How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big: Kind of the Story of My Life

by Adams, Scott

  Now you know what I know.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

  Summary

  I’ve covered a lot of topics in this book, and I thought it would be helpful to provide a summary to wrap it all up. Keep in mind that if you skipped to the end of the book to read this section, it will seem extraordinarily unpersuasive out of context.

  The model for success I described here looks roughly like this: Focus on your diet first and get that right so you have enough energy to want to exercise. Exercise will further improve your energy, and that in turn will make you more productive, more creative, more positive, more socially desirable, and more able to handle life’s little bumps.

  Once you optimize your personal energy, all you need for success is luck. You can’t directly control luck, but you can move from strategies with bad odds to strategies with good odds. For example, learning multiple skills makes your odds of success dramatically higher than learning one skill. If you learn to control your ego, you can pick strategies that scare off the people who fear embarrassment, thus allowing you to compete against a smaller field. And if you stay in the game long enough, luck has a better chance of finding you. Avoid career traps such as pursuing jobs that require you to sell your limited supply of time while preparing you for nothing better.

  Happiness is the only useful goal in life. Unless you are a sociopath, your own happiness will depend on being good to others. And happiness tends to happen naturally whenever you have good health, resources, and a flexible schedule. Get your health right first, acquire resources and new skills through hard work, and look for an opportunity that gives you a flexible schedule someday.

  Some skills are more important than others, and you should acquire as many of those key skills as possible, including public speaking, business writing, a working understanding of the psychology of persuasion, an understanding of basic technology concepts, social skills, proper voice technique, good grammar, and basic accounting. Develop a habit of simplifying. Learn how to make small talk with strangers, and learn how to avoid being an asshole. If you get that stuff right—and almost anyone can—you will be hard to stop.

  It might help some of you to think of yourself as moist robots and not skin bags full of magic and mystery. If you control the inputs, you can determine the outcomes, give or take some luck. Eat right, exercise, think positively, learn as much as possible, and stay out of jail, and good things can happen.

  Look for patterns in every part of life, from diet to exercise to any component of success. Try to find scientific backing for your observed patterns, and use yourself as a laboratory to see if the patterns hold for you.

  Most important, understand that goals are for losers and systems are for winners. People who seem to have good luck are often the people who have a system that allows luck to find them. I’ve laid out some systems in this book that seem to work for me. Your experience will differ, but it always helps to be thinking in terms of systems and not goals.

  And always remember that failure is your friend. It is the raw material of success. Invite it in. Learn from it. And don’t let it leave until you pick its pocket. That’s a system.

  The End

  Notes

  Chapter One

  The Time I Was Crazy

  1. J. M. Cyranowski et al., “Assessing Social Support, Companionship, and Distress: National Institute of Health (NIH) Toolbox Adult Social Relationship Scales,” Health Psychology 32, no. 3 (2013): 293–301.

  2. Sharon Shiovitz-Ezra and Sara A. Leitsch, “The Role of Social Relationships in Predicting Loneliness: The National Social Life, Health, and Aging Project,” Social Work Research 34, no. 3 (2010): 157–67.

  Chapter Eleven

  The Energy Metric

  1. E. J. Paavonen et al., “TV Exposure Associated with Sleep Disturbances in 5- to 6-Year-Old Children,” Journal of Sleep Research 15 (2006): 154–61.

  2. G. S. Brunborg et al., “The Relationship Between Media Use in the Bedroom, Sleep Habits and Symptoms of Insomnia,” Journal of Sleep Research 20 (2011): 569–75.

  Chapter Twelve

  Managing Your Attitude

  1. M. Iwase et al., “Neural Substrates of Human Facial Expression of Pleasant Emotion Induced by Comic Films: A PET Study,” Neuroimage 17, no. 2 (October 2002): 758–68; Gary Wenk, “Addicted to Smiling: Can the Simple Act of Smiling Bring Pleasure?” Your Brain on Food, Psychology Today, December 27, 2011, http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/your-brain-food/201112/addicted-smiling (accessed April 16, 2013).

  2. Gary Wenk, “Addicted to Smiling: Can the Simple Act of Smiling Bring Pleasure?” Your Brain on Food, Psychology Today, December 27, 2011, http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/your-brain-food/201112/addicted-smiling (accessed April 16, 2013); C. Jarrett, “Faster, Higher, Stronger!” Psychologist 25 (2012): 504–7; D. A. Edwards and L. S. Kurlander, “Women’s Intercollegiate Volleyball and Tennis: Effects of Warm-up, Competition, and Practice on Saliva Levels of Cortisol and Testosterone,” Hormones and Behavior 58 (2010): 606–13; J. M. Carré and S. K. Putnam, “Watching a Previous Victory Produces an Increase in Testosterone Among Elite Hockey Players,” Psychoneuroendocrinology 35 (2010): 475–79; F. Suay et al., “Effects of Competition and Its Outcome on Serum Testosterone, Cortisol and Prolactin,” Psychoneuroendocrinology 24 (1999): 551–66.

