by K. A. Linde
I yawned as I walked through the door, wishing I’d had time to stop at Coffee Grounds before coming in. But I was already late, I had a meeting with Shawn and the team leads, and I needed to see Sam before I could hope to get anything done.
“Morning, Lark,” Aspen said with a smile.
“Hey. Could you get me the largest coffee that we have in the break room? I didn’t sleep, and I have that huge meeting.”
“Sure thing. Oh, also, Shawn came by and said that he needed to see you before the meeting.”
I nodded and waved her off. “Will do. I’ll go see him.”
Right after I talked to Sam.
With a giant sigh and another yawn, I walked across the room, knocked on Sam’s office door twice, and then opened it, uninvited.
“Hey, I know that we need to…”
But the rest of my sentence died on my lips.
“What are you doing?” I gasped.
He looked around the office he’d worked in all summer and shrugged. “What does it look like?”
“Packing. It looks like you’re packing.”
And he was. He had a cardboard box open and was filling it with his personal belongings from the office. It was a blank, nearly empty space already.
“Yeah, Shawn just came in here and fired me.”
“What?” I snapped. “He fired you? Holy shit! Why?”
Sam shrugged again, dejected. “I guess someone else found out we were dating.”
“Oh my god,” I whispered in horror. “But…no. This isn’t…”
“It is what it is,” he said with a sigh.
Finally, he looked up and met my gaze. I could see what this had done to him. He believed in this campaign like I did. He wanted Leslie to win. He hated that it had come to this moment.
I’d gotten him fired. Somehow, someone had found out we were dating…and he’d been sacked because of me. Without anyone even telling me.
Shawn.
He’d wanted to talk to me when I got in. Oh god, was he going to get rid of me too? It seemed unbelievable, but so was this moment.
“I’ll talk to him. I’ll make this right,” I told him before marching right back out of his office.
36
Lark
I stormed into Shawn’s office like a thundercloud. “What is going on, Shawn?”
“Lark, good. I’m glad that you’re here.” He gestured to the chair in front of his desk. “Sit down. We should talk.”
“You just fired Sam.”
“Yes,” he said evenly. “I hated to do it. It would have been easier to let HR handle it, but it came from Leslie.”
“What?” I gasped, my stomach dropping out. I sank into the seat in front of his desk.
Shawn steepled his fingers before his face. “Why didn’t you tell us, Lark? You could have come to us. We could have worked something out.”
“I didn’t…I don’t…I don’t know.”
I’d known it was a big deal. I was his boss. His boss’s boss actually. Even higher up the chain. I’d freaked out when Shawn walked in on us together. I’d asked Aspen to lie for us. I’d known. I just hadn’t wanted to think about it.
“Are you letting me go too?” I managed to ask him.
I’d been with the mayor for so long. Almost since day one. Shawn and I had been together on and off for five years.
He just shook his head once. “Thank god, no. Leslie said you were too valuable.”
I sagged in my chair in relief. I felt like an asshole, doing it. Since Sam was currently packing up his office and heading out. He’d just been fired, and I was relieved that I hadn’t been. It was shitty, but it was real. I loved this campaign. I couldn’t imagine losing it. Fuck.
“But Sam…is there any way…”
“No,” Shawn said with a stiff shake of his head. “I liked Sam. He was a nice guy, a great dedicated attorney. But we need you, Lark. We need you to keep running this ship. You’re irreplaceable this close to the primary. And honestly, I’d argue, period.”
“Thank you. I mean, I appreciate you saying that. It means a lot. I just…can’t believe Sam isn’t going to be working here anymore.”
Shawn held his hands up, wrists together. “My hands are tied. It was Leslie’s decision.”
“Is she in? Can I talk to her?”
“She’s not in. She had something to deal with at City Hall. But what would you even say to her? She’s made her decision. Just…let it go.” He waved his hand at me. “I’m sorry about this. I really am. But the primary is in two weeks. We have work to do. The team meeting is in fifteen minutes. I’ll see you there.”
I nodded helplessly as stood and I stumbled backward out of his office. I felt like I was in free fall. Sam had been fired. He wasn’t working with the campaign anymore. And there was nothing I could do about it.
I needed to go after him.
The thought hit me like a lightning bolt.
My first reaction had been no. No, you can’t just fire him. No, you can’t do this to him. And it made me realize that I wanted to fight for this. Fight for Sam. All the fear and inaction had done nothing but get us to this point. I couldn’t handle this uncertainty any longer.
Without a backward glance, I rushed back to Sam’s office. But to my dismay, I found it was already empty.
“No,” I whispered.
I pulled my phone out and found a text from Sam waiting for me.
I had to leave the building. Call me later.
Fuck. I headed back into my office, mutely taking my coffee from Aspen, and then dialed his number.
“Hey. Sorry. I didn’t feel right, hanging around,” Sam said when he answered.
“I’m going to come with you. We need to talk. Where are you? I can meet you.”
“Lark, no,” he said firmly. “As much as I want to talk to you and figure out where we are after last night, I can’t have you jeopardizing your job. Not for me or for anything.”
