by Susan Fox
“I wish I hadn’t been so dense at the time.”
“It’s okay. Like you said, you’re not perfect.”
He smiled. “I deserve that.”
They gazed at each other.
His blood thickened with the need to kiss her.
She glanced away and mumbled, “I’m not perfect either.” Then she squared her shoulders and met his gaze again. “So, I guess this is good-bye.”
Evan wasn’t ready to say good-bye yet, but what other choice did he have? “I guess it is.” He held out her Resistol. “I won’t be needing this.”
She waved it away. “Keep it. A souvenir. A reminder to stop and smell the roses.”
He slung it over his neck so it hung down, resting on his shoulders. “Thanks.” He’d miss those roses. And the wild strawberries, even the woodpecker. Rusty. Most of all, Jess. “We’ll stay in touch this time, right?”
“I hope so,” she said softly.
Maybe he couldn’t kiss her the way he wanted to, but friends could hug, couldn’t they? He reached out and pulled her into his arms. “Jess, this week has been—”
“Yeah, yeah,” she muttered, returning the hug fiercely, then pulling away. Turning away from him.
“You’re sure I can’t help you with the boot camp thing?”
She looped the reins over Conti’s neck. “Nope. But thanks.” With an agile spring she was in the saddle, and in the next instant the horse was flying down the road.
He watched until she was out of sight, feeling an immense sense of letdown. Something inside him, something he hadn’t even been aware of until recently, had gone hollow and achy.
Slowly, he began to walk up to the lodge. Jess didn’t seem all that distraught about him going. But what had he expected? A marshmallow-hearted girl blubbering in his arms? God, he never did know what to do when she cried.
Besides, what was the point of sentimental farewells? They’d reestablished a tenuous friendship and that was what counted. Still, a touch of emotion from her would’ve been nice.
He plucked a wild rose from a bush beside the road and held it to his nose. The scent was perfect. Sweet and somehow innocent, as enticing as a fresh, sunny morning. So much more appealing than hothouse flowers or artificial perfume. Would he ever smell a wild rose again? Ever see Jess’s lovely smile?
To distract himself, he planned out the rest of the day. He’d have dinner with the guests, then watch the Monty Roberts video. Get Will to check into flights, then give Cynthia a call, see if he could get back into her good graces. Tomorrow, he’d be back in Manhattan. Life would get back to normal. So why did he feel so depressed?
Chapter Eleven
Jess couldn’t see for the blur of tears, but Conti knew his way home and by the time they arrived, the tears had dried. She told herself she was happy with the way things had turned out.
She and Evan had rediscovered their friendship and cleared the air on so many issues. Except for Robin, of course. Jess had spent a lot of time last night thinking about Robin. What right did she have to be mad at Evan for being secretive about his relationship with Gianni when she’d been keeping a far bigger secret for the last ten years?
She was still convinced Ev wouldn’t want to know he had a child. It was in no one’s interests to tell him. Her position was 100 percent justifiable.
And she was rationalizing far too much.
Evan said he still didn’t want to have children, but she wasn’t sure she believed him. He was like a damaged horse, letting fear rule him: the fear that he’d screw up as badly as his parents had, the fear that love might again slap him in the face. When it came to emotion, he chose the safe course and denied himself the most fulfilling one.
She wanted more for him.
Evan had learned some things this week, whether or not he realized it yet. If he carried through with his plan to shift the focus of his business, he’d be happier in his career.
And what about Cynthia? Did Jess really want him finding a deeper, more emotional relationship with his girlfriend? Having kids with her?
A surge of jealousy made her grit her teeth. Absurd to be jealous, when she knew Evan wasn’t the man for her. Or, to be more accurate, she wasn’t the woman for him.
He was her friend, and she wished him happiness. If he could find it with Cynthia, then good for him. But he’d better not expect Jess to attend their wedding.
She strode toward the house, but stopped when her mother, weeding carrots, called, “Hi. How was the demonstration?”
“Good.”
