Now he frowned. "If it's a girl, she'll be a knockout. Guys will be after her all the time. You'll have to be careful, Jenna. I know what guys do. I was damned randy when I was a kid. "
"When you were a kid?" she murmured facetiously. If he heard, he didn't let on.
"Everyone talks about safe sex, but kids still think they're immortal. "
Jenna couldn't think years ahead, when she had so much to go through first She blotted the rest of the water from her body, then reached for the lotion she always carried. He had laughed the first time she'd done it, telling her that body lotion was totally out of place at an island waterfall, but he'd been the one to remind her to take it the next time they'd gone.
"It's tough raising a child these days, " he went on. "Even in a two-parent family. Are you sure you'll be able to do it alone?"
"Uh-huh. " She rubbed the lotion into her legs, squeezed out more and applied it to her stomach.
"Babies are totally dependent. They need constant care. Won't it be tough on you?"
"No tougher than on any new mother. "
"How will you go places with it? Babies cry at the drop of a hat. "
"They cry if they're tired or hungry or wet. I'll make sure mine isn't any of those things—at least, not for long and not if I'm taking it somewhere. " She spread lotion on her shoulders.
"Will you put it on your back in one of those carriers?"
She grinned. "That sounds like fun. "
"But how will you manage it? Don't you need two people to get it up there?"
She looked at him again. "Do you need help putting your pack on your back?"
"No. "
She arched a brow, then returned to lotion her arms, but her thoughts remained on his questions. Some- thing was going on in his mind. If he was trying to suggest that she needed a husband, he was barking up the wrong tree. If he was trying to convince himself that babies were more work than they were worth and he was therefore right in wanting no part of them, he wouldn't get any encouragement from her. And if he was trying to discourage her from having the baby at all, it was a little too late.
"You can't have a baby where I go, " he declared.
She kneaded lotion into her hands.
"You can't have a woman where I go, " he added.
She drew dabs of cream from between her fingers.
"Sometimes I'm miles from civilization, " he continued piously. "There aren't any phones, there aren't any baths, there aren't any beds. "
Jenna could have sworn he was trying to justify his lack of a wife and family, but what he described was nothing different than what they had here. Granted, she wasn't his wife, but she wasn't minding life here. She hadn't complained once.
"If you get sick, " he argued, "you can't run to the drugstore for an antihistamine. You can't run to a restaurant for dinner if you get tired of cooking. You can't go to a movie if you're bored, or run to the bookstore for something to read. "
"That sounds like a very difficult life, " Jenna said.
"It is difficult. There are days when I trek miles and miles with a heavy pack on my back. A woman couldn't do that, much less with a baby. " He snorted. "I can just see you stopping in the middle of the tundra to nurse. " He went still. "You are planning to nurse, aren't you?"
"Yes. "
"Well, you can't nurse where I go. We rough it out there. We're often on the go twelve hours a day. " He snorted again, louder this time. "Can you even begin to imagine what that kind of life would be like for a woman at the end of her pregnancy?"
Quietly, she answered, "I can't begin to imagine what any kind of life would be like for a woman at the end of her pregnancy, since this one's my first. " The words were barely out, when her heart began to thud. She wondered if she'd given herself away. Had he caught it?
When he didn't answer, she glanced over her shoulder. He looked troubled. Her heart beat louder.
"Are you frightened?" he asked.
"Frightened?"
