Marshmallow S'More Murder

by Leslie Langtry

  I stood up, realizing that this was far from over. This lunatic had already stabbed my boyfriend. Now she was threatening to come after everyone from Kelly to my cats. And she had the resources to do it.

  "I don't want to kill you," I hissed. "But I will not hesitate if I think you're still a threat."

  To my surprise, I realized I meant every word. Here I was, ready to assassinate a woman illegally to keep her from killing my loved ones. I didn't even care if she killed me. It was the others I worried about. There was no doubt whatsoever that she'd keep coming back.

  Vendettas were big in her organization, and some of them were handed down from generation to generation until they were sorted out. The yakuza would keep coming after Riley and me no matter what we did. And if our blood wasn't enough, they'd keep killing until they were satisfied. That was how it worked.

  There were only two choices—let her go and keep fighting her for the rest of my life or kill her. I was no angel. Killing people had been part of my assignments on occasion in the field. Those deaths had haunted me—but not much because they were usually a bad-guy-or-me situation. This was something different. This was cold-blooded murder, and I was a citizen, not a spy anymore.

  And, I realized, I didn't want to kill her. I hadn't killed her mom, and I didn't want to kill Leiko. But I would have to if it meant stopping her. This was a terrible problem. The only solutions were both inconceivable.

  "I swear on the blood of my mother," Ito started to scream. "My whole organization will come after you with everything we've got until you are dead!" She was becoming unhinged.

  Ito got to her feet and stood in a defensive stance. Really? She was completely outgunned. This psycho wasn't going to quit.

  "It's over, Leiko!" I shouted.

  Ito then did something that caught me off guard. She turned tail and ran for the door. I ran after her.

  Ito actually made it out the door. Everyone else had been convinced this was over, so nobody else was prepared to chase her. Ito cleared the doorway and made it outside with me hot on her heels. She was fast. Faster than I'd thought. The crime boss was slipping farther out of my grasp when I heard a weird screech.

  Out of the sky, Mr. Fancy Pants soared downward like a mentally challenged American eagle. He got away again? Really? What was wrong with his keepers? I kept running after Ito but couldn't take my eyes off of the king vulture. Ito was still running and out of my range. I had to grab her before she got away—but she was faster than I was.

  And that's when I remembered the cookies in my pocket.

  I pulled the baggie out and crushed the cookies inside as I ran. Ito was slowing down a little now, and I was a couple of arm lengths away. I tossed my cookies (that's right—I said it) onto the fleeing yakuza leader. Fancy Pants' two googly eyes actually came together and narrowed in on the flying shortbread.

  He landed on Leiko with a thud, his weight taking her to the ground. I caught up as he started pecking the woman with a glee usually reserved for a pothead who just moved to Colorado.

  Ito screamed and flailed as I picked her up and cuffed her. Elvinia and her boys were trying to capture the bird. I didn't tell them that Fancy Pants would soon hulk out on a sugar high. I did insist that they didn't hurt or try to eat him. They seemed a little disappointed.

  I dragged Ito back inside and sat her down in a chair. I was panting and out of breath. I might be getting a little too old for this. Ito started screaming hostilities at us, demanding over and over that we confess to her mother's murder.

  "I don't care where you take me!" Ito spat. "I'll get away, and I will kill you for what you did!" She lunged in her chair toward me. What was I going to do with her?

  I rubbed my face with my hands. There was no way out of this. I was innocent, but what I would do next would make me guilty. I looked at Riley.

  "You won't need to," he said to Ito as he pointed at me. "She's completely innocent…like she said."

  "It's no use, Riley," I said, suddenly exhausted. "She's not going to stop until one of us is dead." Would it be possible to put Philby and the kittens in the witness protection program? Could I convince Kelly and Robert to bring their baby and go on the lam with me?

  I raised my gun, pressing it against Ito's forehead and sighed.

  "That's not true." Riley reached out and took my gun from me. Was he going to kill her to stop her?