  3. B. J. Schabel et al., “Subjective vs. Objective Evaluations of Smile Esthetics,” American Journal of Orthodontics and Dentofacial Orthopedics 135 (2009): S72–S79; Caroline de Deus Tupinambá Rodrigues et al., “The Perception of Smile Attractiveness,” Angle Orthodontist 79, no. 4 (2009): 634–39; I. Bohrn, C. C. Carbon, and F. Hutzler, “Mona Lisa’s Smile—Perception or Deception?” Psychological Science 21, no. 3 (March 2010): 378–80.

  Chapter Thirteen

  It’s Already Working

  1. J. M. George, “Personality, Affect, and Behavior in Groups,” Journal of Applied Psychology 75 (1990): 107–16; Blase E. Masini, Socialization and Selection Processes of Adolescent Peer Groups (Ann Arbor, MI: ProQuest Information & Learning, 1998).

  Chapter Eighteen

  Recognizing Your Talents and Knowing When to Quit

  1. K. Anders Ericsson and Neil Charness, “Expert Performance: Its Structure and Acquisition,” in Stephen J. Ceci and Wendy M. Williams, eds., The Nature-Nurture Debate: The Essential Readings (Malden, MA: Blackwell Publishing, 1999), 199–255.

  2. Stephen Manes and Paul Andrews, Gates: How Microsoft’s Mogul Reinvented an Industry and Made Himself the Richest Man in America (New York: Touchstone Simon & Schuster, 1994).

  Chapter Twenty-one

  The Math of Success

  1. Wikipedia.com, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_cognitive_biases (accessed April 16, 2013).

  2. Robert Cialdini, Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion (New York: HarperBusiness, 2006), pp. 13–14.

  3. Peter DeScioli and Robert Kurzban, “The Alliance Hypothesis for Human Friendship,” PLoS ONE 4, no. 6 (June 3, 2009), http://www.plosone.org/article/info%3Adoi%2F10.1371%2Fjournal.pone.0005802 (accessed April 24, 2013).

  4. J. Vukovic et al., “Women’s Voice Pitch Is Negatively Correlated with Health Risk Factors,” Journal of Evolutionary Psychology 8 (2010): 217–25; L. Kleemola et al., “Voice Activity and Participation Profile in Assessing the Effects of Voice Disorders on Quality of Life: Estimation of the Validity, Reliability and Responsiveness of the Finnish Version,” Folia Phoniatrica et Logopaedica 63 (2011): 113–21; G. G. Gallup Jr. and D. A. Frederick, “The Science of Sex Appeal: An Evolutionary Perspective,” Review of General Psychology 14 (2010): 240–50; L. F. Meulenbroek and F. I. de Jong, “Voice Quality in Relation to Voice Complaints and Vocal Fold Condition During the Screening of Female Student Teachers,” Journal of Voice 25, no. 4 (July 2011): 462–66; J. Golub et al., “Prevalence of Perceived Dysphonia in a Geriatric Population,” Journal of the American Geriatrics Society 54 (2006): 1736–39.

  5. P. F. Farrand, “Generic Health-Related Quality of Life Amongst Patients Emp
loying Different Voice Restoration Methods Following Total Laryngectomy,” Psychology, Health & Medicine 12 (2007): 255–65; Kleemola et al., “Voice Activity and Participation Profile in Assessing the Effects of Voice Disorders on Quality of Life: Estimation of the Validity, Reliability and Responsiveness of the Finnish Version,” Folia Phoniatrica et Logopaedica 63 (2011): 113–21; Gallup Jr. and Frederick, “The Science of Sex Appeal: 240–50; L. F. Meulenbroek and F. I. de Jong, “Voice Quality in Relation to Voice Complaints and Vocal Fold Condition During the Screening of Female Student Teachers,” Journal of Voice 25, no. 4 (July 2011): 462–66; J. Golub et al., “Prevalence of Perceived Dysphonia in a Geriatric Population,” Journal of the American Geriatrics Society 54 (2006): 1736–39.

  6. C. A. Wong, H. K. S. Laschinger, and G. G. Cummings, “Authentic Leadership and Nurses’ Voice Behaviour and Perceptions of Care Quality,” Journal of Nursing Management 18 (2010): 889–900.