“I bet Evan was surprised to see how much Robin looks like you did at that age.”
“He said she was a keeper.” She didn’t mention that she’d told Rob not to stay and chat with the guests as she usually did.
“Mom, you know I mentioned the barbecue at Dave’s folks’ place? I was thinking I’d go.” Tonight, she needed to be close to her daughter. Besides, socializing with Dave’s big family would keep her from wallowing in self-pity. “You and Pa could come, too.”
“Thanks, but I’m hoping to get him to take me to a movie.”
Jess showered, dressed in shorts and a cotton shirt, and headed off in the truck. Dave’s parents had a sprawling, ranch-style house on about four acres of land north of town. When she pulled into the driveway, the presence of Dave’s Jeep told her he and Robin had already arrived.
She hurried around to the back, where people clustered around the large patio. On the lawn, Robin was playing with a couple of cousins and a golden retriever pup.
“Hi, Jessie,” Dave, who was talking to his sister, called. He came over and they exchanged a quick hug and kiss. “How are you?” he murmured. “Is Evan gone?”
“He’s leaving tomorrow. And I’m fine.”
“Honest?”
She nodded. “And I’ve got lots to tell you, when there’s a chance.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Anything serious?”
“Nothing bad. Nothing about Rob. Just . . . I want to tap into your business expertise.”
“Tap away,” he said, with a relieved smile, as his parents came over to greet her with hugs.
“You look tired, dear,” Sheila Cousins said.
“It’s been a long week.” She smiled, very glad that she’d come. “So I gave myself a treat and came over here.”
“We’ll look after you, honey,” Ken said. “Find yourself a chair. The barbecue’s warming up and Sheila’s got steak marinating.”
Since she and Dave had announced their engagement, his parents had treated her like one of their own children. The divorce hadn’t changed that.
“Son, get the girl a beer,” Dave’s father ordered.
“Yes, sir.” He saluted. “Coming right up.”
As Dave walked away, his parents exchanged troubled looks.
“He goes through the motions, doesn’t he?” Jess murmured. “But his heart’s not in it.”
They nodded. “It’s got to get better with time,” Sheila said, leaning into her husband. His arm came around her as she said, “It just has to. I can’t stand seeing him this way.”
Jess touched her shoulder. “I know it hurts, but it doesn’t do him any good if we get depressed, too.”
Sheila nodded. “You’re good for us, Jessica. You have such a positive outlook. You never let yourself wallow.”
Wallow? Jess suppressed a smile at just how close she’d come to doing that very thing tonight. But instead, here she was, and feeling better already.
As Jess made her way across the lawn toward Robin, she reflected that she and Dave really did have different personalities. Even if her heart was breaking—and that’s how she’d felt when she was seventeen and Evan left—she did get on with life and make her own happiness.
“Mom!” Robin rose from the grass.
Jess hugged her. “Hi, hon. Cute puppy. Whose is he?”
“Mary and Jason’s. His name is Happy, because he always is.” She glanced behind Jess. “Hi, Dad.”
Je
ss turned and saw Dave approaching. He handed her a bottle of beer and said to Robin, “Oh, so now you’re speaking to me. I figured you’d deserted me for good when you saw that dog.”
“Dad, you know how at Mom’s place we’ve got Pepper? Well, maybe at your place we should have a puppy, too.”
“Uh-oh.” Jess nudged Dave in the ribs.
“But Rob,” he responded, “it wouldn’t be fair on a dog to live at the Wild Rose.”
“He could hang out with you in your office, and you could take him for walks. He’d keep you company when I’m not around.” Robin turned to Jess. “Mom, don’t you think it’s a good idea?”
“I’m staying out of this.” But the truth was, she agreed with her daughter. A puppy’s silly, rambunctious nature, its unconditional love, might do Dave good.
“We’re not making any decisions right now,” he said firmly. “This pup’s an unfair influence. Now come on, Pop’s got the steaks on, and Mom’s dishing out baked potatoes.”
