“I wonder where they’re going next,” Sidyan muttered, leading our group.
We watched the Darklings as they avoided puddles and the muddier sections of the road. There were no villages nearby, only wilderness and tall shrubs swollen with rainwater. The skies were battling a new surge of clouds, and the air smelled like an impending storm.
“They’re headed back into the continent,” Seeley replied. “My guess is they’ve got some other shelter waiting. Astoria was always going to be temporary for them, anyway.”
“Yes, I do remember Zoltan mentioning something about a north-central hideout,” I said. “I’d give anything to see his miserable mug right about now.”
Lumi chuckled. “They’re probably close to the imperial city at this point. I doubt he’s happy. No one’s going to save him.”
It wasn’t in my nature to revel in anyone’s misery, but I made an exception for the Aeternae responsible for my death. Walking by Seeley’s side, I glanced around to find Maya and Rudolph chasing each other through the tall, wet grass. I remembered Rudolph in his starched suit, with his elegant silk tie and neatly combed hair. On one hand, I figured he missed his former self, but at the same time, he looked ridiculously happy to be able to run around like this. Ghoulish life gave him some sense of freedom, a feeling he might not have experienced in a long time. If this was Rudolph’s silver lining, I could only wish more of it for him.
“You were remarkably brave earlier,” Seeley noted, giving me a sideways smirk.
Lumi and Sidyan walked ahead. They moved in strange unison, like two parts of the same mechanism. I’d never noticed that about someone before. Looking at Seeley, I realized we were also moving in sync as we maintained an even pace behind the Darklings.
“Brave? When?” I asked, still not used to compliments coming from him.
“When you eavesdropped on Zoltan and Veliko,” he replied. “Even after they almost nailed you back in Astoria, you persisted. I just… I admire your bravery, Nethissis. Despite your condition, you are relentless in your pursuit of justice. Maybe that’s why Death thinks you’re special.”
“I’m lucky to have the right Reaper by my side.” I smiled warmly.
“I suppose we do make a good team.” He sighed, looking ahead.
Gazing at his elegant profile, I found myself drawn to his masculine features. After our Hermessi experience, I’d asked Amelia to show me pictures of Rudolph Valentino, to whom she’d compared Seeley upon first meeting him. I could certainly see the resemblance, though Seeley’s eyes were far more hypnotizing with their swirling galaxies suspended in eternal darkness.
“Seeley,” I murmured, drawing his attention.
Ahead, some of the Darklings’ ghouls tugged at their chains. Our pack was farther behind us, quietly walking and watching the enemy and their tormented friends still under their control. It was a weird predicament we’d gotten ourselves into, but this wasn’t a good time to refuse help—especially since the ghouls we’d rescued had one hell of a bone to pick with Veliko and his ilk.
“Yes, Nethissis?” Seeley asked, his eyes absorbing me.
“Do you really think I have a shot at getting my body back?”
It wasn’t an easy question to ask, but Seeley had a tendency to be brutally honest. If anyone could be absolutely straight with me, it was him. “I believe so, yes. Death wouldn’t have mentioned it otherwise, so I reckon we should keep that option on the table while we still can.”
“I know Amal and Amane will take care of my physical form,” I said. “They’ll want me buried on Calliope, so they’ll make sure my body is perfectly preserved until then. We did the same with Acantha when… when she died.” My voice broke as I remembered her sacrifice to Eirexis. Her death had given us the handle of Thieron, the first piece of the weapon that ultimately stopped the Hermessi apocalypse. “Well, the Widow Maker morphed her into a smaller form, but the preservation magic was similar.”
The pained look on Seeley’s face startled me. “I think it’s time I tell you something,” he whispered. “Something I’ve kept to myself for a long time. It’s not fair to keep hiding it from you. Not after everything we’ve been through.”
“Don’t tell me I’m not going to get my body back.” I gasped, thinking the worst.
He shook his head. “No, it’s not about that. It’s about Acantha.”
