I shrugged.
“Yes,” I said, seriously not wanting to talk about that subject. “The last I heard it was two weeks away.”
“Why do you sound like you’re not going?” he asked curiously.
I shrugged and turned back to studying the table, wondering if the beautiful finished wood that was used for the table was something I could do myself.
Likely not.
I wasn’t very good at woodworking, as I’d found out yet again this morning.
I could do just about anything as long as it didn’t come to measurements.
Paint. Clean. Design. Demolish.
In fact, I’d found that I was good at demolishing. It was cathartic as hell to take out your frustrations on those unsuspecting walls, cabinets and doors.
“I asked you a question,” Dean poked me, breaking into my thoughts.
My eyes went up, and I raised my eyebrows at him in confusion.
“What question?” I narrowed my eyes.
He sighed and started looping his finger through a stray piece of hair that’d fallen out of my bun.
He stole the lock and lightly traced the outline of my tank top with the soft lock of hair, making goosebumps pop up over my skin as they followed the path Dean was taking.
“Mine is next year. Though it’s not my tenth. You go with me for mine, and I’ll go with you to yours,” he offered, like it was the most natural thing in the world to be accompanying me to these types of events like any normal couple that was in a relationship would.
Except we weren’t in a relationship, and we never would be again.
Not if I had anything to say about it.
“Looks like she doesn’t want you to go,” Alexa let a smile take over her face. “You can come to…”
I laughed.
“You have a deal!” I blurted.
I didn’t know what came over me.
Insanity, yes. But desperation as well.
I had to go to my reunion.
Freakin’ Wolf made me promise that I would.
I wasn’t sure why this was so important to him, but he’d asked me a month ago if I would be willing to go and get him some information on one of my old classmates.
Barrett Riley was a jock in high school. He was also a dick who was accused of raping a volleyball player after a football game, and I’d had the hots for him throughout my high school career, right up until he’d been accused of that.
He’d gotten out of it, and the girl had dropped the charges and moved out of state not long after. However, he was still remembered for that despite the fact that he wasn’t convicted of the crime.
Which had me curious as to why Wolf had wanted to know anything about Barrett Riley in the first place.
Wolf had been a couple of years ahead of me in school. He’d graduated and was in the Marines when the entire thing had gone down, but he’d heard about it through me. I used to send him a letter once a week, and during one of those letters, I’d explained what had happened to the star quarterback who had taken our small high school to the state finals two years in a row.
“You’ll have to be careful next week,” he said. “If you do any activities, it could aggravate your shoulder.”
I wasn’t sure what events he was talking about. I wasn’t anything in high school, and all of the activities they had planned for the reunion weekend I wasn’t planning on attending.
I hummed in understanding, slightly happy about the fact that he worried about me so much that he’d warn me to be careful.
“Ours is going to be in our old high school gymnasium,” I muttered before taking a sip of my ice water.
Alexa made a put upon sigh, and I looked up at her to see her eyes focused on where Dean’s hand was resting on my shoulders.
I didn’t bother to move his hand, either. Not with the rise I was getting out Alexa.
It was clearly apparent to me that she loved him.
How he couldn’t see it, I didn’t know.
“Here’s your food dear,” another waitress that used to wait on me a year ago, said.
“Thank you, Chelsea,” I thanked her softly.
Chelsea smiled at me, and I gave her one back before reaching for the ketchup.
Taking it and smothering the omelet with the elixir of the gods, I picked up my fork, placed my napkin in my lap, and dug in without looking up again.
“That’s not very healthy,” Dean teased as I finished my last bite of ketchup covered goodness.
“He’s right,” Alexa said, her face on me with a disgusted look on her face. “It’s not healthy. Ketchup has so many calories…”
I held up a hand.
“There are a few things in life that I refuse to give up,” I told her. “Dr. Pepper, Heinz Ketchup on everything, even my sandwiches, and my love of baseball season.”
Dean chuckled and stole a mushroom off my plate and popped it into his mouth before he replied.
“Spring training for the Rangers started last weekend,” he said. “We should catch a game.”
“I’d like to go to the one with the Astros this year,” I told him. “I’m wondering how the new centerfielder looks.”
“He’ll be better than we think he’ll be for a rookie,” Dean explained, stealing another mushroom. “Fucker could’ve inked a deal with any team in the league.”
“Remember I asked to come to one this year!” Alexa butted into our conversation.
Dean, however, earned some points by saying, “I already told you that you’d hate the game. They’re long, hot and boring, all of which you’d hate. Trust me on this.”
“Then why does she like them?” Alexa pouted.
I barely contained my smile, instead shoveled more food into my mouth to hide it.
Alexa saw, though.
Dean, however, didn’t.
He was too busy explaining my desire for the sport.
“She played softball, and her brother played baseball. She’s always been a fan of the sport, even as a child,” he explained, sitting back and moving his drink and mine to the side to make room for his food.
