Kal starts to turn me in his arms. “You don’t have to listen to this. We’re leaving.”
The girl darts forward, and the next thing that registers is a stinging pain across my left cheek. Tears prick my eyes. “That’s for my friend. She was raped and she was afraid to report it after what you did.”
Kal is trembling as he pulls me around, inspecting my face with tenderness. It’s completely at odds with the thunderous expression on his face. I swat his hands away. “Don’t.”
“You have no right to pin that on her!” he says to the girl. “Your friend is responsible for her own actions, not Lana, and if you ever touch her or speak to her like that again, I will lodge a formal complaint of assault with campus security.”
“Kal.” Brett steps forward.
“Don’t, dude.” He looks around at his friends. “What you think you know isn’t the truth. I shouldn’t have to explain myself but …”
I don’t stick around to listen to the rest of it. The urge to put as much distance between myself and this place is overwhelming. I turn around and run. As fast as my legs will carry me.
He calls after me, but I keep running, tears streaming down my face.
Chapter Sixteen
Kalvin
I’ve been driving around for hours, frantically searching for her. It’s after one a.m., and I’m going out of my freaking mind. She hasn’t returned to her dorm, and Olivia hasn’t heard from her either. She isn’t answering any of my calls or texts, and I’m sick with worry. Realizing it’s pointless driving around aimlessly, I park in front of her building, hoping she’ll return home at some stage. I’m giving it one hour, max, before I call campus security.
Minutes before two a.m., a lone figure rounds the bend, and I release the breath I’d been holding. I’m out of the truck, racing across the road, before I’ve even had time to register the action. “Lana!” I pull her into my arms, hugging the shit out of her. She’s like a statue against me, and she’s unnaturally quiet. Slowly, I ease back a little, tilting her head up so I can check she’s okay. Under the dim glow from the lamppost, I detect red-rimmed swollen eyes and blotchy skin. She’s been crying, and I hate that. “You scared me. I’ve been driving around for hours trying to find you.”
“Sorry,” she mumbles, looking at me as if she’s looking through me.
“Don’t cry, baby. I’m here now, and I’ve got you. You don’t have to face this alone.” I crush her against me, pressing a fierce kiss to the top of her head. My protective instincts are cranked to the max. This, right here, is exactly why it was worth taking a risk in coming to UF.
She shivers, and I tuck her against the side of my body, heralding her inside. She stalls just outside the elevator, twisting around to face me. “Kal? How do you deal with it? How do you remain so unaffected by the looks, the slurs, and the whispers?”
Gently, I cup her face. “It hasn’t been that bad for me.”
She looks down at her feet, and her shoulders hunch over in a defeated manner.
I don’t hesitate to encase her in my arms. She rests her head on my chest and her arms grip my waist. I smooth one hand up and down her back, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “Some people still think I’m guilty, but I don’t care what random strangers think. I know the truth, and those close to me know the truth. That’s all that matters to me.”
“I wish I could see it like that.”
“Hey.” I press a kiss to her forehead. I can’t stop touching her. “I grew up with all kinds of crap being spouted about my family in the press. I’ve had more experience dealing with the media, and I’ve learned to block it all out. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Most people would struggle with the attention in your position.”
“Can we … could we talk? I mean, I know, it’s late and—”
“Of course. Whatever you need.”
She leads me by the hand to a communal living room in the basement. She flicks the switch by the door, and the room floods with light. A bunch of soft couches are arranged in a rectangular space in the room, and we gravitate toward one. Lana toes off her sneakers and curls onto the couch, pulling her knees in to her chest.
I sit alongside her, not crowding her but making it clear I’m not going anywhere.
“I’m sorry you had to endure that tonight,” I admit. “I … I didn’t think it through.” Winning Lana back was always going to be tough, but I never realized quite how many external obstacles stand in our way.
“It’s not your fault. I was hopeful that people wouldn’t find out about me here, but it was wishful thinking. I can’t outrun my past. Even if I hadn’t admitted who I was the other day in the café, people would’ve figured it out once they saw us together. I just wasn’t prepared for it to happen tonight, and in such a public way.” She lifts her head up. “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you in front of your friends.”
“You know I don’t give a monkey’s ass about that! I came here for you, not them, and I’m the one who should be apologizing for putting you in that situation.”
“Oh, God, don’t, Kal.” A tear trickles down her cheek. “I can’t bear it when you do that.”
Familiar frustration bubbles inside me. “I’m sick of this blame game, Lana, and I want it to stop. We’ve both done things we wish we could undo. I hurt you, you hurt me. It happened. Accept it, and move on. Please. For the love of God, please.” My voice raises a notch, and I try to keep my temper under control, but it’s fucking hard because I’m getting sick of this broken record.
“You cannot explain it away like that! This is not a tit for tat situation. What you did pales in comparison to my actions, and you know it!”
“This isn’t a competition over who inflicted the worst pain! We both made mistakes, and if we want to move on, we have to accept that and agree to leave it in the past.”
“I want to!” Tears are streaming down her face now. “I want to so much! But how can I leave it in the past when people won’t let me?! When virtual strangers accost me, slinging obscenities and attacking me! Tell me, Kal, how can I ever move on or forgive myself when my failings are shoved in my face every day?”