  "I killed Midori," Riley said directly to Baby Ito. "I drugged her and smuggled her into the country. I shoved a hat pin into her brain, then beat her on the back of the head and dumped her in Merry's kitchen."

  "Riley," I said. "She's never going to believe I wasn't involved. Lying to this madwoman won't make a difference."

  He looked right at me, wearing an expression I couldn't decipher.

  "I'm not lying," was all he said.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  "Stop it! She's not going to believe you. So why lie?" I asked. Riley had lost it. Maybe he had Stockholm syndrome from his time in Ito's clutches.

  He shook his head. "I'm sorry, Merry. Really I am. But it happens to be true. I killed Midori Ito."

  "What?" was all I could think to say.

  Riley ran his hands through his hair. "Remember Chlotilde?" He waited for me to nod, and I did. How could I forget her?

  "That wasn't her name. Her name was Rachael. And she was my sister."

  "That can't be right. You never told me you had a sister. And I know what I saw!"

  "No," he said. "You didn't see what you thought you saw. We were just hugging when you walked in. You totally overreacted."

  Um…what? My mind reeled back to that night. I'd walked in and seen a woman in Riley's arms, head against his chest. I screamed at him and walked out. Omg! I totally messed that up. All this time, I'd thought he'd cheated on me, when all he'd done was hug his sister.

  "Damn." I whistled. "And all this time I thought…"

  "I never cheated on you," Riley said. "I wouldn't have done that."

  Oh. So, I guess I had that all wrong. This was too much to wrap my head around. I'd experienced some weird plot twists in my life, but this won the grand prize.

  And then it dawned on me. "So you killed Midori because she killed Chlotilde…I mean, Rachael!"

  The memory hit me like a brick. I had gone to Riley with what I'd heard Midori say in the steak house. That she'd killed the woman I'd thought was a German bimbo. I felt bad about it now.

  "Why didn't you tell me she was your sister?" I whined. "Why let me think that all this time?"

  "I was going to explain it. Rachael was deep undercover with the Germans. She was even trying to turn you to make her look more legit. I wasn't under any obligation to reveal that to you, and I knew you wouldn't fall for it. So I was going to wait until the whole mess blew over. Except it didn't work out that way."

  Because Midori killed Rachael. And everything else became secondary. My misunderstanding was sucked into the white noise that surrounded the huge issue of his sister's murder. How could I be so stupid?

  The dreams I'd been having came back to me in waves. Little puzzle pieces that fit themselves together in my mind.

  "By the time I recovered somewhat, you had moved on. I decided it was better for you if you weren't in a relationship with me. But I always wondered what would've happened if I'd explained everything." He gently tucked a stray curl behind my ear.

  Riley had been serious about us. He never cheated on me. Wasn't even a womanizer. And he'd given me up because he thought it was better that way…for me.

  How had I missed all of this? For years I'd been completely wrong about him. One of the big rules in espionage was never to get involved with people you work with. It made you blind. I saw the truth in that now.

  All this time, Riley and I could've been together. We might've even been happy. But I'd blown it by not confirming what I'd seen. What a terrible spy. And a terrible girlfriend. What had I done?

  "I'm so sorry, Riley…" I stammered. "I'm a complete idiot.
I should've let you explain…" I was starting to hyperventilate a little. This was a lot to take in. I'd been betrayed before but never by myself.

  "It's okay, really," Riley soothed. "I didn't want to upset you. I just wanted you to know the truth."

  I let that sink in. I took a deep breath.

  And then I punched him in the face. "You put her body in my kitchen!"

  Riley took a handkerchief out of his back pocket and wiped the blood from his nose. "I guess I deserved that."

  "Hell yes, you deserved that!" I shouted. "Why put her in my kitchen? What were you thinking?"

  "I wasn't. None of it was planned. I'd brought her to Iowa so I could torture her for killing my baby sister. Then stuff started happening to you, so I had to deal with it. I guess I thought since so many other bodies were piling up around you, one more wouldn't hurt."

  "That's a terrible excuse," I said.

  "Yes it is." Riley pulled me against him. "And I'm sorry."

