by Mynx, Sienna
“I love you, Josie. I’m not going to marry any woman at twenty-seven. But when I’m ready and you’re ready we’ll do it. Please, babe, give us some time okay? It’s only been three years.”
Josie smiled. She nodded. “Forgive me for ruining Christmas,” she said. And just like that she pushed it all down. Her hurt and disappointment was shoveled away and she pretended at being okay. She had grown good at pretending. Especially when it came to Carlton and his rock star fame. She’d mastered the art of doing so with her mother for many years. Being the perfect child and perfect girlfriend was what she was good at.
“Make it up to me.” He pulled her over so she could ease on top of him. The sheet fell away revealing her nudity. He lay back in the pillows with his arms folded behind his head as she straddled him. Josie licked her lips and played with her nipples the way he liked. He was hers. There was no hurry in getting married.
“Josie?”
Her head shot up. Elu stood in the door staring at the bracelet. She blinked at him flushed, and sat on the edge of the bed to catch her breath. The feeling of Carlton making love to her was prevalent between her thighs and in her heart. It felt like such a betrayal of what she and Elu shared.
“Oh god,” She wept.
“Don’t. I can’t stand to see you cry.” He came in and sat next to her. She wouldn’t let him hold her. She rose, putting space between them, wiping at her eyes. “I feel like my mind has been split in two. Like part of my heart was carved out.” She paced. “I don’t want to remember. I don’t want to lose it all to who I was. I just want to be Leoti. Why ca-can’t I be her?”
He rose. Walking over he drew her into his arms. “You are my Leoti.”
“I’m your Leoti, but I’m his Josie.” She walked out on him, leaving the bracelet behind. Elu didn’t go after her. Instead he stared down at the fancy bracelet and rubbed his fingers over the diamonds. He held it up to the rays of sunlight pouring in through his window and read the inscription.
To my Josie, for our love – Carlton
His heartbreak was real. It was here. And for the first time since he’d watched his beloved Ella wither and die from leukemia, he had no idea what to do to stop it.
****
“What do you mean she has amnesia?” Madeline demanded.
Tiffani swerved around a car then back into her lane. Madeline gripped the door handle. “Slow down.”
“I don’t know, Carlton said we have to get there now. That’s all I know.”
“Is she in the hospital?”
“I dunno.”
“Was she in an accident?”
“I dunno.”
“Is she okay?”
“Momma! I don’t know!” Tiffani shouted at her. Madeline blinked in shock at her daughter’s tone. Tiffani and Josie never called her Momma unless something was seriously wrong. It was Ma for Tiffani and Madeline for Josie. Never Momma.
“Okay baby, slow down, we’ll get to the airport. Carlton is sending his jet right? Let’s pack some things and go find her.”
****
Josie walked over to the journal. Sniffing she stood there staring down at it. She remembered her devotion to Carlton, she also remembered the disappointment of him not wanting to be married. Why had he lied to her?
“Leo – Josie,” Elu said behind her.
She didn’t look back at him. She just stared at the journal. “Yes.”
“I’m going to take Po for a walk. Give you some space.”
“Thank you.” She managed to cover her trembling lips with the tips of her fingers, closing her eyes. Large tears trekked down her cheeks. She heard the pause. Could hear him breathing and feel him watching her. She just didn’t know what to do. And then the door closed softly. The pain throbbed and beat through every nerve. It was such relentless torture. Done with pity, with fear, with being weak, knowing she was much stronger than she behaved, she picked up the journal and took a seat to read.
After a Long Read
The journal rested in her lap. Her head titled back into the top cushion of the chair, and her eyes fixed on nothing. She just stared blankly. Time slipped away. She knew it was late. He had to have been gone for hours. She finished the journal and couldn’t believe who she was, including the passage she wrote of a fantasy with Elu. It dawned on her that her memory loss wasn’t medical. She chose to run from reality toward that fantasy. She made the choice. Just as she was doing now.
