by Aly Martinez
Her face was buried in the crook of my neck as she rambled a million miles a minute. “I have no idea what to do here. I like you, but you’re right. You can’t be with someone like me. And, more than that, you shouldn’t have to. Over the last week, I’ve been doing a lot better and finally feeling better than I have in years. But I don’t know if it will stay that way. What if I find my feet on that bridge again? ” She suddenly sat up. “I can’t put you in that position. Not after everything you’ve been through.” She rested her head back on my shoulder. “You’re amazing, Sam. I’m so fucking sorry that you had to deal with all of that in your past, but I can’t ask you to potentially deal with my issues in the future. And it hurts because I lied. I more than like you. I hardly know you, but I want to keep you. Just the way you are. Maybe forever.”
A lump formed in my throat, and an unlikely smile tilted my lips. I’d learned early on that, no matter how I tried, I couldn’t fix everything for everyone. I couldn’t make my Dad better any more than I could Anne.
But I could fix this.
With a sigh, I whispered into the top of her hair, “Then do it.”
Her head popped up, confusion painting her tear-stained face.
“Levee, I’m not the one trying to leave. You’re right. This is going to be a struggle for me, but while I have no idea what issues you do have, I do know you’re not my dad or Anne.”
Framing her face with my hands, I pulled her in for a kiss. She was still visibly upset, but I couldn’t deny that the brief contact was more for me than it was for her.
“Levee, when Anne was a teen, she started exhibiting a lot of my father’s typical behaviors. My mom immediately hauled her into the doctor, begging for them to do something…and they did. She battled with what we thought was bipolar disorder for years, but when she was twenty, everything went downhill fast. She started hallucinating and flipping out over nothing. My mom and I did the best we could, but nothing seemed to help. At twenty-one, Anne was officially diagnosed with schizophrenia. I have no idea if that’s what my dad had too. After seeing Anne, it’s not exactly a stretch that he could have been misdiagnosed also.” My pulse slowed, and the truth I was prepared to admit ebbed any residual fear from my body. “But I do know that it’s not what you struggle with.”
Her eyes filled with tears all over again. “No. I don’t think it is, either. But that doesn’t change the fact that you deserve someone different than me. Someone better.” She climbed off my lap, but I no longer worried that she was going to bolt.
If she wanted space to think, I’d give her that.
Gnawing on her thumbnail, she began to pace. Then she stopped and turned to face me, her shoulders rolled forward in defeat. “You need someone you didn’t meet on the top of a bridge.”
But I didn’t give a single fuck what Levee thought I needed.
I’d made my decision.
With all of my unease about pursuing something with her organized inside my mind, a familiar levity washed over me. Reclining back against the couch, I folded my hands behind my head and propped my feet on the table.
“You’re right,” I replied curtly, and her whole body sagged as she looked away. I smirked to myself. “The only problem, Levee, is I just want you.”
Her gaze snapped to mine, and her eyes were filled with a mixture of surprise and hope. As her chin fought to suppress a smile, it gave me hope as well.
I walked over and wrapped her in my arms. Then I repeated familiar words that were suddenly more fitting than ever. “I’m not perfect, and I’d like to pretend you aren’t, either.”
She dropped her head to my shoulder as her arms dangled at her sides.
I kissed her hair and whispered, “There isn’t a woman in the world who doesn’t have demons of some sort. No matter who I end up with, it’s always going to be a struggle.” I kissed her hair again, letting it linger as if my lips were able to transfer the truth of my words. “Levee, I’d like to struggle with you.”
That should have been my big finish, but she didn’t even acknowledge that she’d heard me. She stood impossibly still in my grasp. She wasn’t moving away, but she wasn’t returning my embrace either. I couldn’t see her face to get a read on her reaction, and after a few moments of silence, it began to unnerve me.
“I meant that in a good way,” I whispered, squeezing her tight.
She tipped her head back to look into my eyes and mumbled, “I’m going to need you to sign a release.”
“Huh?”
“I need you to sign a copyright release, because I’m using every single bit of that speech in a song. Jesus, Sam. ‘I’d like to struggle with you.’ I’m so freaking jealous that I didn’t write that.”
I smiled as she finally circled her arms around my neck. “You can have it. It’s not like I can use it again at this point.”
“I don’t know. You did a pretty nice job at recycling the ‘perfect’ thing.”
“I didn’t recycle—I repurposed,” I exaggerated with a wink.
She laughed then leaned her head back to my shoulder. “Sam, you have no idea what you’re getting into.”
“No one ever does. It’s the beauty of taking risks.”
“Oh my God,” she breathed. “I’ll need a release on that too.”
I chuckled, dropping my hands down to her ass. “Look at me,” I urged with a squeeze.
Reluctantly, her red-rimmed eyes met mine.