My heart ached. Her memory persisted, even in death. She’d become my best friend the moment Lumi had initiated us into the art of the Word. We’d shared our food and our resources. We’d encouraged and supported one another. When we ascended as swamp witches, we’d both cried tears of joy and relief because we’d gotten through it all together. Losing her to Eirexis still hurt me deeply.
“Seeley… what are you trying to tell me?” I asked, glancing at Lumi. She was within earshot, but she seemed engaged in conversation with Sidyan, so I didn’t think she was listening to us.
“I was there when the sacrifice was made,” Seeley said, his voice low and his gaze fixed on the road ahead. “I’d been assigned to track you all and follow your progress, as you know. Death had taken an interest in your operations. When your mission to retrieve Thieron became apparent, she told me to do whatever it took to help you all.”
He paused to take a deep breath, while my throat started closing up. I wasn’t sure what he was about to tell me, but given his clear discomfort and the fact that he’d kept it to himself for so long… it had to be serious.
“When the Widow Maker told you that one of your crew would have to die, I had to… I had to intervene. You were all ready to make that sacrifice, but every one of you was valuable to the mission. Some more than others.”
“What are you trying to tell me, Seeley?” I asked, my voice trembling.
“I analyzed you all individually. Your strengths, your weaknesses, your odds of surviving the rest of that wretched quest,” Seeley replied, his eyes finding mine. “You and Acantha had the lowest odds. Either of you could step forward for the sacrifice, but I gave Acantha a… a bit of a nudge.”
I stopped walking, and Seeley turned to face me. “You made her sacrifice herself?” I croaked, my whole spirit running cold as ice.
“No. No, she wanted to do it. But so did you, and I couldn’t bring myself to let you die,” he confessed, running a hand through his silky dark hair. “You were more eager than Acantha, but I didn’t want you to go.”
“I’m confused. What did you do, Seeley?”
“I whispered in her ear,” he said, exhaling deeply. “I told her to save you. I told her that her sacrifice would save you all. She knew that already, but I suppose my influence helped.”
I froze, staring at him, speechless.
“I didn’t kill her. I didn’t manipulate her in any way, Nethissis. That needs to be clear. I merely acted as a voice of reason in favor of something she was already determined to do,” Seeley said.
The ghouls stopped behind us. Lumi and Sidyan were a couple of yards ahead and staring our way. Even Rudolph and Maya had grown still, eyeing us from the tall grass. The silence was deafening. It had to be broken, if only I could find my words.
“You helped her make a decision about something that you shouldn’t have been involved with in the first place,” I concluded. “Acantha died because… because you gave her a mental nudge?”
Seeley didn’t reply, but the faint nod clarified things for me. Anger was quick to swell up like a blaze, burning through me as I understood the implication of his actions.
“Acantha died because you didn’t want me to die,” I murmured, tearing up. It broke me to know all this. “You… You should’ve kept this to yourself, Seeley.”
“It didn’t seem right to hide it from you. I’ve been holding it in for too long,” he said.
I started walking again, leaving him behind. Lumi raised her eyebrows at me, but I couldn’t even formulate a coherent response. The look in her eyes told me everything I needed to know. She’d heard Seeley’s confession. The grie
f was impossible to overlook.
“You helped Acantha die because you… you what, exactly? And why me? Why not her?” I was shouting, but I didn’t have the courage to look at him. Confusion wrestled with anger inside me, and I struggled to make sense of it all.
Sidyan and Lumi were still as I passed them, quickly followed by Seeley, who pulled me back. “Because I liked you, okay? I… there was something special, something different about you. It was a difficult situation, but I had to do it.”
“No, you didn’t have to do it. You chose to do it! You chose her life over mine!” I said, trying to pull my wrist from his hold. I couldn’t. His grip was firm.
“And I would do it all over again if I had to!” he replied. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry it went the way it did, but I do not regret my decision to interfere. Someone had to! You were all so ready to sacrifice yourselves without fully understanding your odds of survival at the time.”
“And you considered yourself capable of making that call?” Lumi asked, though she was surprisingly calm given what she’d just heard. She’d loved Acantha like a daughter. She’d loved Acantha as much as she loved me.