  7. Gallup and Frederick, “The Science of Sex Appeal.”

  8. S. A. Zope and R. A. Zope, “Sudarshan Kriya Yoga: Breathing for Health,” International Journal of Yoga 6 (2013): 4–10; X. Liu et al., “A Preliminary Study of the Effects of Tai Chi and Qigong Medical Exercise on Indicators of Metabolic Syndrome, Glycaemic Control, Health-Related Quality of Life, and Psychological Health in Adults with Elevated Blood Glucose,” British Journal of Sports Medicine 44 (2010): 704–9; S.-C. Kuan, K.-M. Chen, and C. Wang, “Effectiveness of Qigong in Promoting the Health of Wheelchair-Bound Older Adults in Long-Term Care Facilities,” Biological Research for Nursing 14 (2012): 139–46; Y. Jefferson, “Mouth Breathing: Adverse Effects on Facial Growth, Health, Academics, and Behavior,” General Dentistry 58 (2010): 18; “Breathe Away Stress in 8 Steps: Try This Simple Technique to Enjoy a Variety of Health Benefits,” Harvard Men’s Health Watch 17, no. 4 (2012): 5.

  Chapter Twenty-two

  Pattern Recognition

  1. J. Foust, “Wave Rider,” Yoga Journal 2005: 69–70.

  2. Brad Paul, “20 Habits of Successful People,” Guru Habits, 2013, http://www.guruhabits.com/successful-people/ (accessed April 21, 2013).

  3. M. G. Goldsby, D. F. Kuratko, and J. W. Bishop, “Entrepreneurship and Fitness: An Examination of Rigorous Exercise and Goal Attainment Among Small Business Owners,” Journal of Small Business Management 43 (2005): 78–92; S. McDowell-Larsen, L. Kearney, and D. Campbell, “Fitness and Leadership: Is There a Relationship? Regular Exercise Correlates with Higher Leadership Ratings in Senior-Level Executives,” Journal of Managerial Psychology 17 (2002): 316–24.

  Chapter Twenty-three

  Humor

  1. M. Wierzbicki and R. D. Young, “The Relation of Intelligence and Task Difficulty to Appreciation of Humor,” Journal of General Psychology 99 (1978): 25; R. M. Khoury, “Sex and Intelligence Differences in Humor Appreciation: A Reexamining,” Social Behavior & Personality: An International Journal 5 (1977): 377; G. Greengross, R. A. Martin, and G. Miller, “Personality Traits, Intelligence, Humor Styles, and Humor Production Ability of Professional Stand-up Comedians Compared to College Students,” Psychology of Aesthetics, Creativity, and the Arts 6 (2012): 74–82.

  2. G. Weisfeld et al., “Do Women Seek Humorousness in Men Because It Signals Intelligence? A Cross-Cultural Test,” Humor: International Journal of Humor Research 24 (2011): 435–62.

  3. W. Hauck and J. Thomas, “The Relationship of Humor to Intelligence, Creativity, and Intentional and Incidental Learning,” Journal of Experimental Education 40 (1972); Z. Avner, “Facilitating Effects of Humor on Creativity,” Journal of Educational Psychology 68 (1976): 318–22.

  Chapter Twenty-nine

  Association Programming

  1. H. Trice and P. Roman, “Sociopsychological Predictors of Affiliation with Alcoholics Anonymous: A Longitudinal Study of Treatment Success,” Social Psychiatry 5 (1970): 51–52; Hal Arkowitz and Scott O. Lilienfeld, “Does Alcoholics Anonymous Work?” Scientific American, March 29, 2011.

  2. G. Tamburlini et al., “The Spread of Obesity in a Social Network”; N. A. Christakis and J. H. Fowler, “The Spread of Obesity in a Large Social Network over 32 Years,” New England Journal of Medicine 357 (2007): 370–79; and 1866–68; A. Boothe and R. Brouwer, “Unmet Social Support for Healthy Behaviors Among Overweight and Obese Postpartum Women: Results from the Active Mothers Postpartum Study,” Journal of Women’s Health (15409996) 20 (2011): 1677–85; J. F. Sallis et al., “Environmental Support for Eating and Exercise Change Scales: Ten-Year Outcomes of Behavioral Family-Based Treatment for Childhood Obesity,” 13 (1994): 373–83; Noel Kulik, “Social Support and Weight Loss Among Adolescent Females” (PhD diss., University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, 2012); E. Jelalian, A. Sato, and C. Hart, “The Effect of Group-Based Weight-Control Intervention on Adolescent Psychosocial Outcomes: Perceived Peer Rejection, Social Anxiety, and Self-Concept,” Children’s Health Care 40 (2011): 197–211; N. K.-C. Chan and A. C. Gillick, “Fatness as a Disability: Questions of Personal and Group Identity,” Disability & Society 24, no. 2 (March 2009): 231–43.

