With that done, I climbed the rest of the stairs and moved right to my room. I jerked to a halt just inside the doorway, a fresh wave of tears spilling from my eyes as I looked around at all of Jase’s stuff mingled in with mine.
After the night of our wedding, he’d never gone back to his own room, moving all of his stuff in to mine. I’d loved having him there, sharing that big bed with him, seeing his clothes next to mine. Even with the change in him the past two weeks, he’d slept beside me every night, holding me against him in a secure embrace.
I’d become so used to it I wasn’t sure I’d be able to sleep without being in his strong arms. But, after overhearing what I had in that conference room, I knew I wasn’t going to have a choice.
Moving to the closet, I whipped the doors open and began pulling his clothes off the rods, hangers and all.
It took three trips to get all his suits and everything out of the closet, laying them out across the bed in the guest room where he had been staying. After I was done there, I moved to the drawers.
I was in the middle of gathering up all his toiletries from the bathroom when I heard the front door swing open and slam shut right before he shouted my name. I remained quiet as I continued to work, the shards of my heart splintering into even smaller pieces.
“Poppy! Where are you?” His footsteps were like thunder coming up the stairs at a run.
He was standing in the doorway when I came out of the bathroom, my arms laden with his stuff. Those golden eyes looked manic and his attention moved frantically between my arms and face. “Baby, what are you—?”
His words were cut off when I moved, pushing through him and heading down the hall to the guest room, dumping the stuff on the mattress.
I continued my trek back and forth, knowing that if I stopped moving, I’d fall apart.
“Poppy, please. Just stop that for a second and talk to me, sweetheart.”
“What’s there to talk about?” I asked, my voice flat and lifeless as I dropped another load onto the guestroom bed. “I heard what you told Bennett. I get it. There’s no need for you to repeat yourself.”
I tried stepping around him, but he cut into my path, reaching out and taking my face in his hands. “Please, sweetheart, you have to let me explain.”
I blinked rapidly, willing the moisture in my eyes to dry up. I didn’t want to cry in front of him. I wouldn’t.
“You don’t have to explain.” I took a step back, his touch leaving fire in its wake. “I’m not an idiot, Jase. You don’t have to spell it out for me. What you said was crystal clear. You made a mistake marrying me, and now you want to end it. So it’s over.”
He reached for me again, and I took another step back. “Poppy, please, God. Just let me—”
“It’s okay, Jase. I mean, it’s not like you did anything wrong. It’s my own fault. I knew what this was to begin with, you made that perfectly clear from day one. I’m the one that blurred the lines. I started seeing more than was really there.”
“You didn’t. Christ! That’s what I’m trying to tell you!” He charged at me then. I moved quickly but had nowhere to go when my back hit the wall. He caged me in, pressing his body against mine and tangling his fingers in my hair, holding my head in place and forcing my gaze to lock with his. “I’m trying to protect you.”
“Jase, let me go.”
He carried on like he hadn’t heard me. “My parents are up to something. I don’t have a fucking clue what, but I know whatever it is, it isn’t good. You’re a target as long as we’re together. I just want to keep you safe.”
“Jase,” I repeated, my tone sharper. “I said let me go.”
His fingers pressed harder into my scalp, his thumbs rubbing along the hinge of my jaw as he leaned in closer. God, he was killing me. His voice came out gentle as he said, “You only heard a piece of that conversation, Flower. And you took it out of context.”
“I don’t love her,” I said, repeating the words that had shredded me beyond repair. “It’s not even a real marriage, Ben.”
His whole body grew stiff at hearing his own words said back to him. His head lifted just an inch, his eyes widening as something that look a whole hell of a lot like fear filled them.
“Not sure how a person can take a statement like that out of context. It was pretty cut and dry.”
“Sweetheart, I—”
“When did you stop dating the blonde from the gala?” I asked. That question had been plaguing me for weeks, but I hadn’t been able to find the courage to ask it until just then.
His chin jerked back in bewilderment. “What?”
“The blonde. The one that was with your cousin. When did you two stop dating?”
“We never dated. It wasn’t like that between us.”
Semantics. I started to grow angry at the way he was skating around the question. “Fine,” I snapped. “When did you two stop having sex? A couple months before you asked me to marry you? A couple weeks? Days? What was it, Jase?”
His throat bobbed on a thick swallow. The tension was rolling off his body and slamming into me, making it almost impossible to breathe. “Wh-what did she say to you?”
“Answer the question,” I clipped. “How long?”
His voice came out as a hoarse murmur when he replied, “About a week. Maybe a little more.”
Placing my hands on his chest, I shoved with all my might while ordering, “Let me go.” But his strong, solid frame didn’t budge an inch.
“Poppy, I never felt for her how I feel about you. Not even close.”
That statement took all my attention, and I stopped pushing to cut my eyes back to his. “If I hadn’t said yes when you proposed adding sex into our little arrangement, would you have found it somewhere else?”
His whole body rocked back. “What? Of course not!”
“Really?” I asked bitingly, that one word dripping with disbelief. “So, what, you would have been happy to go on with this whole thing, carry on with the lie, while remaining totally abstinent? When just a week before you came down here to make this arrangement, you were hooking up with someone else?”
