“I have no idea.”
I looked away from him and studied the cuffs hung on the wall with chains. This is where I had been whipped before. Then my mind drifted to think about the poor girl who had been whipped days ago. Bloodstains still stained the floor.
He followed my gaze and saw the blood. This room made me uncomfortable. This is the last place he should have taken me to apologize. He couldn’t apologize for the cruelty.
“I don’t know what to say to make things better.”
“I am a prisoner. You have a job to do. You can’t make this better. It’ll never be better.”
“When I said that I had no choice…no other way…I meant it. The pills made me do terrible things. Mr. Parr is expecting me to work wonders here. He’s under a lot of pressure. For days he has been taking phone calls from the Paragon.”
“I know you had no choice in some of this…but you could leave this job.”
“I can’t,” he whispered, hushing me in the process. “They asked for me, specifically.”
“Why is that?”
“Based on the testing that Bailey—err, Dr. Cook— did with you.”
“Don’t you think that’s strange? That she would replace Pake with you, and then let him take charge of me, despite your pleas?”
He shushed me. “Be careful. Your voice…”
“You have to run…away.” I took a step away from the cold wall. My feet throbbed against the cold, damp floor. It was as if I were coming down with something. The back of my throat felt raw.
“And go where?” he whispered. “I have no where to go! Seriously. They will make me work here…I have no choice. They’ve made me who I am,” he whispered, closing the gap between us.
“Bull.” I pointed at him. “You can leave. Run away. Get away from here.”
He walked away from me to the far side of the chamber and began to pace. The chains didn’t give much slack and now I closed the gap, despite my need to distance myself from this man.
At the sound of the chains dragging against the stone, he stopped and faced me. His pained eyes studied my face. He glanced back at the door and then back at me. Shuffling in the hall made him gasp.
He stepped forward and in one quick motion, he had slipped my top off and had pushed me towards the wall where the splatter of blood lay. My shirt hung on the cuff.
Staying away from the sores on my back, he used my shoulders to move me and ran his fingers down my arms and placed me in the ropes.
He whispered, “I think someone is coming. They will be watching. Some of the…” He swallowed hard. “Sick ones…they like to watch. I have to be careful. If they look through that window, I need it to appear that I am doing what I am instructed to do.”
“Then do your job,” I scowled at him.
He watched the window in the door as he whipped the walls. Each time he told me to scream.
After three snaps of the whip, he came close and whispered into my ear. “You have to be careful with what you say. Honestly, everything needs to stay inside your head. In your mind. Don’t speak. Don’t say anything. They have ways of knowing too much here.”
He unbuckled my wrists and then pulled my shirt back on.
He whispered, “Don’t take the pills. They might not be what this place says they are.” I know. “They are making you sick. You threw up for days. I had to hold your head to the side so that you wouldn’t choke. I heard someone say something about trying to change your memories, twisting them somehow.”
I stared at the wall.
He continued, “I don’t think I am a man who is capable of the things that I have been doing…those pills. I don’t want you to follow down the same path.”
A part of me wanted to believe that he told the truth. But then the truth frightened me. Could this be true? The heat of his breath on my neck caused my pulse to rise as a response to his scent. I didn’t like how my body reacted. He stepped back and I averted my eyes.
“Why did you choose not to take the pill?” I questioned him.
His back still facing me, he said, “You mentioned it. I thought about it but couldn’t believe that they would deceive me…but then I saw something.” He paused and still did not turn around. I hugged my body. What did he see? I waited and then finally, after several seconds of silence, he said, “I saw something in those monitors…I snuck in to see the results of your tests. There was a video that I think was displaying your memories…”
Shuffling from another hallway made him hustle. “Come on,” he said, and hurried me to the door. He opened it and then began our journey back to my cell or perhaps the Program.
“What did you see?” I whispered.
He scanned for others and cautioned me, “I can’t talk about it just now. I can’t. The walls whisper.”
“You always tell me that. You tell me the walls whisper, and yet you keep talking. Why don’t you just shut up then.” I was seething. My anxiety rose. What had he seen? I had the right to know. They were my memories. Were they the ones I remembered or other ones that they had stolen with those pills?
“Saige, you don’t understand. It’s your voice the trackers recognize. Not mine. Just keep it down.”
I rolled my eyes, but I believed him and my throat tightened. I followed him down the hall, trying to push my thoughts away. My chest heaved. My mind went blank at the thought of the walls listening to my voice…I wanted to hate him. I didn’t want to trust him. I didn’t want to care.
I thought about all those awful things he said to me and did to me. The times he was angry and mean. I pushed away the times when he rescued me from pain and sorrow. It is a game, I told myself. He is keeping secrets. The days I lost…he tells me nothing. The pills. The whippings.
He brought me back to the Program room.
If anything, I had stopped him from whipping me for the second time.
Chapter Fourteen
A chill in the air pressed against my skin in this room, like it was a solid, living entity. That small window to the outside was only present to give me a longing for the outdoors.
