by Casey Herzog
I looked at the cover of the book. They say never to judge a book by its cover, but this one really did have some intricate drawings of a grotesque battle with the blood of the innocence seeping into the ground. It was beautiful in its own way, but also slightly alarming to think our history was predicated on the lives of others.
I almost tripped over my own shoes and stumbled into the chair with my hands on the volume, feeling a heat emanating from within. It was luring me in, and I could sense something evil pulling at the glimmer of darkness left behind. My ordeal had scarred me, and there were still moments in the middle of the night I felt like I was drowning under the weight of my sin. I had killed somebody with my own hands, convincing myself that it wasn’t really me.
“I don’t know what happened, but I see things worked out the way they were supposed to. It took me a moment to find you, but I only had to use a spell to locate the energy of your magic. This section of the library has been off limits for years because of the woman who found more than she bargained for,” Julian said, while keeping his distance from the books.
The older generation didn’t want to talk about the woman responsible for making magic something to be feared.
“There don’t appear to be any legible markings on the front of the book.” We both looked at the display of the dying grasping the ankle of some mythical creature. There were flames coming out of its mouth, and the wings were blood red with razor tipped edges. He cut down the enemy without breaking a sweat.
“I’ve heard the ramblings of an old man, and the story he told was one hard to believe. The mythical creature has the moniker of ‘flame.’ That might be a little bit on the nose, but the old man stated, with his eyes wildly dancing in his head, that this creature could not be stopped. They sent everything they could against it and somehow it was able to survive every attack. The one thing left unsaid was what ultimately happened to it. If it didn’t die, and our kind was still standing then something must have been done to keep it from wreaking any more havoc.” It was interesting that Julian would mention any of this.
“We’ve all heard the story, and each one is even more exaggerated than the last. My father and mother told the same story, but with a princess who was able to send the flame to a faraway land. Nobody really knows what the truth is, and if they do, then it got lost in the shuffle of all the other stories.” I was reluctant to turn the pages, but it didn’t look like I was going to have to make the decision on my own.
The pages started to flip on their own until finally coming to rest on a particular chapter that depicted the flower on the page. Whoever had captured its likeness had done an amazing job of bringing it to life on the page. There were actual seeds in yellow within the petals, which supposedly held the power to bring someone back from the brink of death. It was a very strong fragrance; one that got even stronger when pounded into a powder.
“I’ve been looking for something about the flower for most of the week. I should’ve brought you along and we would’ve been able to find it together more quickly.”
Julian had walked away from the school without giving any real explanation except to say he was tired of it all. He needed to take a sabbatical.
I felt like everything I did was making bigger waves. There were still things I hadn’t said to my father. We were getting there in baby steps, but I had to be very careful not to risk any lasting animosity between the two of us.
I still had a lot of fight left in me. Everybody was worried about me and I had gone deeper into the darkest arts than anybody had ever been before.
“I don’t know what to tell you, Julian. Bad things seem to follow me around like a dark cloud over my head. My father would say I was destined to give people hope. He has always claimed my life was mapped out, and I’ve been trying not to see it from his point of view, but it’s very hard when things like this continue to happen to me.”
Julian was reading over my shoulder and I felt like he was invading my personal space. We did share a kiss one time, but it was like kissing my brother, even though I had no comparison.
I didn’t have any siblings, and I grew up quickly when my mother died. I tried to look for my father to hold my hand, but he was elsewhere doing God knows what.
“Even though you’re sitting here in front of me, you seem like you’re miles away. There’s a storm raging inside you. This is why I’ve heard your name in certain circles saying things I don’t really want to repeat.”
I understood why people were afraid of me; I gave them every reason to feel that way. The errant glances and scared expressions gave me a reason to make up for my past transgressions.
I had no idea how desperate I had become to find something to get Damien back. I was trying hard to understand what was said in this text. There was nothing concrete and there were a multitude of different opinions. A message sent out from an old world sorcerer claimed the flower was cursed and that someone would have to be a damn fool to consider using something so potent.
“I’ve been lying to myself for the last five months. I’ve tried to believe you came out of it unscathed, but we both know it’s not true. You’ve been marked with evil, and there’s no denying it recognizes something inside you. You may not like it, but you have been introduced to something beyond all of our understanding. I think you can fight it. It all comes down to having a good support system.”
I didn’t know I was that transparent, but if anybody could see that I was fighting the influence of the evil then it would be Julian, my best friend.
“I’ve been trying not to give it a voice, and I would rather not talk about it. Let’s concentrate on helping Damien. I will not stop believing he can come out of this and be the little boy with a chip on his shoulder all over again.” I read more about the flower. There was one passage written in my father’s hand. The date seemed impossible and would mean he had been alive for almost 300 years. It had to be a long lost relative, an ancestor with the same name and basic penmanship of my father.