My eyes fell on the large stack of pancakes, and I licked my lips involuntarily.
“You know you want some,” Dean teased.
I did.
I wouldn’t break my new diet, though.
Shouldn’t.
Well…maybe just a bite.
“No,” I said firmly. “I’m okay.”
Taking another bite of the omelet I was no longer interested in, I washed it down with a large swallow of ice water while I listened to Alexa say, “I’ll take some.”
Dean cut off a small chunk that he’d smothered in syrup and started to fork it over to Alexa who leaned forward to take the bite, but I grabbed a hold of his hand and directed the bite to my mouth.
Dean laughed under his breath, and I chewed, my mouth turning up into a grin at the acid-like glare I received from Alexa.
“That’s what I thought,” Dean said, gathering up another bite and offering it to Alexa this time.
The jolt of him offering it to her had me lifting my leg up to stomp my foot down on his.
All I managed to accomplish was kicking it too high, and spilling not just my water, but Dean’s coffee, the syrup carafe, and Alexa’s water as well.
In Alexa’s direction.
It all happened so fast that she never even leaned forward all the way before all the liquids were heading her way.
She tried in vain to stand, but I’d done a damn good job, and managed to do it so fast and thoroughly that it got all over her cute little jeans, and her white skin tight tube-top.
“You bitch!” Alexa screeched.
I stared in silence, my foot coming down lightly on top of Dean’s foot, before I said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”
Dean stood up and grabbed a hold of Alexa’s hand.
“Come out to the truck, I have some coveralls you can
change into that’ll work well enough until you can get home and change,” he led her out the door by her hand.
My face was flaming as the rest of the diner looked at me in various shades of surprise, suspicion and humor.
“You want me to bring you another drink while you move to another seat?” Fran asked me, a sad smile taking over her face.
I shook my head.
“No,” I said. “Here’s some money,” I pulled out two twenty dollar bills. “That should cover mine, Dean’s and Alexa’s.”
“You don’t have to pay for her,” Fran said. “We know you didn’t mean to do it.”
“The difference is that I did do it, whether I meant to or not. So I’m paying for her breakfast,” I told her, my stomach churning. “And would you tell Dean that I had to run?”
“Literally?” Fran asked as I hurried to the back door.
I nodded, but stopped, turned back, and grabbed Dean’s plate of pancakes.
“I’ll bring this back to you tomorrow,” I indicated the plate as I stopped at the counter to pick up a new set of silverware before pushing out the back door.
Once in the alley besides the Waffle Shop, I cut through the back of the building, skirting around the dumpsters for each business that lined the small alley I was taking.
I passed by a door that was cracked slightly, stopped and turned back to slip inside the small crack in the door.
“What are you doing?” Des asked as I cut through the back of the diner.
I stopped and turned to Des, studied her pretty face, and burst into tears.
No, I wasn’t good at all, and it didn’t look like it’d get better any time soon.
The pancakes were damn good, though, even with my salty tears running all over them.
Chapter 10
I’m hungry. Translation: I started getting hungry an hour ago, you have approximately five minutes to feed me or I’ll turn into the 2007 version of Britney Spears.
-Men’s Guide to Women
Dean
“Have you seen July?” I asked Desiree.
Des looked up, narrowed her eyes and then bared her teeth.
Her hair stuck up in a spiky little up do that was probably supposed to be stylish. However, at this point after the morning rush of breakfast goers, she looked like crap.
“What part of ‘don’t hurt her’ did you not understand?” Des hissed.
I smiled at Des, happy and annoyed all at once.
Annoyed because she knew where July was but had refused to tell me.
Happy because she was fierce and protective over those she considered hers, me included.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I crossed my arms over my chest and looked around the diner that I knew July was hiding in somewhere.
Desiree’s eyes moved quickly to the kitchen door, and I knew my suspicions were correct.
Ignoring Desiree’s upraised hand to keep me from entering the kitchen, I skirted around her, pushed the door to the kitchen open and froze when I saw July on a stool just inside the door, polishing off the rest of my pancakes.
“Those are my pancakes!” I yelled.
July looked up, dismissed me and then proceeded to stuff the last piece of the middle, the part that was saturated with syrup and soaked in melted butter making it the absolute perfect bite, into her mouth without a second thought.
“You’re such a shithead,” I told her, leaning my shoulder into the doorjamb.
My eyes flicked around the kitchen, surprise crossing my features when I found the kitchen completely empty. Must be smoke break time.
She looked up then, lifted her thumb to her mouth, and proceeded to lick her fingers clean of the sticky mess, not caring in the slightest what kind of effect she had on me.
Although it was hard to miss the huge, long column of my cock filling up the front of my jeans, she managed to keep her eyes on mine, even though I could tell she wanted to look.
Hell, I could see the outline of my cock in my jeans in the polished chrome reflection of the food prep area that July had been eating on.
“What are you looking at?” July asked, giving me her eyes, but not letting me read anything behind them.
