by Mynx, Sienna
Josie closed her eyes. “I hurt you so badly.”
“It’s cool. You weren’t yourself. I’m trying to understand.” Josie turned in his arms and let him pin her against the hotel balcony. He was close. His gaze intensely focused on her face as if he could read her discomfort. “I want you to answer a question, Josie. Did you sleep with him?”
She could lie. He would be better served if she lied. But it wasn’t who they were. “Yes. I did.”
Carlton dropped his head and shook it. “Maybe you didn’t know yourself, but he damn well knew. He shouldn’t have taken advantage of you like this.”
“Wait? Maybe? Are you saying you don’t believe me?”
His gaze lifted and the raw hurt and anger blazing in his stare chilled her. “I’m trying to believe you. But I’m a man. A man who has held back on kicking that creep’s ass a hundred times because of my love for you. Just saying it’s hard to understand how you could not remember our love and sleep with another man.”
She shoved him back. “How dare you? Held back? Right, all the groupies I watched throw themselves at you time and time again. The ones you told me meant nothing. You saying it was restraint and not me that kept you off them?”
“Not what I mean.”
Josie put her hands to her face and tried to calm herself. “I slept with Elu because I had no memory of you or us. I did it because I was different, I felt different, and I needed, no, I wanted him. That’s the truth.”
Carlton stared at her long and hard before he spoke. “I forgive you.”
She opened her mouth to tell him to shove his forgiveness but thought better of it. He was betrayed. And she couldn’t blame him for his feelings. She turned away from him and the argument and looked back up to the moon. “Let’s change the subject. Did Mom put up much of a fight?”
“She refused to go.”
“What?”
“I got her a room. You need to deal with your mother and not send her away. If you’re staying in Libby then so are we.”
Josie sighed. “I have so many things to do to help Elu, I don’t have time to fight with any of you.”
“And that’s a problem, Josie. When do you not have time for your family?” he asked.
She glanced back over her shoulder. “This isn’t about him and me, Carlton. It’s about returning the favor. He saved my life. I can save his land. I’ve done it before.”
Carlton wiped his hand down his face. “Are you hungry? We can go into town, have dinner and talk.”
“I want privacy. Can we order room service and eat in bed? Like we do when you’re on tour?” she smiled.
He winked. “Sure. The usual?”
“With extra mayonnaise.”
He walked back inside. Carlton rented them a room to share. There were double beds, but there would be no escaping him and their issues tonight. He was inside placing the order when her cell phone rang in her pocket. “Elu?” she said answering quickly.
“Josie?”
“Who is this?”
“Tim Cullins. You left a message with my service. Said it was important.”
Josie dropped back on the balcony. “Thank you for calling me back. I need you to take on a case. Elu Takotie against the Crescent Industries.”
“Wait, who?”
“He’s a Native American land owner being forced out of a town called Mission Creek. I think this land may have some tribal protection under the Blackfoot Confederacy. We have to really dig on this one and time is short.”
“Doesn’t your sister work for Crescent Industries? Isn’t this a conflict of interest for you?”
“So you know the case?”
“I know the government has been after Mission Creek for two years, with an army of lawyers. I doubt there’s anything you can do.”
“Why do you think you’re representing him?”
“Who is this person?”
”You’ll meet him soon enough. Can I count on you?”
“If I can do for Mission Creek what you did for the Sea Islands, hell yes.”
“Good, I know it’s Saturday but we have to move fast. I suggest we meet tomorrow in your office and file an appeal Monday morning. Do you know a friendly judge that can hear us?”
“I’ll handle it. I’ll text you the address to my office. Let me make some calls.”
“Thank you, Tim. Thank you so much!” She hung up and a deep sense of relief cooled her. When she glanced up she looked directly into Carlton’s questioning eyes. “He’s going to take the case.”
