“I wasn’t going to accuse you of that!” I yelled back. “I was going to say that it was a drunken mistake that should never have happened!” Turning to Jason again, I insisted, “Jason, I’m not going to sleep with him again. Tonight was a mistake. Please, forgive me.”
He threw his hand up in the air. “Oh, that’s brilliant, just brilliant. Does he share your feelings on that?”
“Absolutely not,” William murmured.
“That’s what I thought.” Jason sighed before he yelled, thoroughly exasperated, “Cara!” He took a deep breath. “Do you realise the clusterfuck you’ve made? Not just for you, but for me? I’ll be torn between loyalties here! There’s Will on one end, and then there’s you on the other! If things end badly between you, where do you think that’ll place me? I don’t want to choose between you! The man’s got serious feelings for you! What the hell are you doing? Seriously? He’s not a toy!”
“Yes, make up your mind, Cara,” William joined in.
“I’m sorry! I’m so fucking sorry!” I sobbed and shielded my face with my hands as I surrendered to crying, loudly. “I’ve tried to tell him, Jason – several times – but he just won’t listen.”
“That’s because you’re contradicting yourself, Cara,” William defended himself. “You tell me you don’t want me, but then you act as if you do. I seriously don’t understand what your problem is – this fear of commitment, it’s so extreme – it can’t be about just your career. Have you been hurt once? Jason, do you know?”
“No,” Jason quietly replied, “but she’s not interested in a relationship, Will. I know that much.” He crawled over to hug me. “Oh, Cara. I’m sorry. I know you didn’t mean for this to happen,” he murmured and squeezed me against him. “I’m sorry I shouted at you like that. I’m just a bit shocked, and I’m worried about how this will turn out.”
His sweet words only made me cry harder. I felt so terrible for the position I’d put him in.
“Good god – look at you two,” William grumbled. “This is ridiculous. There shouldn’t be a problem to cry over. I want her, she wants me. It really is that simple. I don’t understand her need to overcomplicate things.”
“Will, sometimes, I seriously think Mum dropped you when you were a child,” Jason chided. “She’s upset. You don’t always have to agree with the reason.”
“I clearly picked the wrong brother,” I managed to say through a few sniffs.
William’s eyes turned steely. “Oh, come on, love. What do you want me to do, then?” he retorted.
“I want you to leave me alone,” I answered sassily.
He looked to the heavens for aid. “Why her?” he asked. “Just… why her?”
When Jason saw it, he actually smiled.
Lowering his head again, William sighed. “Alright. Get out then, Jase. I’ll deal with her.”
“No! I don’t want you near me,” I growled like a ferocious animal.
He shook his head and approached nevertheless. “Yes, you do.”
“You broke my trust!” I accused.
“Like you haven’t broken shit yourself, Cara,” he alleged bitterly, and I gasped. “I’ve had it with you tonight.”
“Jason,” I called, for help.
“See, this is what I mean. Don’t drag me into this. This is your mess. I’m not taking any sides in this,” he muttered, annoyed.
“Jason,” William said as he reached the bed, “we can either sleep here all three, or you can get out. One way or another, I’m not leaving her side until we’ve reconciled.”
“I’ll see you in the morning,” Jason mumbled as he released me to climb out of my bed. “Try not to kill each other.”
“No promises,” I said and folded my arms. Irritated, I watched him leave and close the door after himself. He didn’t so much as look at me, and it was likely because the expression on my face would have changed his mind.
“Well, then,” William said once the door had been shut. Turning towards me, he proceeded to undo the buttons of his waistcoat. “Remind me how little you actually wanted me tonight.”
I turned my back on him and glared holes into the wall beside my bed. “You’re insufferable.”
“How am I insufferable? I haven’t done anything wrong. You’re the one that’s fucking everything up with your indecisiveness.” He sounded baffled.
“Could you sleep on the sofa, please?”
“No.”
“Then don’t touch me,” I warned. “I will bite off your fingers.”
He chuckled. “And here I thought you preferred them inside of you.”
My cheeks boiled at his witty remark. “William!”
“Cara.”
“Ugh!” I shuddered. I could tear him to shreds.
He sighed behind me. “You’ll feel better in the morning. Jason deserved to know. You’ll see that, eventually.”
“You could at least have warned me that you meant to tell him! Instead, you made me look like the most deceitful wench on the planet!”
“Cara, I’ll take care of it. I’ll explain things to him in the morning, and I’ll make sure he’ll forgive you.”
Unexpected tears returned to my eyes. “He was so hurt, Will. I really hurt him – my best friend.”
“He doesn’t like being deceived. Who does, really?”
“But I didn’t mean to. I just didn’t want to—”
“I know, Cara, and I’ll tell him that. Don’t worry. I’ll have your back.”
I closed my eyes and turned mute on him. Meanwhile, he merely undressed, killed the lights, and then climbed into my bed.
“Give me at least a portion of your duvet, Cara.”
“No. You don’t deserve it. I’m hoping you’ll die of cold during the night.”
He sighed. “It’s summer. It would prove difficult.”
“Well, I feel like a glacier, so perhaps that might help.”
