by CJ Butcher
“You’re more woman than anyone I’ve ever known before. Having a few organs missing doesn’t make you who you are. What’s in here is what makes you who you are.” Josh pointed towards her heart.
“I know that in my heart, but in my head it’s totally different. I don’t feel like a woman.” Marisol looked at Josh with an expression of sadness. He took his hand and cupped her jaw and leaned closer to her.
“You feel like a woman to me and you’re beautiful like a woman.” He leaned forward until he was a hair’s breath away from her. “You’re unlike any woman I’ve ever met.” Marisol breath caught in her throat and she stopped breathing altogether when he touched his lips to hers. She didn’t move whatsoever, afraid he might pull away. When he pulled her closer, she wrapped her arms around his neck and melted into his embrace. His lips tentatively glided across hers. It was a chaste kiss, yet it made her feel very much like a female. Something she hadn’t felt in years. He pulled back and looked into her eyes. His eyes were sparkling in the glow of the lamp. “You taste like a woman. Not that I’ve kissed a man - but I’m just saying…” He winked. He didn’t let her go.
“Wow.” Marisol said breathlessly.
“Yeah and that’s with no tongue.” He said cheekily.
“Maybe we should try that and see how we do?” Marisol suggested.
“You’re such a bad influence on me. I didn’t plan on trying anything tonight.”
“Now that’s too bad.”
“Stop that. I’m hanging on by a thread here.” Josh sighed. He leaned in and kissed her again, this time a little firmer than before. He moved his other hand down her side to let it rest on her hip. He let his fingers stroke the skin between her shirt and her pants. Marisol let out a contented sigh. Josh took the opportunity to touch his tongue lightly to hers and Marisol opened her mouth wider to allow him access. She moved closer to him. If she moved any closer, she’d be in his lap. She was starting to feel things she had never felt before. Josh reluctantly pulled back, but didn’t release her. “We’d better stop.” He said regretfully.
“I know.” Marisol rested her forehead against his and breathed deeply. He was breathing just as deeply and it somehow made Marisol feel giddy. She loved the fact that he was just as flushed as she felt.
“Alright, so we know we both have issues that need working on. Here’s my question: Can we figure them out together?” Josh asked.
“Are you asking me to go steady?”
“Yes ma’am.” Josh said smiling widely. Marisol didn’t think she could resist him if she tried. Were they moving too quickly? Nah, they’d known each other for years and she didn’t want to waste anymore time.
“Alright, but you don’t know what you’re getting yourself into.” Marisol just shook her head and leaned back on the couch and stretched her legs out.
“Why don’t you let me worry about that? I’m man enough to handle whatever you’re dealing with. I think we can maybe help each other out. You’re not the only one who’s started questioning God lately. I just prayed a couple of weeks ago that I didn’t think that I could handle being by myself anymore and then I just happen to run into you. I don’t think that’s a coincidence. I call that divine intervention. So, we’ll take it slow and see where it goes. Agreed?” Marisol nodded her head and smiled at him shyly. He leaned back and started to tell her about his day and Marisol closed her eyes and listened to him talk. She could listen to him all night.
Josh watched Marisol with her eyes closed. She had fallen asleep on him. He took that as a compliment. She wasn’t the type of person to feel comfortable enough to let her guard down to fall asleep. He just gazed at her relaxed features. She was so beautiful and peaceful laying there. He looked at the clock and it was a little after eight. He needed to wake her up or she’d wind up spending the night. He definitely wouldn’t mind that. He could see her in his bed, with her hair laid out on his pillow or better yet laying across his chest. What was he thinking? He needed to think Christian thoughts, not worldly thoughts, but goodness that was hard. He had his arm on the back of the couch and he had scooted up so that her legs were hooked over his and he could touch her hair. He brushed her hair back and touched the line of her jaw. She had the clearest complexion and the cutest button nose. Maybe he’d let her sleep a little longer. She’d had an emotional time telling him about the last couple of years and he had wanted to tell her that from now on he’d be protecting her from her ghosts. He hadn’t meant to kiss her, but he didn’t regret it. She had made him feel like a teenager again, but she also made him want to protect her. He stroked her cheek and laid his head against his arm and closed his eyes. He’d just let her sleep a little longer.