"Of the last month. "
She let out a tiny breath. "A little. "
"I wonder how big you'll get. " He reached for her arm and drew her around. His eyes touched her breasts, then fell to her stomach. His hand followed. He rubbed his knuckles over the soft skin below her navel. His voice was a gritty whisper when he said, "There were pregnant girls in that Indian tribe I studied. They wore no more clothes than anyone else, so you could see their bellies. Sometimes, an elbow or knee poked at them from inside. I used to be fascinated by that. " His hand slid lower, knuckles brushing the spot so close to where Jenna's baby would emerge. "They let me watch a birth once. It was incredible. "
Jenna swallowed. Her heart had swelled to twice its normal size, which was why she said without thinking, "You could watch the birth of our baby if you want to. "
His hand came to a gradual stop, then fell away. He flattened it on the stone, straightened his shoulders and raised his eyes to hers. "The agreement was that I'd make you pregnant. That's all. "
She was stung. Quickly, she said, "I know, and I can do just fine on my own, but you said that you found watching a birth to be incredible, so I thought—"
"Just think pregnant. " He rose to his feet. "When will you know?"
She forced away her hurt. "Five days. Or six. " She wasn't sure. Keeping track of the time had become difficult. One day blended into the next
He nodded and turned away to scoop up his towel. Without waiting for her to join him, he started back down the hill.
Jenna awoke the next morning feeling nauseous. It passed as soon as she'd had breakfast, so Spencer knew nothing of it. She was infinitely grateful for that. He hadn't been in the best of moods when they'd returned to the plane the night before, and though he held her closely through the night and seemed calmer this morning, she didn't want to risk setting him off again.
The nausea returned late that afternoon. She snacked on a handful of crackers. That helped.
The following morning, though, she wasn't as lucky. Again she awoke nauseous. Ignoring it only worked until she left the cover of the tarp and was headed for the latrine. Halfway there, she turned off the path and lost the contents of her stomach in the woods.
Spencer was on the path when she returned. "What's wrong?"
"I'm not feeling great, " she said. Passing him, she went quickly back toward the beach, wanting only to bathe her face and rinse out her mouth.
He was right behind her. "Did you throw up?"
"Yes. "
"Was it something you ate?"
"I don't know. "
"Did you feel sick during the night?"
"No. "
She broadened her stride on the sand. When she reached the water, she sank to her knees and immediately scooped a handful of water to her face.
He hunkered down beside her. "Jenna?"
"Give me a minute, " she murmured weakly. She was still feeling queasy, though there wasn't anything left in her stomach to heave.
"It's too soon to be morning sickness, isn't it?"
She didn't answer. She was weak and suddenly tired of keeping the secret.
"Isn't it, Jenna?"
"I don't know. "
"You said morning sickness wouldn't begin until five or six weeks at the earliest. You told me that before you went to Hong Kong, remember?"
She nodded. The water was helping. She scooped more to her forehead, her mouth, the back of her neck.
"If you became pregnant while we were here, you'd only be a week and a half along. "
"Maybe this is an aberration. "
"Maybe you were pregnant before you stepped foot on my plane. That would explain why your breasts were bigger than I remembered them feeling. "
She splashed her face one last time and hid behind her hands.
"Jenna?"
She didn't know what to say.
"Damn it, Jenna, " he growled in warning, then with dawning awareness. "It's true, isn't it?" He took her wrists and pulled her hands from her face. "Are you pregn
ant?"
Chapter 12
Jenna couldn't lie. Not anymore. "Yes, I'm pregnant, " she said, and kept her eyes wide on Spencer's to gauge his reaction.
He looked at her stomach, swallowed and looked back up. "It happened in Washington?"
She nodded.
"But you denied it. "
"I know. "
"Why?"
She could have lied again and said that she hadn't been sure she was pregnant, but she ruled out that thought in a second. She wasn't a deceitful person. She hadn't wanted to he in the first place, but she'd seen no choice. Now the dismay on Spencer's face gave her pain. It was time for the truth. "I was selfish, " she said, feeling the burden of her guilt. "I wanted to be with you again. I knew it would be the last time, and thought there wouldn't be any harm done. "
"No harm done?" he bellowed. In a flare of the temper that Jenna knew existed but had been so rarely directed at her, his face was suddenly darker, his hands tighter around her wrists. "You came on my plane knowing that you had a mortal fear of it, knowing that the flight would be traumatic—"
"Not traumatic—"
"Frightening enough so that you might have lost the baby. "
"I didn't lose the baby. I never thought I would. "
"You didn't say anything when we landed. You let me go on thinking you weren't pregnant. I led you up and down, all over and around this island. I had you walking in the rain and sleeping on the ground and eating dried biscuits and freeze-dried beef, and through it all, you kept your mouth shut, when you should have been home seeing a doctor and eating fresh food and taking vitamins. " His fingers dug into her skin. "I thought you wanted this baby. "
"I do, " she cried, "I do. " Tears sprang to her eyes. "It's the most precious thing in the world to me!"