“I heard,” Carlton said. “Now we can focus on us?” he extended his hand. Josie accepted his hand. She hadn’t felt this nervous with Carlton since their first date. It was awkward how they kept avoiding the change between them. Carlton pulled her close. His left arm circled her waist and brought her up against his chest fully. He drew her arm around his waist and she held to him. She was unprepared for the tenderness she felt when his lips brushed hers and then his mouth captured hers for a kiss. She was pinned to him, and the old familiar sexual heat they shared warmed her all over. Shockingly it felt wrong, sinful. Her heart refused to trust the spark, and the desire to pursue their passion slowly dimmed inside of her. If he noticed he pretended he didn’t. Instead he released her wrist and ran his hands up and down her backside. He then kissed her nose. “Come inside baby. It’s a bit chilly out here,” he said.
Together they went into the suite and Carlton drew the glass door to the balcony shut. Josie sat on the edge of the bed. She prepared herself for the difficult conversation they would have to have. This conversation would begin with her apologizing for betraying him with another man, and ending with her confessing to having given her heart to another.
Carlton removed his shirt. His chocolate torso was that of a God. Perfect in every angle and muscular definition. Women all over the world fantasized about him. Hell she’d even caught a few trying to break into the penthouse they sometimes shared in New York. And he was hers. Or was he? Carlton never acknowledged her publicly and deep down she only half-trusted him when they were apart. She blinked up at him and frowned. “I am so sorry I hurt you when you found me. I didn’t know who you were, Carlton. I did lose my memory.”
“I shouldn’t have said I didn’t believe you, Josie. I do.” He approached and came over her, forcing her back on the bed. His lips brushed her neck and went over her chin to capture her mouth once more in a deep kiss. She pushed at his chest and turned her face away.
“I thought you wanted to talk?”
He hovered over her. “I want to make love to you. That’s what I want.”
“No.” she moved out from under him. Carlton dropped on the bed staring at her.
“I can’t. I’m sorry.”
“Since when do I have to ask for permission to touch you, Josie?”
“Don’t do this, Carlton. Don’t think sex will fix what is wrong with us.”
“So there is something wrong with us. Two weeks and you play house with another man. Maybe I can deal with you not having a memory then, but you have your memory now. So what is it? Guilt? Or something else? Since when do you pull away from me when I touch you?”
Josie sighed. She lay on the bed staring up at the ceiling with her eyes pooling with tears. Carlton leaned in and kissed her shoulder. “I want you to see a doctor.” Carlton said.
“I will.”
Silence. Carlton sat up. He slumped forward staring down at the floor. “I have to go on tour. Europe. It’ll be a six-month stretch. I was thinking hard on this, babe. Come with me. Take a break from it all and let’s reconnect. Get our shit together. And yeah, after we figure it all out we can get married. We can do it in Paris, some place romantic. How does that sound?”
She didn’t respond. Emotion clogged her throat. She just breathed slowly and tried to think through her heart. It was hard. “I can’t go.”
“Can’t or won’t?” Carlton asked.
Josie lifted her head and then looked over at him. “Don’t push
me. This isn’t talking things out, this is you demanding your way again.”
“Again?”
“It’s always like this between us, Carlton. You push and I give. I need more.”
“Damn. I can’t believe this. So now you get your memory back but the only thing you can think of is how bad things were between us?” Carlton rose from the bed. He had his back to her. Josie’s heart beat so fast she was afraid to move. Her stomach clenched with dread. She didn’t want to lose him. There was no way they could ever go back to the way they were.
“Do you want to marry me, Carlton? Please be honest.”
Carlton stood. He walked away from the bed. He stared out the glass door to the city beyond.
“Do you?”
He glanced back at her. “I want you, Josie, I’ve proven that. At least I think I have. I tried to convince myself that marriage is no different. But it is. I’m fucking up trying to be what you need because I love you so much. I like my life, our life. My band is taking off, who the fuck knows where we will be next year. Tours, maybe even acting, and your schedule is just as busy. We need to wait until things chill a bit.”
“I see.” Josie lowered her gaze.
“I’m not the man to be married at twenty-eight. I’m not.”
Josie nodded. “I understand.”
Carlton released a deep sigh. It sounded like relief. Josie returned her gaze to him. “I think I was running from the truth about myself and I used you sweetheart. I just wanted to be someone other than Josie Eastman and with you I was able to. I don’t want to marry you either, Carlton. That was never who we were.”
