I clicked on the message to read it, a slight increase in my pulse present.
Dr. Harrison:
I’ve recently heard through a third party that Dr. Morgan is gravely ill and in the hospital. I’d hoped to send my well wishes to her and her family, but I have no recent contact information. If you would be so kind as to either forward me any information you have, or pass along mine to her husband, I’d appreciate it very much.
As an aside, I haven’t heard from Gray Donovan in a few weeks. Obviously, she’s not my patient, but we’ve stayed connected since I left, and I’m somewhat concerned about her. I’m sure I don’t need to remind you how dependent patients can become on relationships. Especially those in a weakened state of mind. I’m aware she’s no longer your patient either, but to put my own mind at ease, I thought I’d just mention it.
I look forward to your response,
Dr. Eileen Wallace
As my eyes darted through the last paragraph, my heart pounded erratically, and my face reddened. Who the hell did she think she was, talking to me like that? I’d tolerated her self-righteous, condescending attitude because we were colleagues.
I banged at the Reply button, my first inclination to enlighten her on the best location to ram that stick after she pulled it out of her ass. My fingers froze before I typed a single word. Son of a bitch! The fact that she was right and had the balls to call me out bit at my gut. Why the hell would I rattle her cage like an idiot? That was the last thing Gray and I needed. I deleted the reply, then I clicked “mark as unread.” I needed some time to think things through for a more appropriate reply. One thing was for sure: I would not let her deter me.
I shut down my computer and began collecting my things to leave when my phone pinged. A text from Rita displayed on the screen.
I’m in the lobby.
My brow furrowed as I buzzed her in.
Rita entered timidly, like she was sneaking into church after the ceremony started.
“No one’s here,” I said with a grin.
“Oh. I’m glad I’m not interrupting.”
I raked my arm around her neck and guided her over to the seating area. “I wouldn’t have buzzed you in if I was with a patient, blondie. Are you sure that’s a dye job?” Just seeing my sister lifted my mood after that email, but the chance to get in a jeer was an added bonus after years of teasing from her. Rita had always been the smarter one, but she chose to forego utilizing her degree so she could be a stay-at-home mom. I’d made sure she knew how proud I was of her, but I also knew she longed to test her potential.
“Watch it, wise ass,” she said.
She sat on the edge of the couch with her large purse tucked onto her lap. I took the chair across from her. Her gaze inspected me with probing eyes.
“What?” I said.
“You think you can fool me with wisecracks about my hair?”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
She swept a piece of hair across her forehead and behind her ear. “Hmm. Avoidance.”
“Don’t attempt to out-shrink me, sis. Why do women always try to use my profession against me?” I’d meant it as playful, but as soon as the words left my mouth, my smile faded.
“Like Gray?”
“Rita,” I said in a warning tone.
“I can see it in your eyes. Something’s bothering you.”
I took my time, determining the best response.
“Don’t do that to me. I’m not a patient… or some stranger. I’m your sister.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“Hey, I know what you’re bound by. I understand what’s at stake. You’ve never stepped over that line with me.”
The “but” in her voice hung in the air. “But?”
“But…Gray has.”
I narrowed my eyes at her, caution holding me back from responding.
“After Jessica…” Her eyes watered as they always did when she said her daughter’s name. “…you were having such a difficult time, and I hated seeing you try to shoulder it all alone.” Her tone begged my forgiveness, and then her chin dipped down.
I leaned forward in my chair and touched her knee. “I’m not angry with you, sis. Yes, it’s a conflict of interest for me, but Gray has every right to talk to anyone about her situation.”
I waited for her eyes to come back up to mine. Still focused on her hands, she said, “The problem is…well, I sort of…”
“Pried?”
“Yes.” She looked up at me. “I’m sorry, Daniel. I felt from the beginning that there was something between you and Gray, and of course, I heard things from the girls. I turned to Gray when you wouldn’t talk to me.”
“Okay…Can you do something for me?”
She nodded.
“Leave all this for now. I don’t feel right talking about it with you at this point. What you do with Gray is your business and hers.”
“But I want to help you, Daniel.”
“This will help me. I promise you, things are going to get better very soon. It’s just something came up right before you walked in. A minor problem that I’m handling.”
“Are you sure?”
I nodded with a smile. “I’m sure.”
She shook her head and held back a smile. “Do you know how bad I want to diagnose you right now?” Then she dug inside her purse.
“Very funny, doctor,” I said.
“I have something for you, though.” She pulled out the stuffed sloth I’d bought for Jessica the day Gray and Alyssa had met Jessica in the hospital.
“After all this time?” Reaching over, I took it from her outstretched hand. My actions in the gift shop that day had surprised me. How quickly my protective instincts kicked in and had me defending Gray against that aggressive ass. I could still feel the tension in my fists as they had balled at my sides.
“Yeah, somehow it got mixed into the donation box. Alyssa found it and pulled it out before it was given away. She’s such a sweet girl.”
I stroked the soft fur of the animal and thought of the two girls. Their time together cut so short. Just as all of ours had been with Jessica. “I’m learning that myself.” An awkward smile played across my lips as I realized that I’d alluded to contact with Gray.