Marisol slowly opened her eyes and blinked several times. She had fallen asleep. She had a wonderful man literally in her arms and she’d fallen asleep on him. She turned her head and looked at Josh who was out like a light. His hand was resting against her cheek and her legs were thrown over his. He couldn’t be comfortable stretched out like that. Marisol looked at the clock over the mantle and saw that it was almost midnight. She’d been out 4 hours.
“Josh, wake up.” She shook him and swung her legs out of his lap. His hand dropped to her breast and she picked it up placed it on his thigh. She leaned over and kissed him lightly on the mouth. “Josh it’s midnight. I think we really overslept or rather we slept when we shouldn’t have.”
“Why don’t you just spend the night? I’ll put you in the guest room. You can sleep in my shirt.” He shifted and groaned. “I’m getting to old to be sleeping sitting up.”
“Well Doc, you’re not that old. I would love to spend the night, but I have to work in the morning and all my stuff is at home. Plus, even I know it wouldn’t look right.” Marisol said.
“Alright, let me wake up and I’ll take you to pick up your car.” He leaned over and kissed her on the forehead and then her nose and then her mouth. “Now that’s the way I like to wake up.”
“Come on lazy bones. You can kiss me all you like tomorrow and the next day.” Marisol climbed off the couch and stretched out her hands and pulled him upwards towards her.
“Promise?”
“I promise.” Marisol said. He wrapped his arms around her and rocked her backwards towards the door. She loved being around him. She had always enjoyed his company and now she didn’t have to feel guilty about it.
“Let’s go.”
The drive back to town was quiet. Marisol glanced over at Josh occasionally and watched him fiddle with the radio.
“So what are you doing tomorrow?” Josh asked.
“You mean today?” Marisol asked smiling. “Well today I’m going to work and tonight I’m going to church with Summer. She wants me to go with her and I can only say ‘no’ so many times.”
“She wore you down? I’ll have to meet her if she can take you on.” Josh said laughing. He pulled into the parking lot and pulled next to Marisol’s Infiniti. He put the car in park and let it idle.
“She’s been my only friend, so I gave in. It’s not even her church that she wants me to go to. She’s been pestering me for months to go to Pathway Church and I keep saying I will, but I haven’t, so finally she cornered me. I take that back, she didn’t corner me. She waited until she had my head full of shampoo in a sink and then she asked me to go. She wouldn’t wash it out until I said ‘I promise’.” Marisol said smiling.
“Beautician?” Josh asked.
“Shut your mouth. She’s a hair stylist or hair artist. Call her a beautician only if you want to lose all your hair.” Marisol said.
“I won’t make that mistake. I need to keep what I have.”
“Anyhow, I told her I would go and check it out. I mean, what can it hurt? They have services on Thursday, Saturday and Sunday.” Marisol pulled her keys out.
“I think it’s great that you’re going to go. It will be good for you. It doesn’t sound like you’ve gotten out a lot in the last couple of years.” Josh said.
“
I haven’t, but it’s just as well. You just get hurt when you put yourself out there anyway. I try and stay to myself as much as possible.”
“Since when? That’s not the Marisol that I knew. When I knew you, you were outgoing and fun. What happened, other than your surgery to make you turn into a recluse?” Josh asked.
“People happened. The ones who you think are your friends and then they’re not. You know all the women I work with would stab me in the back in a second and they have at one time just to get in the boss’s good graces? My best friend is a partner in the practice and she has my back, but I can’t call her by her first name because she’s a doctor. We don’t hang out like best friends because she’s a doctor and that’s okay, but sometimes I just wish things were different. It will be that way with you. We might date, but if I see you in the office it will be Dr. this and Dr. that. I know I sound really jaded to you, but maybe it’s better that you see I’m not who I was, so that you can move on.” Marisol said and hopped out of the truck.