“Like I said, I had to. Nethissis was about to die,” Seeley insisted. “I’m sorry it had to be Acantha, but I’m not sorry it wasn’t Nethissis.”
“You sure picked a fine moment for this revelation,” I said. “I’m dead anyway. Right?”
“It’s not about that, dammit. We’ve been through a lot together, I told you. I just want to be honest. I don’t want any more secrets between us,” he replied.
I scoffed, as Lumi and Sidyan walked with us, the ghouls right behind them. “Don’t worry about a thing, Seeley. There is absolutely nothing left between us,” I hissed. I was letting my temper get the better of me and I knew it, but I couldn’t let him off the hook that easily. Seeley deserved to stew in his own juices over this. There had to be repercussions for helping to tip the scales in my favor.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“I mean let’s just focus on the mission, and that’s all,” I said. “Consider me informed with regards to Acantha, but don’t expect me to just accept it as a fact of life or whatever. You influenced her decision, Seeley. That wasn’t fair to either of us. If it had been my time to die back then, you should’ve let it happen. I thought there were strict rules about Reaper interference in the affairs of the living. Rules you were always keen on respecting—until it didn’t suit you anymore, it seems.”
Seeley didn’t argue, and I wasn’t sure what to think of that. Had he given up already?
Lumi joined me, while Sidyan stayed behind with him. Neither of us said anything for a while. Speaking of stewing in one’s own juices, I was already boiling. I struggled to accept that there was nothing I could do to change the past. I even tried to understand that Seeley had just confessed that he’d had feelings for me for quite some time—and those feelings had helped my friend die… It was a difficult truth to accept, especially since I had also become attached to Seeley.
Had it not been for this morsel of uncomfortable truth, I probably would’ve jumped in his arms as soon as he said he liked me. Worst of all, I wanted to hug him. I wondered what kissing him might feel like. But his confession and my own reaction to it loomed over us like a storm cloud waiting to split open and ruin a perfectly good picnic.
My heart drummed in my ears, and my hands balled into fists at my sides.
No one said anything for a while. Not Lumi. Not Sidyan. And especially not Seeley. I wanted to be thankful for the silence, but it left me alone with my thoughts, and I wasn’t making any progress in my resolve.
“…the Whip.” Veliko’s voice traveled back to us. My ears were trained to pick up on that particular word, given the scope of our mission. Veliko was speaking with one of the Darklings.
Frowning, I ran ahead to hear them better.
“Nethi—” Lumi tried to stop me, but I shushed her. I needed something to focus on.
Veliko walked alongside one of his lieutenants, each holding the end of a ghoul’s chain. “We have to get back into the imperial city,” he said to the Darkling. “I’ll only need a few people. The rest of you head to Laramis, like we agreed. We need to protect what’s left of our crew, along with the ghouls.”
“Yes, Scholar, but what will you do? What do you hope to achieve by talking to the Whip? I hear she’s not so easy to approach these days,” the lieutenant replied.
“Well, first of all, I need her to… you know, approve my promotion to Scholar,” Veliko said, pursing his lips for a moment. “Second, I have to see what plans she has for these foreigners and their interference, especially with two Reapers and the bitchy spirit on the loose. Not to mention that witch lady and the ghouls we lost. Ugh, we’ve got our hands full, and the rest of our faction has to pitch in. We shouldn’t be the only ones carrying this load while Valaine Crimson is still alive.”
I slowed down until Sidyan, Lumi, and Seeley reached me again, and told them what I’d just heard. Sidyan was quick to plan our next move. “There isn’t much we can do with the Darkling horde,” he said. “We’re better off staying with Veliko.”
“I agree. He’ll lead us to the Whip,” Lumi replied.
Seeley nodded, looking almost thankful that the subject of our conversation had changed. “Sounds like a plan. We’ll have to be careful once we reach the imperial city, given our ghoulish load,” he said, pointing at our pack.
