by Liz Isaacson
He should probably say something to Rhodes about it. His boss hadn’t said a word about Clay’s relationship with his little sister, though he generally frowned on his cowboys dating his sisters. He definitely hadn’t been happy when Cami had gone out with Malcolm, and yet Rhodes hadn’t said anything about Clay and Cami.
He didn’t need to bring it up now, not in front of others, and maybe not until he and Cami really were serious. Although he felt deep things for Cami, he knew that had to be reciprocated for anything real to happen.
“How’d you meet your wife?” Clay asked, and he noticed Rhodes perking up a bit too. He tied the rope to the last pole, but he was definitely listening.
“Oh, I was about to ship out with the Navy,” he said. “And there was a big dance. I met her there, and I just knew I was going to marry her.”
Clay smiled as the older man chuckled. “It took a few years—and some quick maneuvering on my part—but I got her.”
“Maneuvering?” Rhodes asked, pulling on the rope.
“She had another beau while I was gone,” Gramps said, shaking her head. “I had to break that up from across the ocean.” He laughed again, and Rhodes joined in. “And we know how opinionated Granny is.”
“Is she though?” Rhodes asked. “Maybe you’re the one who inspired her matchmaking obsession.”
Gramps chuckled, and Clay kept his head down. “Oh, she just wants her grandchildren to be happy.”
Had Granny been the one to point Cami toward him? And so what if she had?
Clay wasn’t sure how he felt about any of it, so he kept his mouth shut and his hands moving. Finally, the building was ready for the forklift, and Clay got back in the truck to head back to the epicenter of the ranch.
The cake house would make its way slowly there, and Rhodes had a special place picked out for it near the smithy. Apparently, that was where all the mechanics for the new irrigation system would be.
Everyone piled into the house, where the scent of fried eggs and the hint of lime hung in the air. “They’re back,” Betsy said from a spot at the stove, and the other Quinn sisters got up from the couch in the living room.
Activity bustled through the homestead, and Clay ducked down the hall to the bathroom to wash his hands. When he came out, Cami met him at the end of the hall.
“How’d it go out there?” she asked, running her hands up his arms.
“Just fine,” he said, a struggle starting inside him. “Hey, did your grandmother set us up?”
“What?” she asked, but something flickered in her gaze.
“Rhodes said she had a matchmaking ability, and Gramps said she just wants her grandkids to be happy.” Clay waited, though the crowd in the kitchen had gone silent. They were probably praying, which meant it was almost time to eat. His stomach pinched with want of food, but he really wanted to hear what Cami had to say as well.
“I mean, she suggested I might meet someone at the fall fireside series,” Cami said. “But she didn’t say who. And she certainly didn’t plan for you to have empty seats by you.”
“But she was late to that first fireside,” he said.
“I’ve met other men at the firesides,” Cami said. “Granny didn’t have anything to do with us sitting by each other. Besides.” She looked flustered as she backed up a step. “You’d already asked me out weeks ago. We’d just never set anything up.”
Shame dove through Clay. “Okay.” He started to step around her but paused when he stood directly beside her. “And Cami, I don’t think I want kids.”
He watched a perfect storm of emotions roll across her face. “You don’t think or you don’t?”
“I don’t,” he said.
“Okay,” she said, taking the news in stride. “Thanks for being honest with me.”
Clay didn’t know how else to be, but he heard someone say his name from the other room. “We should….” He nodded toward the kitchen, and Cami spun around.
“Yeah,” she said as she walked away.
Clay wasn’t sure why he’d caused a problem. Did it really matter if her grandmother had set them up? And why had he told her now, of all times, that he didn’t want kids?
He sighed, unsure about so many things at the moment. But he put a smile on his face and joined everyone in the kitchen. He was hungry and thirsty, and if there was something better than the tart, sweet cherry limeade Betsy put in front of him, he didn’t want to know about it.
That evening, he held his phone to his ear while Trooper rooted around in the field for his ball. “Find it, bud,” he called to the dog, almost hoping his brother wouldn’t answer the phone.
“Hey,” Joe said. “Clay?”
“Yeah, hey,” he said, his pulse skipping over itself. He wasn’t even sure why he was calling.
“Everything okay?” Joe asked.
“Yeah.” He cleared his throat. “It’s just been a while. I was thinking about you and Jerry…and everyone. How are things?”
“Things are fine,” Joe said, a hint of surprise in his words. “The wives are good. Kids are growing like weeds, but finally able to help out a little bit on the ranch.”
Clay pictured his oldest brother, who’d been married for over a decade now. He and his wife, Tammy, had two kids. And Jerry had three with his wife, Flo.
“Great,” Clay said.
“What about you?” Joe asked. “How are things in…Idaho?”
At that moment, Clay realized his brother didn’t even know where he lived. “Good,” he said anyway, the word scraping the back of his throat. “Great.”
“Are you seeing anyone?” Joe asked, a normal question. But the words were stale. Uninteresting.
And Clay didn’t want to tell his brother anything about Cami. Joe didn’t get a seat at his table; he didn’t get to know all the intimate details of his life.