“Oh no you don’t, no running. We all have problems and you’ll see that I have my own. I’m just as imperfect as the next person but I like the person that you are, not the person that you were. The person you were was a little too happy and perky for my taste and this person is a little more realistic and damaged, like the rest of us.” Josh stated emphatically.
“Damaged?” Marisol asked.
“Would you rather I used bitter, unyielding, caustic and cranky?”
“No thanks, I own a thesaurus. I wasn’t always perky, that was an act. Fake it till you make it. I was miserable, but I just didn’t want anyone else to know. Actually, I’m happier now, even though you can’t tell it.” Marisol unlocked her car door and threw her purse in the car.
“I can tell how happy you are. It radiates from you just like sunshine.” Josh said sarcastically.
“Oh ye of great sarcasm and I really did forget how great you are at that. Anyhow, it’s good to know some things haven’t changed.” Marisol smiled at Josh and shook her head. Josh laughed and leaned against the car.
“Yeah, I’m still sarcastic but if you were a dwarf, you sure wouldn’t be Happy.” He deadpanned.
“No. I think I’d be Sleepy right about now.”
“Good segue.” Josh said.
“I thought so. I better go or we could do this all night.” Marisol opened the driver side door and Josh waited for her to get in before he leaned down.
“Hey, green-eyed girl there’s one last thing that I have to tell you.”
“What’s that?” Marisol asked.
“It was really, really good seeing you.” Josh leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. “Can I get your number?”
Marisol reached out her hand and asked “Do you have your phone?” Josh took it off his belt and handed it to her. He had the same phone as she did and so she swiped the face of it to turn it on and saw that he didn’t lock his phone, she smiled.
“What are you smiling at?” Josh asked.
“Not a thing.” Marisol wasn’t about to tell him that it was said that a man that didn’t lock his phone had nothing to hide. She put her name in his contacts and then put herself in speed dial #2 since no one else was there. “There you go, I’m in and I also put myself as speed dial number 2. Just press and hold.”
“Are you going to tell me why you were smiling?” Josh asked. Standing up, he clipped the phone back into his holster.
“Maybe one day I will. Goodnight Josh.” Marisol said and closed the door. She rolled down her window and waved at him.
“Goodnight Marisol drive careful. Call me when you get home.” Josh said softly. Marisol only registered what he said when she saw his headlights in her rearview mirror. Call him when she got home. He had her number, but she didn’t have his. Marisol looked in her rearview mirror again and didn’t see his headlights anymore. It figures, she would forget to get his number. She banged her head against the steering wheel at the stoplight.
Chapter 5
Marisol woke up that morning with little more than 4 hours of sleep in her system. She yawned and stretched and looked at the clock. She reached for her phone and looked at the message from earlier. Josh had texted her when she hadn’t called him and she had texted him back that while she had given him her number, she hadn’t gotten his. He had thought that was hilarious. She was so glad she had given him something to laugh at. She got up and looked in the mirror and cringed. She had circles under her eyes and her hair was standing up on end but at least she didn’t have to wash it. She looked at the scrubs she had laid out yesterday morning. She always wore the same thing on the same days. She needed to be spontaneous sometimes, but that just wasn’t in her. Of course, going out last night had been spontaneous so score one for her! Marisol laughed out loud and her dog looked at her funny.
“I know baby girl, you have to go out.” Marisol went and got the leash and clipped it on. Scruffy just laid there and refused to move. It was like a morning ritual. Scruffy never did what Marisol wanted her to do. Molly came running in and slid to a stop at Marisol’s feet. “You’re next good girl.” Marisol pulled Scruffy towards the door. “Who’s got to go do a good girl? Who’s got to go pee pee?” Scruffy slunk through the front door and through the carport, all the while Marisol chanting “Go do a good girl?” in the freezing cold. Scruffy the second was nothing like Scruffy the first. This Scruffy didn’t love Marisol the way the original Scruffy had. Marisol had been eight when they had gotten Scruffy the first and everywhere Marisol had gone Scruffy had gone. It didn’t matter if it was 2 steps away, Scruffy would follow. She had loved that dog more than anything in the world, but she had passed away when Marisol had turned 23. She’d had a good long life and in the end Marisol had lain beside her and told her that it was okay to go, that she’d be okay without her and that night she had passed away.
