by L.H. Cosway
“James?” I said questioningly.
He seemed to shake himself out of whatever had come over him as he took a step back. “I better go,” he said, voice stilted. “I’ve taken up enough of your time.”
“You don’t have to go,” I replied breathily, but he was already backing away toward the door.
“It’s late though, and I’m tired. Goodnight,” he replied stiffly, and then he was gone.
That was weird. Was it something I said? I crawled into bed and logged back onto the game, but it was hard to concentrate. I couldn’t get the way James had looked at me out of my head. He seemed like he’d been about to do something crazy…like kiss me? But that couldn’t be right.
I groaned. Things seemed to be getting more complicated between us by the day and I felt like I was losing it. Logging out of the game, I quickly checked my work schedule for tomorrow, running down the list of tasks I needed to complete. Neil and I shared a calendar that we could both edit and I noticed a work trip to New York was scheduled in for James and Paul in two days’ time. They were going to scout locations for the next season of Running on Air. Neil was due to accompany them, and I tried not to fixate on how much I’d miss James while he was gone.
The next morning I made us both breakfast like normal, but James didn’t come down from his room. I tried not to analyse his absence too deeply as I covered his plate with some cling film, left a Post-It Note on top reminding him to eat, then headed out to meet Neil.
When I walked into the gym, Neil was wearing what could only be described as an overly friendly smile.
“Morning, Michaela, can I get you anything? Some coffee maybe?” he offered.
I eyed him suspiciously as I took off my coat. “Coffee would be good, but what’s going on? Why are you acting all nice?”
Neil let out a long, beleaguered sigh. “I don’t want to go to New York.”
My pulse sped up at his mention of the trip, the one that would both take James away (boo!) and give me some space to sort my head out (yay?). “You don’t? Why not?”
Now he groaned. “I’m just so sick of travelling. You know I like my routine and going to New York for a week will throw everything completely off.”
“Okay, I can understand that,” I allowed.
“Plus, James has been extra grouchy with me lately,” Neil went on. “With everything he’s been through it’s expected, but it’s tough to deal with when you’re just trying to do your job.”
“How has he been grouchy with you?” I questioned. I’d noticed he’d been quieter than usual, but I hadn’t noticed him being grouchy.
“It’s just small things,” Neil said. “You’ve been working at the house so much you haven’t been around to see it. For example, the other day I asked what he wanted to eat for lunch and he told me I should know what he eats for lunch by now, even though we all know he changes what he eats from day to day. I’m not a mind reader.”
“He’s going through a hard time. You know he’s not himself,” I said, feeling the need to defend James since I was the only one who knew the true extent of what had happened with Diana.
“Does he snap at you like that?” Neil questioned, lifting an eyebrow.
“He did once, the first day he came back to the gym, but not since.”
“See? He’s nicer to you. Probably because he doesn’t know you as long as he’s known me. You’re also his favourite so—”
“I’m not his favourite,” I scoffed, praying my cheeks weren’t too heated.
Neil rolled his eyes. “Okay, well, all I’m saying is he likes you more.”
I studied him. “Where are you going with this?”
Now his expression turned pleading. “Well, I was thinking since you’re the one person James tolerates lately, that maybe you could go on the New York trip instead of me.”
I blinked at him. “Oh, no, I can’t do that. I—”
“Oh, please, Michaela. I’ll do anything. Name your price.”
I rubbed at my chest, the idea of going on a trip with James made me feel all hot and panicky. I couldn’t very well tell Neil my true reason for not wanting to go. In fact, like he said, I was the best candidate to go instead of him since I was one of the few people James could stand to be around lately. Neil also knew that travel was my favourite part of the job, since I’d never gone on holidays abroad as a kid. My parents always preferred to do staycations.
Oh man, I was going to have to do this, wasn’t I? I couldn’t even remotely come up with an argument against it.
“If I go, you’ll need to take care of things at James’ house,” I said, relenting. Neil smiled widely, his gratefulness written all over his face. “The kitchen is being fitted this weekend, so someone will need to be there to oversee the workers.”
“Done,” he said, holding out his hand and I shook with him.
When midday rolled around, I grabbed my things to go meet Afric for lunch. I’d promised her we’d eat at her favourite sushi restaurant. I mentioned this to Neil and he invited himself along.
“Just to warn you, my friend doesn’t go out much,” I said as we made our way to the restaurant.
“Do I even want to know what that means?” Neil questioned.
“It just means Afric has a different way of doing things.” I started to think maybe introducing him to my friend wasn’t the best idea. They had very different personalities, and I wasn’t sure they’d mesh well. But it was too late now.
“Is that your friend?” Neil asked warily.
Afric was waiting outside the restaurant, her blue hair in a pile on top of her head. She wore green leggings, pink converse, and a baggy black jumper with an image of someone being abducted by an alien spaceship. The caption read, Get in, loser. We’re doing butt stuff.
I nodded and there was a long pause before he went on, “Does her top say what I think it says?”
I held in my urge to chuckle. Looks-wise, Afric and I were completely opposite. Since I enjoyed not being noticed, my clothes reflected that. I tended to dress pretty conservatively. Afric, on the other hand, loved to be seen. Well, when she actually decided to leave the flat.
