Love, Autumn

by Bloom, Nikki

  With this thought in mind, I wandered down the pasta aisle. It was relatively empty, which meant I could take as long as I wanted to make my decision. Of course, I was looking for the healthiest option. What was the point of going to the gym if I didn’t watch what I ate?

  In the end, I went with some whole wheat spaghetti. I had this amazing recipe for meatballs that I was dying to try.

  So, I excused myself from the free sample ladies and approached the butcher. “Can I have about half of pound of your lean ground meat?”

  “We are having a special for one pound. It’s half off. So, it’ll be the same price.” The butcher was already grabbing a pound before I could answer him.

  “Sure,” I said. “Why not?” I could always freeze the meatballs for later.

  He handed over the ground meat and I dropped it into my basket. Okay, now I need tomatoes, I thought to myself. I ended up walking in the opposite direction and somehow found myself in the candy aisle. If anything was kryptonite, it was chocolate. I bit the inside of my lip. One little chocolate bar wouldn’t kill me, right? Besides, I deserved a little treat after putting up with Terry all week.

  Another deal got me buying more than I needed. Three full-sized candy bars jostled around on the bottom of my basket. I just hoped I wouldn’t eat them all in one sitting, but it was a real possibility.

  Maybe if I just put them back… I thought but it was already too late. I had committed and I wouldn’t turn back now.

  I reached the produce section and inhaled deeply. Oh, how I loved that smell. A display of pineapples caught my eye. Fresh pineapple would be a pretty nice midday snack at work. Sure, it was loaded with sugars but other than that, it was pretty healthy.

  I added one of the biggest ones to my haul. Only then did I make my way to the tomatoes. As I was sorting through the ripest ones, someone suddenly bumped into the display. It shook violently and an avalanche of tomatoes came rolling down the side. By some miracle, I managed to catch them before they could splatter against the ground.

  My veins pumped with adrenaline as I put them back in their place. Once I was satisfied they wouldn’t roll away, I peeked over the mountain of tomatoes and saw Autumn getting to her feet.

  I couldn’t help but chuckle. That girl was such a klutz. “Falling for me again?” I joked as I offered her my hand. “You didn’t hurt yourself, did you?”

  Autumn didn’t answer me. With everyone watching, her cheeks blended in with the sea of red just behind her.

  Hastily, she grabbed her basket and tried to make her getaway. “Not so fast,” I said as I grabbed her by the wrist and reeled her in. Again, she tripped and fell right into my arms. I caught her with ease and braced myself so we wouldn’t topple over. She was so close that I could smell the floral flavor of her perfume. Jasmine, if I wasn’t mistaken. It was nice – intoxicating even.

  “Let go of me,” she growled.

  I eased my grip. “Sorry.” I didn’t want her to bite my face off. “I was just worried you had hurt yourself.”

  She shoved me away. “Don’t give me that.”

  I frowned. “I know it’s hard to believe but I’m not as bad as you think I am,” I said.

  Autumn didn’t bother to respond. She had this stoic look on her face like she didn’t want me to read her true emotions.

  “I’ll admit, I wasn’t the best person in college. I was angry that you pushed me away but that’s no excuse for what I did.”

  Her jaw tensed. I could see it tightening at my words.

  “I want to apologize like I should have done years ago. I know you probably won’t forgive me, but I just want you to know that I’ve changed.” I stepped forward so our bodies were inches apart. I could feel the heat radiating from her skin. “I’m not asking you to marry me –yet– all I’m asking is for a second chance.” I knew it was a long shot but I wouldn’t get anywhere if I didn’t try.

  She narrowed her eyes. “We’re never getting married, that’s a promise.”

  I shrugged in defeat. “Okay, I won’t push my luck.” I paused and looked down at my basket. “At least let me make you some dinner. I was planning on some spaghetti. What do you say? It’s not going to kill you.”

  “Dinner?” she said as if the word confused her.