After 12 years, Marisol still missed her girl and this Scruffy reminded her of her all the time until she would wake up. As long as she slept she looked like her, and then when she was awake she was aware of the differences, like the fact that she had an attitude. Scruffy stalked towards Marisol and she had this look on her little doggy face as if to say “you pull me out of bed in 35 degree weather to pee in wet grass and you look gleeful? I should pee on your feet.” Marisol opened the door and got Molly hooked up and took her out and was amazed at the differences in the 2 dogs. Molly was happy, all the time and just all around stupid bless her heart. She loped around and never acted as if she had a problem with anything. Marisol loved cocker spaniels and couldn’t see owning any other dog, but they really could get an attitude. After bringing Molly in and getting them settled, Marisol started getting ready for work.
Marisol ran in through the side door of work with 30 seconds to spare. Her boss watched the clock and would deduct vacation days if you were late more than 3 days. It didn’t matter if you were late 1 second or 4 minutes. Marisol put her purse and cup down at her desk and turned on her computer. For the most part she liked her job and she liked that she didn’t work with people. What she didn’t like was that her boss always tried to find something wrong with her. It was like a weekly thing that she had going on. This week she had called Marisol into her office to ask her if she had the code to the security alarm because some of the employees had seen her coming in the back door at work after hours. Marisol had told her that she had knocked on the back door and Ralph, one of the nurse practitioner’s had let her in. Her office manager, Clare had gone on and on about how if she had the code she needed to let her know immediately. She had told Clare that she didn’t have one and that she could just ask Ralph to confirm the story if she didn’t believe her. Clare had told her that she didn’t need to confirm it, that if Marisol said it she believed it. Marisol couldn’t understand why she had gone on about it for 40 minutes. She wondered what next week would bring.
Marisol knew that it was because she was friends with a partner in the practice who didn’t like Clare. It didn’t take a genius to
figure that one out. Marisol was worn out from all the accusations and backstabbing that had been going on. She just wanted to do her job and go home. That’s all she had ever wanted to do. Yeah, at first she had gotten in on the gossip, but that had gotten old really quick and she had stopped and started focusing on what she was doing. She was bringing money into the practice and that was what mattered. She couldn’t keep up with all the drama that was going on in the office, much less both offices. She got up to go into the kitchen and rounded the corner and heard Dr. Pate say “We’ve got to get rid of her and that’s all there is to it.” Marisol ducked into the bathroom and quickly closed the door. She got a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. She didn’t really care for Dr. Pate. He wasn’t a Christian and made it quite clear that he thought religion and Christianity was just an excuse to believe in something - kind of like believing in Santa Claus. Marisol didn’t know why, but she thought they were talking about her. Ever since she was little she had these feelings and most of the time she was right on target. She knew her boss was after her but why now? She looked in the mirror and pasted a smile on her face. She did this all the time. She smiled when she didn’t want to and acted like everything was fine. Today would be no different. She could get through today and act like everything was great. No one would ever know that anything was wrong or that she had heard anything. Marisol opened the door and went back to her desk and acted like everything was okay. She was getting good at this. However, on the inside she wasn’t doing so well anymore. Her phone vibrated and she looked at the incoming text.
“We still on for church tonight?” It was from Summer.
Marisol texted back. “Yeah. Still on. See ya tonight.”
Marisol laid the phone down and leaned back in the chair. She looked at her desk and all her work.
“Marisol, can I see you in my office for a minute?” Clare asked. Marisol looked up and Clare had already disappeared around the corner. Maybe she shouldn’t have asked herself what next week would bring because apparently there was more here for this week.