“More like a volcano, I think.”
“If that’s the case, then I hope the pyroclastic flow of my eruption will kill you off,” I fired back and frowned to myself, horribly annoyed.
“You are such a nerd, and I fucking love that about you,” he countered, but he sounded profoundly charmed. “Pyroclastic flow,” he echoed to himself. “Honestly, I am amazed by your flair for comebacks. You’re fucking sharp. Really, you’re going to make an exceptional solicitor one day.”
My heart was acting weird, all tingly and light, when I was supposed to be pissed off. He’d told Jason about us without consulting me first, and I was furious about it. He could at least have warned me that he intended to enlighten him so that I could have prepared a proper defence.
And yet, the fact that he took each of my blows the way that he did only reminded me why I fancied him so much. He wasn’t intimidated by me – at all. He stood up to me, and it turned me on like nothing else. Being the fierce woman that I was, I required a man like him to keep me on my toes. Otherwise, I’d grow bored within the span of a mere breath.
He gripped my duvet then and, with brutal force, dragged it off me completely. After rolling himself into the entirety of it, he exhaled, satisfied.
“William!”
“Yes, darling?” he replied with a tone of infuriating contentment.
“I swear I’ll kill you one of these days!” I whirled around to face him.
“You’d regret it,” he replied self-assuredly. God, he really knew how to stir my temper. “If you give me a kiss, I’ll share,” he then brought himself to say.
“That’s blackmail.”
He snorted. “It isn’t. It’s bargaining.”
I folded my arms and realised at once that I didn’t have to be here? I could sleep with Jason if I wanted, or on the sofa. Relief found me at the same moment.
I had crawled halfway over William’s large body when he s
uddenly freed his arms to wrap them around me. “Where do you think you’re going?”
“Out!”
He scoffed. “Don’t be ridiculous. Here,” he said and rearranged the duvet to cover us both. Hooking his strong arms around me, he pulled me towards his warm, naked chest. Divided, I lay rigid against him, paralysed by my confusion. Part of me wanted to leave, another wanted to remain in precisely the same spot. “Cara,” he cooed and nuzzled his face in the crook of my neck. “Just sleep. You can kill me in the morning.”
“I intend to.”
“Make good use of my heat while you still can,” he replied smugly and wrapped his leg over mine.
How had it come to this? This was not how I had anticipated my night would end.
“You’re a bloody headache, but I do adore you,” he mumbled and kissed the slope of my neck.
“If I’m a headache, you’re a tumour.”
I felt him shake against me, clearly amused. “That’s an original way of saying you can’t take your mind off me. I’m flattered, Cara. I can assure you it’s mutual.”
I moaned in his embrace. He had an unmatched ability to twist my words.
“Suppose I’ve finally grown on you after all.” While squeezing me against him, he continued, “Drunk out of your mind, and still, you maintain your bravado. I take my hat off to you.”
“I’d prefer if you kept as many clothes on as possible.”
He shook against me, evidently trying to stifle his laughter. Silence ensued afterwards, and I was nearly asleep when he propped himself on his elbow beside me and leaned over my figure. As light as a feather, his fingers brushed my hair behind my ear before he lowered his lips to my cheek. He left a prolonged kiss there before he softly said, “I’m not going to hurt you, Cara. You’ve nothing to be afraid of. If you give me a chance, I’ll take good care of you – I promise.”
Affection set my blood aflame while I pressed my lips together in the dark, and it took some time before I’d calmed enough to reply. “I don’t want you to take care of me, Will. I want to take care of myself.”
He hesitated. “Has anyone hurt you? Is that why you’re like this? Please, be honest.”
I sighed. “No. You know I’ve never been in a relationship before. They scare me.”
“Why?”
“The ownership,” I murmured. “I can’t stand the idea of it. I want to be free. I want to be free to do exactly what I want, when I want, without having to show consideration to anyone else. At least for now.”
He fell silent.
“You were right when you called me immature, Will,” I eventually added. “I am immature, and I’m certainly too immature for a relationship. There is so much I want to do. I’m not ready to focus on anyone other than myself. There’s just not enough space in my life for anyone other than me right now.
“I shouldn’t have kissed you tonight. It was cruel of me, and I would understand if you hate me for it. As I said, you really deserve better, Will. I don’t expect – nor do I want – you to wait for me. I mean it.”
He exhaled loudly and collapsed. “Like I’ve any choice.”
Tears of sympathy prickled my eyes. Turning to face him, I stared through the dark and raised my hand to stroke his cheek. “You’re a wonderful man. This will pass before you know it. Feelings are fleeting. Soon enough, you’ll meet another woman who can give you what you want, and who will be ten times better than I ever could be.”
“You’re wrong. There’s only one you.”
I snuggled closer and stopped only when our noses touched. “You’re such a romantic.”
“About you, yeah. You’ve driven me mad.”
“Well, you drive me mad, too, but I’m sorry either way,” I mumbled, upset.
“Me too.”
“I didn’t mean to.”
“I know you didn’t.”
“Perhaps we should see if I can work for Violet instead,” I suggested.