“I was just told that I’m irreplaceable. I think I’ll be fine.”
He sighed. “Do you want to find out? Because I don’t think that you do. The campaign is the most important thing in your life. You love it. You love what you do. You believe in Leslie. Hell, I believe in Leslie. I don’t want to see her lose because they fired their best after she followed me out the door.”
I ground my teeth together. He was right. I knew it. But I hated it.
“Okay. After work?”
“Yeah. I can meet you outside.”
I nodded grimly. “All right,” I said, feeling like a failure.
“I am sorry,” he said softly. “About Claire. About all of it.”
“Me too,” I muttered. “Me too.”
The intercom buzzed on my office phone, and Aspen said, “Lark, Shawn wants to see you again before the meeting.”
I checked the time. Still five minutes until the meeting.
“I’ll see you later. Go save the world,” Sam said before hanging up.
I pressed the button for the intercom. “I’ll be right there.”
As much as I wanted to figure this all out right this minute, I had a job to do. I couldn’t throw it all away. So, I gritted my teeth and went in search of Shawn again.
The meeting was painful.
Aspen found out about Sam after the meeting. She apologized over and over again that Sam was gone. But it wasn’t her fault. It was my fault.
The rest of the day was even worse after that. With the primary so close, I was stuck at the office until nearly eleven that night. A full fifteen-hour day. And entirely not sustainable. My brain felt like mush. I just wanted to go home, sleep, and start over. But that wasn’t possible.
Shawn was still working when I finally left the office. I didn’t say good-bye. I just stumbled out, half-drunk on exhaustion.
Sam was waiting there for me. I was glad that I’d texted him to let him know when I’d be leaving.
“Hey,” I said, wiping my tired eyes. “What a day, huh?”
“Not my best.” He
sighed. “Not my worst either.”
“Yeah.”
“Are you hungry?”
“Honestly, I don’t even know. I can’t remember if I ate today. Only that I didn’t sleep last night, and I basically feel jet-lagged as hell and I haven’t even fucking flown anywhere.”
“Let’s get you some food. That will help,” he said, gesturing for us to walk.
I didn’t argue. I really didn’t even have it in me to argue. I was used to surviving on little sleep, but this was something else. This was physical and mental breakdown. If I wasn’t careful, I was going to get sick. Last campaign, I’d gotten pneumonia and tried to work through it. I had to be bedridden for four days. It had been torture. I didn’t want that to happen again.
Sam and I stepped into Buns. He pushed me into our regular booth in the back corner and then ordered our burgers. I was half-asleep by the time he brought them over to our table.
“Eat,” he said, sliding my basket toward me. “You’ll feel a little better.”
“Thank you,” I told him. “For taking care of me.”
“Of course, Lark. Always.”
I smiled softly at that. At the way he’d said it. Something sparked in my chest. Hope. It worried me.
But I didn’t speak again until I ate my entire greasy burger and every double-battered fry in my basket. Food coma hit me fresh, and it felt great. I must have skipped lunch or second lunch. I couldn’t remember. I was starting to fire on a few cylinders again.
“Before you get to talk, I want to say something,” I told him, pushing my basket aside. “A few somethings.”
He gestured for me to continue. “Go ahead if you think you need to.”
“I do. Well, first, I just…I’m sorry about the job,” I told him.
“Yeah,” he said with a sigh. “But I’m glad it was me and not you. You love it more than me.”
“I don’t know if that’s true. It’s just the only thing I’ve ever had that was mine. That my parents couldn’t take away. And…it just sucks. That I ruined it for you.”
“You didn’t ruin it for me. I had a choice in our relationship, too, you know?”
“Yes, but…” I splayed my hands out. “I mean, I’m the authority figure. I feels different because we dated before this, but I am your boss. I have the power in this situation. Or it looks like it from the outside. Imagine what it would be like if our genders were reversed. People have been taken down for less especially in this climate.”
He nodded. “I see what you mean. Though I still don’t think you’re to blame.”
“I don’t know this for sure because I wasn’t given a reason or able to talk to Leslie, but I think it was a strategic move. If someone else had found out about us, then it would have looked bad for the campaign. Leslie is touting gender equality, equal pay, more women in politics. All of that equates to more power for women. Then here we are…and it would have looked…no, the spin would have been that I was abusing my power. Just like if it was a man dating a one of his employees. We would have been another hindrance to her campaign. It’s the only real explanation that I could come up with in the post-Court getting arrested phase of Leslie’s campaign.”
“Fuck,” he said, running a hand back through his hair.
“Yeah. And then…unrelated…or sort of…I want to talk about last night.” I took a deep breath. “Can you imagine how I felt last night?”
“Yes. I’m sorry about telling you to go on to the party and not calling you.”
“It’s more than that,” I admitted slowly. “When I saw Claire, I wanted to hurt her. Not physically. Not like that. But I felt a shift inside me. I felt Bad Lark surface, and all the things that I had been trying to tamp down in my personality reappeared as if it had never been gone. And I realized that only you make me feel that way.”
He frowned. “I make you want to do bad things?”