And her Carlton, her sweet bad boy, and often times selfish boyfriend who feared commitment, told her she was his fiancé. That meant he wanted the future he’d fought against for so long. Didn’t it? The guilt of her betrayal of him locked her chest with grief. However, she could not apologize for what happened between her and Elu. Even if he had never touched her, her heart would be chained to his. It was beyond her understanding.
She pushed up from the seat. Running away to Montana was a foolish cowardly act on her part. She had to face herself and her mistakes. She would start with Elu. The door opened and she stepped out. First not seeing him. Second sensing him. She looked over and found him seated on the porch swing. He had never left her. “Elu?”
He looked over at her. “Are you okay?”
Josie walked out. “I’m fine.”
“Your memory?”
“My memory is gone, but there are flashes returning, and feelings, just not the whole story. I do know who I am. Why I came here. And there’s something else.”
Elu looked ahead. The moon wasn’t present tonight. The magic they shared seemed to have left with it. That scared her more than her amnesia. Losing him was now more than a fear but a reality.
“What is it? What did you learn?”
“You saved my life,” she said walking out to him.
“You’ve thanked me,” he said solemnly.
“No. Not from the accident. You saved my life in the most meaningful way.”
Finally he did look over to her and she knew it took considerable strength on his part. Elu wasn’t a man lost to his emotions, but his eyes were teary and his face flushed. She could see his pain. Josie hugged herself, turning her gaze away. “You were right to call me Leoti. You were my guide, to bring me back to myself. How can I ever thank you for that? No matter what, you gave me a small window of time to see life differently. I’m not confused anymore. Not the way that woman was in that journal. I understand the needs of my heart. I’ve just got to decide on what comes next.”
He extended his hand. The intense look of caring on his face made her heart beat out of control. She was every bit as attracted to him as she possibly was in that journal before her accident. But it wasn’t about the physical. With Elu she’d found a sense of caring and family that the little girl in her always longed for. Josie placed her hand in his. He drew her down to his lap.
“Stay. Be mine.”
“I can’t make that promise,” she said sadly.
“Then tonight. Be mine.”
Josie lifted her gaze and looked in his eyes.
“If tomorrow is our goodbye, give me one more night.”
“Oh, Elu. I don’t want it to be our goodbye. I’m not ready to make that call.”
He smiled. “Tonight, give me tonight. I feel it’s all we have.”
She nodded. She had the same feeling.
“I love you, Leoti. I can’t imagine not ever feeling this way about you. About us.”
She stroked his cheek. She took his face in her hands and kissed him. Elu’s tongue eased between her lips, strong but loving and he kept her close. He savored the taste of her. He rose, lifting her up in his arms. The swing hit the backs of his legs but he didn’t buckle. He kissed her face and neck as he carried her and managed to pull the door open and walk them back inside.
“I love you so much,” he said his voice breaking between words.
“I’m here, I’m here right now.” She reassured him. He carried her into their room. It was their room now. No other woman would come through these doors. After Leoti
, he was out of the love business. He accepted this and vowed to burn every pleasurable minute they shared tonight in his brain. It would be his substance.
He lowered her to her feet but their kissing only changed intensity. They couldn’t keep their hands off each other. Slowly he untied the knot to his favorite shirt she’d chosen to wear and brought it off her shoulders. She undid his belt buckle and ran the leather strap out of the loop of his pants. Elu pulled her tank over her head, breaking their kiss momentarily before their passion resumed. Together they unbuttoned each other’s jeans and lowered the zippers. Leoti sat back on the bed and lifted her legs. Elu pulled her pants off her ankles and she pushed her panties off. He pushed his jeans off his waist and toed out of them coming down on her. He’d make love to her later. Right now he needed something far more physical and binding that would permanently mark him on her soul.