A bitter taste fills my mouth. “That happens to you a lot?” She nods, and a sharp pain stabs me in the gut. “Tell me, please.”
She takes a shuddering breath, resting her cheek on her knees as she talks in a hushed tone. “I was expecting a backlash after the trial, but I thought it would die off. The media made up whatever they wanted, reporting all kinds of crap about me.”
I remember. After the first week, I stopped reading the garbage they published. Dad noticed how upset I was, and he dealt with it. I’m not sure what Dan—our family attorney— did, but he made it go away.
“Then my grandparents gave us shelter,” she continues, “and it stopped once they couldn’t get to me.”
Or most likely because of whatever injunction Dan took out, but Lana doesn’t need to know that.
She sits upright, leaning her back against the arm of the couch. “I was so stupid. I thought that’d be the end of it. I’d moved far away, and I naïvely thought no one would know who I was, but I underestimated how much the story gripped the nation. People recognized me. Called me a lying whore and other similar sentiments. Spat in my face in the street. This one lady even verbally abused Mom one day we were out shopping. Said it was her fault for not raising me with the right moral standards.”
I shake my head sadly, disgusted and heartbroken that she’s had to deal with such venom. “You said attacked, Lana. What did you mean by that?”
She wets her dry lips. “It was a couple weeks before Christmas. I was out by myself, picking up some gifts, when this girl confronted me in Wal-Mart.” Her chest heaves up and down. “She grabbed my arm, explaining how the case she’d taken against her rapist had been thrown out of court two weeks after your case went to trial. They accused her of lying an
d destroyed her character to the point where the jury didn’t believe she was legitimate. She said it was all my fault and now her rapist was free to torture other girls. When I said I was sorry, she slapped me, really hard.” Her voice trembles. “Then she slapped me again, and she wouldn’t stop, slapping me harder and harder each time. I tried to fight her off, but she was stronger than me, and she had a tight hold on my wrist. It only ended when the store security guard hauled her off me.”
I take her hands, rubbing soothing circles on the back of her skin. “Fuck, Lana. That is awful. Please tell me you pressed charges against her?”
She looks at me like I’m stupid. “Of course, I didn’t. No one would’ve taken it seriously. She was the victim, not me.”
This girl is ripping my insides apart. My heart bleeds for her. No one is on her side, and I’m so unbelievably grateful that I followed my heart and came here. She may not be willing to accept it yet, but she needs me. And I’m not leaving her to deal with this shit on her own anymore. “I hate that you’ve had to deal with such prejudice.” She opens her mouth to speak, but I stop her with a stern look. “Do not say what I think you’re about to say. If you breathe one word about how you deserve it or it’s a punishment, I will fucking lose it. Everyone makes mistakes, Lana, it’s part of being human. How you deal with it is what matters. You owned up in front of the world, and that took courage. I know you did that for me.”
I bring her hands to my mouth and press my lips to her skin. “All those people who cast stones have made mistakes. The only difference is theirs didn’t play out in front of the media. Their mistakes didn’t involve someone who was a public figure. If I was any other boy, the case wouldn’t have gotten any publicity, and you would’ve been able to quietly retract your statement and deal with the consequences in private. Neither of us were afforded the luxury of privacy, and I hate that, but I’m not going to let it ruin you or me.”
She sniffles, and I move fast, scooping her up and hauling her onto my lap. My arms go around her as she rests her head on my shoulder. “That woman had no right to lay that on you, and she certainly had no right to hit you. That shit is never acceptable, and you need to believe that because no one has the right to physically attack you. Never. No matter what.”
“Will it ever get any easier? Do you think they’ll ever forget?” Her warm breath lingers on my skin, heating me on contact.
I run my fingers through her hair. “They will. It will go away, and until then, we’ll be strong enough to deal with it. You don’t have to handle this on your own anymore. You have me.”
She’s so quiet I think she’s fallen asleep. Then, she shifts, sighing deeply. “I wanted to die,” she admits, lobbing a new chunk out of my heart. “I hated myself, and I was missing you so much, and some days I thought I couldn’t go on living with the thought of never seeing you again. I was a mess. I know now I was depressed, but at the time, it seemed like I was stuck in a hell of my own making and that I had to accept my punishment. There were days I couldn’t even get up out of bed. Days where I refused to eat. Where I locked myself away in my room and refused to talk to anyone. Only for …”
She trails off, her body tensing underneath me.
“Only for what, baby?” I whisper, pressing a kiss to her temple. Silence engulfs us again, and I bite back my impatience. This can’t be rushed. She needs to get stuff off her chest in her own time.
Sitting up straighter, she palms my face. “Kal.” She gulps, and her entire body is shaking.
I run my hands up and down her arms. “Whatever it is, you can tell me. I’m here for you, and I’m not going anywhere.”
“Promise?”
I press a kiss to her forehead. “I promise. I will never give you cause to doubt me ever again. I will never let you down. You’re my person, Lana.”
“I am?”
“You always have been.”
She leans in and kisses my cheek. “You’ve always been my person, too, Kal.”