He put an arm around each of them as they walked up the lawn to the patio. “What have you two got planned for tomorrow?” Jess asked.
“We’re going to ride out to Trout Lake and have a picnic,” Robin announced.
“Good. Malibu doesn’t get enough exercise.” Malibu, a palomino gelding, was Dave’s horse, whom he kept stabled on the outskirts of town.
“Then we’re going to Arigata to have dinner with Kimiko and her family,” Robin said.
“Checking out the competition?” Jess asked Dave. Arigata, Kimiko’s parents’ restaurant, was one of the best in town, as was the dining room at the Wild Rose Inn.
“You could come, too, Mom,” Robin said, hopping up the steps ahead of them.
“I’ve already horned in on one of your nights with your dad.”
“But I like it when we’re all three together.”
Jess and Dave exchanged glances. It was about the only disadvantage to how well they got along. Robin kept hinting they should get married again.
Jess leaned close and whispered into her ex’s ear, “Or we could change the subject back to the puppy.”
He gave a snort of laughter and she grinned. Dave’s laughter was a rare thing these days. She squeezed his waist. “This is just what I needed tonight.”
“Steak and baked potatoes?” Robin asked.
“Absolutely.”
The three of them assembled their dinners. During the meal, Jess moved from group to group, catching up with Dave’s family. But when Sheila served glazed strawberry pie and Ken poured mugs of coffee, Jess and Dave gravitated to the front porch, away from the crowd. They sat side by side on the top step.
She savored a bite of Sheila’s pie. “Remember me mentioning a guest a few weeks ago who seemed interested in investing in my boot camp idea? Well, Evan’s his investment counselor. That’s why he came.”
“What? You didn’t tell me that before. Jess, you mean there’s an investor who’s seriously interested?”
“You sound surprised.”
“Uh, well . . .” He stuffed a big forkful of pie into his mouth.
She wondered for the first time if anyone had ever taken her seriously when she babbled on about her horsy dreams. No, she hadn’t done the hard work to put together a serious proposal, so maybe no one believed she would work to achieve those dreams. “Well, apparently Gianni was interested enough to send Evan here undercover to check me out.”
Dave stared at her. “Undercover? You mean, you didn’t know?” Sounding increasingly outraged, he said, “Evan was checking you out behind your back?”
“Yeah. Though when he came, he didn’t know I was TJ Cousins.”
“Man, that’s . . .” He shook his head. “I don’t know what to say. But he did end up telling you?”
“Yeah, and it hurt. But I could see his side, too. Besides, it’s not like I’ve been exactly honest with him.”
“Yeah, but—”
“I know. A kid’s a different thing than a business deal. Anyhow, the bottom line is, I know he won’t recommend me to Gianni.”
“That’s too bad.” He was cutting another piece of pie, not meeting her eyes.
“You’re not surprised, are you? You know I don’t have the stuff an investor’s looking for. The research and analysis, a business plan.”
Dave nodded slowly. “Jess, you do need those things if you’re going to attract serious investors. I’ve mentioned that a time or two, but I don’t know if you even heard me. You’re always more interested in talking about horses than business.”
She cut a forkful of her pie but didn’t lift it to her mouth. “I guess I’ve never really grown up. I always spun dreams, but now I realize they aren’t going to come true unless I put in the hard work to make that happen. I want to do that, Dave, but I don’t know how. I’ve never been to business school.”
“Ah. That’s what you meant about tapping my expertise.”
“Would you help me?”
“Heck, Jess, you put up with my night school and correspondence courses when I was getting my degree. You ought to reap some of the rewards. But I’m surprised—”
When he broke off, she prompted, “What?”
He put down his empty pie plate and picked up his coffee mug. “Evan could have offered to help.”
She bit her lip. “He did.”
“Oh. Then you don’t need me.” Dave sounded hurt and jealous.
Jess reached out to grip his arm. “I turned him down.”
“Why? Oh. Too complicated? What with you still, uh . . .”