Elu lowered over her hooking her leg over his arm and running his open palm down her thigh. He gazed upon her beauty, temporarily stunned that this could be the very last time he had her this way. He entered her with a long fierce thrust and she gasped gripping the sheets. He thrust slowly at first, gradually building speed and force until she completely surrendered to him. He licked and kissed her shoulder and neck. Again he could feel her climax building and vibrating along the walls of her silky wet channel. Her hot body strained up into his. Leoti kept going. Then he rolled her to put her on top. Only because he wanted to see her as she truly was while making love to her. And she responded to the challenge. Scratching his chest with her nails and rolling her hips as she rose and fell on his cock. Leoti’s eyes fluttered shut and he surrendered his heart to her. He wouldn’t burden her with the knowledge, but it was true. He was hers, from now until eternity.
Later –
It was close to midnight. Carlton didn’t return to Elu’s rental cabin after leaving Josie. The Sheriff okayed his stay in Mission Creek and Milton rented him another cabin with additional rooms. This would be perfect for when Madeline and Tiffani arrived. He didn’t want anything from the Indian. When he pressed the Sheriff about charges he realized that these people protected their own. Well it didn’t matter. With the arrival of Madeline and Tiffani he would easily have her back. His chest and mind was numb. Every feeling was centered on her rejection. Was she sleeping with him? How could she let the man touch her? How was it possible after everything they’d shared that she would walk away from him, even if it was because of memory loss? Nothing could ever make him forget the power of her love. Nothing.
Car lights flashed through the curtains. He had hung up with Tiffani five minutes ago. It seemed like it took an eternity for them to arrive off the main road. He felt like he’d aged twenty years waiting. Walking stiffly to the door, his throat dry, he sucked in another breath. Tiffani and Madeline were out of the car hurrying up the pebbled walkway.
“What happened to my daughter?” Madeline asked.
“Where is she? Is she in here?” Tiffani asked. “Josie? Josie?” she said running off to the stairs. Carlton closed the door. Madeline turned her concern to his bandaged arm. “Are you okay, Carlton?”
Tiffani stormed back downstairs. “Where is Josie?”
“She’s with him,” he said sadly, walking past them to a chair and sitting down.
Tiffani and Madeline exchanged looks. “Him? Him Who?” Madeline demanded.
“Have a seat. I’ll explain.”
****
Tiffani paced but Madeline sat before Carlton stunned. He figured it was the first time in Madeline’s life she was at a total loss for words. For Carlton that was the greatest miracle of all. He couldn’t handle her now. Not when his world was coming apart. He could feel Josie slipping away from him, and he didn’t know how he’d survive the loss of her love.
“And the Sheriff won’t let you take her?” Tiffani asked.
Carlton shook his head. “He’s not holding her hostage. She’s there of her own free will.”
“She is not!” Madeline spat. “Some strange mountain man with my baby? Does he know who she is? Who you are? He’s probably after your money. Oh God, I can’t imagine what he’s doing to her.”
“Ma, stop.” Tiffani sat next to Carlton. “How’s your arm?”
“I’ll live,” he mumbled.
She touched it lovingly and Madeline narrowed her eyes on them. “Enough of that, Tiffani! I want to be taken to my daughter. Now!” she rose.
“We can’t.”
“Nonsense. I’m her mother!”
“She’s not a child.” Tiffani reminded her.
“She is if she doesn’t know who she is. If some stranger is holding her captive in some wilderness cabin. How could you leave her behind?” She pointed at Carlton. “To abandon her when she needed you.”
“I did no such thing!” he said his voice hoarse and weary, his fist pounding into the arm of his chair. “She’s scared. Confused. You didn’t see her. I love her. If that means leaving her to feel safe, then, then I’ll do it. I wouldn’t put her through anymore trauma.”
“Hmpf! As if being trapped in the woods with some stranger isn’t traumatizing enough.”
“Ma!” Tiffani rose. “What’s it going to take for you to let up? Just stop it! Carlton did the right thing. We have to approach this rationally.”
“How could you say that? Your sister is in trouble.”
“He won’t hurt her.” Carlton couldn’t look at them both. “He says he loves her.”