To strain my neck to look out the window was painful. I caught a glimpse of a silk scarf in the tree as it blew like a flag. It reminded me of the day I materialized on the streets of glass and when that silk scarf danced on the gold-coloured car at the stop sign. It made my stomach sink.
Why couldn’t I remember anything about this world before that day? Why was my mind playing tricks on me, making me only remember a world of machines? I stared at that scarf fluttering in the wind.
Suddenly, the door opened and Officer Chase stormed in and closed the door behind him. His eyes were wild but not with fire, but rather wild with knowledge. He knew something and was eager to tell me.
His lips quivered as he fought to choose the right words. His hands shook as if he were afraid. Not of me. But of them. They would hire the best. I couldn’t trust his movements. The anger had been seen over and over. Inevitably, it would surface again.
He paced back and forth a few more times. Finally, he approached and leaned over the desk and whispered, “What I saw in your…mind…The memories are similar to ones I have been dreaming. I thought it was nothing…just dreams…but after seeing yours, the similarities are uncanny.”
“What memories?” I shook.
“The machines were what triggered mine. The grinding sounds…the buttons…the whirring. It’s a world that you have been living in. And it’s like one that I recall…I think.”
“Are you serious?” The machines!
“But the emotions that are linked to yours aren’t like mine. That’s where our visions…our memories differ. You have pleasant feelings. It’s a place you love. But for me, it was unpleasant. Dirty. Run down. Ugly.” He rambled on, speaking incredibly fast. “I can’t quite put my finger on it yet. It’s been coming back in fragments. Pieces. I don’t know what is real and what is not.” He didn’t wait for a response. “The look on their faces when those machines appeared on the screens
…shock…worry…panic.”
“Wait, you’re saying that my memories are of that other place?”
“Yes!”
“But I thought they weren’t real. I thought that my mind played tricks on me because of a trauma that happened. If I murdered someone, then…maybe my mind couldn’t cope. I can’t remember it.”
“Yeah, because it never happened! Your memories don’t show that you killed anyone. Nothing about it. And in fact, your memories don’t show that you live here at all.”
“What do you mean they show that I don’t live here?”
“You don’t live here,” he stressed. “You never lived in this world. Your world…the dirty place. That’s where you’ve come from. And you should’ve seen their faces. The panic!”
“Panic?”
“It’s gotta be real. The panic was unmistakable. And it got me thinking…it must be a frightful place if they are scared. I heard them speaking of a disease. Talked about the meds they give us. I think…”
“What? What do you think?”
“The place is dirty…full of disease…and I think you are a carrier. They are giving us red pills to kill the virus in its tracks…and I think perhaps you brought it here.”
“I have a disease?”
“Yes. And the pills help to keep you from spreading it. No wonder they are so adamant about finding out the truth about where you came from.” He slammed the desk. I jumped. “All along I thought it was…the crime…you committed that bothered them…but it’s because you have come here…and are spreading a disease from that place.”
“Okay, wait though. The blue pills I receive are different in colour than yours. You receive the red. Why is that?”
“Preventative versus treatment, I would gather.”
“If that place was where the disease was carried, and yet I show no symptoms of being sick…the only reason it could be bad for this place is because of how clean your world is. You will have no immunity. You can’t fight the disease like I can…because of the place I have come from…If the stories are true.”
He adjusted his mask. “You keep throwing up. I think are you are sick.” He paced. “I have to take the red pills again. They stop the disease from infecting me.”
“No, you can’t. It’s not true.”
“The virus is real, Saige. Your memories show that you have come from a place of disease.”
“Okay. So, you think I have a disease. Have they tested me? I mean, you had me knocked out on your little chair. Perhaps they tested me for the disease. Took my blood without my permission, as well.”
“Some were saying it’s a war tactic. A biological weapon,” he rambled.
“I’m a weapon. Are you serious? Is that what they are saying?”
“You have to be sure to take the pills or I think they will kill you.” I stared at him in shock. “I mean, to stop you from spreading the disease to the city. They can’t let it out…”
“Why are you telling me all of this? To freak me out?”
“It’s a warning. An explanation. An understanding that we aren’t the bad guys. The red pills will save us.”
“No.”
“Well, now that they have the memories of that world…they will make sure that they take care of the disease that is dormant; lurking inside of you. We have to keep it asleep.” He stared at me as I shook my head. He stepped closer and said, “Saige, do you understand what I am saying?” He leaned in. “Did you take the pill, Saige?”
I lied to him; I nodded.
He let out a sigh of relief. “Okay. We can figure this out.” He crossed his arms. “You can’t go back to that world. The world that you are from is deplorable. Let us keep you quarantined until we are sure you are not carrying it.”
It wasn’t adding up. Just remember, Saige. It might be part of the game. “I don’t think that I’m carrying it.”
“You don’t know that. People from that world—”
“My world…”
“That world…” He grimaced at me. “That world that you are remembering…it’s full of disease.”
I shook my head.
“We’ve all been tested. I am disease-free…unless I don’t take the pill and then, in turn, catch it…from you.”
I shook my head.