  “Yes, dinner,” I repeated. “Nothing fancy, just a home-cooked meal back at my place or your place if you’re more comfortable with that, but I certainly don’t want to impose.”

  “Sorry, I can’t have dinner with you,” she said, lifting her chin in an act of defiance. “I’m already having dinner with Sara.”

  “Oh, are you?” I grinned and pulled out my cell phone. I dialed Sara’s number and waited for her to pick up.

  “What are you doing?” Autumn hissed.

  “Hello?” Sara’s voice came through the line.

  “Yes, hello, Sara –” Autumn tried to steal the phone away from me but to no avail. I simply avoided her attacks and continued the conversation. “I’m here with Autumn – at Whole Foods –yes– and she just told me that you two are going to have dinner together. Do you think there’s any room for one more?”

  She hesitated, caught between a rock and a hard place. On one hand, she didn’t want to piss off her best friend but on the other, she couldn’t afford to piss off her doctor. I was the only thoracic specialist on her healthcare plan and to go out of network would cost her an arm and a leg. “Um…sure.”

  With that, I hung up the phone, effecting a smug look on my face. “Looks like I’m invited.”

  “You’re the worst,” she grumbled.

  “Oh, come on,” I said. “I’m not that bad.”

  “Yes, you are,” she insisted.

  “Well, then, I’m just going to have to change your mind.” I grabbed her basket and carried it for her. “So, what else are you here to buy?”

  “I don’t need you following me around the store.”

  “Actually, I think you do.” I nodded my head toward the tomatoes. “If I wasn’t here to catch all of these, you’d be paying for them.”

  She frowned. “Alright, you got me there, but I still don’t want you following me around the store.”

  “Why not?”

  “You know why.” She started forward and I followed after her. “Apparently, you're deaf.”

  “And apparently I have to apologize a million times before you even consider looking me in the eye,” I retorted. “That party was a mistake, I know, but you can’t hold it over my head forever.”

  “It isn’t just about the party.” Autumn whipped around, hands clenched by her side. “It was everything else. You made my life a living hell.”

  My heart ached at the sight of her pain. “Autumn… I’m sorry.”

  “No, you’re not. You have no idea what I went through…” She trailed off as if she had lost the courage to speak. Abruptly, she turned around and marched into another part of the store. I half expected her to blow down a couple of shelves.

  I knew better than to stoke the fire, so I kept quiet for the remainder of our shopping trip. I didn’t want her to hate me even more.

  We turned into the baking aisle. Autumn craned her neck, eyeing a bag of semi-sweet chocolate chips. “Do you need me to get that for you?” I offered.

  She responded by pressing her lips together and stepping forward. Before I could stop her, she was climbing the shelves.

  I shook my head, watching her with awe. “You’re going to hurt yourself!” I grabbed her by the hips before she could do any serious damage. Effortlessly, I placed her back on the ground, hands still lingering on her hips. At that moment, I wanted to lean down and kiss her –to prove to her that I had matured and that things had changed– but I feared doing so would earn me a slap to the face.

  So, instead, I grabbed her bag of chocolate chips and handed them over.

  “Thanks,” she mumbled under her breath.

  “See? Wasn’t that easier?”

  She just huffed and disappeared toward the check-ou
t lanes.

  Getting through to her was going to prove difficult –very difficult– but I wasn’t about to give up – not by a long shot.

  5

  Autumn

  I could practically feel Leo breathing down my neck. Why couldn’t he just leave me alone? Didn’t he get it? I wasn’t interested.

  And yet, my skin tingled. Goosebumps decorated the top of my chest where my heart was beating like a drum. The air between us felt electric and for a second, all I wanted to do was forget about our past and start fresh.

  But I couldn’t do that. I wouldn’t let myself be fooled a second time.

  As we neared the register, I tried to grab my basket but he wouldn’t let go. “What are you doing?”

  “You’ve been gracious enough to invite me into your home. The least I can do is pay for your groceries.”

  “I don’t need your charity.” I tried to yank the basket away from him but his grasp was much too tight. “God, why are you so difficult?”