“Yes,” I told him. “It was just like with Melissa. I couldn’t think clearly when she said she wanted you back. It was why I stood on the threshold because I didn’t want to become that person again.”
“I don’t want to make you feel like that,” he said carefully.
“I know. I’ve come to terms with it a bit. I thought it was all bad. But I think it’s just the part of me that doesn’t want to hurt. So, I lash out to protect myself. I don’t want to be vulnerable.” I bit my lip, searching his face. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone else before, Sam. Not the way that I feel about you. Which is why I lash out when I feel threatened by that. It’s why I did what I did to Melissa and what I wanted to do to Claire.”
“That sounds actually pretty normal, Lark. Maybe not to the extent at which you can lash out at people. You have a certain level of experience in that. But a lot of people get mad when they feel threatened.”
“I know,” I said with a sigh. “And I don’t want to justify my behavior. But I want you to understand where I was coming from last night.”
“I get it. You were afraid of losing me.”
I swallowed. “So…am I losing you?”
His eyes rounded. “You actually think that’s where this is heading?”
My hands shook as I clasped them hard together. “I don’t want to think so. But what am I supposed to think? You stayed with her for two hours. After the diner, I can only imagine that you went home to her last night.”
“I stayed at Court’s,” he told me.
“You…you did?”
“Yes. I told you it’s not what you think. Claire and I aren’t back together.”
“You’re not?” I whispered. Still waiting for that moment where it all fell apart. Still half-fearing this was too good to be true.
“We’re not.” He reached out and grasped my hands. “How could I ever want anyone but you?”
37
Sam
Lark looked back at me, unconvinced. I’d wanted her to light up like Christmas morning when I told her that. But after all she’d told me and how I’d been an idiot, I didn’t blame her for being skeptical.
“If that’s true, then why didn’t you show up last night?” Lark asked. “What were you doing for two hours?”
I sighed and hung my head. “I’m not entirely sure it’s my story to tell. They just found out. It’s why she rushed home.” I met her gaze with a solemn look. “Claire just found out that her mother has breast cancer.”
Her mouth popped open, and she immediately covered it with her hand. “Oh god. No. That’s horrible.”
“Yeah. I really love her mom too. She’s a great woman. Very kind, very loving. She bakes constantly and has this perfect Southern vibe.” I ran a hand back through my hair. “She’s going to beat it, but I think it was hard for Claire to hear. Let alone when she was halfway across the world.”
“Fuck. Yeah. I mean, I don’t even get along with my mom, and I couldn’t imagine finding that out.”
“So, she was understandably freaked out. We spent a lot of time talking about it. But the cancer diagnosis made her look at herself. It made her see what she really wanted…or thought she really wanted. And because I was the first person she thought of, she thought that she was still in love with me. That she’d made some grave mistake by breaking up with me and leaving me behind.”
Lark cringed. “Well, I see how something that traumatic could do that. Plus, you’re pretty amazing.”
“I mean, the thing is that…Claire and I were always just…fine,” I told her. I didn’t know how else to explain it. “We worked. It was simple. Convenient and comfortable. So, Claire didn’t realize she was still in love with me. I think she just fell back on what made her feel safe.”
“That sounds right.”
“Not that you wanted to hear that, but it wasn’t what it seemed when I first walked into the apartment. I had every intention of telling her that I’d already packed her shit up and then following you out. But then she slammed me with this, and I just…couldn’t leave her,” I admitted.
“Jesus,” L
ark whispered.
“Yeah, it wasn’t great. Especially when I told her about you.”
Her eyes widened. “You told her?”
“Yeah. The whole truth this time. That we’d dated before on campaign.” I winced. “I’d never heard her scream before that.”
“She screamed at you?”
I nodded. “She tried to act like we weren’t actually broken up. That she’d just said that we were on a break.”
“What is this, Friends?” Lark asked.
I grinned. “Basically. And it was a lie anyway. She might have said we were on a break, but she made it clear that she was leaving me because we weren’t serious enough. I assumed that she was going to Europe to fuck other guys.”
“Ugh. That’s…rough.”
“It was just an excuse that she flung at me when I told her that you and I were together. She wanted to have someone to blame.”
“And she blamed you…or me?” she asked carefully.
“Mostly me. Also some you. And really, I don’t even know whose fault it is. If it’s anyone’s fault. Just a bad situation. She was hurting and needed someone. I was the person she turned to. Then I ruined it by not still wanting her.”
“Do you think she was waiting for you while she was gone?”
A laugh burst out of me. “Definitely not. I’m sure she was doing exactly what I thought she went there to do.”
Lark sighed and leaned her head back against the booth. Her gaze was above my head. I could see she was deep in thought. Taking in all that I’d told her.
I didn’t know where her head was at. If she was still mad at me for what had happened or if she still needed time to think about it. I didn’t want to lose her. Not over this. Especially not after I’d just been fired. But I wasn’t going to just let her walk away.
“So…you’re really not getting back together?” she finally asked.
“No. We’re not. It was a long and horrible conversation. Then we parted ways. She’s going to see her mom and then moving in with a friend.”
“And what are you doing?”