Rita nervously busied herself in her purse, pulling out her keys and phone and then pinching it closed.
“I’m guessing you didn’t come all the way over here to give me a stuffed animal.”
Her gaze shot to mine, eyes widened. “Oh…uh, it was nothing.” She glanced at her cell and stood. “I’m sure you want to head home.”
I rose and planted myself in front of her. “Spill it. Or I’ll invite Elliot out for drinks.”
“Oh, God no.”
“Yeah, I think he needs a little self-analysis, too.”
“Blackmail? Now that’s low, little brother.”
“I’ll do whatever it takes. What was it last time we talked about? Oh, that’s right: how his mother neglected him so he needed more babying from you. You know…men often marry women as substitutes for their mothers.”
“Stop, stop, okay. It’s not a big deal, really.”
“So tell me.”
“Well, it’s funny you should mention babies.”
Trepidation shot through my system. Was it too soon after Jessica’s death? “Are you…?”
She waggled her head. “No…not yet.” A smile I hadn’t seen in almost a year filled her face, hopeful and eager. “But we’ve decided to try again. Elliot is here for about another month, so we figured—”
I held up my hands and took a step back. “Hey, hey, I don’t need the gory details. I know how it works.”
“I was just going to say that he’ll be deployed one last time, but only for about four months—so the timing could work perfectly.”
A silent moment filled the space between us.
“Well, aren’t you going to say anything? What do you think?”
I took her by the shoulders and pulled he
r into a hug. “Sis, if it makes you happy, then I’m happy.”
CHAPTER 3
--------------------------
Gray
I drove toward Wayfield Gardens with the windows halfway down, letting the fresh spring air blow across my skin. Daniel and I picked a small café in the Sonoma wine country to have coffee and talk. Although quite an elaborate meeting for coffee, I’m sure he recognized the gesture as being as significant as I had.
The hum of the tires on the road filled my ears, taking me back to the night Daniel had driven me to his house after rescuing me from the bar on the night of Noah’s birthday. I’d been vulnerable that night, desperate to escape the painful memories of my brother’s death, wanting to be close to Daniel so badly. But he hadn’t taken advantage of the situation and crossed the line of being my therapist. Instead, he listened as I poured my heart out, reliving the most horrible experience of my life, finally telling him what had put the rift between my father and me.
When we finally made love weeks later, Daniel had been the vulnerable one, upset over the loss of Jessie. So the fact that he’d pushed me away for supposedly my own protection had never been clear to me. And when I walked out of his office that final day, he hadn’t stopped me. I’d kept hope alive since then, but reserves ran desperately low.
Almost thirty minutes later, I pulled into the parking lot. A text I hadn’t heard waited on my phone: I’m here, from Daniel. I smiled at the act like we were an old married couple. That’s what it had been like for the past six months. Phone calls. Exchanging texts. Most people might call that being friends. He hadn’t even tried to be my therapist in all that time. Our conversations were about everyday things: what we were up to, movies, books—anything but what we should have been talking about.
I flipped down my visor mirror to check my face; the faded lipstick needed a quick retouch. Unfortunately, the open window had rendered my long brown hair a lost cause. Still, I exited the car and proceeded to the café with a noticeable spring in my step.
The hostess directed me to the table where Daniel waited. He rose when he spotted me. Our smiles reflected off the other. He leaned in and kissed my cheek as he grasped my elbow. The whole scene portrayed a relaxed, natural rapport. Any bystander would not have guessed that six months earlier a compulsive liar had bared her soul and fallen for her therapist. Would today be the day that Daniel finally cleared the way for us to be together? I’d decided the moment our eyes met to be content with progress and not to push.
“It’s incredible seeing you.” His eyes followed me as I sat.
“It hasn’t been that long,” I said with a confident grin.
I ordered an iced tea. Daniel ordered a coffee, and insisted we share the coconut mussels in wine broth.
We sat facing each other, taking in the breathtaking view of each other as rolling hills of vineyards sprawled around us. “You look even more stunning than the image I see in my mind every day,” he said.
I blushed and sighed, but delight from the compliment was short-lived. I fought the unwelcome, sarcastic comment rising in my throat and scrambled for something to say. Why had I put my guard up? That wasn’t what I’d intended.
A moment later, his gaze fell, his head turned downward, toward the side of his chair. “I understand your doubts,” he said, pulling a bag onto his lap. “But I truly did miss seeing your face…no matter how much we communicated otherwise.” He smiled. “And this was all I had to get me through.”
I squinted across at the package, giddiness lifting me in my seat. He pulled out a black wood frame about the size of an open laptop. Instantly, I understood, and he handed it over. The night I’d discovered the sketches of me in his office was somewhat of a blur. I’d skimmed through the pages so quickly that I couldn’t recall each one. But the one I held in my hands had been burned into my memory: a profile of me as I sat on the couch in his office and gazed toward the protection of the window that saw me through many difficult sessions. “Thank you, Daniel. I absolutely love it.”
“No matter how many hours I spend staring at that, I still can’t get over how beautiful you are.”