  He flashed a smile that pierced right through me. Old butterflies came to the surface and started to swirl around my stomach. They became a whirlwind of emotion as I remembered our time together as lab partners. We’d stay up, forehead to forehead, trying to figure out our professor’s crazy problem sets. That’s when I really started to fall for him –that dorky laugh of his– the way he looked at me. But I just couldn’t let myself love another and that’s how I ruined it.

  By the time I snapped out of my daze, Leo had already paid for my groceries. He carried them into the parking lot. “Where’s your car?” he asked.

  I pointed my thumb at a nearby bike.

  “Seriously?”

  “Seriously. It’s green and it helps me burn a few extra calories.”

  He looked me over, eyes passing along my curves. “I have to admit that you look stunning, but you don’t have to kill yourself, you know. I liked you just as much when you were a little thicker.”

  I smacked my hand into his shoulder. “Don’t you know it’s rude to comment on a girl’s weight?”

  “What? It’s true. I think you look beautiful regardless of your weight.” He looked into my eyes and I could tell he was speaking the truth.

  I felt my cheeks reddened and I was forced to look away.

  “Why don’t I give you a ride home. Your bike should fit in my trunk.”

  I shook my head. “No.”

  “I’m not going to take no for an answer,” he said. “I don’t want you getting hit by a car or something.”

  “I’m not that clumsy,” I responded in protest. “I’ve been riding that thing for over a year and I haven’t once gotten into an accident.”

  “Then, with your luck, you’re long overdue.” He held up the grocery bags. “If you continue to be difficult, I’ll hold this hostage and you’ll never get your chocolate chips.”

  “You wouldn’t.”

  “I would. Try me,” he challenged.

  I sighed. “You really aren’t going to let this go, are you?”

  “Nope. I wouldn’t forgive myself if something happened to you while you were riding that thing,” he said. “Now, come on, I’m starving.”

  With no other choice, I unlocked my bike and rolled it over to his car. “So, you’re driving a BMW now?”

  “Mhm.” He nodded with this proud look on his face.

  “You always said you would buy one.”

  “Mhm, and I always said that I would call you my girlfriend one day.” He unlocked his car and opened the trunk. “Do you mind putting the groceries in the back seat. I’ll handle the bike.”

  “Are you sure this is okay? I don’t want to mess up your nice car or anything.”

  “Don’t worry about it.” Again, he flashed a smile.

  My legs felt like jelly and for a moment, I forgot how to walk. No. I couldn’t let this man get through to me but already I could feel my defenses start to crumble. I had been lonely for so long. Maybe it was finally time for me to let someone back into my life. And, after all, everyone deserved a second chance.

  With this thought buzzing through my head, I hopped into the passenger seat and buckled myself in.

  “Butt warmer?”

  “Huh?” I looked over at Leo who was easing out of his parking space.

  “Do you want me to turn on your butt warmer?” he asked.

  “This car has butt warmers?” I looked at him like he had a third head or something. After all, I still drove a car with roll-up windows.

  “Yes.” He turned it on and I instantly felt a heat radiating from my seat. I had to admit, it was a pretty nice little feature to have.

  “So, are you going to tell me where you live or would you rather me just drive aimlessly through the city? I don’t mind, really, so long as I get to spend some time with you.”

  My heart skipped a beat at the sound of his words. I wanted to steel against such reactions, but I just couldn’t help myself. He was breaking through the walls I had built to protect myself just he had done five years ago.

  He turned on the radio.

  “You still listen to classical, huh?” I said aloud before I even realized what I was saying.

  “I still play the violin too. I even have the one you gave me for my birthday that one year,” he admitted. “I thought for sure that would be the year I finally got to call you my girlfriend but no such luck.” He sighed.

  “Leo…” I whispered. “I’m sorry.”

  He eased on the gas as his jaw dropped a bit. “Wait, did you just apologize to me?”