This frustrated him. “That’s what they are saying…why wouldn’t I accept it?”
“Because they arrested me…for a murder that I didn’t commit. Couldn’t have committed if I were in another world….and then they are telling you to torture me. It doesn’t make any sense. And what did they do to my wrist? They said they did some kind of oxygen test—”
A shuffle from under the door made him jump back away from me. When he noticed a shadow appear, he lunged at me and held me down. “Stop!”
The door creaked open and Officer Pake appeared. “What’s goin’ on in here, Jaxson? What’s with all o’ the shouting? You aren’t supposed to allow ‘em to speak to you. They are just to sit still ‘n be quiet and do their time. It’s the Program. Why are ya engaging?”
“I’m just finishing up here. I’m just reminding her that after these four hours, I will put her to bed with a few lashings. Make her think about it.”
Pake smiled. “Keep’r in line, Jaxson. Don’t let ‘em speak to y’ like that. Double her whippin’s. Maybe she needs to lose dinner tonight. I will mark her chart.”
He approached the chart and made notes with the pen at the end of the string.
When he turned to leave, he stopped at the door for Jaxson to follow.
“I need another second with the inmate.”
“I would take her to the whipping room now…bring ‘r back here after. If she’s not eating today, she can sit here until midnight.”
He waited for the guard to leave, and kept his hand near my throat. When the guard’s footsteps quieted, he released my throat.
I shook my head. “Don’t take the meds, okay? The meds are not okay.”
“Better than getting the disease.” He walked to the door. “Take the meds. They will help you.”
“No, they help them. I forget who I am and where I am from. I live in calm solitude and it helps them because I don’t speak. I have no energy to fight. And you rage which is what they want you to do. And you haven’t remembered everything.”
“How so?”
“The world I am remembering was not squeaky clean, sure. But there are other things I remember. Other things that make me understand the reasons for the rundown buildings and machines.”
“What could possibly be a reason for such deplorable conditions?”
“Family. I remember playing. I remember spending time. I worked at a book store. I remember a beach and my mom and sister who is a teacher. And the taxes didn’t go into beautifying the place…”
“That’s for sure.”
“It went into making the machines.”
“The machines that pollute. Sounds wonderful.”
Suddenly, my mind exploded with a world I could now embrace and defend. It was real. I had lived in a different place before showing up on that glass walkway. “We didn’t have to have glass buildings or gemstones in our trees! We didn’t have glass roads and state-of-the-art signs and the cars weren’t high class! We spent the money from the four-day work week on necessities. Needs not wants. Because our needs were inexpensive. Trips to the beach are free,” I said.
I crossed my arms.
I continued, “Spending time at the park. Spending time with family and friends, laughing and playing. We didn’t know hardship. The emotions are uplifting and empowering. Unlike this horrible world. The machines were built to help the essential workers. To do our laundry and put groceries in our houses. Don’t take this the wrong way but even though my house was a bit dusty, our immune systems could handle it. Disease didn’t run rampant. It was when disease was introduced to this place where everything is clean, that your immune systems couldn’t fight it off. You don’t have the antibodies like we do. Besides, it’s not m
y fault I have been put here. I didn’t ask to come. I didn’t infiltrate your world. I was stolen from mine!”
He shook his head. He then walked out the door, locking it behind him. He peeked through the door window. “I will be back to take you to see Mr. Parr.”
“Well, I will be right here waiting…and starving, apparently.”
He stared at me for a moment and then disappeared.
Officer Chase returned within a half an hour. He carried a new set of clothes. “Here. Get ready. You are going to the interrogation room in minutes.”
He went back out the door. I lifted the shirt. Underneath was bread, an apple and a juice box. I drank from the straw and ate the apple. Where do I hide the garbage?
He came back, shoved the garbage in his pockets and then lead me down to the interrogation room.
“What in the world do you want me to tell him?”
“The truth.”
In the interrogation room, I waited chained to the table, sitting on the chair.
A man came into the room. He shoved the pill into my mouth like a cat. “Swallow it.” I gagged.
I couldn’t stop it from sliding down my throat as he poured water into my mouth. He plugged my nose. He made me swallow before he allowed me to breathe. He left the room. I heard him speaking to Officer Chase.
“I found a few pills in the vent. She hasn’t been taking them.”
“I’ve checked each time,” Chase said.
“Me too,” another guard said.
“She’s been sneaky. Shove those pills down her throat or you risk getting the disease that she is carrying.”
“Oh, my, she has a disease?” another guard said.
“Of course, she does. She’s been tested. She’s a carrier. Keep the blue pills in her. Or she will infect us all.” Then he took a step closer. “Make sure you take the red pill. If she’s been tossing her pills down the vent, then you can catch it. Don’t let her infect you. She’s filthy.”
“I’m glad that I don’t work directly with her. Geez, Jaxson, aren’t you scared?” the guard asked.
Mr. Parr passed the men and came into the room. “You’ve been avoiding the pills, I gather. So, you will be forced to take them. We can always inject you, you know. We have ways to make sure you take them.”
Switched and Fears Page 10
