“You’re right. I’m sorry for making it about me. But what can I do?”
He released my hands and went to the kitchen. “I tried to reach you all day yesterday when this shit first went down.”
I followed him and stood at the counter, watching him open cupboards. “I’m sorry. I was out, and my battery died.”
He stopped, flashing me a look of his less-than-thrilled sentiment. Then he opened more cupboards.
“You’re wasting your time looking.”
“No secret stash?”
“No, there’s nothing.” I gave him a nod and headed for my coffee maker. “Come on, you don’t need that.”
He leaned against the counter and folded his arms. “Could have heard that from you sooner.”
I sighed, taking a moment to decide if I should apologize yet again. Daniel hadn’t been the only reason my time had been scarce lately. Getting my job back, Alyssa, therapy. But making excuses wouldn’t have helped, and he spoke before I had a chance.
“Hey, I know it’s on me. I just needed to get this tension out of my head. I need to figure this out.”
“What are you going to do?” I grabbed two mugs, catching the tight line of his mouth at the thought of coffee.
“I can’t do anything until they contact me. I guess I should get a lawyer or something.”
“What about Savoy? Do you think they will find out?”
“Right now they don’t want Bruce to know they’re recruiting me, so if this whole thing blows over, I might be safe.” He leaned on the counter on his elbows. “But if my ass gets fired, then they’re bound to know.”
“I hate that this is happening to you.”
He shook his head as we stared at each other with that same look—the one that said how do we keep getting ourselves into shit like this.
When the coffee was done, we took it over to the couch. Both mugs sat untouched as we talked about his situation and caught up on other news.
As usual, it didn’t take long for Nathan to tire of talking about himself. He leaned back against the couch and crossed one leg over his knee. “So, how are things with your dad? And the therapy?”
I pressed in next to him like old times. “Good…mostly.”
“What does that mean?”
“I’m not sure. Dr. Rothberg wants us to talk about my childhood. You know I’m not that comfortable with it, but I know it’s necessary, so I’m trying.”
“That’s good. I know that stuff isn’t easy for you.”
“Yeah, but Dad seems hesitant. Sometimes he even changes the subject or tries to cut things short.”
“Maybe he’s just trying to protect you. Keep you from the pain.”
“I guess that’s possible. It just feels like…” I tried to put into words the look on Dad’s face when he pulled away from reality. I’d done the same thing, but that didn’t mean I could dissect it.
“What?”
“It’s like he’s hiding something from me. I get that same feeling from Becca, too. She made some weird references to me a while back. Something about how we all have things that need forgiving. Now she’s sort of reserved and avoiding me…unless she’s with my dad.”
“Do you think they just don’t want you to be reminded of Noah’s death?”
“None of us want to be reminded of that. But we’re supposed to be focusing on our past relationship.”
“Well, maybe your dad just doesn’t want to face what a crappy job he did as a father…to both of you.”
“Maybe.”
“Makes sense to me. It’s not easy facing our faults. We both learned that in AA. The guy may never come to terms with what he’s done. Losing a child is one thing, but being responsible for their death is another.”
Daniel and I had avoided talking about my therapy. Unless I was in a session, I tried not to think about any of it. I briefly considered if that had caused some of my recent flashbacks. “I’m sort of the same way.”
“Especially if you two never even talked about it when it happened.”
I nodded. “I couldn’t talk about it back then. I brought a wrath down on him if he even mentioned Noah’s name to me.”
“See? Now he’s probably just gun-shy. It’s like PTSD or some crap like that. See how intimating you can be?”
“Shut up,” I said in mock offense. I could handle taking some hits to revive Nathan’s mood.
“You know I’m kidding…sort of.”
I folded my arms as his came around my shoulders to pull me in. We sat quietly for a few moments, and I wondered what he was thinking.
“So, your dad still dating his sister?” he asked.
I smacked him on the knee, but still let myself giggle. “Becca is not his sister. You know that.”