So he said, “Nope,” and pressed his lips together. Out in the field, Trooper barked, dove for the ball, and came up with it. “Look, I have to go.”
“Oh, okay,” Joe said.
“Talk to you later.” Clay hung up quickly, finally releasing the breath that was stuck in his chest. Trooper dropped the ball, all four feet already shuffling in anticipation of Clay throwing it again.
Clay looked at the dog, and he felt a keen sense of sadness that he loved this dog more than his brothers loved him. “All right, bud,” he said, bending to pick up the slobbery, slightly muddy ball. “Go find it.”
He launched the ball out in the field and watched Trooper streak after it. He repeated the activity for a while—longer than normal—because he didn’t want to return to his cabin alone.
At the same time, he was immensely grateful he was alone, because then he wouldn’t snap at anyone who didn’t deserve it.
Back home, he got Trooper fresh water and washed his hands, his mind churning and chewing through the events of the day. He was mentally and emotionally exhausted, and he went down the hall to his bedroom.
Dropping to his knees, he looked up at the ceiling. “Dear Lord,” he said, his voice hoarse. “Help me. Do I need to do more with Joe and Jerry? Or just let things be?”
A sense of calm came over him, and he realized he didn’t need to change anything between him and his brothers. Just because the Quinns had a tight family unit didn’t mean he had to.
He could belong to theirs.
“And what about Cami?” he prayed, allowing his neck to bend as he bowed his head. “I really don’t want children.” He knew that now. “Does that make me selfish?” he whispered. “A bad person?”
He just didn’t see himself as a dad, and he didn’t want to mess up and have kids who turned out like him.
The only thing circling in his mind now was to talk to Cami. So he got up off the hard ground—his bones creaky and complaining—and reached for his phone.
What are you thinking about what I said in the hall today? Before he could chicken out, he sent the text.
I don’t know, her response came. Still processing.
Clay sighed, though he supposed she did need time to work through a statement like, “I don’t want children.”
Everyone in the Quinn family seemed to want children—and a lot of them. Cami had four siblings. Her father had four siblings. Her father’s father had four siblings. A handful of children seemed to come with the last name.
He couldn’t think through things inside the cabin, so he went outside and sat on the back steps to watch the sun go down in the west.
There was another fireside in the series tomorrow night, and he and Cami had made plans to attend them all together. Would she even want to go with him now?
I’m watching the sun set from my back porch, he sent to her. If you want to come watch with me, you can.
She didn’t respond, and Clay didn’t know what to make of the silence. He did know how to stroke his dog and watch as the sky turned gold and then red. All he could do was hope and pray Cami hadn’t broken up with him without saying anything at all.
Chapter 11
If Cami drove to Clay’s, he’d hear her coming. And if she didn’t drive, she’d miss the sunset. Tired of the battle that had been raging within herself since the crew had returned from moving the cake house, she grabbed a set of keys for the ATV and headed outside.
“Where are you going?” Jessie asked, but Cami didn’t respond.
She’d straddled the machine and started it when her sister came running down the steps toward her. Jessie was as strong-willed as she was, and Cami should’ve known she wouldn’t just let her drive off into the night.
“Hey,” Jessie said, concern on her face. “You’ve been acting weird today.”
Cami couldn’t even deny it. She’d been distracted all afternoon, and she’d finally told her mother she wasn’t feeling well and gone down to her bedroom.
“I don’t know,” she said. “It’s just Clay.”
“Is he not being nice? Because I will march right over there myself, and—”
“He’s nice,” Cami said. “That’s not it.” She didn’t want to get into details with Jessie, especially given her sister’s friendship with Clay.
“Hey, look,” Jessie said, and Cami looked at her older sister. “I know you don’t want to talk about him with me. But it’s okay. You work through things with me, then you go work on them with him.” She smiled gently. “You know, if you like him enough to do that.”
Cami nodded. “I think I do.”
“Then what’s the big deal? You’ve only been seeing him for a few days.”
A few days. Had it really only been a few days? It felt like so much longer to Cami, and in a good way.
“He doesn’t want kids.” Cami closed her eyes in a long blink. She wasn’t sure what part of her went up in smoke with those words, but maybe it wasn’t all of her. Maybe she didn’t need children to be fulfilled.
“Oh, you’re talking about kids already.” Jessie nodded in a bobbly sort of way, like that was a totally normal conversation to be having after only a few days.
“Yeah,” Cami said. “And he’s got a bit of a rough past with his family, and he told me today he doesn’t want kids.”
“And?” Jessie asked.
“And I don’t know. He invited me to come watch the sunset with him, and I thought I would. See how I feel when I’m with him.” She already knew how she felt with him. Safe. Cherished. Loved.
“Well, you better get going,” Jessie said, looking up into the sky. “It’s almost gone.”
“I’ll check in with you when I get back,” Cami said.
Jessie fell back a few steps. “All right. Try to have fun.”
Cami smiled at her sister and turned the ATV in a wide arc, aiming it east to get to the row of cabins on the horizon.
Clay definitely heard her coming, and he stood on the bottom step when she finally eased the vehicle to a stop. She stepped onto the edge of his grass, nervous energy firing through her with every stride she took.
