Just after midday, I hear the news, and wonder if I fucked it up at the last moment anyway.
I’m in Brooklyn, at one of the guitar stores I visited with Haley the day before, arranging a pick-up for an amp she liked, when I get the email on my phone. Haley’s pulled out of her slot, and another support artist will be announced soon. I check a few more news sites, almost every one of them confirming her cancellation, the comment sections a shit-show of angry, snarky fans. What the hell is going on?
I’m on the phone to anyone I can get before I even hail a cab, only interrupting the call to hand him a hundred dollar bill and tell him it’s for the speeding ticket.
“Who the fuck did this? How the hell did nobody talk to me about cancelling a fucking show...I haven’t spoken to her since last night! …Well if you didn’t, then who the fuck did?”
I try calling Haley’s phone but it’s turned off, so when I get to the hotel I make a beeline for her room, sliding my key frantically and then slamming the door open like a police raid.
“Haley!”
“What the fuck?!” she says, from the bed where she’s up to her neck in a thick duvet, her hand poking out of it clutching a steaming mug.
“What the hell’s going on?” I ask, marching to the end of the bed. “You’re cancelling the show?”
“I’m sick.”
“But you sound fine! Wait here, I’ll get a doctor,” I say, taking a few strides toward the door.
“I’ve already seen one,” Haley calls, stopping me in my tracks. I turn back.
“What did he say?”
“That if I keep singing without a rest I could fuck up my vocal cords. Permanently.”
I drop myself onto the plush couch at the other end of the suite and cast a hand over my eyes.
“Fuck,” I whisper angrily to the ceiling. “You should have come to me first.”
“Why? Do you know how to perform throat surgery?” Haley quips after a sip of her tea.
I sigh, not in the mood for jokes. “This is bad. Tonight was what this whole tour has been leading up to. The biggest gig of them all. The one we’ve been publicizing the most. Now that—”
“Stop, Brando,” Haley interrupts curtly. “Do you think I don’t feel bad enough already?” I look her in the eye and see the disappointment there, the shame, and I know without a doubt that what she’s saying is true. This isn’t just nerves, or spite. Shit.
“I’m sorry,” I say, getting up off the couch and walking over to her. I sit myself down on the edge of the bed beside her and stroke her hair. “Is there anything I can get you?”
Haley looks around the room. “Well this tea could do with a refill,” she says, offering it to me. I take it and start to stand up, but Haley grabs my arm. “And there is one other thing…”
“What?”
She pauses before answering.
“Go on,” I urge her. “Anything you want.”
“I’d still like to see the show.”
“Lexi’s show?”
She nods.
I take a deep breath and look away. “You’re sick. Are you sure that going to a show is a good idea? We could always just watch it streaming online, with my laptop, or—”
“Please,” she says, still clutching my arm. I look down at her and she smiles.
I’m going to have to learn to say no to her one of these days.
If she’s not going to be up on stage, it’s only right that Haley gets the best seat in the house. I pull the strings to make sure we get a VIP box for ourselves, her bandmates and crew in another. Seeing an ex-girlfriend’s show with the girl I want to make mine isn’t exactly the kind of thing I had in mind when I thought about winning Haley over, but I’ll take what I can get. This tour has turned into a daily round of surprises, and I’ve learnt pretty quickly to roll with the punches.
We make it up to the box surrounded by bodyguards and they leave us at the door. I step inside with Haley and she takes her coat off before sitting down.
“Are you sure you should be taking off your coat?”
“Brando,” she says, affectionately. “I need to rest my vocal cords; I’m not dying of frostbite.”
I shrug and sit beside her.
When the support band comes on, Haley turns to me with a dropped jaw and eyes that are lit up.
“Oh my God! The band from last night! Did you do that?”
“Well, I’m still managing the tour,” I say. “If people are gonna cancel gigs without telling me first, I’ll have to show my power in other ways.”