“You’re late,” she said when she saw me. Her eyes wandered to Neil. “Who’s this?”
“This is my co-assistant, Neil. I hope you don’t mind him joining us for lunch,” I said, introducing them. “Neil, this is Afric.”
“Nice to meet you,” Neil said, holding out his hand.
Afric glanced at it, a wide smile spreading across her face. “Oooh, a handshake, aren’t you posh!”
Neil frowned and quickly withdrew his hand. I shot him an apologetic look. Afric laughed as we stepped inside the restaurant and were led to a table for three.
“Michaela, why is your co-assistant staring at my boobs?” Afric questioned while we perused the menu.
Neil sputtered. “I’m not staring at your….” He paused and seemed to gather himself. “I was looking at your jumper.”
Afric glanced down, like she’d forgotten what outfit she put on before she left the house. “Oh, right. Are you into UFOs?” she questioned, resting her elbows on the table and her chin on her interlocked fingers.
“Not particularly,” Neil replied. His tone was slightly dismissive, like he considered it a silly thing to believe in. It was his first mistake, because there was nothing Afric relished more than arguing with sceptics. It was like a sport to her.
“Why not?” she asked, deceptively casual.
“The California rolls look good,” I said in an attempt to change the subject. Neither of them paid me much attention.
“Well,” Neil began. “If they do exist, why haven’t they made contact? And why are the people who claim to see them always hicks who live out in the middle of nowhere who have too much time on their hands?”
“That’s not true. There are plenty of eyewitness accounts from pilots and respected military personnel, scientists too. It’s not all hillbillies,” Afric responded.
“I migh
t actually get the sashimi. It sounds delicious,” I interjected again.
“Yes, and I’m sure all those respected individuals are getting lucrative book deals and television interviews to talk about what they saw,” Neil said derisively
“Just because a person is getting paid doesn’t mean they’re lying,” Afric countered.
“Do you know what, I might even get a glass of plum wine,” I went on, but it was a losing battle. They’d already locked horns.
“Okay, let’s say they’re telling the truth. Why haven’t the aliens come out and shown themselves to everyone? Why only a select few?” Neil shot back.
Afric threw her hands up. “Oh, I don’t know. Because humanity has always been so kind and accepting to those who are different,” she said, heavy on the sarcasm. “Besides, have you ever considered that beings from another planet might be so far advanced that there would be no point trying to talk to us. It’d be like a human going into a field and trying to have a conversation with a cow. It just wouldn’t work. Cows can’t speak. Maybe the difference between humans and aliens is that vast. Maybe they’re here to observe us, the same way we observe animals, but they aren’t going to get involved in our daily lives because that’s not what they’re about.”
My phone vibrated with a text, while the battle of wills going on between my co-worker and my friend continued. I really should’ve made up some excuse when Neil asked to tag along. I left them to battle it out as I opened up the message.
James: Thanks for leaving me breakfast. Sorry I slept in. Had a hard time getting to sleep last night.
Me: Don’t worry about it. How are you?
James: Just really missing Mum today.
Me: Do you want to talk? I could come home.
Right after I sent the message, I realised how much I liked being there for him. I liked being the one James came to when he needed support.
My attention returned to my phone when a new message popped up.
James: No, I’ll be fine. There are going to be days like this. I just need to deal with them.
Me: Okay. See you later.
A waiter had arrived at the table, interrupting Afric and Neil’s argument. The rest of lunch was pretty awkward since they’d evidently come to an impasse and decided to ignore one another. I filled the silence by asking Afric about a new online game I was thinking of trying out. She always knew what was good and what was crap well ahead of everyone else. Neil quietly picked at his sushi rolls.
When we finished eating, Afric and I hugged and said our goodbyes before she hopped into a taxi. I walked with Neil back to the gym and his silence punctuated his annoyance.
“I told you she was a little different,” I said.
Neil cast me a side glance. “Different I can deal with, Michaela, but your friend is just plain rude.”
“She’s really not so bad once you get to know her,” I argued, but I suspected I wasn’t going to change his mind about Afric.
“Do me a favour. Next time you’re meeting her for lunch, be sure not to invite me.”
“Duly noted.”
***
That evening, I arrived back at the house to a surprise. It appeared Masoud being a fan of Running on Air had worked in James’ favour, because he’d organised next-day delivery for the couch. At least he wasn’t hung up on me not giving him my phone number. I walked into the living room and found James lounging on it with his laptop open in front of him.
“Oh, the couch looks great in here!” I exclaimed, glad to have something to comment on to distract from how things ended between us last night. I wasn’t sure whether or not James had been about to kiss me, but whatever it was, I was still feeling the awkwardness of the encounter.
“Isn’t it great? I actually want to spend time in here now,” James said, and I wondered if he felt awkward, too. Or maybe I’d imagined the whole thing.
I sat gingerly down next to him, making sure to leave a foot of space. “It’s really comfortable. I could seriously fall asleep on this. It’s been a long day.”
“What happened?” James arched an inquisitive eyebrow.