“I love you, babe. Only you. Always you. Don’t you believe that?”
She smiled. “I do. I love you enough to know that this isn’t working for you or us. I’m doing to you what my mom has always done to me. Trying to fit you into a mold of who I think you should be. I love you enough to let you go, Carlton.”
“I can’t do this shit! I’m not you. I can’t turn off my fucking feelings in two weeks! Let me go? What the fuck does that mean? I don’t want to get married and that’s the end of us? You just said you didn’t want to get married either.” Josie rose from the bed and walked over to him. She reached for him but he sidestepped her. “This is it? You’re breaking up with me?” he asked.
“I never meant to hurt you.”
Carlton put on his shirt and shoes then stormed out slamming the door. He wanted to break something. Namely it was that Indian’s face. He stalked down the hall then turned and swung his fist into the wall. The wallpaper and the plaster crumbled under his fist. Carlton dropped his head to the wall and wept. She was different. He saw it the first day he found her. Even with her memory back he could feel she had changed. How was that even possible? They had been fucking awesome as a couple. She got him in ways no woman ever had. She was his best friend, and now he didn’t know her? It had to be her head injury, part of him reasoned. He’d read somewhere that people with head injuries recovered with personality disorders. Fuck he had money. He could get her an army of doctors. Anything. Carlton pounded his fist to the wall squeezing his eyes tightly shut to turn off the tears.
“Carlton?”
He froze. His eyes opened.
“What’s wrong? Everything okay?”
“Yea, Tiff, go back to your room. I need a minute.”
Her hands went over his back smoothly, comforting. Despite his shame he turned and looked down at her. She and her sister were only a year apart. They could be twins with the same pretty round faces and brown eyes under dark lashes. She smiled up at him. “You need a friend.”
“Josie broke up with me.”
She nodded. “I thought it might happen.”
Carlton closed his eyes and sighed, the weight on his heart so heavy it was the first deep breath he could take. “I can’t lose her. I love her.”
Tiffani took his hand. “Come inside, let’s talk.” She pulled him toward her room. Before long he was inside pouring his heart out. Tiffani listen, debated the facts with him, let him vent some more. When it was all said and done he knew the truth. He and Josie were over. He sat on the bed next to Tiffani trying to convince his heart to accept it. Tiffani was supportive. She held him. Her body soft, familiar, she gave him the first sense of comfort he’d truly had since he found out Josie was hurt.
“She’s been through a trauma. Maybe she’s confused.”
He withdrew. “No. She’s clear on what she wants and to be honest I can’t give it to her. I just can’t.”
“I don’t understand how she could let a man like you go.”
Carlton looked into her eyes. Tiffani smiled. He smiled. She put her hand to his face and stroked his cheek. Even her hands felt like Josie’s. “Stay here tonight. You shouldn’t be alone.”
“I’m a fool. A selfish jackass, but I’m not that guy.” He stood and walked away from the bed.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—.”
Carlton looked back and he saw her flushed with embarrassment. “I love you, Tiff. As a friend. And if anything went down between us it would be me using you. I could never do that to you or Josie. Never.”
“So what? You think I’m not used to being second? I grew up in her shadow. She’s the smart one, the special one, I could never catch up.” Tiffani stood. “I love my sister, but I’m tired of this. I was the one who talked her into the first blind date with you. Do you know why? Because I was crushing on you so bad I actually thought her dating you was something I could enjoy. Sick isn’t it? Just go. Please. Before I humiliate myself further.”
Carlton cupped her neck and drew her face to his for a kiss. It was soft and sweet and Tiffani clung to him. He kissed her brow and held her to him. “You are special, your own kind of special, and if I had met you first who knows. Don’t do this to yourself or your sister. Talk to her.” Carlton let her go. He walked out of the room before her tears convinced him to stay. He’d call his band and tell him the truth he struggled to accept. It was time to move on.
****
“Hello?”