“But aren’t they, like, unsigned? Wasn’t last night their first gig in New York?”
“Yeah. And tonight’s their second.”
I look at her face, and wonder how she can smile a million times and make it still seem different.
“Music is music,” I go on. “If any of these fans feel half as good as I felt last night then they’ll have gotten their money’s worth.”
Haley runs a finger across her lip and looks away shyly for a second.
“It was the band that made you feel good?”
“Not really,” I admit, putting an arm around her. “It was all you.”
I hold her through the whole set, enjoying the smell of her hair, the way her body fits so perfectly against mine. When the band finishes up, however, and Lexi’s show is about to start, she sits up and leans over the railing.
“Have you ever seen Lexi perform?” I ask.
“No,” she says. “I used to be too tired from my own show. The last thing I wanted to do was sit through another.”
Lexi’s show starts with an explosion of color, a bass drum that sounds like bombs exploding, a catchy synth melody that makes the crowd scream like they’re on the world’s loudest roller coaster. In the swirling mix of blood-pumping sounds Lexi starts singing, and the crowd goes even wilder.
“Holy shit,” Haley says, her face pink with the heat and excitement emanating from the mass of humanity below us, “the audience loves her! I haven’t seen a crowd like this on the tour before at all.”
“You’re half the reason they love her,” I say, as Lexi rises up out of the stage on a platform, legs spread on six-inch heels, white latex dress reflecting the sweeping lights. “This audience would be half the size if you hadn’t brought so much buzz to the tour.”
Dancers spin onto the stage, obscuring the focus of the crowd’s love and adulation, and then the music goes low for all of half a second – but it’s enough. When it hits again, this time with snares and even harder bass bombs, the dancers fall away as Lexi exhibits her trademark strut through them. Sheer power, pure sex, ultra-feminine.
“I dunno,” Haley says, almost as wide-eyed and adoring as the fans having seizures below us, “that’s some stage presence.”
“Sure is,” I smile at her. “Enough to make you forget about the songs.”
Haley shoots me a disapproving look before breaking into a laugh of acknowledgment.
“Maybe.”
We watch Lexi strut across the stage, hold out the mic for the crowd to sing the chorus.
“You see,” I say, leaning over the railing beside Haley, “she loves this: the performance, the act, the spectacle—and the crowd can tell.”
“I love it too,” Haley replies, almost defiantly.
“I know, that’s why your shows did well. But with Lexi,” I say, “there’s an added element. She’s not just giving them a show; she’s giving them a fantasy.”
“What fantasy?”
“That they can be like her,” I say, leaning in closer. “There isn’t a person in the audience who doesn’t want to be Lexi right now, or be with her, at least a little.”
Haley laughs dismissively. “I’m in this audience, and I’m fine with who I am, thanks.”
“You sure?” I say, nodding toward the stage as Lexi lets a couple of semi-naked male dancers run their hands over her body. “Maybe not the songs, and the latex dress. But that confidence? That raw sexuality? That command over th
e whole audience that seems so natural for her?”
“No,” Haley says, glancing at the stage, then back at me. “Maybe. A little bit?”
I lean in a little closer, so close she can hear the softness in my voice even over the loudness of the music. “It’s a fantasy though. And just like any fantasy, you only get it if you go for it, and it only lasts a little while. So enjoy it when it comes. As for me, I’d rather put my hands on what’s real.”
Haley’s eyes flicker over my face, and I see her almost look away, but decide to keep her face close to mine.
“Why does everything you say to me sound like it might lead to sex?”
“Because it might?”
Haley moves her face so close that I can see her pupils dilate and her tongue move between her teeth.
“It might,” she purrs so sincerely I can feel it in my bones.
