Fuming, I continue, “Exactly how did you want to make me feel then, Ethan? Flattered? Beautiful? Do you expect me to just fall back into your arms after all these years because of a little bit of flattery? Is that what this whole night was about? Well, to hell with that. I’ve grown up, and I have no intention of letting you into my heart again. I have to go,” I say as I pick up my coat and purse and practically run out of the restaurant.
I fly through the door and walk briskly to my car, determined to get away from him as fast as possible before I cry or do something else that I will regret. I take my keys out of my purse and fumble with the button to open the door. Suddenly, from behind, a hand covers mine. The warmth of it shoots right through me. I know then and there that I never had a chance. I turn to look at him, and all the feelings from ten years ago come flooding back. I look into his blue eyes and become lost, ready to drown in their depths. I think of everything we missed, everything we never got to do. It was so long ago but it all came back in a rush, the pain washing over me.
“Please, wait! I didn’t want to leave! I was forced out by your father. I didn’t take the money, Anna Claire, I promise!”
“You left, dammit! You have no idea how badly I wanted you to fight for me; how badly I wanted to go after you and couldn’t. I’ve spent my whole life doing what my father wanted. He was too powerful, and I knew he would find a way to get you out of my life. I just hoped that you could resist. He told me he paid you and you left. I had no idea you didn’t take the money.”
“And you believed him?” he asks. I see something else in his expression besides the hurt. Anger maybe? “Of course I didn’t take the money! I wanted to leave you a note but I couldn’t. What was there to say? Your dad threatened me. He said he would fire my dad at the factory and take you far away, where I would never find you, if I didn’t leave you alone. I would have searched for you to the ends of the earth, but my dad couldn’t lose his job. My mom was sick with breast cancer and the treatments alone were killing us. I wanted to explain it to you, but I knew you would never forgive me. I couldn’t take that, so I left without a word. I was a coward. I know that now. But I don’t regret it, Anna Claire, because it made me the man I am today. I wanted to become a fireman and help people that couldn’t help themselves. All because I couldn’t help my father! And I couldn’t save you,” he finishes, his voice breaking a bit.
He slowly moves his hand up to cup my face, effectively catching a tear falling from my eye. “I’m so sorry I left without a word. I couldn’t save you then, but the world has come full circle because I could save you now.”
Tears begin to free flow from my eyes. I’m incapable of saying anything because I just can’t catch a thought. I want to say that I believe him, that I forgive him, but I can’t. Too much has happened since he left me there alone.
“You may have changed, but so have I. I’m not the impressionable young girl you left behind a decade ago.”
“That’s for sure,” teases Ethan. “You’re more beautiful today than ever. And you’re exactly like I’ve remembered you every night in my dreams for the last ten years.”
The keys fall from my hand and clamor to the concrete making a high-pitched sound and pierces the quiet, dark night that surrounds us. The wind picks up, and I can feel my dress flap around my weak knees. Ethan moves closer, taking me into his arms ever so slowly. I know he’s going to kiss me and I shouldn’t let him, but right now, it doesn’t matter. All that exists for us is each other. The minute his lips touch mine, the armor I’ve built around my heart melts instantaneously. I stand up on my tippy toes and put my arms around his neck pulling him closer. Wave after wave of memory fills my head. He feels exactly like he did all those years ago. Actually, he feels better. I hold him close, afraid that if I let him move one inch from me all would be lost again. I let the pain I’ve kept close to my heart for all these years loose; I kiss him like there is no tomorrow. And in my life, I have to face that there may not be. Because no matter what I ever want, my father will always be stronger than I am. No matter how strong I get, I’m still doomed to the life he’s chosen for me.
Doubled over with doubt and guilt, I break the kiss. Startled, Ethan looks at me. His face is flushed and confusion dominates his expression. I can’t tell him about Steve or my weakness. I can’t look at the disappointment in his eyes; I get enough of that from my dad.