“Don’t worry about it,” Lumi shot back, scowling at him. Oh, she was angry with him, too. At least I wasn’t the only one.
He tried to talk to me again, but I walked away, choosing to focus on Veliko. “Come on, let’s stay close to him. He might use death magic to teleport himself and a small crew straight into the imperial city.”
“Yeah, we need to stay close to Veliko if we’re to piggyback on a teleportation spell,” Sidyan said. I understood he had a way of following Veliko even across time and space, since the Darkling had no idea how close we were at this point. I doubted it would be easy, and I braced myself.
We’d been at this for what felt like forever, and Seeley’s confession had not made things any easier. Keeping my mind busy was the best way I could think of to actually heal and maybe even forgive him—after all, he’d chosen honesty over secrecy. And… he liked me. He liked me enough to do questionable things in order to save me. That had to mean something. It did mean something.
Lumi
I was mad at Seeley, sure. But hindsight helped no one where Acantha was concerned. She was gone—dead and buried—and I’d lost Nethissis, too. It all hurt, and there wasn’t much I could do to change what had already happened. To be fair to Seeley, I did understand how he felt… and why he’d influenced Acantha in her choice.
Far be it for me to hold him to a higher standard than my own. Had I been in his shoes, I probably would’ve done the same, and so would Nethissis. Neither of us would admit it, of course… but the thought lingered, and so I chose to focus on what we could do, instead. The past was gone, and Seeley was a friend and an ally. I’d find forgiveness for him. Eventually.
“I’m sorry,” Seeley said while we watched Veliko pick out a few Darklings to join him in the imperial city.
Nethissis remained closer to Rudolph and Maya, sulking with her arms crossed. She had a lot to process, including survivor’s guilt—which stung with bitter irony in this case, since she had also died. I looked at Seeley, keeping a straight face.
“You did what you had to do. Let’s leave it at that,” I replied. “We have too much on our hands to argue over moral codes. We’ll talk about Acantha another day.”
He nodded slowly, but I wasn’t sure he was ready to let it go. He opened his mouth to say something, so I cut him off.
“I’ll punch your lights out when this is all done and over with. And if I lose Nethissis for good, I’ll beat the life and death out of you. How’s that for a resolution, Reaper?”
Seeley froze, knowing I was dead seriou
s. Nethissis was a spirit now, but she could still be saved, and I dared hope we’d manage it somehow. If Seeley wanted to make up for his transgression with Acantha, he would have to do everything in his power to save Nethissis. He was in love with her, whether he wanted to admit it or not. He’d barely copped to liking her, but I knew his feelings went much deeper than that. They were written all over his face whenever he stole glances at her.
“Sidyan, what do we do?” I asked, considering my conversation with Seeley over for the time being. “How exactly do we piggyback on Veliko’s teleportation spell?” Peering at the Darkling, I could see him huddling with his henchmen at the center of a modified pentagram, which he’d drawn in the mud with the tip of his scythe.
Sidyan smirked, taking out his own blade. “We rarely do this, because we don’t have to,” he said. “But it can be done. Check it out.”
He dashed forward and drew a line on the ground, linking Veliko’s pentagram to one of our own. Sidyan was fast in his design as Rudolph and Maya brought the ghoul pack closer. Within minutes, we were all standing in the middle of this symbol, with Sidyan grinning like the devil and Seeley working hard to hold back a chuckle.
“We used to do this with Reapers in training,” Sidyan clarified. “Just to mess with them. They couldn’t see us unless we wanted them to. It’s a special symbol. A hiding word is whispered prior to drawing it, so they cannot see it. Only we can.”
“Why would you follow trainee Reapers around like that?” I wondered.
“Young Reapers are most inclined to visit their living relatives during the first years on the job. A few are foolish enough to try and reach out, to let their loved ones know they’re okay. We piggyback on their teleportation spells, covertly, to nip that problem in the bud. Otherwise, there would be stories about Reapers visiting their families in every newspaper and chronicle.”
A Shade of Vampire 81: A Bringer of Night Page 15