"If that's so, why didn't you tell me you were pregnant?"
"Because it wouldn't have changed anything!" Defensively, she explained, "There was nothing wrong with my climbing all over the island or walking in the rain or sleeping on the ground or eating what I ate. Those things are all fine—I've made sure they are. But if I'd told you the truth, you'd have been angry and worried, just as you are now, when there's no point! All the anger and worry in the world won't get us off this island! Your plane won't fly! You can't change that, Spencer!"
He stared at her long and hard. Finally, in a defiant voice, he said, "I sure as hell can. "
She didn't understand, but before she could ask what he meant, he had dropped her wrists and was stalking across the sand, headed straight for the plane. When he was halfway there, he did an abrupt about-face, returned to where she still knelt and took her hand. "Come on. We're packing up. "
"Now?"
"We're leaving. " He drew her up and set off. His grip was firm, his voice tight."But how?" she asked, confused.
"My plane. "
"You need parts. "
"Not by a long shot. "
"But you said we couldn't fly without them. "
"I lied. "
"What?"
"I lied. "
She dragged her feet in the sand. "Lied how?"
"There's nothing wrong with the plane. We can fly. "
"Nothing wrong?"
"That's right. "
"No electrical problem? No radio problem?"
"Nope. "
"I don't believe you. "
"Believe what you want. You're going to have something to eat while I dismantle this camp. Then we're taking off. "
She was still trying to grasp what he'd said. For eleven days they had been marooned on an island waiting for rescue. Or so she'd thought "We're leaving, just like that?"
"I want you back in Rhode Island where everything is safe and predictable. I want you seeing your doctor. Hell, prenatal care is all you read about nowadays. "
Jenna didn't give a damn about prenatal care just then. "You lied to me, Spencer?"
"Yeah, I lied. "
Furious, she pulled her hand from his and took a step away. "You planned this accident, knowing that my parents died in one just like it? How could you?"
He climbed aboard the plane and called over his shoulder, "It was about time you got over that fear. Besides, there wasn't any accident. I kept telling you I knew what I was doing. Our landing here was a carefully planned maneuver. "
"But we landed on a beach!"
He was rummaging in the food boxes. "I've landed on this beach dozens of times. The island is owned by a friend of mine. He knew we'd be here. That's why no one else dropped by. "
Her fury rose. "You knew we wouldn't need a bonfire? You knew we wouldn't need your flare gun? You knew no one would come looking? I'll bet you even told Caroline where we were going!"
"Sure did. I didn't want anyone up there worrying. " He emerged with a juice box and tossed her one. She caught it on reflex and angrily threw it back. It missed him, hit the door and fell to the ground.
"All those supplies—you bought them with this in mind. " Not coincidence at all, but careful planning. She should have known. She'd read every one of his books. He planned his adventures well. "You had just enough fresh food to be eaten before it spoiled, just enough ice packs to keep the frozen food frozen until the fresh food was gone. You had soap and towels and toilet paper. You had books and a cassette player. You even had sun block. "
"So did you, " he said, and retrieved the juice box.
"Of course I did. I thought I was going to the Keys!" The extent of his deceit cut her to the quick. "I should have guessed. It was too pat. But I trusted you!"