“I’m so sorry, Ethan, but I can’t,” I say as tears begin to fall down my face. I bend over to quickly pick up my keys and grab the handle to get into my car. I open it up and try to climb inside, but he stops me once again by his words.
“I’ve waited for you, Anna Claire, for what seems like a lifetime. You may have someone else but that really doesn’t matter. He will never be able to give you everything you need. I’m the only one that can love you the way you deserve to be loved. You can leave here tonight, thinking this is a mistake, but it isn’t. It never was. I always knew I would lose if I fought for you so I chose the only path left to me. I waited for you.” He takes my hand and places it on his chest.
“In here. You never left. I always had you here inside my heart. Now, it’s time for you to come out and be real. It’s time for you to live, my love.”
I want to say something but the catch in my throat won’t let me. I can taste the salt of my tears as they fall upon my lips. I can see the yearning in his eyes, but I’m too emotional to deal with it right now. I take one last look at his beautiful face and hop into the car and drive off into the night, leaving Ethan alone in the darkness.
Chapter Six
~ Scorching Burns ~
The roar of the engine keeps me sane as I drive down the dark road back to my apartment. I turn on the music to try and drown out Ethan’s voice in my head. It’s no use, the tears just keep coming. The hurt I buried long ago comes bubbling back up to the surface with a vengeance. I thought I was over his abandonment, but his appearance back into my life has made me realize that I only suppressed it. Deep inside, I think I always knew he didn’t take the money. Actually hearing him confirm it makes me feel that much more of a coward. As I drive down the dark road through blurry vision, I remember that night like it was yesterday.
~ * ~
The storm raged all around the mansion in an ominous tone. I had my bag packed and ready to leave with Ethan as soon as he arrived sometime around eleven o’clock. We chose this Thursday night in April because my dad had his monthly board meeting. It usually ran very late so he would sleep at the office and not come home until the next day. I chose to wait in the den, snuggled on my favorite couch, watching the minutes tick by on the old grandfather clock in the corner. As the minutes continued to tick by, I kept checking my phone for a text but nothing ever came. I must have sent twenty different texts asking him where he was or updating me on how much longer until he arrived but he never responded. Three times, I got fed up and tried to call him but his phone was off. I told myself it was simply a precaution so that no one could follow him or find out what he was up to.
We had been planning this little escape for months, and talked about it endlessly as we cuddled on a towel by the river or hung out in our favorite tree in the back of my property. The world held such possibilities and we knew that we would be together forever. Yet, forever didn’t turn out to be as long as I had predicted.
Eleven o’clock had come and gone with no word from Ethan. I went through every emotion in the book from mad to crying and then hysteria but it changed nothing; Ethan wasn’t coming. All sorts of scenarios ran through my head as midnight approached. I wondered if he had died in a car accident while driving to get me; I-85 in Atlanta can be a death trap at night. By one a.m., I was just numb, cold and dead on the inside—sure that tomorrow, and each day after that, would bring nothing but despair. My love had deserted me. What greater pain is there than that?
From behind me, I heard footsteps approach. They sounded like hammers against the wooden floor as they came nearer to the self-made tomb I o
ccupied. I didn’t even bother to look up; I would have known those footsteps anywhere. They are made of pure power and unadulterated thirst to succeed at all costs.
“Are you going to stay in here crying and depressed forever Anna Claire?” my father asked with no hint of emotion in his voice.
Though I could have thought of a few distinctly colorful words to say at that moment, I refrained from releasing them. I had lived only a short eighteen years under the rule of my father’s thumb but that had been enough to teach me not to spar words with the devil.
“You should have known he would abandon you, Anna Claire. He’s trash and would bring you down into the bowels with him. You should have known better than to get involved with a no-name guy from south Atlanta. He only wanted you for your money, and he proved that tonight when he took the five thousand I offered him to stay away from you. He couldn’t get out of Atlanta fast enough.”
My father paused for dramatic effect or perhaps a reaction, but when he got none he just continued. “He’s beneath you and always will be. So, get up and start acting like a Hopkins. Or I’ll make damn sure that you regret ever letting him into your life.”