“But, it doesn’t bother you that he’s doing the Trojan tango with your aunt?”
I peeked at him sideways. “I’m going to let that slide, too, but you’re pushing your luck.”
“I’m being serious. How do you feel about that?”
“Nobody said they were doing the Trojan tango. But I have no choice. I need to focus on my own issues. I don’t need something that’s going to pull me back to…”
He rubbed my arm and then ran his hand down my hair. “Hey, I get it. You should focus on you. And I want you to know I’m proud of how strong you’ve been…how you’ve been able to turn things around.”
His supportive words held a hint of sadness I easily read. “You’ll get there, too, you know.”
He turned his eyes from mine, so I continued.
“And I’m proud of you, too. Nathan, you’re doing what you love. Most people can’t say that.”
His chest rose and fell with a deep sigh. “Unless it’s all shot to hell from Charlotte. I just can’t fucking believe this is happening.”
“Maybe you can talk to her.”
“I’m afraid to. Plus, Bruce said I’m not supposed to. It could look like I’m harassing her.”
“You’re probably right. Would you like me to try?”
He ran his hand through his hair. “I really don’t know. It might make her more pissed. Thanks for the offer, but let’s just wait.”
“Okay, whatever you think. I’m here if you need me.”
His hand went behind my neck in a too-familiar way. “Gray…you know I’ll go crazy if I’m not working.”
“I know,” I whispered. “But it doesn’t have to be that way. You’ve changed. We both have.”
“You’ve always been there for me. Like I have for you. You know how it is.” His fingers swept to my cheek. His thumb brushed a tender stroke down to my chin. “I hate that I went out and got blasted. With you…I wouldn’t need it.” He pressed his cheek to mine before leaving a gentle kiss on the side of my mouth. “I only need you, Gray. You could get me through this.”
All the pain and need and history of mutual comfort radiated between us. A pull in the pit of my stomach sent my heart clenching. I reached for him instinctively, wrapping my arms around his strong shoulders.
“Nathan,” I whispered. “You know how much I care about you.”
He pulled his open mouth to mine, hovering over my lips. “Then show me.” His words breathed into my mouth a moment before I gasped, turning my head.
“I’m sorry, Nathan.” My hands fell from him, and I stood, confused at my actions. Something inside me so desperately wanted to ease his pain that I almost made an enormous mistake. “I can’t.” Saying the words out loud brought guilt and relief. I didn’t need Nathan like that any longer, but he clearly still needed me. I couldn’t be the one to do that for him. I had to make that clear, no matter how much it would hurt him. “I’m with Daniel now.”
I took in a deep breath, resolute in my love for Daniel. A love strong enough to shake me from falling into dangerous habits.
“I know, I’m an ass.” He popped up from the couch and snatched his keys from the table. “You know, I actually like Dr. Dan. He’s a better man than I am,” he said as he walked to the door.
“You’re leaving?” I paced back to catch him. “You don’t have to leave.” A fresh dose of sadness hit my chest, hard and fast, reminding me he still had some sort of hold on me.
He ignored me and reached for the door to unlock it.
“Nathan, wait.”
His hand stayed on the door, but he turned his upper body to me. “Hey, it’s cool. I get it. It’s a new era, and you don’t need my fucking sob story anymore.”
I closed the distance between us. With reticence, I placed my hands on his cheeks. “I’m always going to need you, Nathan,” I whispered. “And I will be there for you through this.” I cringed inwardly, knowing I would soon be leaving town with Daniel and hadn’t yet told Nathan.
“I have to go.” He opened the door to leave just as Alyssa walked to her door. “I don’t want you getting caught up in this shit, but I’ll let you know what happens.”
I didn’t respond because Alyssa turned and saw us. Her face lit as it always did in seeing Nathan. Maybe a simple schoolgirl crush possessed her, or possibly she craved genuine interest and love that she didn’t get at home. Either way, her will had a date to get crushed.
“Nathan, hey.” She bounced toward us with a skip in her step.