I want to kiss the shit out of her right now, but I manage to restrain myself. The first time we kiss again is going to be special. This time, I’m going to do everything right by her, and I’m not going to fuck things up.
Her lower lip wobbles as she gazes into my eyes. Conflict is waging a visible battle across her features.
“I … I …” she says, and I suck in my breath in anticipation.
Chapter Seventeen
Lana
“I am such a coward,” I wail, mid-yawn, to Olivia the following morning. “It was on the tip of my tongue. I was going to tell him about Hewson but I flaked.” I bury my head in the pillow.
“The longer you leave it, the worse it’ll be.”
I sit up in the bed. “I know, but I’m terrified. We’re reconnecting, and it feels so good. I’m scared that when I tell him this I’ll lose him forever.”
“You’ll lose him if you don’t tell him soon, and you’ve got to trust him. If he can forgive you for the rape accusation, he can forgive you for this. Explain it to him like you explained it to me, and once he’s had time to process it, he’ll understand.”
“What if he doesn’t?” I sit cross-legged, chewing on the ends of my hair. It’s a disgusting habit from childhood.
“Then you’ll adjust. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for.”
“I think you’re pursuing the wrong major,” I tell her in all sincerity. “You should switch to psychology. You‘d make an awesome psychologist. You always know the right things to say.”
She snorts, and a bubble of laughter flies out of her mouth. “I don’t know about that.” Her expression turns serious. “I care about you, and I hate to see you worried is all.”
“I am going to tell him,” I say, with more confidence. “I just need to grow a pair and man up to it.” I swing my legs out of bed, yawning again.
“I’ll be here for you when you do.” She gives me a quick hug before leaving. I’m glad I don’t have an early morning class today. It was after three before I crawled into bed, and I’m exhausted.
Kal is waiting outside for me again. I shake my head, smiling as I cross the road to his truck. I climb inside and turn to face him as something occurs to me. “How do you know my schedule? And what about your own classes?”
“Good morning to you too, babe.” Ignoring me, he leans in to kiss my cheek. A flurry of feather-soft tingles dance over my skin. My eyes flit to his scrumptious lips, and my mouth waters. My heart starts accelerating, and the urge to kiss him is almost too much to resist. The more I’m around him, the more he touches me, the more I want to move us out of the friend zone.
But I can’t do that.
Not until he knows about his son.
The thought is sobering, and I scoot back in my seat, averting my eyes.
“Is everything okay?” he asks softly.
“Sure.” I give him my best effort of a smile. “Good morning. Did you sleep well?”
“You know me.” He shrugs as the truck kicks into gear. “I’m asleep the instant my head hits the pillow.”
I’ve always envied him his ability to sleep at the drop of a hat. As someone prone to bouts of insomnia, I wish I could sleep anywhere, at any time, like him. “You didn’t answer my question,” I remind him.
“I might have acquired a copy of your schedule.”
I groan, leaning my head back against the headrest as it all slots into place. “You got Keven to hack into the college server, didn’t you?”
“Busted.” He grins proudly, reaching over and lacing his fingers in mine. “Don’t worry. He left no trace.”
“Your brother is going to get himself into deep shit one of these days,” I mutter, shaking my head.
“Nah, he’s way too smart for that.”
I stare idly out the window as an idea comes to me. “Do you have any plans tonight?”
�
��Nope. I’m all yours.” He sends me a cheeky wink.
“Can you meet me at Lake Alice at five? Don’t eat. I’ll bring food.”
“Is this a date?” He brings the truck to a standstill.
I lace my hands in my lap as I look up at him. His cerulean eyes glisten mischievously. “Do you want it to be?” My heart is thumping inside my chest.
His other hand threads in mine, and he tugs me forward until there is hardly any space between us. He stares at me through hooded lashes, and strands of his hair fall forward over his forehead. Electricity crackles in the air. My heart skips a beat when his gaze lands on my mouth. He leans in, and fireworks detonate inside my chest. My mouth feels dry as sandpaper. “More than anything,” he whispers. I close my eyes as his seductive breath fans over my face. “Lana,” he whispers again, and my eyes flit open.
His eyes have darkened, and the look he’s giving me would melt panties and hearts the world over. “I want to kiss you so badly right now.”
My gaze zones in on his tempting mouth, and I want to meld my lips and my body to his and only stop when I need to come up for air, but I can’t let this happen. Not yet. Not until after I tell him tonight.
“I want that too, Kal,” I whisper. He moves in for the kill, and I jerk back in the nick of time. “But we can’t. Not until we talk some more. There is other stuff that needs to be said.”
He groans, clawing his hands through his hair. “Just so you know, you’re killing me. I’m, like, dying right now.” His flair for the dramatic is showing. “You have no idea the things you do to me.” His lustful gaze fixates on me again. “No idea the things I want to do to you.”
I gulp, and he chuckles. His hand cups my cheek, and I lean into his touch. “Can I ask you something personal?” I cautiously nod. “You don’t have to answer, and you can call me out for being a dick, but it’s something that’s driving me insane. I need to know.”
“Shoot.”
Loving Kalvin (The Kennedy Boys Book 4) Page 14