Madeline laughed. Tiffani shook her head. “He said that? Did she say that?”
“You have to see them together. They’ve bonded.”
“Nonsense. NONSENSE! She’s only been here two weeks. I’m sure he isn’t fit to change her tire.” Madeline flicked her wrist.
“Carlton, what did Josie say? Did she say she was in love with this man?”
“She asked that I come back in the morning. I think we should all go, maybe seeing us will force her memory to return.” He rose from the chair. “After that I don’t know what we do.” He walked out.
Tiffani stared after Carlton. She watched him climb the stairs to the upper rooms and her heart seized with worry. Madeline stepped in her view. “What are you doing?”
“Huh?”
“Petting him? Touching him, and comforting him. What are you doing?”
“Nothing, he’s in pain.”
“He’s your sister’s boyfriend. I know you know better than—.”
“Oh stop it, Ma! I would never do that. It’s disgusting of you to say so.”
“What’s disgusting is how easily you two can sit back while she’s out there needing us. I want to be driven to her now! Now!”
Tiffani had reached her limit. She stormed over to her purse, snatched out her keys and threw them at her mother. Madeline caught them mid-air. “There’s a map on the counter. Go yourself if you want. I’m going to bed.” She turned and huffed away.
“Tiffani Desiree Eastman, you get back here this instant!”
Tiffani climbed the stairs leaving her yelling mother below. The first room she passed had Carlton sitting on the bed with his head bowed. She stopped and stared at him. She should just go to the other room and ignore his suffering. That urge to comfort him made her thoughtless. She stepped inside. Walking over to his side she sat next to him. Carlton leaned over and rested his head in her lap, hugging her lap. She stroked his head and listened to him cry.
Later that night
“Josie?” Elu said turning over. He ran his hand over her belly then drew her under him.
“I thought you were sleep.”
“Playing possum.” He joked, kissing her cheek.
“Very good actor.” She smiled.
“Are you okay?”
“I think so,” she said softly. “He’ll be here in the morning.”
“Yes.”
She looked over to him. “I had a memory. Carlton isn’t a bad guy, Elu. He loves me. I know before the accident we had a mutual love. You two are both so pass
ionate and so different. Great men. How did I ever get to be so lucky?”
“We’re the lucky ones, and if he loves you even half as much as I do, he won’t give up.”
She nodded. “I know.”
“You haven’t decided have you? You still aren’t sure.”
“Hopefully when we meet tomorrow the rest of my memory comes back and I’ll know.”
Elu sighed. His lips brushed her shoulder then he fell back. Josie propped herself up on her elbow. She traced the circular tattooed ring at the base of his throat. “What does this mean? I know it has meaning.”
He stared up at her. “It does. It is a very long story.”
“I want to hear it.” She lie back down and put her head on his chest. He stroked the top of her head then back. It was hard recalling the meaning because it meant he had to think of Randy.
“My best friend Ringo wanted out of Mission Creek. He had dreams. He wanted to see the world. One day he decided to do so by enlisting in the Marines. At the time I had the shame of my father on my shoulders. My family was displaced and moving with the loss of our land. I was lost. My grandfather was heartbroken. So I decided to run into the world instead of staying here to fight for what I love, Blackfoot Mountain. We both enlisted.”
“Desert Storm?”
“Yes. And it was a storm. What I saw, the things I learned about men and myself, wounded me. I was a peaceful man, a pacifist who was trained to kill. The war made me different. Ringo died. I returned to my ailing grandfather. The first time he looked at me he said I had dead man’s eyes. This is my Chakra. He gave it to me. He restored my personal power, my sensitivity, a clearing of anger. It’s my balance of physical power and spiritual connectedness.”
“Elu? I think I saw you.”
His head lifted and he frowned.
She peeked up from his chest. “In the journal it says I met you by a lake. That you were swimming in it. Then… well I wrote a fantasy of making love to you by the water.”
“You did?”