Nathan patted the top of her head as he passed her. “How’s it going, kiddo?”
Alyssa flashed me knitted brows to which I shrugged one shoulder.
“Where ya going?” Her hopeful tone had no effect on him.
He paused at the top of the stairs, his lips pulled in under his teeth like he attempted to summon the answer.
“Haven’t seen you in a while,” she added.
Nathan glanced to me for a moment, but I didn’t let my disappointment show. When he turned back to Alyssa, he said, “Got a lot going on right now. We’ll catch up soon.”
Alyssa shrugged it off as she walked past me into my apartment, but I could see the disenchantment lurking behind her eyes. “What’s his problem?”
I stayed at the door, leaving it open in the hopes she’d leave without pressing me. “How’s school? What about your new tutor?”
“Lame on both counts. Like I told you, he’s a total nerd. And why didn’t you answer my question?”
I opened my mouth and then sighed. “About Nathan?” I said, with an attempt to sound casual.
“Yeah.” She padded back to where I stood, narrowing her eyes on me. “Oh, I get it. Alyssa’s too young to know. Is that it?”
I ran my hand down her arm instinctively. “No, that’s not it. The truth is, Nathan’s going through something right now, and it’s not my place to talk about it.”
Her eyes turned down to the floor. She folded her arms across her chest. “Oh.”
The truth didn’t comfort her, so I continued. “If you confided in me, I wouldn’t tell him.”
Her gaze returned to me, more thoughtful this time. “You’re right. But I’m worried about him, and…”
She backed away from the door; I conceded and closed it. “What?”
“Why can’t he confide in me, too?”
The urge to smile at her sweet sentiment almost won over, but that would have only added to her insecurities. Like me, Alyssa had a tough exterior. But those close to her knew deep down she was malleable. Unlike me, she had no way of shielding her heart from those painful emotions that life throws at us—no defense mechanisms and certainly no outlets. Obviously, those techniques had been more detrimental than productive. Without letting the pain in, without feeling it, your heart can never overcome it. That didn’t mean it was easy to sit back and watch Alyssa be hurt, especially by Nathan and me. I couldn’t imagine not having her in my life, but I often wondered if she’d be better off without me.
“Hey, I bet at some point he’ll do just that. He just needs some time to figure things out. In the meantime, I’m going to be the one to confide in you.”
We spent the next hour on the cool tile of my bathroom floor. Alyssa painted her toenails and then mine, a dark burgundy, while I prodded her for information about her tutor.
“Fine. I guess Austin’s not that much of a creep.” She peeked up at me from her lashes and tried not to smile.
“So…tell me about him.”
She paused, holding the loaded nailbrush in midair. “Well…in a way he reminds me of Daniel. All sophisticated and mature but sweet, you know?”
I nodded with a miniscule grin, unsure of how to balance friend and what? Mother figure?
“And he’s major smart. Those glasses he wears have kind of grown on me.”
“I’m glad.” This time I let my smile show completely.
Steeling herself, she refocused on my pinky toe. “Why? What’s the big deal?”
“Um, I just meant I’m glad things are working out. It’s nice he’s not a creep, but I’m glad he’s helping you…with school, of course.”
She watched me for a moment with narrowed eyes and then turned back to her work. “Of course.”
Then I changed the subject and told her about going away with Daniel in a few days. It lifted her spirits further that I’d shared that, even though I hadn’t told anyone else I’d be with Daniel. I hadn’t even planned to tell anyone I’d be out of town, since I wouldn’t be missing work. After seeing Nathan, I second-guessed that decision. I planned to tell him before I left, even if it meant putting out another fire. Sometimes I wondered who really needed the therapy, when everyone around me seemed to have issues.
CHAPTER 11
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Daniel
The young and too-fit valet eyed Gray’s ass instead of taking my keys and tending to the car. Could I blame him? She looked fantastic in a snug denim miniskirt that hung tantalizingly low on her waist.