The music behind us swells into a chorus, and it’s almost like it carries us away with it. We lock lips in a blur of neon lights and grabbing hands. Haley pulls herself onto my lap, her hands lifting my shirt and searching beneath it for my clenching muscles. I grab her ass, long fingers pulling and kneading at the soft flesh. Her hair falls into my face, her tongue fucks my throat, the music carries on hitting the satisfying hook of the chorus, again and again, a million satisfactions all at once. She rubs her pussy on the bulge of my crotch with the full body ripple of a belly dancer, my hands clutching her closer to the mounting hardness.
I grab her throat and push her away from me. She’s panting like a dog in a fight, and I realize that I’m not the only one who’s been suffering from her decision to keep away from me.
“You sure you wanna do this here?” I say through my own frantic gasps.
“Can you wait?”
“Fuck no,” I say, standing up out of my seat and pushing her against the box railing.
I grab her arm and spin her around, then pull her ass up against me, my hand on her breasts, pinching and pulling. I rip my fly apart so violently I almost break the zipper, and then grasp around in my pockets for a condom while the next song starts. It’s a dirty, sex-fueled song, an urban beat with a thumping bass that reverberates through the walls and floors, setting my muscles on edge. The colored lights flash rapidly, making everything we do look like stop-motion animation. But I don’t need eyes for this, just the sweet feeling of her hard nipples under my hands, and the fire-stoking guidance of her undulating ass against my cock. I pull on the condom and she pulls down her pants, but only to her knees, her legs tight together, her pussy even tighter.
She twists her head and I bring my mouth to hers, so this time it’s me tongue-fucking her, my fingers under her panties, teasing and pulling her clit, my hand pulling her breasts together, holding her steady as she gets so heady she can’t even hold herself up. When the bass drops and the hook comes in I slide my middle finger inside her, circling it inside the walls, looking for that spot I know she likes.
This time it’s her who pulls away from me.
“Fuck me,” she begs, her eyes pleading. It always gets me, the gratifying sight of a girl’s face when she loses control, the one I’ve put on a lot of girls’ faces, but which has never looked as good as it does on hers.
“I’m gonna fuck you, Haley,” I promise, bending her over the railing and grabbing my cock. “I’ll fuck you real good.”
I slide her panties to the side, and lean over her. She’s got her hands on the railing for support, and I groan as I push myself inside her. With her jeans still bunched around her knees, keeping her thighs close together, her tightness makes both of us feel each other even more intensely.
The drum drops as I put a hand against her waist and curl the other around to cup and pull her breast. Nothing but the bass and the vocals hitting a minimalist groove as I fuck Haley from behind in ever-deepening, ever-quickening thrusts. I press my thumb into the deep arch of her spine, put a hand on her hair and pull it back.
She holds onto the railing with white knuckles, her screams loud and piercing enough to be heard over the crowd. Then the drums come in, thunderous and earth-shattering, and I let them power me as I fuck her hard enough to send ripples across her ass cheeks, her back convulsing. She throws her head down, then back again, involuntarily, the volatile heat of the drums and my cock stimulating her from without and within.
Pushing herself against the railing, she backs up onto me, in no mood to extend the agonizing sweetness, desperate for a release. I lean over and press my fingers against her clit as I thrust into her, grabbing the railing with my other hand. The song ends with one last boom of the bass drum, and we both erupt along with the crowd, the same way we began, hard and fast, greedy and selfish. Her whole body seems to inflate and deflate quickly, and she leans her head against the railing. I move over her, carefully tugging her jeans back up, and then softly kiss the back of her neck. She rolls her head to the side, and I see a flash of smile before the lights go dark.
We leave the concert before the last few songs. Partly to avoid the crowds, and partly because we both need a drink and a bite to eat. With the three bodyguards that I arranged, we skip down the empty steps of the stadium and make our way out of the large, open exit. I take Haley’s hand as we walk and squeeze it. The fact that she barely notices, that she treats it like the most natural thing in the world, somehow means more to me than if she had squeezed back. For the first time in what feels like half of my life, I feel like I’ve got everything I want. Everything I need. Everything I don’t deserve, but somehow lucked myself into.