  "I hate to interrupt such a romantic story," Ito sneered. "But I'm still going to kill you!" She glared at me. "Even if you didn't murder Mother, you're still an accomplice. And for that, you are going to die!"

  Riley pulled his gun from his belt and fired a single shot into Leiko Ito's head. Before I could even react, he shot her henchman.

  "What did you do?" I croaked.

  "I'm finishing what I started." Riley grabbed my hand and started dragging me out of the building. "You weren't here. You didn't see any of this. Go."

  I stared at him. "But I did! I'm part of this!"

  Riley shook his head sadly. "No. You're not. I'm going to deal with this. You were never here." He turned on his heel and walked back into the building, shutting the door behind him.

  I met Maria at the hospital where Rex was getting stitches for "falling onto a fence." The nurse didn't look like she totally believed that but said nothing and stitched him up. We were back in the Trekkie hotel within an hour. Maria left with her lackeys, promising to catch up with me in a day or so.

  "What happened at the warehouse?" Rex asked when we were alone.

  I sighed, trying to decide what to tell him. "Riley is dealing with it, with the Agency's assistance." That was another lie. I doubted Riley was going to let the CIA know what he'd done. In fact, I didn't think he'd be on the grid for a long time.

  "He should've done that to begin with." Rex grimaced as he adjusted himself on the tribble sofa.

  "Don't move so much—you'll tear out your stitches," I said.

  "Don't avoid the fact that Riley should never have involved you in this mess." Rex reached out and pulled me to his chest.

  "I won't," I said, struggling not to cry. "But it's all over now."

  We ordered room service and spent the night quietly watching a Star Trek marathon on TV.

  A few days later, Maria met me for breakfast in the hotel café. Rex was doing better but still resting. We had a flight out scheduled for that evening. It was over, and we were going home.

  "Riley has taken a leave of absence," Maria said as she took a sip of coffee. She hadn't asked me what happened. She was a good spy. She knew I'd tell her if I had to.

  "I don't think we will see him for a long time," I said sadly.

  "In spite of everything," Maria said after a moment, "I had fun with you and the girls. And I'll never forget Mr. Fancy Pants."

  I couldn't help but laugh. "What happened to that bird?"

  "They reinforced his enclosure. There's no way he's breaking out again." Maria grinned.

  "Are your two guys going to keep quiet?" I asked about our only loose ends.

  She nodded. "Jenkins is going to try for a field post…again. And you owe Ahmed four cases of peanut butter cookies a year for the rest of his life. It's all good."

  I laughed. "Deal. I think I'm getting off easy."

  Maria nodded. "Promise me the next time you come here we'll just go out to dinner and maybe a movie?"

  "Agreed," I said.

  We finished our breakfast and went our own ways. Maria was a good friend, and I'd been lucky to have her with me. I just hoped it would never come back to haunt her.

  Rex and I flew home that night. We got in late and spent the night at my place. The next morning, he slipped out and collected the cats from Juliette so I wouldn't have to deal with her. He was an awesome boyfriend.

  Philby and the kittens were oblivious to my return. I'd like to think they missed me, but it's hard to tell with cats. I played with them for hours before I took a shower and headed over to Kelly's house.

  "It's about time!" Kelly said as I joined her in the living room.

  "Sorry," I said as I gently hugged her. She was holding a tiny baby in her arms.

  "Want to hold her?" Kelly asked then handed the baby to me before I could answer.

  The infant was sound asleep. I stared in astonishment at her tiny features. I'd never really been around babies before. This was my first real experience. She didn't look real. I kissed her forehead, and she wiggled a little before sighing and drifting off again.

  "She's beautiful!" I whispered.

  Kelly laughed. "She won't wake up. She sleeps like a hibernating grizzly."

  "What did you name her?" I asked, unable to take my eyes off the baby.

  Kelly smiled at me. She looked so happy. Like glow-in-the-dark happy. I don't think I'd ever seen her like that. Good for her. She deserved it.

  "We named her Finn. After you," she said.

  For the first time in minutes, I took my eyes off of the baby and looked at my best friend.

