“I’m a lucky girl.”
His face turns more serious. “We’re both lucky. Lucky to have found each other so young, and lucky that the mistakes we’ve made in the past haven’t risked our future.”
A bucket load of new stress dumps all over me.
“So.” He draws the word out. “The Story of Us, huh?”
“I’d hoped you’d forgotten about that.”
“Not a chance in hell. Am I in it?”
I slant a knowing look at him. “What do you think?”
His grin turns smug. “Can I read it?”
“It’s chicken poop.”
He laughs. “You say that about every draft.”
“This time I mean it. I told you I haven’t had much time to work on it. When, or if, I get it finished, and it’s in reasonable shape, I might consider showing it to you.”
“Might?” I blush, and he strains forward. “What?”
“There’s some stuff in it that you don’t know. Stuff you might get mad about.”
“Like what?”
I bite my lip. Why did I have to go there?
“Come on, babe. No secrets. Total honesty is how we roll now. You tell me something I don’t know, and I’ll tell you a secret too.”
I suck in a brave breath. “I kissed Kent.”
He blinks at me as if in a daze. “What?” he explodes a minute later, and a few disapproving heads turn in our direction.
“Shh,” I hiss. “I knew I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“You can’t tell me you kissed my brother and leave it at that.” His eyes burn.
“Technically, I’ve kissed all your brothers.”
“Kiss chasing as kids doesn’t count,” he snaps, “and, unless I’ve picked this up wrong, whatever happened with Kent is different.”
“I’m not telling you if you’re going to get grumpy.” I slouch in my seat, my happy mood flittering away. “It’s not like it meant anything.” It’s my own fault for raising such a stupid subject. I half-expected him to laugh.
He massages his temples. “You didn’t—”
“No, I didn’t sleep with him.” I fling my napkin down. “You know there’s only been you.” That seems to calm him down.
“Tell me.”
I sigh. He’s not going to let this drop. “It was a few months before you and I made our agreement. It was the night I saw you groping Luce Parker out on the deck of the cabin during one of your parties.” A bitter taste fills my mouth as another horrible memory returns.
His face pales. “I didn’t know you were there.”
Tension ties my shoulders into knots. “You had those parties most weeks, Kal. You think I didn’t sneak out and watch? I wish I hadn’t. I wish I could erase all the images of you with other girls from my mind.”
I look down at the table, tears pricking my eyes. He takes my hand. “I wish I could take it all back.”
Slowly, I lift my head. “Yeah, I can relate.” But resurrecting the stuff that filled my nightmares for years isn’t going to do either of us any good. I’m an idiot for steering the conversation in this direction.
“And what? Kent saw and he comforted you?” Kal guesses.
I nod. “He was only arriving to the party. I had fled in tears after I saw you with her, and I crashed straight into him. He saw I was upset, and he wanted to know why. I couldn’t tell him. I couldn’t admit how much I felt for you. I was so mad and so upset, and I didn’t know what I was doing. All I knew was that I needed a distraction. Needed to kiss someone else. To try and erase you from my heart. So, I kissed him. I did it, not him.”
“But let me guess,” he snarls. “The horndog didn’t exactly push you away.”
“Actually, he did.” He quirks a brow. “He said he didn’t want to get in the middle of whatever was going on between us. Seems I didn’t need to say anything for him to understand. I told him it was pointless because every slut in town had already come between us.”
Kal winces.
“I told him if he didn’t want to kiss me I’d find someone else who would. He didn’t need much persuasion after that.” His Adam’s apple jumps in his throat, and by the look on his face, I can tell he’s very unhappy about this. “Does it help that I imagined he was you the whole time?”
“That only makes it worse.” His lips pull into a thin line. “I’m going to kill him when I get my hands on him.” His fists clench on top of the table.