“I could go for Chinese,” Haley says, swiping a lock of hair from her face.
“Chinese it is, then.”
“Or maybe Italian.”
“Haven’t you had enough Italian?” I grin, with dumb glee.
Haley rolls her eyes. “Do you have kids, Brando?”
“Hell no!” I say, almost jumping back at the weird heaviness of the question.
“Then don’t make dad jokes,” Haley says with a sweet smile.
I laugh. My normal laugh, which is big, long, and can be heard from across the street. Which is why it happens.
“Over there!”
“Shit! That’s her!”
“Haley!”
“Haley!”
“Haley!”
The paparazzi are on us in seconds, like jackals with SLRs. Yapping and filling the night sky with flashes from their peeping-tom lenses. There are more than a dozen of them, bombarding Haley with random shouts and questions. One of the bodyguards moves toward the street, pushing several of them with him, while the other two form a barrier between the photographers and us.
We shove through, guided by the bodyguards like the world’s clumsiest football play. I cover Haley with my coat like a smuggled package, ruining multiple gossip editors’ morning stories in the process. We make it to the side of the road, where a yellow cab is already waiting for us.
I’m about to shove Haley into the cab, dive in after her, and start thinking about food, when she stops and pulls away from me. That’s how quickly it happens. That’s how fast my happiness disappears. A new record.
“What did you say?” Haley shouts, as she squeezes between the bodyguards to get a full view of the reporters.
“Rex Bentley!” comes the reply from multiple scumbags at once. “Are you really Rex Bentley’s daughter?”
“Haley!” I shout, grabbing her arm and holding the cab door open with the other. “Come on!”
Haley freezes, brings a hand to her head, and looks down wildly, trying to find a straight thought in the maelstrom of noise and attention. The bodyguards go full linebacker, sweeping the reporters away with giant arms in order to buy us some space.
“You’re Rex Bentley’s daughter! What’s your real name? Why did you keep this a secret? Haley!”
When Haley raises her head again she looks at me. She doesn’t need to say a word. Her tight lips, her cold eyes, her clenched jaw says it all.
“Haley, wait,” I say, s
ounding more desperate than the reporters, “No. Don’t…I didn’t do this. This isn’t me. I swear.”
She shoves me aside and slides into the taxi, her hand on the door. When she speaks it’s a low hiss, a coiled ball of disappointment and resentment that she seems to pull from the pit of her stomach.
“You were the only one I told. The only one I trusted.”
“Haley, wait! Please! I didn’t—”
“Fuck you, Brando,” she sneers through the streak of tears, as she slams the door of the cab closed. It speeds away with the reporters following desperately behind for a while.
“Do you need a cab, boss?” one of the bodyguards asks.
“Yeah. Find one that’ll run me over.”
Chapter 12
Haley
I cried all the way through the six hour flight to San Francisco. I cried when I spoke to the lady at the car rental agency. I cried for most of the 35. By the time I pull up to my mother’s sloped, brick house on a hill in Santa Cruz, I think I’m all cried out. But when she comes out the door and screams “Sweetie!” I start bawling harder than I have since I lost my first talent show at eleven years old.
She carries me inside, through the seventies décor and the antique furniture she never gave away, past the stacks of records and the acoustic guitars she hardly uses anymore but still loves, into the living room with the thick carpet and the smell of oak that I never notice until I’ve been away a while. She places me on the velour couch, drapes a hand-crocheted afghan around my shoulders, and sits beside me.
“Haley?” she says in a voice as light as a summer breeze. “What’s the matter, sweetie?”
I look at her through the wetness of my eyes. Without the crows feet and the wrinkles around her jaw, she’d still look just like the photo on the TV. She’s still got the long, straight hippie-hair, still wears long, flowing, patterned dresses, and still has the eyes that seem too pure for anyone but her.
Brando 2 Page 6