"The way I trusted you. "
"Hold on, Spencer. There's a difference. I never actually lied. I never actually said I wasn't pregnant I misled you, and then I didn't correct you when you assumed I wasn't. But you—you contrived an entire story, one outright lie after the next That's indefensible. "
He handed her a chocolate-covered breakfast bar— which he had previously claimed he'd brought along because he loved munching on the things at home. "Eat this. And the juice. "
She ignored the offering. "How dare you do this to me, Spencer! How dare you decide I should get over my fear of flying! How dare you take my entire life in your hands without giving me a say!"
"Oh, please, " he muttered, then said more loudly, "take the food, for God's sake. "
"I don't want it. I want to know how long you were planning to keep me here. "
His dark brows were drawn tightly together. "You sound like it was a prison. Were you unhappy? Were you mistreated?"
"I was deprived of the freedom to leave. "
"Did you want to leave?"
"That's not the point. The point is that I had a right to know the truth!"
His eyes drilled hers. "So did I!"
"You'd have known the truth when I missed my period, " she said, feeling suddenly defeated. Her stomach was starting to churn again. "All along I knew I'd be telling you then. So when did you plan to tell me?"
"Long before now, I gotta say. " He smirked. "I never thought you'd last here. I thought you'd be tearing your hair out after a week. I thought you'd be sick of the sand, sick of the bugs, sick of the heat. You've been a trooper, angel. " He held out the food. "Take this. "
"I don't want it!" She turned away. "I feel sick. " Not knowing what else to do, she walked down the beach to the same rocks she'd sat on that very first day. She'd been feeling highly emotional then. She was feeling highly emotional now. And nauseous.
Spencer came up from behind and reached around to offer her a handful of crackers. "I should have known what was up when you were munching on these things, " he grumbled. "How many days have you been feeling sick?"
"Two. "
Swearing under his breath, he nudged the crackers at her hand until she finally took them. Then he went back to the plane.
For several minutes, Jenna stared at the crackers. She felt miserable. They would help her stomach, but she didn't know what would help her mind. She didn't have to look back to know that Spencer was packin
g the plane. He was taking her home. Their time together was over.
Tucking her face to her knees, she began to cry. Deep, soft sobs welled from within. She wanted to stop—Spencer hated tears—but the emotion behind them was too strong. So, hugging her legs, she let them come. In time, they eased. Hiccuping, she turned her cheek to her thigh and looked out to sea.
It would be good to go home, she told herself. It would be good to have a hot bath, to brush her hair until it was smooth, to put on real clothes. But Lord, she'd miss Spencer. All along, she had known love might be a problem, but she had underestimated its scope. Forgetting him was going to be impossible. She would see him every time she passed the room he'd slept in at her house, every time she watched a movie on television, every time she read a book or ate a piece of steak or saw an airplane, every time she kissed his baby good-night. Letting him go was going to be like severing a part of her heart. Already she felt the pain.
Her throat tightened into another knot. She swallowed, forcing its release. Taking a full breath, she straightened. Crying wouldn't accomplish anything. She was an accommodator. Life went on. She would survive—more than survive—do well. After all, she had a baby coming.
Who wanted an adventurer, anyway? Adventurers might be exciting, but they wouldn't be around when you wanted them most. They'd be off chasing dreams of their own. Besides, they were scheming, bald-faced liars.
Slowly she ate one cracker, then a second. Crumbling the remaining few in her hand, she tossed them toward the water for the terns that dove nearby. She pushed herself from the rock and went to the water's edge to cleanse her face of the ravages of her tears. Then, knowing that the next few hours would be the most painful of her life but that they had to be endured, she went to join Spencer at the plane.
He was nearly ready. The tarp was down, the towels and blankets stowed, those personal effects that had been lying on a makeshift table of driftwood cleared off and packed. The beach that had been their little home looked so tragically bare that Jenna felt the threat of tears yet again, but she refused to let them flow. Life was full of heartache, she told herself. She'd get past this. She would.
The Stud Page 17