“No, you’re not. It meant nothing to either of us. He was there for me when I needed him, but that was it. We made out for a while, and then I went home, and he went to the party. End of story.” And it’s not like Kal’s in any position to judge. “Now it’s your turn.” I lean back, folding my arms. He clears his throat, opening and closing his mouth successively. Alarm bells blare in my head. I lean forward. “Say it.”
His eyes penetrate mine. “Zoe kissed me.”
“What?!” I shriek, jumping up in my seat. The waiter approaches, and I hastily sit back down. Kal assures him we’re fine, and he eyes us both suspiciously before stepping away. “Zoe? Really? You just had to make a move on my best friend?”
Screw this shit.
Reaching across the table, he grabs my hands before I can pull away. “I did not make a move on her. She. Kissed. Me.”
“I’m going to fucking kill her!” I think back to all the times she criticized me over Kal. All the times she told me I was stupid and a fool. Called me crazy, obsessed. Was that all some scheme to get me away from him so she could have him for herself? “You think you know someone.” I shake my head. “I thought she was my friend.”
“To be fair, she was drunk, and I’m not entirely convinced she knew what she was doing.”
“Don’t defend her! She made a move on you, and that’s not cool. She knew exactly how I felt about you. It’s why you two were always snarking at each other, right?”
“I can’t speak for her, but I think she was embarrassed. I didn’t kiss her back, Lana. She pressed her mouth to mine, and once I got over the shock, I pulled away. I accused her of being a shitty friend to you, and, of course, she threw that right back at me.”
“I can’t believe it,” I murmur, hurt over my friend’s betrayal. “Why the hell did I even start this conversation?”
“Hey.” He rubs his thumb on the back of my hand in soothing circles. “We promised each other honesty, and it’s good that we both know. Now we can forget it.”
It’s not as easy as that, but I let it go, wanting to get this night back on track. Too many girls have ruined things between us, and I’m not going to let old history drive a wedge between us tonight. Not when this might be the last time I’m with him like this. “Fine. No more talk of the past.”
“I’m still going to kick Kent’s ass,” he murmurs, and I give him the evil eye.
He raises his palms. “Fine. Fine. Let’s move on.” He examines me for a second. “There is something I’m curious about. Why are you studying business, Lana. Why have you given up on your dream?”
Wow. What an awesome subject change. Barely less painful than the last topic. “It’s classified. If I tell you, I’d have to kill you,” I reply, hoping to deflect by throwing the same words back at him.
He leans back in his chair as our entrees are placed in front of us. “Why, Lana? I want to know why.”
I say the first thing that pops into my mind. To be fair, I’m pretty sure this is exactly how it would’ve gone down if I’d asked to study creative writing. “My grandparents are paying my college fees, and they didn’t support my dream. They wanted me to study something more practical, something that would help me find a job.” I shrug, attempting to downplay it so he’ll drop the subject before I tie myself up in more lies.
“That sucks butt,” he exclaims a little too loudly. A few older couples at the adjoining tab
les look over at us again, disdain etched across their faces. This place is as hoity-toity as you’ll find around these parts, and we’re obviously not acting appropriately.
“It’s not the end of the world. I can always pursue it later.”
He looks quietly contemplative, and we eat our entrees in silence.
After the waitress has removed our empty plates, he pins me with a grave look. “There’s still time to switch majors. If you want to follow your dream, I’ll pay your fees.”
My insides turn to mush, and I’m fighting tears. “You would do that for me?”
“Of course, I would. I love you, and I want you to be happy. I hate that you still doubt me so much. I’m determined to prove I’m serious. There’s nothing I won’t do for you. Nothing.”
“Kal.” I turn my head around so he can’t see the tears forming.
“Just promise me you’ll think about it?”
“Okay,” I whisper.
Cozied up in front of the TV, snuggled into Kal, is one of my favorite pastimes. I’ve a multitude of memories of nights like this from our childhood. “Remember when I fell out of the tree house and broke my leg?” Kal asks, barreling through my reverie.