“No. I’ll be fine.”
“But—”
“You’ll always be around anyway. As long as you and Jason remain friends, I’ll never be rid of you.”
My lips protruded as I pouted, which made them tickle against his. He must have thought I was searching for a kiss because, as I was about to pull back, his hand caught my neck to hold me in place. Before I knew it, his mouth was on mine again. The beats of my heart had never been louder. My pulse drummed behind my ears, attenuating the sound of our lips moving passionately against each other. When he rolled onto me, sudden, intense feelings overwhelmed my chest. For a moment, I couldn’t breathe. It was like my lungs had ceased functioning to create space for that foreign emotion.
“Will,” I said on my remaining breath, “we shouldn’t.”
His hands felt like fire on my skin, resolutely amorous and awakening the desire to sin again.
“We absolutely shouldn’t,” he agreed while his hand slid down my waist. Using his knee, he pushed my legs apart to place himself between them, and once there, he descended onto me. On either side of me, his arms supported the weight of his upper body, and I’d never felt so safe.
His mouth dived for mine again, and I was instantly lost in its sensual dance. I knew I ought to pull away, but I couldn’t. His magnetism was too powerful to resist, and our bodies communicated too well. They wanted each other desperately, and it seemed impossible to deny it.
“Just one chance,” he whispered between lustful kisses. “Say you’ll consider it. Just one chance, Cara.”
Turning my head, I heaved for air to steady myself. My thoughts were scattering into utter disorder, and my feelings didn’t aid me in sorting them. I wanted him so badly. My body was begging me to surrender, begging me to leap into sin.
When his mouth landed on my throat to trace the vein that revealed how hard my heart was beating solely for him, I was reminded of how irresistible he was. “Oh,” I groaned and ran my fingers through his hair. An aching commenced between my legs, begging for his intrusion. I wanted to feel him within me again. If I didn’t, I thought I’d lose my mind.
“Will, we need to stop.”
“We do,” he agreed again and returned to my mouth. Meanwhile, his hands travelled hungrily across my body, and he knew exactly where to squeeze, where to stroke and where to pinch. “But I can’t,” he eventually professed. “You’ll have to push me away.”
Instead, I closed my legs around him and pressed him tighter against me. Extreme arousal flooded my system when I felt his hard member between us, pressing against my entrance. Letting my lips land on the crook of his neck, I inhaled his scent deep into my lungs and felt myself fade ever so slightly. His embrace was the closest I’d ever come to experiencing heaven. I was sure.
“Say you’ll consider it, Cara,” he urged and folded his hand over my breast to squeeze the aching mass, and the action made me moan against his skin. “Let me pleasure you like this—” he purred and lowered his lips to my ear, where he gently whispered—“over, and over, and over.”
His words unlocked an emotion in me that refused to be ignored. In the wake of it, I found myself questioning whether avoiding him was really the right course of action. If he left me now, I knew I might regret it in the future. However, there was still his impact on my focus to consider. I’d hardly been able to think of anything other than him since April. Then again, would rejecting him really make a difference? Perhaps in the long run, but then he’d also promised me once that the initial excitement that comes with infatuation would subside after a while. So, did I really have anything to lose? One way or another, I’d remain preoccupied with him for quite some time.
Considering Jason’s reaction earlier, it was probable that he would prefer if I gave Will a chance. When it came to the question of work, both Violet and Will had provided strong arguments for ignoring our role as colleagues. However, I had to consider those argu
ments more thoroughly – when I was sober – before making up my mind. It was true that I was only going to work under William for three months, and that I could always get someone else to write my reference – Violet, for example. And if we kept our affair a secret, it wouldn’t harm my chances of getting hired. However, if things didn’t work out between William and me, working at Day & Night might turn out to be difficult.
There was also Aaron to consider. I’d need to end things with him, and I wasn’t looking forward to it. While I’d never been in love with him, I was certainly attached to him as a person. He’d become a habit, and it was a habit I loved in my own way, because it offered freedoms that a relationship with William would not.
It was like my heart switched off my brain and took control of my tongue instead when I said, “Okay.” After pulling in a deep breath, I repeated, “Okay, I’ll consider it.”
All at once, he stopped. “Really?”
“Yes,” I panted. “I’ll consider it.”
Surprising me, he rolled off me immediately and proceeded to pull me into a spooning position instead. His erection pressed against my bum, but since he made no further advances, I found myself confused.
“What are you doing?” I queried, and I couldn’t hide my disappointment.
“I don’t fuck drunk women unless they’re my girlfriend.”
An abundance of heat claimed my face. “Seriously?”
“Yes.”
“Will, you have my utter consent.”
“Not happening. Matter of principle.”
“But you’ll take my word regarding whether I’ll consider dating you or not?” I replied disbelievingly.
“I’ll take what I can in that regard.”
“But you fingered me in the club!”
“That’s different. If you want drunk sex, you’ll need to be my girlfriend. This is a boyfriend level request you’ve made. If you’d like to upgrade your subscription, you’ll have to go on a date with me.”
Skin of the Night: Book One of The Night series Page 36