My cheeks flushed. I smiled from the joy of receiving the compliment and the natural feel of the conversation. For once, Daniel and I felt as if we were on equal ground. “It was sweet of you to frame it for me.”
“I had one framed for me, too.”
His tone suggested I hinted…would I be added to his gallery of women? I hadn’t intended it to sound that way. “Oh.” The image in my mind shot back to Daniel’s bedroom. The sketch of the woman on the wall. Was she still there? “Uh…that’s nice to hear.”
I set the frame in the seat next to me. When my gaze returned to Daniel’s, I noted a change in his expression.
“You seem…happy, Gray.”
I nodded slowly and then answered. “I am,” I said as if I’d just discovered it myself. “I really am.”
His reaction puzzled me; he appeared surprised by my happiness.
“That doesn’t mean my feelings have changed,” I said.
His cheeks swelled into a grin, but only for a moment. “So, tell me how things are going…specifically, I mean.”
I let out a short, breath-filled laugh before pausing when the server brought our mussels and refilled our drinks. “Specifically, huh? You mean am I still a liar and a basket case?”
“You know that’s not what I meant.” Daniel leaned forward, reaching toward my hand that rested on the table.
When his fingers brushed over my wrist, chills flew down my spine. The lust that had occupied my veins on a regular basis six months ago returned with force.
“I care about everything that’s happening with you.”
“That’s why in six months you never once asked.”
He grasped my hand in his firm grip. “Gray, I’m not your therapist anymore. I have no right to ask you anything. If you’d wanted to share those things with me, you would have.” He paused, waiting for my protest. “But we’re here now, and I’d like to know where things stand.”
“That’s something I’d like to know myself.” As much as I wanted his touch, I pulled my hand away at his hesitation. “Okay. I can see that all this is somewhat contingent on my mental state, correct?” I felt like a lawyer arguing a case. That didn’t sit well with the optimism I’d started the day with.
“When you say it like that, it sounds terrible. Your mental state has nothing to do with my…feelings for you. It does, however, affect our relationship.”
“Our relationship…” I shook my head, disappointed I’d fallen into my defensive habits with such speed. One deep breath in and one cleansing breath out gave me the time to think about starting again. “Daniel, I’m in a good place right now. Dr. Wallace and I communicate from time to time, and she’s helped me immensely. She recommended a family therapist here, and we’ve already seen her a few times. There have definitely been some ups and downs, but we’re making progress. And I’m back to work full time with Evyn.”
Daniel’s eyes widened with surprise as he nodded.
Evyn had been watching over me since high school and had forgiven too many of my screw-ups. “I know I said I might leave to get out from under Evyn’s protective wing. But I realized that I’d only be leaving for that reason. I love my work, and I’m damn good at it, so I decided that if I’m going to be successful on my own I could still do that there just by making some changes.”
“I’m impressed, and I think it’s a good decision.”
“What else would you like to know?” I said playfully. Then I let him have it before he answered. “Let’s just tick down the list, shall we? I haven’t had a drink if about five months. The visions of Noah only come to me in my dreams, and they’re few and far between…” I paused when the waitress stopped to check on us. A small part of me knew that last statement wasn’t entirely true. I’d had a few episodes recently that I couldn’t explain. Vivid yet unfamiliar memories of Noah I didn’t understand. I co
uld only hope they were simply that—surfacing memories of a life I tried to forget.
“And the lying?” Daniel asked quietly.
“That’s a tough one. Personally, I know I’m a better, more honest person. But can anyone really say they never lie?”
He nodded in that doctor way as he took it all in. Then he said, “That day, in my office? I knew you’d do everything you said and more. I had faith in you, whether you saw it or not.”
“Thank you. I feel like everything is falling into place.” Sipping my tea, I watched for his reaction. “Everything except...”
He waited for me to finish the sentence, but I decided against it. He seemed…anxious, or something I just couldn’t place. Excited, yet still guarded. “Anything else you’d like to share?” he asked.
“I do believe Dr. Harrison has joined us at the table.”
“As a matter of fact, Miss Donovan, my query is of a more personal nature.”
“Go ahead. Ask.”
He picked up his mug and drank, gazing out to the window over my right shoulder. I held back a grin at the irony of Daniel in the hot seat, seeking strength as I had done so many times through his office window. “What about Nathan?”
“Nathan?”
His eyes returned to mine and locked in place. “Yes. What part does he play in your life?”
A giggle flew from me before I could stop it. “So formal, Dr. Harrison.”
“Okay, you win. Don’t make this any harder than it already is. Just tell me.”
“I care about Nathan. He’s important to me.”
Daniel’s rapt attention fell, his eyes downcast, causing my heart to ache at the unnecessary hurt I’d inflicted.
“And he’s been a good friend through all of this, Daniel.” I leaned forward, placing my hand on his forearm, waiting until his eyes met mine again. “Since the night you made love to me, Nathan has been nothing more than a friend. You’re the only man I want in my heart and in my bed. I hope you know that now.”
Relief poured into his expression as his eyes filled with a want I’d seen so many times before. His other hand came to rest on mine. His thumb caressed the back of my hand. “Thank you. I believe you.”
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