  "I'm not sure I deserve that," I said at last.

  "Oh, you definitely don't," Kelly replied. "But we like the name, and it suits her. Just don't go thinking you're all that."

  "I won't." I turned my attention back to the baby. "I definitely won't."

  Rex made a full recovery and insisted he forgave me for the whole mess. He did say he wasn't forgiving Riley any time soon. I understood that. Riley had put us in a terrible position. I'd forgiven him, but that was because I was pretty sure I wasn't going to see him again.

  I didn't tell Rex the whole story. He didn't need to know Riley had killed Midori or her daughter. Cops operate in a different world than spies. What was black and white for the police had a million shades of gray for secret agents. I was pretty sure it wouldn't translate.

  I also left out the information about my previous relationship with Riley. To his credit, even though I thought he suspected, Rex never asked. Just one more reason I loved him.

  Reconciling my feelings for Riley was far more complicated. I went through the typical stages of loss, because I was mourning a relationship I'd ended prematurely. My head was spinning with what-ifs. And when I thought about Riley suffering alone for the death of his sister and the end of whatever it was we had, I felt awful.

  Fortunately, there were cats, babies, and junk food. That helped. It didn't make it better or even go away. It just helped. Sooner or later, things got better, with cats that looked like Elvis and Hitler and a whole mess of Oreos.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  Two weeks later, we had another Scout meeting—this time in my back yard with a fire blazing and lots and lots of s'mores. I'd missed this. It's not like we could've started a fire in front of the Washington Monument to roast marshmallows (which would probably have gotten us in more trouble than king vulture kidnapping). In the future, I'd prefer trips that ended with gooey, chocolatey treats, instead of stark-raving Japanese psychopaths and shotgun toting moonshiners.

  Kelly brought Baby Finn, and I brought the kittens. The girls were delirious with joy. After the screams died down and everyone had a chance to hold the baby and at least one of the kittens, we all told Kelly about the trip. I think the parts about Mr. Fancy Pants were her favorite.

  I dug into my pink backpack and brought out several boxes of cookies. For good measure, I made sure no sugar-mad king vultures were anywhere in the proximity.

  There were still a couple of qu
estions I needed answers to.

  "How did you guys put together that I'd been a spy?" I asked as I tried to keep the Elvis kitty from leaping off my lap like a flying squirrel.

  "It's pretty obvious," Betty said. The others nodded.

  "Number one"—Hannah counted on her fingers—"you took us to the black box at Langley." Huh. They knew it was called the black box. Impressive.

  "And then you added that embassy to the itinerary and vanished while we had the tour," Betty said.

  "Don't forget the International Spy Museum!" Inez said.

  "Where you vanished into thin air," one of the Kaitlins said. "Not to mention the fact we had to suddenly switch hotels."

  "Like I said"—Betty commandeered the conversation—"pretty obvious."

  "When you add that to all the other weird stuff that's happened over the last year, we figured you had to be a spy," Lauren said.

  These girls were smart. Too smart. And I loved them to death for it.

  "One more question, and it's for the Kaitlins…" I asked.

  The four little girls perked up, a little flattered that I'd singled them out. Philby was curled up on one of their laps, purring menacingly in case I did anything that would disrupt the massage fest she was getting.

  "Which one of you is Evelyn's daughter?" I asked straight out. I'd been too embarrassed this whole trip to ask. It was kind of awful that I didn't know the parents of my girls.

  "What do you mean?" one of the girls asked.

  Ugh. For smart kids, they could sometimes be a little dense.

  "Evelyn Trout—the other adult with us on the trip," I explained.

  The four Katilins looked at each other curiously. Maybe whichever one it was, was clearly too embarrassed to admit that the bored, middle-aged housewife belonged to one of them. I guess I could understand that.

  "Evelyn isn't any of our moms," one of the girls said. The others nodded.

  "What do you mean?" I asked, repeating their earlier question.

  Another Kaitlin spoke. "She's not a mom. Not of any of the girls. We thought you knew that."