“You came,” he said, somewhat of an awed quality in his voice.
“Yeah.” She stepped right into his arms, and all of her cares and worries dried right up. He held her tightly in those strong arms, and she felt like she could face the world and all of its problems as long as he stood at her side.
She twisted and stood beside him, the last light of the day fading in the west. “Gorgeous,” she said, because twilight really was beautiful as it draped over the Idaho countryside.
He leaned over and pressed his lips to her temple, and Cami smiled into the night. She turned to kiss him, saying, “I think I’m okay if we don’t have kids,” she said.
“It’s silly for us to decide right now anyway,” he whispered back, claiming her lips again. “I mean, we can change our minds later, right?”
Cami just nodded, because if there was something she was very good at, it was changing her mind. She didn’t want to lose Clay over the issue of having children or not, because he was the best man she’d dated in the three years she’d been back in Quinn Valley.
Not only that, but maybe she could live here in this cowboy cabin with him if they stayed together. Or in the cabin where Rhodes lived. If it was just the two of them—and Trooper—they didn’t need a great big homestead.
The last of the light faded from the sky, plunging them into true country darkness. Clay kept his arms around her, comforting her, and asked, “Do you want to come in and have dinner?”
“You haven’t eaten yet?”
“Nope,” he said. “I tend to forget to do basic things when I have a lot on my mind.” He grinned at her, the Clay she’d been getting to know suddenly right in front of her.
“I’m making a note of that,” she said, glad he’d been thinking as hard as she had the past several hours. “And I’d love to see what you can make for dinner.”
“Oh-ho,” he said. “I think you’re going to be surprised.” He led her up the back steps and into his house, where he proceeded to get out real produce and make a Waldorf salad, complete with grilled chicken and homemade vinaigrette.
“Wow,” she said as she looked at the beautiful, composed salad in the bowl. She lifted her gaze to his. “You really are perfect.”
He laughed, and Cami joined in. “It’s the one thing one of my girlfriends taught me,” he said.
“How many girlfriends have you had?” she asked, spearing a piece of chicken and getting a bite of lettuce and apple too.
“Only a few,” he admitted. “This one was the one I had in college for the year I went.”
“Well, I thank her.” Cami lifted her fork with a bite of salad on it in a toast and then ate her food. “Mm,” she said as the tangy salad dressing hit her taste buds. “This is great.”
“I think you’re great,” Clay said, and he took a bite of his own salad. Cami smiled at him as she felt herself slipping a little further in love with him.
She hoped she wasn’t falling too fast, but she didn’t quite know how to slow down. There was nothing around her to grab onto, and after they finished eating, Clay took her face in both of his hands and kissed her.
By the time she tiptoed back into the homestead, she felt like a teenager trying to sneak past her parents in the middle of the night.
Her phone lit up as she used it as a flashlight to get her down the steps without breaking a bone, and she glanced at it.
Her dad: Did you just pull up on the ATV?
Adrenaline forced her heart to pump out several extra beats. Yes, she typed out. Sorry. She should’ve walked or taken a truck that didn’t have such a growly motor. Now everyone on the ranch knew where she’d been, and how late she’d been out.
Just making sure, he sent back, and Cami continued downstairs. She took a quick detour into Jessie’s room to let her know she’d returned, and then Cami hurried into her own bedroom. With the door closed behind her, she allowed herself to relive the way Clay kissed her and how she kissed him back.
“Thank you,” she whispered to God. “Guide me so I don’t lose h
im.” She’d never involved the Lord too much in her previous relationships, but Cami found herself needing His help. She wasn’t sure what that said about her, or maybe it was about Clay. But she just knew she needed some extra guidance to know if what she was doing was right or not.
She sure hoped a relationship with Clay was right, because she definitely liked him a whole lot. And she suddenly couldn’t wait for the fireside the next evening—because she’d get to see Clay again.
A chill ran down Cami’s arms, and not for the first time since walking in the chapel. Pastor Dahl had been talking for twenty minutes, and her attention hadn’t wandered once.
Her heart hurt though. Her pulse kept racing and then slowing down. Speeding up and stalling.
Clay put his arm around her and drew her into his body. “You okay?” he asked, seemingly not upset by anything the preacher was saying.
She nodded, but she hadn’t been able to let go of one statement. Be sure to surround yourself with people who share the same goals, ideals, and values you do.
She’d been trying to figure out if Clay was that man or not. He seemed to love the firesides. He was hardworking. Loyal. Loved dogs.
But he didn’t seem to have the same fondness for family that she did. He didn’t want children. And while Cami knew all life decisions didn’t have to be made at age twenty-seven, she also felt sure the Lord was trying to tell her something.
Or maybe He wasn’t.
Cami honestly didn’t know anymore. She’d had a conversation with Clay about religion making sense, and right now, it didn’t. She just wanted to be alone and let her mind work through things.
But the pastor spoke for another forty minutes, and by then, her nerves screamed at her to get home and barricade herself in her room.
Clay wasn’t in any hurry, though, and he stopped to chat with a couple of cowboys who worked a different ranch. She caught sight of one of her cousins and went to say hello.
“Riley,” she said, and her cousin turned toward her.