With those stinging words, my adoring father walked off. The responsibilities of keeping his daughter in check according to his standards of living, all but taken care of in his mind.
Luckily, there wasn’t anything else he could do to hurt me. My heart was already broken.
~ * ~
Back home, I lie in bed on my side, facing the window of my penthouse apartment. It’s in Midtown, with a beautiful view that overlooks Piedmont Park. From the teak floored terrace, I can usually see the breathtaking skyline of both Midtown and Buckhead. On a clear night like this one, the lights of the city shine like a beacon of prosperity and hope. But tonight, all the darkness holds for me is numbness. I feel as lost as I did the night Ethan left, though with considerably less pain. Despite the fact that time did heal some of my wounds, seeing Ethan tonight brought the pain of desertion from a decade ago all back to the surface. I stare off into the star filled sky, wondering why fate didn’t just leave well enough alone.
I wasn’t exactly happy, per say, but I was content with the life I am building away from the watchful and tyrannous eye of my father. I worked hard, studied harder and planned extensively for the life I have. A life that I hope matters and gives something good back to the world. Sadly, I’ve seen so little good in the world my father built for us. It’s an existence I never wanted to be a part of, a path that only leads to destruction. At night, I dream of the countless victims my father has left in his wake. Victims I had a part in because I’m too much of a coward to stand against him. I’m a product of my circumstances, yes, but I'm also a prisoner in my own life. I’m the daughter of a man so driven by success and money, that all he knows how to do is take. And that one fault almost took my life.
I worked long and hard to build a life that’s my own and now, my world is turned upside down by a man I thought was long gone. I have no idea what tomorrow will bring. One thing is certain: lying here staring off into space, unsure of my next move, won’t get me anywhere. I decide to go to bed and come morning, let the sane part of my brain form a plan. But what plagues me most, as I turn out the light and crawl under my covers, is the fear that the path I choose will be the one that takes me closer to the only man that ever truly touched my heart.
Chapter Seven
~ Raging Fire ~
I walk into the office at my architect firm in downtown Dunwoody, feeling sluggish and out of sorts. The sleep that eluded me most of the night comes down hard on me as I move like a Zombie towards my desk at eight a.m.
“Rough night?” asks Julia with a smirk on her face.
“Not a word,” I state firmly, “until I’ve had my coffee.”
Julie just smiles and ignores my grumpiness. In fact, looking closer at her, I now see that she’s chirpier than usual this morning.
“What has you all happy this early?” I ask, despite the fact that talking is generally prohibited before my second cup of coffee.
“I had a very nice conversation this morning with a particularly handsome man.”
“Oh?” I ask unenthusiastically, wishing she would just get to the point.
Julia smiles in anticipation, clearly happy about something. I about spit out my coffee the minute her next words leave her mouth. “And he left you flowers.”
“Flowers?” I ask dumbfounded. “I didn’t think they made deliveries this early.” My cloudy mind befuddles around, trying to figure out who would send me get well flowers this late.
“They do, if you bring them in yourself. And even though you didn’t ask, he brought you pink roses.”
I stop stirring the sugar into my coffee the second I hear the flowers are pink. It can’t be a coincidence. I throw a strange look at Julia before heading off to my office, two doors down from the coffee maker. I try my best not to look overly eager by running into my office. I skid to a stop the minute I enter the door and see two dozen beautiful, blooming pink roses. “What did he look like?” I ask as I search for a card.
“Oh you know, tall, muscular, and handsome. He had the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen. Not that I was looking into them for very long.”
I roll my eyes and huff at her. “You go through men faster than a Corvette, Julia. Every man you meet has the most beautiful eyes you’ve ever seen,” I tease.
Julia just shrugs her shoulders and laughs. What is there to say? It’s the truth, and she doesn’t ever apologize for the way she lives. Who am I to judge? If I was that beautiful and didn’t have a tyrant for a father, I’d like to think that I’d have tons of boyfriends, too.