“You,” I said. “You drive me nuts.”
“I didn’t mean to spill all the drinks!” she insisted, standing, her hands going to her hips as she glared at me like it’d been my fault all those drinks had made their way onto Alexa’s lap.
“I’m sure that’s the case,” I said. “But it’s kind of suspicious that it happens when I’m offering her a bite off my fork.”
She bared her teeth at me.
“You can do whatever you want,” she said. “I just want you to leave me the hell alone. Go out with Alexa already. Move in together. Get married. Have babies.”
“I don’t want that,” I said. “Not with her, at least.”
“Oh yeah, then who with? Because it sure feels like the two of us are interchangeable to me,” she asked. “You know what? Forget it. I can’t handle her and that shit on top of all this other shit. I’m barely hanging on here!”
I rushed forward, pinning her against the counter and leaning over so she had to either deal with my closeness or bow her back, which would be painful with the awkward position I had her in.
I was so confused, and I needed her to explain this to me.
I couldn’t force it out of her now, though, knowing that just on the other side of the door was Desiree, who happened to be the wife of one of my best friends and a woman who was the root of the Kilgore gossip tree.
This encounter would be blasted all over town by five o’clock if I wasn’t careful.
“Why? Why are you barely hanging on?” I asked her. “You didn’t seem to have any problem letting go of me when you walked away. I wanted you to love me for me. All you needed to do was find a way to talk to me about your fears about my job so we could work through them together. Then we can go back to what we had! It’s what we both fucking want!” I informed her. “But you don’t want to do that!”
She shook her head, eyes closing for a long moment before they opened, resolve in her eyes.
“You have no clue what I want,” she said. “You don’t even know me. It’s obvious in the six months that we were together that you never listened to me at all. And another thing. Let me ask you this, and I want you to really think about this, Dean. Think about how you were with Alexa, and how she was with you. How would you have felt if I was like that with another man, or another man was like that with me?”
My brows furrowed in confusion.
“Ok, ok, now we’re getting somewhere. So explain what your other hesitations are. Why can’t you deal with me being on the SWAT team?” I asked. I now had a strong suspicion that not all of it had to do with her brother. “You do know that being a firefighter is just as dangerous as being on the SWAT team, don’t you? Why didn’t you fight for me?”
She grimaced.
“You left me,” she said. “I didn’t leave you. You being on the SWAT team wasn’t the entire reason I didn’t fight for you. For us,” she told me. “I had a problem because you were never fucking with me,” she said vehemently. “Sure, you spent time with me when you were off, but we were never alone. Every once in a while, I wanted to spend time with you when we weren’t fucking or sleeping. Such as going out to eat without having it interrupted by your mom, or your sister. Or Jackson. Or Bowe. Or Able. Or work calling you in. Or Alexa,” I snarled. “So no, it’s not the fact that you are on the SWAT team, or a firefighter with a dangerous job. It’s the fact that you’re too busy to do anything with me by myself. Then you go and add SWAT member to your already busy schedule. Why is it so hard to ask for a night where we spend time with each other while you watch TV and I read a book?” I asked. “Reading is not stupid!”
I stared at her like she’d grown a second head.
I didn’t bother to explain to her that I didn’t think
reading was stupid. I thought lying in bed doing it all day was stupid, but the act of reading a book was not stupid.
In fact, I focused on the fact that her statements were hypocritical as fuck.
“You do realize that you had your brother’s son nearly every weekend that I had off. I never said a word about that. Never said a word about the fact that you would never stay the night. Never said a goddamn word about the nightmares you refused to tell me about.”
Her lips pinched tightly as my words hit home.
“If you wanted us to spend more time together alone, then all you had to do was say so. But you would have also had to do your part to make that happen, July,” I told her, bringing my hands up to cup her face. “Now, I want you to think real hard, go back over our time together, and I want you to name a single time that, as long as it was possible for you to be with me, that you weren’t by my side.”
She yanked her face free from my hands.
I could practically see her mind reeling.
How had I not known that there was more to her not wanting me to be on the SWAT team? How, could I not see that July was unhappy? I’d been so hung up on what I assumed was a guilt-trip over my job that I’d failed my duty as her man.
That didn’t help the situation we were in. She still left.
I dumped her.
But I didn’t. Not really.
I wanted her to fight for me. I wanted her to give me what she gave nobody else in the world. Her heart. Her trust. Her loyalty.
Things that she didn’t do. If I were being honest, things that I hadn’t earned from her either.
“I just wanted you,” she said softly. “I wanted to be the priority sometimes.”
“So you’re willing to try again?” I asked as hope filled my heart. I watched her bite her lip in consideration.
“No.” She shook her head. “I was only answering that unspoken question in your eyes,” she said softly, pulling away. “I’m letting you know why we don’t work. Why I didn’t fight for you. Why I’ll never be whatever it is that Alexa is to you.”
My mind blanked.
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