“Yes,” he said on a growl. “Because it’s you.”
I wanted to believe that so badly my whole body ached. “Tell me something,” I started in a whisper. “If you’d never been forced into getting married, would we ever have ended up together?”
His expression turned to one of complete shell-shock. The golden flecks in his eyes were snuffed out as they grew darker, and God, that look was agonizing to witness. “I-I don’t . . . Sweetheart, it’s not that simple.”
“Let me go, Jase. Right now,” I whispered as my vision blurred and one tear broke free, trailing down my cheek.
Maybe it was the sight of my watery eyes, or maybe it was the desolation in my voice, but whatever the case, on that last request, he finally lowered his arms and took a step back.
The few inches of space between us felt like a giant, gaping chasm too big to cross. Pushing off the wall, I took a step to the side and started for the door. “I’ll hold up my end of the deal,” I said, looking back just as I reached the threshold. “I’ll give you another three months. I think that’s enough time for your board members to calm down a bit. And each month, I’ll pay back what I can of every dollar you gave me. Until then, you can stay here, but what we were before, whatever the hell that was, it’s done. I’ll play nice when we’re in public, but from here on out, you’re just another guest.”
He took two big steps toward me, but stopped when I lifted my hands, palms out. “Flower, please don’t do this.”
“I’d appreciate it if we kept this between us. At least for the time being, until I figure out what to say to our friends and family.”
“I don’t—”
“At least give me that,” I bit out, so close to breaking down I could feel my body trembling as it fought to stay standing. “It’s not asking a lot.”
His frame slumped with defeat. He nodded his head, and
just like that, it was over. “Okay. I won’t say a word. But, baby, I told you what I gave you wasn’t a loan. That money’s yours. I don’t want you paying me back.”
“I’m not doing it for you,” I croaked, forcing down that lump in my throat. “I’m doing it for me. That way, every month I write that check out, it’ll be a reminder not to let those lines blur ever again.”
With that done, I spun around and rushed to my room, closing myself in and locking the door.
I curled up in my big bed all alone, the sheets still smelling of cedarwood and suede, and I cried until there was nothing left, until my throat burned and my tears dried up.
What I didn’t do was sleep.
Because I couldn’t. Not without him.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Poppy
I’d spent the entire night tossing and turning, praying for sleep that never came. When the sun finally began to rise, I was wide awake and had been for hours. I desperately wanted a cup of soothing tea, but there was no way I was going downstairs until I knew for certain that Jase had left for the day. I couldn’t risk running into him in the kitchen.
I used to love our mornings, those minutes of soft, sleepy conversation while the rest of the world was quiet, but there was no chance I would be able to survive walking into the kitchen to find he’d been sweet enough to put the kettle on for me. Or worse, to find he hadn’t.
It was a lose-lose situation, so instead of risking it, I’d climbed into the shower and gotten ready for the day. By the time my hair was dried and I’d slapped on just enough makeup to conceal the horrible circles under my eyes, I figured it was safe.
I figured wrong, because as I finished dressing in a pair of khaki cuffed shorts and a peach tank, I heard the sound of the front door opening and male voices filling the downstairs.
I stood by the bedroom door with my ear pressed to the wood, trying to figure out who was in my house when someone suddenly knocked, causing me to jump back and clamp my hands over my mouth to muffle my yelp.
“Poppy?” Jase called out from the other side. “Poppy? You awake?”
“I-uh, yeah. I’m up.”
There was a pause, then, “Okay. When you’re ready, would you mind coming downstairs? There’s something I need to talk to you about.”
I could only assume that something had to do with whoever had just arrived. I wasn’t ready to face Jase, but it had to happen eventually, and at least we’d have company there to act as a buffer.
“Um, yeah. Just give me a minute. I’ll be right down.”
There was silence on the other side of the door. I strained to listen, wondering if he’d already walked away when I heard, “All right, Flower. See you in a minute.”
My face crumpled at the tenderness in his tone, but I did my best to fight back the desire to cry. I’d already done so much of that, I was at risk of dehydration if I didn’t stop.
The old house creaked and groaned with his footsteps as he made his way back downstairs, and I took a few minutes to get my riotous emotions under control before unlocking my door and heading out of my sanctuary.
I descended the staircase with a feeling of dread, like I was heading to the gallows. The voices grew louder as I moved through the living room to the hallway that led to the kitchen, and when I reached the entrance, I jerked to a stop.
“Jensen?”
The man who’d knocked up one of my best friends, then proceeded to leave her and their child high and dry sat at my kitchen table with Jase and two other men I didn’t recognize, sipping coffee from one of my pretty mugs.
“Mornin’, darlin’,” he replied politely.
“What are you doing here?” My focus darted to Jase before Jensen could answer. “What is he doing here?”
Jensen sat the mug down and lifted his hands in a gesture of placation. “I’m not here to cause any problems, you have my word.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I threw back. “You can’t be here. Shane will lose her mind if she finds out you were in my house.”
At the mention of Shane, something flashed across his expression that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. But before I had a chance to scrutinize further, Jase spoke, breaking my concentration.