The moment she heard him speak her heart stopped. Elu had a smooth voice with a deep timbre of male strength that seduced her inner woman each and every time. Josie placed her hand to her throat and smiled. She pictured him in his cabin seated before the fireplace with Po at his feet. She closed her eyes and could remember how safe she felt when she sat in his lap and stared into the fire while he talked to her about his past, the few things he would share.
“Hello?” he said again.
“Ah, um, Elu?”
“It’s me.”
“I know. You’re up. I should’ve known you would be. I mean you get up so early.” Her voice trailed off. “I called but you didn’t answer. Guess you were out huh?”
“How are you?” he asked.
“Things are crazy right now. It’s weird, I have my memory back but I feel more confused than when I lost it. And I’m hurting my family. I just need some space. Nothing I do or say makes sense to the people I love,” she said. It felt good to be honest with him. Like taking a cool breath to sooth the dry heat strangling her lungs. Josie bit down on her bottom lip to the answering silence. “Do you miss me?”
“Yes.”
Josie grinned. She swallowed her smile to keep it from her voice. “Good. I’m glad you haven’t given up on me.”
“Never.”
“I’m going to court on Monday and I’ll probably be here for another week before I can get everything in motion. But I’ll call you, every day.”
“It’s my problem. I’ll resolve it. You should return home with your family. They’ve been worried about you.”
“You’re wrong. You don’t have to resolve anything alone. I plan to do this whether you want me to or not. My family understands. Oh! I have good news too. You now have an attorney, his name is Tim Cullins. You don’t have to come in to court on Monday but if he needs you, be ready. He’s the best in the area. Consider it a gift, for all you’ve done for m
e.”
“I’d prefer another gift instead.”
“Me too.” She confessed.
“You aren’t alone?” he asked.
She glanced back to the door. Carlton should return any moment. He wasn’t the type of man to give up easy. In fact she was prepared for the argument and debate that would keep them up all night. Not that she wanted to abandon what they shared, but Josie could not be what he needed. And the same was true for him.
“The man. He stays the night with you?”
“His name is Carlton and yes he’s here. He will be here. But he’s not my fiancé, Elu. We have a relationship that I want to respect. Things to discuss and work out.”
“Then I should let you go.”
“Wait. Where is Po? What did you cook for dinner?”
“I’m here, Josie. I will be here. Deal with your family. Then return to me.”
He ended the call and her stomach clenched. Josie set the phone aside and closed her eyes. She shook her head sadly.
Chapter Ten
Morning arrived and Josie found herself alone. The room service remained uneaten on the cart parked near the door. She waited for Carlton to return and fell asleep in her clothes. It took a moment for her mind to connect with the new day. Slowly she turned her head and to her disappointment she saw his bed remained undisturbed.
Carlton hadn’t returned.
Maybe he’d gotten another room? Josie sat. Her luggage was all that remained, a cold feeling of regret and guilt centered in her chest. The phone rang and she answered it quickly. “Carlton?”
“It’s your mother. Can you get dressed and meet me downstairs for breakfast?”
“Not a good time. I have to find Carlton.”
“Be downstairs in ten minutes. I’m waiting.”
Her mother hung up.
“Dammit!” She had to hurry. A quick shower and brush of her teeth and she was pulling on a shirt, some jeans and slipping on her sneakers. Josie grabbed her cell phone and her room key. The lobby offered a continental buffet breakfast off to the right of the reception area. She saw many guests lined up to check out of their rooms. She scanned the faces for Carlton’s. He wasn’t among them. When she entered the dining room she quickly found her mother. She ate alone, reading a paper. Her mother’s regal appearance almost always made people guess her age to be ten years younger than the truth. She had on a silk olive green blouse with gold accessories and her hair was styled to a polished perfection. Even her makeup looked professionally applied. Libby was a very modest town as was this hotel. The other diners were in jeans and cotton shirts. A few of the women and men kept cutting their gaze toward Madeline. It was as if the Queen of England had stopped at McDonald’s for a cup of coffee. When Madeline glanced up at her she didn’t look pleased. Josie regretted her harsh tone with her. But she would not apologize. She would explain, and maybe this time Madeline would listen.