“Being attracted to him? That’s not the problem. After all, the assistance would be long distance, and he has this girlfriend in New York—Cynthia—who’s his perfect mate.” She took a sip of her own coffee, finding it unusually bitter.
“Then . . .”
“My pride won’t let me. It’s like I need to prove something to him. I’ll never be the huge success he is, but I do want to achieve my dream and I want to do it on my own—or at least without his help.”
“But you’ll take mine.”
“Gladly. I don’t have anything to prove to you.”
He studied her face. “Are you sure you have something to prove to Evan? I mean, I’m the last one to take his side, but the two of you did used to be best friends.”
“And we’re finding our way back to a friendship. But I feel like we’re not equals. When we were kids, we were equal, and now he’s a success and I’m not.”
“That last point’s debatable, but so’s the previous one. When you were kids, you were a success and he wasn’t.”
“Oh, come on, he was the brightest kid in school.”
“And the other kids accepted him only because of you. You were the popular one, the well-rounded one. He just tagged along.” He drained his coffee mug and picked up hers. “You drinking this?”
“Go ahead. Look, Ev helped me as much as I helped him. I’d probably have flunked high school if he hadn’t helped me with my homework.”
“Maybe. But not because you were dumb, just because you couldn’t be bothered to sit down and study.”
“Whatever. He did get me through school.”
“And you got him through, in a different way.”
“Which made us equal. But now it would all be one way. There’s nothing I can offer him.”
“Isn’t your friendship enough?”
“It doesn’t feel like it to me.” It was dusk now and she had trouble reading Dave’s face. “What are you saying? You don’t want to help me? You want me to ask Evan?”
“No. I do want to help. I just don’t want you running yourself down, or thinking he’s better than you. You’re a fine woman, in all ways, Jessica Bly Cousins.”
Before she could thank him, people started to drift around from the back of the house, heading for their cars.
When Robin came to say good night, Jess gave her an extra-long hug. “Have a good day tomorrow, sweetheart.”
“See you Monday, Mom.”
> Monday seemed an awfully long way away.
Sunday, Jess’s one full day off from the Crazy Horse, was so packed with ranch work and horse training that she barely had time to think. Or to miss Evan. It was only on Monday morning, when she rattled up to the resort in her truck—she’d driven rather than ridden because she had truck-type errands to run later—that she felt a serious pang. A week ago, she’d gazed around the barnyard, taking a quick preliminary inventory of the new gang of dudes, and she’d seen Evan’s butt.
She shook her head, bemusedly. Today that butt—the one that looked so fine in faded denim—would be clad in the pants of a designer business suit. He’d be sitting behind his desk in some New York skyscraper—
Or he’d be strolling down the hill from the lodge, Jess’s Resistol on his head, laughing as he listened to Beth.
Jess stuck her head out the truck window and blinked to clear her vision. As a group, the guests raised their hands to wave, Evan among them. She squinted and saw that his smile was as wide as when he and Rusty had pelted across the green meadow.
A wave of joy surged through her and a grin split her own face as she waved back. She pumped her foot down on the gas and sped into the yard, needing a couple of minutes to pull herself together before everyone—Evan—arrived.
Evan watched as Jess’s expression of disbelief turned into a big, genuine smile, and relief washed through him. He had hoped she’d be glad he was staying but hadn’t been sure until now.
Saturday night, he’d watched a Monty Roberts video with the other guests, munched Kathy’s popcorn, and had a second glass of an excellent red wine, breaking his one-drink rule because he didn’t feel driven to prove his self-control. When the guests said their good nights and headed back to their cabins, he realized he hadn’t gotten around to asking Will to book him a flight for Sunday.
He’d thought about what a hokey Saturday night it was, about what he and Cynthia might be doing in New York. And it dawned on him that he was in no great hurry to rush back. Yes, Manhattan was home and he did miss it. But he sensed there were still lessons to be learned here. Gianni Vitale had been wiser than he’d given him credit for.