“It looks like you’re going to have something more to talk about with your father at dinner than just casual chitchat. Don't worry; I’m going to be there with you since my attendance has been deemed mandatory by you both. I’m sure this has something to do with the ancient spell.”
I wanted to hold onto the feeling that life was what I made it. I wasn’t sure how much I could take stock in those words.
“I do find it curious to see these pages written in his handwriting. I would know it anywhere. His notations are all over the house.” It broke my heart to give up the family homestead when he apparently died, but the Elders weren’t around to make any claim to the land, so we had taken it back. Of course, I still found myself worried the Guardians were going to pick up where they left off and threaten us all.
“It shouldn’t be surprising to learn your father has more to do with magic than we were led to believe. He has always been a big proponent and spoke out candidly that magic should be enjoyed and not shied away from. He was the one who convinced me and others exactly like me. I thought he was fooling himself into believing magic could be trusted, but he said it was a matter of concentration. I learned a lot underneath his tutelage and I can’t thank him enough.”
Julian wasn’t alone. There were a lot of people willing to back him in whatever insane adventure he was going to propose.
I had this desperate need for one more shot at redemption. There were still moments of indecision with the room spinning. I began laughing for no apparent reason, but nobody was around to witness my insane behavior. They would not approve and most likely would want to take action.
“I’ve known for quite some time my father is a bit of a mystery wrapped up in a paradox. I’ve tried to understand him, but he’s not what you would call an open book. I still feel he’s waiting for me to have some kind of mental breakdown. I don’t blame him, and I fear the same thing but for entirely different reasons.”
I was fixated on the book. The flower seemed like I could
reach out and touch it within the page.
“I’m sorry I opened up old wounds. You know you can talk to me about anything, and I will listen without judgment. It goes without saying everything you say to me goes in the vault.” It was nice to have him as a confidant; I missed talking to my friend.
“I’m glad to hear you say that. We have a lot of work ahead of us and we know this flower isn’t the only ingredient. I have decided to take this seriously, but I’ve never been much for climbing. I guess there’s always a first time for everything.”
I heard a growl and looked up to see a white tiger lying on the table. I pushed my hands back in the air in mock surrender.
“You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” I pointed my shaky finger in the direction of the tiger licking its chops. I had my eyes wide open, unable to close them for fear of becoming some sort of meal for this wild beast. “I don’t know what you’re seeing.” I used to believe I was unstoppable, but having evil seep into my soul had changed my perspective.
The tiger moved gracefully, but not in a menacing fashion over to the edge of the table. He put his two paws on the book and began to groom himself.
“I see…a white tiger with green piercing eyes.” I couldn’t believe the words coming out of my mouth.
“Do you know what this means?” I turned to him and I found him smiling, despite the fact this animal was about to attack.
“It means I’m losing my ever-loving mind. I’ve known this was going to happen after what happened to Damien. I’ve been terrified of the same thing happening to me, but deep down I thought I was stronger.” The smile on Julian’s face was a little galling; this wasn’t the least bit amusing.
“You just met the shadow of the animal in all of us. We all have animal spirits guiding us, but very rarely do we get to see them in our lifetime. Only a select few are chosen and it appears you have been given the chance to walk a different path.” I was tired of making sacrifices and seeing things and doing things considered off the wall.
“I feel this compulsion to touch it, but I’m worried about bringing a stump back.” It cocked its head to the side, shaking, with its ears flapping. It was looking right at me, not like he was looking through me. We were connected like old friends who hadn’t seen each other in quite some time. It was kind of comforting, but also freaking terrifying at the same time.
“You’re just going to have to get used to being extraordinary. I know it’s a heavy burden to bear, but it’s one you need to embrace. Things like this happen to you for a reason. We may not see what it is right now, but we will in time.”
Chapter Five
The deathly silence around the table was hard to ignore. The tiger was following me like he was indeed my shadow. It was like I had a pet nobody could see. He was sitting at my feet curled up and sleeping like he didn’t have a care in the world. I kept glancing down to make sure it wasn’t a figment of my imagination, but he was really there. It was just one of those mysteries I was going to have to solve.
My father was at the end of the table, looking at both me and Julian, like he knew we were hiding something. He didn’t broach the topic, but I could tell he was trying to let the silence speak for itself. He wanted us to feel as if the only way to fill the void was to spill whatever secret we were keeping from him.
“We went to the library and found a book concerning the flower. We know what we need to do, but you’re not going to like it.
“I don’t know how you do this, but I always feel it necessary to tell you everything. Your daughter is a special case and one to keep an eye on. Her world is not exactly like ours; she walks a different path beyond our understanding.” I should’ve known Julian would crack first. When we were kids, my father had used the same tactic to break us under the pressure of his steadfast stare.