“Yeah. You were eleven.”
“I prayed to God every night to keep my leg broken,” he admits. I sit up, staring at him like he’s just grown an extra head. “You spent every second of every day with me and I loved it. We read and watched movies and talked, and you took such good care of me. I didn’t want it to end.”
“Oh. My. God. That’s why you threw yourself off the tree the week after the cast came off? You were trying to break your leg again?”
He laughs. “Yep. I was an idiot. Lucky Dad was there to catch me or I would have ended up back in the ER.”
I slap him hard across the chest.
“Ow. What was that for?”
“Your dad dismantled the tree house the next day. I loved that place. All that time, I thought your dad was so mean, but it was all your fault! Jerk!”
He laughs again. “You can’t help a guy for trying.”
I snuggle back into his chest, curling my legs up under me. I wonder how many of my other memories tell a different side to the story. I never imagined Kal shared the same feelings I did, and it makes me giddy with happiness. I sigh contentedly as I close my eyes, allowing his body heat to warm me. Even though I’ve had an amazing time on our date, this is the highlight of my day. I’ve always been more of a simple pleasures kind of girl. Which isn’t me saying I’m ungrateful for everything he did today. Today was magical, and I will remember it for the rest of my life, but I don’t need grand gestures from Kal.
I just need him.
“Are you ready for your present?” he whispers, pressing his delectable mouth to my forehead.
“No way, Kal. You’ve already given me so much!”
He gets up, returning with a large gift-wrapped box. “I haven’t given you nearly enough, but that’s a work in progress.”
“You are spoiling me.”
“You deserve it.”
I don’t. That’s not even debatable.
I set about opening my present, and it’s almost a shame to tear through the pretty wrapping like I do. When I pop off the lid, I gasp, then shriek, and then gasp some more. He laughs. “Take them out, read the inscription.”
My hands shake as I remove the entire Harry Potter collection with the original hardback first edition covers. There were only a limited number of these printed, and I know they must have cost a fortune.
I open the cover of the first book, and I almost faint on the spot. “Oh. My. God.” I stare up at him, awestruck. “Kal!” I whisper. “How did you …” I’m speechless as I reread the personal inscription J.K. Rowling has written to me. Me.
He shrugs, like it’s commonplace to give your girlfriend a rare collection of her favorite books that have been personally signed by one of the most famous authors on the planet. “Kennedy Apparel dressed her for a few prestigious events, and Mom had her contact on speed dial. Keaton snagged the number for me, and I gave her a call. I told her about you and what I was hoping to do, and she was only too happy to help.”
I fist my hand in his shirt, pulling him to me. Surprised, he stumbles a little. I grip his face, smashing my lips against his with urgent need. I plunder his mouth, using my lips and my tongue to feast on him. My heart is swollen with so much love. He is everything I’d hoped he would be, and more.
I can’t lose him. I just can’t.
He grips my hips, pulling me down on top of him. My thighs spread and I straddle him, grinding against the bulge in his pants.
He moans, and his lips leave mine, his hot mouth trailing a path up and down my neck.
I’m panting and writhing on top of him, awash with so many conflicting emotions.
All that I feel for him is breaking me apart.
Everything he has done for me has proven his love.
There is only one more thing he can do to prove he means it forever.
The irony of the timing isn’t lost on me.
“Have we arrived at the defiling part yet?” His mouth latches on to the throbbing pulse in my neck, sucking hard, and I whimper in ecstasy.
I want to rip our clothes off and lower myself on top of him. I want to feel him moving inside me. Feel his lips as they worship my body. Feel every thrust, every sensation, every part of him.
But I can’t be that selfish.
There can be no barriers between us when we breach that final step—corporal, invisible, or other.
So, I pour everything into my kiss, deliberately not answering him. Every hungry caress of my mouth is telling him how I feel. The unquenchable, infinite love beating in my heart for him. The gut-wrenching regret twisting my stomach into knots. The splintering guilt threatening to destroy me. Fear and hope battle against one another as I think of what my revelation is going to do to him.