I blew out a breath and shared the highlights of my lunch with Neil and Afric. I was again focusing on neutral topics for fear of him bringing up last night. But then, why would he bring it up? There might’ve been a weird moment, but nothing actually happened.
“Moral of the story, I won’t be inviting Neil anywhere Afric’s going to be ever again, and vice versa.”
James gave a quiet laugh. “They are quite different.”
“That’s putting it mildly,” I said, my eyes wandering to the screen of his laptop. My lips shaped into a grin. “Hey, are you playing Greenforest?”
James gave me a sheepish look and shrugged. “It’s fun.”
I eyed him suspiciously. “Be honest, you’ve been playing all day.”
He flopped back into the couch. “Okay, so I might be slightly addicted.”
I chuckled. “I’ve created a monster.”
“I just need the distraction, you know?” James said, his expression sombre.
“No, I totally get it.” I needed to tell him about New York. Just get it out there. “By the way, Neil talked me into taking his place on the location scouting trip, so I’ll be coming with you and Paul instead.” Right after I said it, I realised I wouldn’t be able to go to the concert with Louis now, and my lack of disappointment about that said it all. I wished I liked him more, but James was still front and centre.
His eyebrows did a little jump. “Oh, you are?”
“If it’s okay with you, that is.”
“Of course it’s okay with me,” he replied, but something in his expression said differently. He looked worried, but maybe that was down to the trip itself. Maybe he didn’t want to be away while work was still being done on the house.
“I’ve organised for Neil to be here while we’re away so he can supervise the workmen.”
James held my gaze and I got a little lost in his eyes. Then he blinked and looked away, his throat bobbing as he swallowed. “Good. Thank you.”
I was about to ask if he was sure he was okay with me and Neil swapping places when the front doorbell rang.
“I’ll get it,” I said, standing. “It’s probably just a delivery.”
I walked out into the hallway, expecting the UPS man, who I was now on first name terms with. I opened the door, but it wasn’t him. Instead, Diana stood on the stoop, her eyes narrowed in suspicion when she saw me. Mine narrowed right back, as I thought of all the things James told me about her treatment of him while they were together.
“You,” she said, her tone frosty.
“Hello, Diana,” I replied loudly, hoping to give James a heads up. She was obviously here to see him, but I had no idea if he wanted to see her. Should I lie and tell her he was out?
My protective instincts kicked in as I studied her. She didn’t look as well put together as usual. She wore a long wool coat, the blouse underneath slightly rumpled, and her hair – normally blow-dried to perfection – looked like it hadn’t been washed in a couple of days. I should’ve felt sorry for her. After all, breakups were tough for everyone. But I just couldn’t find it in myself to forgive her. Dad said it takes a strong person to forgive. Well, maybe I was weak because I had no forgiveness for the woman standing in front of me.
“I’m looking for James,” she said. “His father told me I’d find him here.”
“Right, um…” I hesitated but was saved from coming up with a lie when James stepped into the hallway.
“What are you doing here?” he asked, eyeing Diana coolly.
“We need to talk,” she replied. “I thought you were staying with your dad. I had no idea you were renting a house.”
So she still had no clue he’d bought this place for her? Two opposing emotions warred within me. I didn’t know whether to stay and help James stand his ground, or leave and let them talk. In the end, the latter won out. James didn’t need protecting. He’d
stood his ground by breaking up with Diana in the first place and that was all his own doing. I took a step back. “I’ll leave you to talk,” I said quietly, then turned and ascended the stairs.
I didn’t realise my mistake until I reached the landing and heard Diana ask a question, her voice a little shrill. “Is she living here with you?”
I cursed myself. I should’ve just gone into the kitchen. Hovering outside my room, I listened.
“Michaela’s overseeing renovations for me,” James replied.
“Wait a second, you own this place? Since when?”
“Since a couple of months ago,” James said, obviously not bothering to lie.
“What!?” Diana shrieked and I tensed. “So you’ve been planning to leave me all this time?”
“I wasn’t planning to leave you. I bought this place for us originally,” James said, sounding tired. “Look, let’s not do this out here. Come inside.”
I continued listening as he led her into the living room. Their voices were fainter now, but I could still just about make them out. I knew I should mind my own business, but my anxiety got the best of me. A part of me feared she might somehow convince James to take her back. What if he gave her a second chance? Would she eventually return to her old ways? I didn’t want them to reconcile, because it would mean someone I cared about re-entering an abusive relationship, but also because it would put a definite full stop to my spending time with James outside of work. My selfish side didn’t want to give that up.
“You bought this house for us?” Diana asked, sounding awed.
“Yes, but that was before. I’ve decided to complete the renovations and sell it now.”
“You could still keep it. We could keep it,” she replied.
“We’re not getting back together,” James told her, his voice gentle but firm.
“But why not? You look miserable, baby,” she said sweetly.
My stomach twisted.
“I’m miserable because my mother passed away only a few weeks ago. I’m not miserable because of us. Diana, I know this is hard, but you have to accept it. Our relationship started out good, but it turned toxic. You know that, right? Please tell me you know that.”