“For the record, I love Corvettes, too,” she teases back.
I smile back at her, grateful to have her as a friend. We are both silent as I look inside the flowers for a card. Finding none, I begin to look on the desk and floor, hoping that maybe it fell. I’m dying to know if the flowers are from Ethan. I get down on all fours, a feat considering I’m wearing a short red skirt with black pantyhose and heels, and look under my desk. From behind me, I hear Julia laugh out loud.
“Are you looking for this?” she asks, holding up a small white piece of paper in her hand.
I get up and grab the small paper from her, more than a bit perturbed. “You know I was looking for that! Why didn’t you just tell me?”
“I would have, honestly, but it was too much fun watching you in a panic. I’ve never seen you like this before, Anna Claire. What has you so rattled?”
I shoot her a dirty look and don’t bother responding to her question. I don’t quite know how to tell her that it’s not my fiancée that has my heart racing.
I open up the sealed envelope and read the simple sentence hand written on the paper. It’s short, to the point and probably the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me.
Beauty comes from within, but first you must bloom. Live beautifully, my love, and flourish.
More than anything,
Ethan
I drop the card onto my desk and sink into the closest chair. My heart beats so fast in my chest that I’m afraid it might crash through my ribcage, but I can’t stop it. I have ceased to think; now I can only feel. And what I feel is wonderful. For so long, I froze my heart, unable to really let anyone in for fear someone would demolish it again. The one responsible for breaking my heart has come back into my life to heal it. Life really does come back full circle sometimes. It throws some hellish curveballs you would never expect.
“Who’s Ethan?” Julia asks from her perch by my office door. I forgot she was there.
“And old friend,” I say, not wanting to reveal too much. I sometimes forget how perceptive Julia is.
“A friend doesn’t call you ‘my love’. I’ve never gotten a note like that from any of my boyfriends, so this person is more than just a friend. You can tell me anything Anna Claire, I hope you know that.”
I smile at her, gratefu
l to have a shoulder to lean on but not quite ready to accept the offer. “I’m not sure who he is to me yet, so there’s nothing to tell. But I promise you will be the first one I call.”
“Deal,” agrees Julia. Before she could say much else, my cell phone rings. I fish it out of my purse and look at the screen. The name immediately squashes the elation I feel. Guilt consumes me as I slide the screen to ‘answer’ and put the phone to my ear.
“Hey, Steve. What can I do for you sweetie?” I ask in a sickly sweet tone, hoping he doesn’t sense anything different about my voice. Maybe I’m overdoing it? I turn away from the flowers and try to focus on my fiancé. But it’s so very hard.
Ever the businessman, Steve gets right to the point. “I’ve decided to invite the Bradleys to the engagement party, so you will need to inform the caterer as well as rearrange the seating a bit. They don’t like the Elliots.”
I turn to the notepad on my desk and write as he dictates to me. I don’t respond because I know I don’t need to. Steve doesn’t need affirmation; he simply needs me to follow his directions. Which, I’m sad to say, I do very well thanks to my OCD. I say “uh huh” and “of course” as he changes a few more things about the party. When he’s done, there’s silence on the phone. That’s something new.
“Is there anything else you need, sweetie?”
“You didn’t call last night like usual. I’m wondering why.”
I’m sure that the truth—that I was contemplating life with a man I loved long ago—isn’t the correct answer, so I go with the most obvious. “I was tired. I fell asleep early after a glass of wine and didn’t wake up until morning. Sorry that I worried you.”
Placated, he mumbles something similar to a clipped “fine” before hanging up the phone. I whisper bye into the dead line before putting the phone down on my desk and smelling my flowers once more. I inhale the aroma and let it fill me, and guide me, on what I should do from here. Not surprisingly, the roses keep their secrets and I’m just as confused as ever. I’m so engrossed in my own thoughts, I don’t realize that Julia is still standing in the doorway of my office.
Propose To Me Page 9