“The one thing you don’t have to tell me is my daughter is special. I’ve known of her gift from the moment she was born. The look she gave me when she grasped my finger with her little ones was like I was seeing the future. Her mother claimed she was nothing more than a little girl, but I saw it differently. I waited for some time, and then, she started to perform beyond my expectations.”
I didn’t want to be different, but it didn’t seem like I had another choice.
“Julian runs off at the mouth for no good reason. I still wonder why I’m friends with him when I know whatever I say to him is going to go in one ear and out his mouth.”
“There’s no reason to get mad at me! After all, we know we may not get a tomorrow. You are able to see past the curtain of reality into something more. It might be scary, but it has to be quite something to know you see things differently.”
He had no idea what he was talking about. My introduction to the magic eyes and the darker arts combined into one had ripped apart what I would consider normal. As an example, I could see the auras of other people touched by magic. Tabitha and Penelope had shown me their true colors with different auras surrounding them like their own personal halos. I knew nobody else could see it, but they were the ones to watch out for. Their magic was strong and would only get stronger with a guiding hand to show them the way. Without understanding, they could be led to do extreme things.
I took solace that Julian did not mention the shadow tiger. I had sworn him to silence, but he had already breached my trust by telling my father about what we had been up to.
“I’ve given this a lot of thought and I think I need to speak to Damien before I make any rash decisions.” I told him what Damien had said, and he scratched his chin like he was thinking hard on some solution to the problem. My father sat there with his fingers steeled to the table.
“From everything you’ve said, I also have to consider what you heard didn’t come from Damien. It could’ve been something else drawing strength from his magic and yours. Anything he said should be taken with some degree of skepticism. I don’t like the idea of you procuring this flower from such a dangerous environment. Even if I know you can take care of yourself; you’ve proven that time and time again,” my father said as if he were telling me something I didn’t know.
“I would like to talk to William, but I know he is deep in self-reflection. I’m not sure I get it, but it has always been part of the tradition. It’s a way for him to purge his sins and to be reborn into a man worthy of my love. I just wish I could see him and get his advice.”
I felt like I had no limits and somewhere inside was the power to become something more than what I was. I was blind and I tried to cover up the pain of losing the power. Nonetheless, there was hope waiting for me in the shadows; I had my guide sleeping soundly by my side. He was here for a reason ,and Julian had mentioned embracing the unknown…
The world was changing with colors so bright I felt like they were burning my eyes. I tried to feed the hunger by teaching those begging for their own path to take, but it wasn’t enough. I needed more. The life I was meant for was not tied down to conventional thinking. I only had to open up my mind and I could reveal marvels unknown to the rest of the magic community. The phantom essence of the magic eyes and the darker arts had stuck with me. I hadn’t asked for it, but there was no way to shake the evil.
“You’re not asking for my permission and you’re old enough to make up your own mind. I won’t stop you, but I will stress the careful approach. You have no idea what is happening and to run headlong into danger seems like a pointless idea.”
“I’m glad to see you trust me. I know this is hard for you, but who can I trust if I can’t trust in you both? The both of you have grounded me, but sometimes I feel like you’re holding me back from my true potential.” I’d felt this way for quite some time, but I didn’t know how to put it into words until this very moment.
“If I were to hazard a guess, I would say this world has become small in your eyes. You’re no longer content with what you see with the naked eye. You perceive things differently; you must’ve gotten that from your mother. She was always raving about one thing or ano
ther. I had to make sure her voice wasn’t public or there would be those not quite accepting of her reality. I was hoping it wasn’t going to be passed onto you and it wasn’t. This touch with evil affected you and awoke something that should have remained dormant inside your DNA.”
It was nice to actually talk about this, but I didn’t think he would’ve brought it up unless it was absolutely necessary.
“You never told me my mother was this way. Being prepared is the cornerstone of a battle, and giving me a heads up might have allowed me to reach these conclusions on my own. I haven’t been able to sleep. I walk the halls like some kind of ghoul in the middle of the night. I’ve tried to break the cycle, but only deep meditation gives me any peace.”
The evil was still there, but I was able to control it better. It was like I had pushed it down deep where it festered and was waiting to get out. The broken pieces of my mind were hiding away someplace where I couldn’t get to them. I had managed to erect a wall of resistance against anything out of the ordinary, but it was mainly for self-preservation.
“Your mother told me specifically not to bring this up in conversation. She wanted you to have a normal life. Things would’ve been far worse had she been around. Her influence would have made it impossible for you to cling to whatever humanity you have left. It was a blessing in disguise when she departed.”
He never could bring himself to say she had died. It must’ve been too painful for him to relive those memories.
“It should’ve been my decision one way or the other. I don’t like others thinking they know me better than I know myself. Everybody makes mistakes, and the pain of those mistakes is something we all live with.”
My mind wandered and I kept thinking about Tabitha and Penelope and what kind of trouble they could make when they were old enough. They reminded me of me at their age, but they had progressed more quickly than anybody was comfortable with.