  Chapter Thirty

  Happiness

  1. R. Wright, “Dancing to Evolution’s Tune,” Time 165 (2005): A11–A; C. Pert, “Molecules & Choice,” Shift: At the Frontiers of Consciousness, Vol. 4, 2004, 20–24; M. Pelletier et al., “Separate Neural Circuits for Primary Emotions? Brain Activity During Self-Induced Sadness and Happiness in Professional Actors,” NeuroReport 14, no. 8 (June 11, 2003): 1111–16; A. Park, “Molecules of Emotion: Why You Feel the Way You Feel,” Visions: The Journal of Rogerian Nursing Science 15 (2008): 56–57; L. Foss, “The Necessary Subjectivity of Bodymind Medicine: Candace Pert’s Molecules of Emotions,” Advances in Mind-Body Medicine 15 (1999): 122–34; L. Conboy et al., “Role of NCAM in Emotion and Learning,” Advances in Experimental Medicine and Biology 663 (2010): 271–96.

  2. E. M. Price and K. Fisher, “Additional Studies of the Emotional Needs of Amputees,” Journal of Prosthetics and Orthotics 17 (2005): 52; M. J. Giummarra et al., “The Menacing Phantom: What Pulls the Trigger?” European Journal of Pain 15 (2011): e1–e8; S. Akarsu et al., “Quality of Life and Functionality After Lower Limb Amputations: Comparison Between Uni- vs. Bilateral Amputee Patients,” Prosthetics and Orthotics International 37 (2013): 9–13.

  3. H. Steinberg and E. A. Sykes, “Introduction to Symposium on Endorphins and Behavioural Processes: Review of Literature on Endorphins and Exercise,” Pharmacology, Biochemistry and Behavior 23 (1985): 857–62; O. Sokumbi, A. Moore, and P. Watt, “Plasma Levels of Beta-Endorphin and Serotonin in Response to Specific Spinal Based Exercises,” South African Journal of Physiotherapy 64 (2008): 31; H. Harbach et al., “Beta-Endorphin (1-31) in the Plasma of Male Volunteers Undergoing Physical Exercise,” Psychoneuroendocrinology 25 (2000): 551–62; K. T. Francis, “The Role of Endorphins in Exercise: A Review of Current Knowledge,” Journal of Orthopaedic & Sports Physical Therapy 4 (1983): 169–73; R. K. Dishman and P. J. O’Connor, “Lessons in Exercise Neurobiology: The Case of Endorphins,” Mental Health and Physical Activity 2 (2009): 4–9; M. aan het Rot, K. A. Collins, and H. L. Fitterling, “Physical Exercise and Depression,” Mount Sinai Journal of Medicine 76, no. 2 (April 2009): 204–14.

  4. N. H. Flausino et al., “Physical Exercise Performed Before Bedtime Improves the Sleep Pattern of Healthy Young Good Sleepers,” Psychophysiology 49 (2012): 186–92.

  Chapter Thirty-one

  Diet

  1. F. N. Jacka et al., “Associations Between Diet Quality and Depressed Mood in Adolescents: Results from the Australian Healthy Neighbourhoods Study,” Australian & New Zealand Journal of Psychiatry 44 (2010): 435–42; A. Dunne, “Food and Mood: Evidence for Diet-Related Changes in Mental Health,” British Journal of Community Nursing 17, no. 11 suppl. (November 5, 2012): 20–24; K. M. Davison and B. J. Kaplan, “Vitamin and Mineral Intakes in Adults with Mood Disorders: Comparisons to Nutrition Standards and Associations with Sociodemographic and Clinical Variables,” Journal of the American College of Nutrition 30
(2011): 547–58; J. J. Annesi, “Predictors of Exercise-Induced Mood Change During a 6-Month Exercise and Nutrition Education Program with Obese Women,” Perceptual & Motor Skills 109 (2009): 931–40; Centre for Reviews and Dissemination, “Scientific Evidence of Interventions Using the Mediterranean Diet: A Systematic Review (Structured Abstract),” in L. Serra-Majem, B. Roman, and R. Estruch, eds. (2006): S27–S47; N. L. Soh et al., “Nutrition, Mood and Behaviour: A Review,” Acta Neuropsychiatrica 21 (2009): 214–27; G. Parker et al., “Omega-3 Fatty Acids and Mood Disorders,” American Journal of Psychiatry 163 (2006): 969–78; A. H. Crisp, “Sleep, Activity, Nutrition and Mood,” British Journal of Psychiatry 137 (1980): 1–7; R. S. Bhat, “You Are What You Eat: Of Fish, Fat and Folate in Late-Life Psychiatric Disorders,” Current Opinion in Psychiatry 22 (2009): 541–45; K. M. Appleton, P. J. Rogers, and A. R. Ness, “Updated Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis of the Effects of n-3 Long-Chain Polyunsaturated Fatty Acids on Depressed Mood,” American Journal of Clinical Nutrition 91 (2010): 757–70; K. M. Appleton et al., “Effects of n-3 Long-Chain Polyunsaturated Fatty Acids on Depressed Mood: Systematic Review of Published Trials,” American Journal of Clinical Nutrition 84 (2006): 1308–16.