “Got some good-looking chicks there, though.”
Now I mock slap him around his head. “You’re only fifteen.”
His raised eyebrow makes me laugh. Yeah, he’s got me there. Fifteen’s when I lost my virginity. “Mom treating you okay?”
“Your mom and gramma are great. Make me eat everything though.”
I suspect they do. Not a bad habit to get into. Night’s falling, a rustle in the bushes behind me makes me shiver. Time for the skin-walkers to come out. Then I inwardly laugh. Dark doesn’t bother me in Tucson, it’s just here, on the Rez, where I can feel phantom eyes burning into my back. “Best get inside.”
“What is it with that? Your mom always wants me in before dark. Is there a high crime rate or something?”
Something. He’s an Anglo. We won’t be sharing all our heritage with him, outsiders may scoff, but here things seem possible which wouldn’t be understood anywhere else. While he’s here, we’ll keep him safe. Watch his back for things he isn’t aware of.
We set off early the next morning for the detention centre, arriving in good time with relatively few delays. I lock my gun and both our phones in the truck, and then proceed to the entrance. I then have to submit to a full pat down before I’m allowed inside. Drew wanted to bring in some books for Mariana
, but I explained we weren’t allowed to carry anything in with us. Following my lead, Drew allows himself to be searched, copying my example as he did last time, holding his arms out wide, and making no protest.
I pass over my ID to be checked, explaining Drew, as a minor, is my responsibility. Then it’s just a matter of waiting until we’re called in.
We wait. There are several other visitors hanging around. One by one they disappear as they’re summoned into the visiting room. Drew looks at me when Mariana’s name’s not called, and I start to wonder whether she doesn’t want to see us. I’ve had brothers doing time who’ve preferred not to have contact with those outside. Places like this? There’s no telling how it can affect a person.
When the room’s empty except for us, and Drew’s now fidgeting openly, a guard approaches, his white belly barely contained by his uniform shirt tucked into his trousers.
He consults a list. “You’re here to see Mariana De Souza?”
“We are,” I agree.
“She can’t have visitors today.” A plain statement of fact, ignoring the number of miles we’ve driven to get here.
Drew and I exchange glances. “Why the fuck not?”
“She’s in solitary confinement.”
“What the fuck for?” It takes every effort to force myself to stay still, and not advance on him. Mariana in solitary? I know enough about her to believe she’d follow every rule, going out of her way not to cause trouble. Something smells here, something I don’t like.
He shrugs, completely unapologetic. “Nothing to do with me. I wouldn’t know.”
“Is there someone here who would know?” I’m trying to keep a tight rein on my temper.
“No one who’d tell you anything.” The guard even seems happy.
“I’m her brother.” Drew’s bottom lip is trembling.
“I’m her fiancé,” I back him up. “I want to know she’s okay. I, we, have a right to know.”
The guard shakes his head. “If there was anything wrong with her she’d be in the infirmary. It’s not your right to know what she’s done to get put in solitary. Both of you are out of luck. She’ll probably soon be deported which is all to the good. Got too many of,” he looks pointedly at Drew, “your sort in this country.”
Mouse Trapped Page 10