One tight fist held out my keys while the other balled at my side, fighting to stay put and not swing at the idiot’s jaw. How had I so easily turned into a caveman? Was it the two-hour drive lusting over Gray and thoughts of having her body all to myself for an entire weekend? Possessive and jealous had never been defining characteristics of Dr. Daniel Harrison. Then again, I’d never experienced such powerful emotions. I’d never cared for anyone as deeply as I cared for Gray. And though I’d never admit it to her, I’d never thought about sex so damn much in all my life.
I jingled the keys and cleared my throat, pulling her peeping Tom’s eyes back to me.
“Have a nice day, sir,” he said with a shit-eating grin.
I grumbled a reply before landing at Gray’s side and securing my arm around her waist. No matter how unwilling, I had just set the stage for the weekend; apparently, I’d been cast as the alpha male. Maybe I’d need a private session with myself later. I chuckled inwardly as we walked to the front desk with our luggage.
“What?” Gray said with a curious smile.
God, she was sexy. I nuzzled through her hair into her neck and whispered, “I was just thinking about getting you out of that skirt.”
The noise from the lobby may have interfered with the transmission of my message. She turned to me with raised eyebrows. “Daniel…Did you—”
A front desk clerk called us over before she could finish. “I can help you here.”
We approached the counter and exchanged glances as if neither of us had expected to be there. Fate had pressed its giant thumb on the Pause button of our relationship for more than six months. Then, instead of hitting Play, we were shot into fast-forward mode with barely a chance to catch our breath. That didn’t mean I had doubts. It only explained the clueless expressions as we were caught off guard by an innocent-looking college-aged student with a cherub-like face.
“Checking in, sir?” she asked after a moment.
“Uh, yes.” I gave her my name, license, and credit card.
She tapped away as Gray squeezed my hand and leaned into me. She had this way of making me feel empowered. Like my very presence calmed the inner turmoil that often plagued her. Tara, the front desk clerk, bounced her gaze between her computer screen
and us for the next three minutes. When she finally paused, she said, “I’ve got a gorgeous room for you…king-sized bed…ocean view. I’m sure you’ll love it.”
Gray brightened and stood taller.
“Thank you,” I said. “Sounds perfect.”
Tara passed back my ID and credit card. “Let me guess.” She bobbled her head back and forth between us. “Newlyweds, right?”
Neither of us answered immediately, and Tara spoke again. “I can always tell.”
I opened my mouth to correct her when Gray’s voice put in. “You guessed it, Tara. You’re very good.”
Tara’s toothy smile shined outwardly as she handed over our key cards and literature on the hotel. “You’re going to love it here. Please let us know how we can make your stay amazing…and congratulations.”
“Thank you,” I said, keeping the surprise from my voice. I couldn’t ignore a needling in the back of my mind at how quickly and easily Gray had responded. Embarrassing her was the last thing I wanted, so I kept quiet.
We made our way to the room hand in hand, pulling our luggage. Not another woman in the vicinity existed but Gray. Yet somehow I noticed almost every male double take in her direction. Alluring, magnetic, mysterious. This was what radiated from her, causing men and women alike to be drawn in. I could let it bother me and get jealous, or I could accept it and be grateful she chose my arm to cling to. I inhaled before releasing her hand to insert the key card at our door. I’d chosen the latter; in about thirty seconds, I’d be proving that to her.
The door swung open; Gray gasped. “It’s gorgeous,” she said as we stepped into the spacious mini-suite.
Personally, I only noticed two things: the king-sized bed and the floor-to-ceiling window, curiously similar to the one in my office. My brain conjured up an image of me pressing Gray against the glass, pushing deep inside her. I missed Gray’s next comment thanks to the enticing vision playing in my head. “Sorry, what did you say?”
She walked to the back of the room. “The window. Isn’t it ironic?”
I nodded, and she turned back to the view, oblivious to my fantasy. I left my suitcase at the door and came up behind her, driven by the blood pumping through my veins.
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