“Flower, this is Laeth Harker and Gage Langdon. They work with Jensen. I’ve hired them to keep an eye on you whenever you and I aren’t together.”
My narrow-eyed glare went wide and swung back to the head of the table. “I’m sorry. You what?”
“Until this shit with my parents is done, I don’t want you by yourself. I need to keep you safe, so while I’m at work, one of these men will be watching over you.”
I blinked slowly, trying to get my brain to compute what he’d just said, and when that didn’t work, I blinked again. “That’s ridiculous,” I said on a bewildered laugh. “I’m more than capable of taking care of myself. I don’t need babysitters, Jase. And besides, what makes you think these guys even qualified to play bodyguard?”
“These men are more than qualified. They were Army Special Forces before coming here and opening a security company specializing in surveillance, tracking, and protection. I’ve seen their résumés, and I have complete faith the three of them can keep you safe.”
I had to admit, it was a little impressive that Jensen Rose had somehow gone from being a screwup to Special Forces, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t still a grade A asshole.
“I’m sure you’re overreacting,” I insisted. “Your parents probably aren’t up to anything, and besides, there are people at the inn twenty-four-seven. I’m hardly ever alone.”
Jase’s features went hard as stone, his expression so unhappy it actually sent a chill down my spine. “You’ve met them. You know better than anyone that you shouldn’t underestimate them. And I don’t give a shit about the guests staying at the inn. The only people I trust with your safety are in this very room right now. It’s already done, Poppy. This conversation was strictly a courtesy, and so you could meet the men who’ll be shadowing your every move until I’m certain you’re safe. You can fight me on it all you want. The outcome won’t change.”
The heartache I’d been feeling for the past several hours gave way to anger—an emotion I was much more capable of handling. Crossing my arms over my chest, I cocked my hip and threw a foot out while shooting daggers at Jase from my eyes. “You can’t just say how it’s gonna be and expect me to follow along with it. You don’t have that right.”
Jase slowly rose to his feet and started in my direction, each step predatory. “I can and I do.” He stopped in front of me, only inches away, leaning in so we were nose to nose. “When it comes to keeping you safe, I’ll do whatever the fuck I think is necessary to protect you, and there isn’t a goddamn thing you can do about it. Understand?”
I’d never seen this side of Jase before. I had to clench my fists and stiffen my back to keep my body from shivering the way it wanted to. As much as I didn’t want to find his bossy, domineering, alpha attitude attractive, God help me, I did.
It was a struggle, but I managed to maintain my scowl as he and I entered into a stare-down that felt like it lasted a lifetime. I wracked my brain trying to come up a witty comeback, but all think was Damn it! Why do I find him so hot right now?
He knew he’d won when I didn’t say anything. A smile slowly pulled at his lips, splitting his gorgeous face in two. “Good. Glad you’re seeing things my way, sweetheart. Now, I need to get to the office. Laeth’s on you today. Try not to make him miserable, yeah?”
He bent lower, gripped the back of my neck, and pulled me to my toes before plastering his lips to mine in a kiss that shocked a gasp out of me. A second later, his tongue slipped inside and brushed against mine tantalizingly before he released me and stepped back. “Have a good day, baby.”
Then he left, leaving me standing there turned on, confused and heartsick, all at the same time.
* * *
Jase
Letting out an exhausted sigh, I rolled to my
back on a bed that was too small and too empty. It had been two days since Poppy’s and my showdown in the kitchen. That meant three nights without holding her or feeling her, listening to those cute-as-hell little snores of hers I loved so goddamn much. I couldn’t sleep for shit without her in my arms. It was like I was missing a limb.
What made it a million times worse was that I could still smell her everywhere. Even though she’d never slept in this bed, she’d been in the room, leaving honey and flowers in her wake.
The smell made my heart hurt. It made my body ache. It made my dick hard. She was thirty feet away, just down the hall, and I missed her with every fiber of my being like she was on the other side of the continent.
Bennett had been right, I’d been an idiot. In my single-minded need to protect Poppy, I hadn’t been thinking clearly. I’d fucked up worse than I ever had before, and I didn’t have any idea how to fix it.
Forcing my exhausted body from the bed, I went to the bathroom across the hall and did my business before heading downstairs. I needed the fresh air and a hard run to clear the cobwebs from my mind, but there was no way in hell I was leaving Poppy alone, even for that short of a time.
Instead, I made myself a cup of coffee and put the kettle on. Sitting on one of the barstools at the island, I waited in the hope that she’d come down this morning before one of the guys got here and I had to leave for work.
She’d taken our mornings away—not that I blamed her—and I desperately wanted them back. I missed watching her make her tea. I missed how she walked around like a zombie until at least halfway through the first cup. But most of all, I missed seeing her in that sexy robe and those ridiculously adorable duck slippers.
One minute ticked into the next. One cup of coffee became two, the extra boost of caffeine making me jittery while that anxiety that had been clawing at my gut got that much worse. I was just about to give up and head to the shower when I heard footsteps on the staircase.
I sat up straighter and turned to look over my shoulder just as she rounded the corner. I took my first full breath as soon as she came into view.
Crazy Beautiful: a Redemption novel Page 20