All these emotions infuse every kiss, every caress, and I need him to feel it. To feel me. Right down to the very essence of who I am.
To understand how much of myself I’ve already given to him.
How much more I want to give.
To know how much I cherish the part of him I’ve already claimed.
To feel my undying, painful need for him.
A sharp pain jackknifes my insides, and I can’t stop the sob that rips from my mouth, so primitive and raw it could have come straight from my soul.
Loving him the way I do, it physically hurts.
And I can’t wait a minute more.
I have to tell him now.
“Baby?” Kal’s concerned tone only makes things worse. “What’s wrong?” Moving stealthily, he repositions us so I’m sitting on his lap on the couch. I can’t stop crying. “Did I hurt you?”
I hate that that’s his first instinct.
“No,” I sob. “I’m the one who’s hurt you.”
My sobs become uncontrollable, and my entire body shakes as I cling to him, knowing this could be the last time.
“I love you, Kal. I love you so Goddamned much. Never forget. Never.”
He palms my face, and worried eyes meet my tear-stained ones. “Lana. You’re scaring me. Tell me what’s wrong.”
“I have somethi—”
I’m interrupted by the loud ringing of my cell phone. The shrill tone breaks through the emotional tornado surrounding me. I glance up at the clock. It’s after one a.m. Very few people have cause to call me, and a call at this time of night raises all the tiny hairs on the back of my neck. My sixth sense is blaring all kinds of alarms. “I need to get that.” I jump up, grabbing my cell and staring through blurry eyes at the screen. My internal warning system is on high alert, and a trickle of sweat glides down the gap between my breasts. “It’s my mom. I’ll, uh, just talk to her out here.�
�� I race from the living area out into the bedroom and beyond to the en suite bath as I press the accept button. “What’s wrong?”
“Lana, you need to come quick!”
“Is Hewson all right?”
“I don’t want to worry you unnecessarily, but he’s not well. Not well at all. The doctor is en route. He has an extremely high temperature and a strange rash. I’m scared it’s meningitis.”
“Oh my God,” I shriek. My breathing is erratic, and my heart is pumping way too fast.
“I’m leaving now. I’ll be there as soon as I can.” I burst into tears the minute I hang up.
Kal is beside me in a heartbeat. “What’s happened, Lana?”
Our son is sick. He could have meningitis. We need to go to him.
I want to be able to say those words, but I how the hell can I? I can’t break the news to him like this!
“It’s my grandmother,” I lie. “She’s really sick. Mom has called the doctor, but she wants me to come home right now.”
I want to throat punch myself.
Either that or repeatedly bang my forehead against the wall.
I’m a disgusting excuse for a human being.
My son should have his father with him, and the reason he doesn’t is all because of me.
“Come on, I’ll drive you.” Kal ushers me out of the bathroom.
“I’ll take an Uber.”
“Don’t be fucking ridiculous, Lana! I’m bringing you and that’s that. I won’t come near the house if that’s what you’re worried about.”
I reluctantly nod. I don’t have time to argue with him. I change into jeans and a shirt, snatching my purse and my cell, leaving the rest of my stuff behind as we race out of the room.
Kal floors it and we make good time on the quiet, nighttime roads.
When we enter Earleton, my heart rate accelerates and blood pounds in my ears. My palms are clammy. Kal has kept a reassuring hand on my knee while he drives, but we haven’t spoken. He knows I’m upset and scared but he’s respecting my need for privacy. “Stop here.” I point at the end of the narrow, winding road that leads to the lake and my grandparents’ house. I can’t let him get any closer. I’ve promised myself that if the situation is grave, I will call him back, but, until I know what I’m dealing with, I’m not taking any chances.
Loving Kalvin (The Kennedy Boys Book 4) Page 19