  I toyed with the hem of my shirt. “I bet you thought I was cruel back then. I kept pushing you away for no reason, it seemed, but trust me, I had my reasons.”

  “What were they?”

  I shook my head. I wasn’t ready to tell him – not yet, anyway. “Look, I’m willing to turn a blind eye to the past if you’re willing to do the same thing. A fresh start and we can see where things take us.”

  He looked my way. “Are you being serious?”

  I nodded. “But I swear to God, if you betray me again, I’m going to make you pay for it.”

  “Duly noted,” he said with a smile. “You won’t regret this, I promise.”

  * * *

  When we reached the apartment, Sara’s car wasn’t there so I called her while Leo busied himself with the groceries.

  “Where are you?” I said as soon as I heard the click from the line.

  “I went to the liquor store to grab some wine.”

  “Wine? We never drink wine,” I retorted. “What is this all about?”

  “I thought it might, you know, set the mood.”

  I groaned. “Don’t do this to me, Sara; don’t play the matchmaker.”

  “I’m not,” she answered but it didn’t sound very convincing.

  I slipped further into the living room and blocked my mouth with my hand so Leo wouldn’t hear me. “I’ve decided to give him another chance. What happened five years ago, it was a huge misunderstanding –”

  “I knew it!” Sara's voice erupted through the line. “I knew you would come to your senses.”

  “Don’t make this difficult for me, alright? Or, I might just change my mind.”

  “Either way, you still owe me a hundred bucks.”

  “What are you talking about? We aren’t dating or anything. I’ve only agreed to stop hating him.”

  “It’s only a matter of time,” Sara cooed in a sing-song voice. “I can hear the wedding bells as we speak.”

  I couldn’t bear to listen to any more of her nonsense, so I hung up the phone and walked into the kitchen.

  “Is everything okay?” Leo asked as he washed the tomatoes under the tap.

  “Yeah but looks like we’re in charge of the cooking.”

  “Lucky for you I’ve learned to cook more than just ramen over the years.” His lips stretched into a smirk. “I hope you’re prepared for the best spaghetti and meatballs of your life.”

  “Someone’s rather confident,” I m
used.

  “I’m not the timid science geek you used to know in college,” he answered as he sliced the tomatoes. “You guys have a food processor, right?”

  “Yeah, let me get it for you,” I responded. As I bent down to grab it, I could feel the weight of his gaze. My cheeks became hot to the touch. Did he really like what he saw? His comment in the Whole Foods parking lot echoed through my head. I was beautiful. At least, he thought so anyway.

  I returned with the food processor and plugged it in. “Do you want me to help you with anything?”

  “You can put the pasta to boil.”

  “How much?”

  “Just put in the whole box. It doesn’t hurt to have leftovers,” he said.

  “I’m not looking to ruin my diet, you know.” I remembered my run-in with fast food the night before. I definitely couldn’t afford another cheat meal.

  “Oh, quit your worrying, you look fine. A couple extra pounds won’t kill you. I’ll like you just the same. But, if it makes you feel any better, I’ll promise to go to the gym with you and burn it all off. Or, better yet, we can find other means…”

  “If you’re implying what I think you’re implying, you should just drop it now. I’m giving you a second chance, sure, but don’t push it.” I threw the spaghetti into a pot and covered it. “Now what?”

  “You can help me make the meatballs.”

  “Sure, just tell me what to do.” To be honest, I was enjoying myself. It felt nice to cook with a partner, especially one as handsome as Leo.

  “You need to roll up the ground meat into tight balls. If you don’t do it right, they’ll crumble when we cook them.” Instead of showing me, he stood right behind me and reached around my body. Slowly, he took my hands and guided me through the motions.

  I felt his breath trickling down my neck and it sent a shiver through my spine. I started to relax in his presence and soon we were laughing at my failed attempts.

  “Good thing you never wanted to be a chef,” he teased. “Everyone would go hungry.”

  “Hey!” I protested. “That’s no way to talk to your sous-chef.