“I shouldn’t have stormed out on you the other night, but I swear it won’t ever happen again. You need to talk about…anything. Hell, even if you get sick of me and ditch me for some big-time bazillionaire actor tomorrow, I’m still here.”
She narrowed her eyes.
“I’m just saying, I’m here no matter when, where, or why. I don’t want you holding back because of my history. Okay?” I didn’t care if she answered or if she thought it was okay. It made me feel infinitely better to know I’d put it out there.
“Ugh.” She lolled her head back down. “You’re such a good guy.”
“Not always. I’m a real dick if you try to use my toothbrush in the morning.”
Her shoulders shook as she laughed. They stilled when her lips brushed against my neck. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
“Good.” I squeezed her ass again.
“This is going to be a train wreck for you, Sam. But I really want to see if we can make something work. I believe I can get better and get my life in order, but struggling with me is exactly what you’ll be doing while I try to find some sort of balance. Besides all my issues, my life is crazy town.” She never looked up as she continued. “There’s no such thing as dinner and movie dates with me. I can’t even leave the house without security. I work nonstop and get recognized virtually everywhere I go. I travel for six months out of every year, and my free time is usually spent at children’s hospitals.” She sighed. “I don’t know how to date anyone anymore, especially someone who isn’t in the industry. The press is going to eat you alive, so we’d have to keep this quiet.”
I could feel her heart pounding against my chest, and her breathing was labored as if she’d just finished a marathon.
“Nobody can know.” Sure, she was talking to me, but she wasn’t telling me anything new. All she’d managed to do was work herself up into a frenzy.
“Calm down.” I hugged her tight. “We don’t have to figure out all of this tonight. Hell, we don’t actually have to figure it out at all. The rest will work itself out. We’ll keep things chill for a while. I’m okay with date nights at casa de Rivers. It has a convenient private bedroom at our disposal.” I glided a hand down her back, but she didn’t laugh.
She continued to freak out. “You don’t understand how much this is going to change your life,” she whispered.
She was absolutely right. My life would never be the same again.
And it was invigorating.
I understood that dating a woman like Levee was going to be difficult, but if she was the great at the
end of the day, I was more than up for the challenge.
“I’ll be okay. I promise.”
“You say that now…but—”
“Levee, stop. Take a deep breath and relax. No matter what you say, you’re not talking me out of this. I want to make something work with you, and you’ve made it clear that you want something with me. So let’s do it. End of story.”
“Sam,” she objected, clearly not done talking.
But I was.
“What’s your schedule look like tomorrow? I want you to spend the night.”
“I have to leave in the morning for LA. I have a concert tomorrow night. Then I’m scheduled for a month of”—she lifted her hands in a pair of air quotes—“‘vacation.’”
“Are there going to be doctors on this vacation?”
She nodded.
“Good.”
“Yeah, fantastic,” she deadpanned.
“Oh, hush. It will be fantastic. Now, spend the night and tell me who I need to sleep with to get tickets to your show tomorrow night? I have two days until you’re gone. I’m maximizing my time whether you want it or not.”
“Are you sure?”
I reached up and pinched her lips between two fingers. “Zip it. I’m positive.”
She sighed, and her whole body relaxed.
As anxiety drained from her face, my Designer Shoes appeared before my eyes with an enticing smirk. Pushing my hand away, she pressed a kiss to my mouth. “I might know someone who can get you tickets, but I hear she’s pretty needy in bed.”
“She can’t be any needier than you.” I kissed her again, greedily opening my mouth for a taste I had been longing for.
She was leaving in two days, but for the first time since I’d met Levee, I knew for certain she’d be coming back.
To me.
IF SAM COULD pretend that sheer force of will was enough to overcome our issues and attempt a relationship that was obviously destined to fail, so could I.
Hell, I could probably pretend for the rest of my life if he continued to hold me the way he did.
Kiss me the way he did.
Touch me the way he did.
Save me the way he did.
With a firm squeeze around my waist, he lifted me off the ground. Never breaking the kiss, he carried me, dangling in his arms¸ to the couch.
He sat on the cushion and attempted to pull me on top of him, but I sank to my knees instead.
“No,” he objected as I went to work on the button of his jeans.
“Yes.”
“Levee, no.” He shoved his hands under my arms and lay down, dragging me with him.
“Stop!” I laughed as I fought against him, but somehow, he’d managed to wedge me between the back of the couch and his body.
Pinning both my hands above my head with only one of his own, he rolled on top of me. “I’ll stop when I’m done eating your pussy.” He slid a hand between my legs and used the seam of my jeans to rub glorious circles. “But, when I’m done, I promise I’ll give you my cock anywhere you want. Mouth.” He popped the button on my jeans open with one hand. “Pussy.” Releasing my hands, he tugged my pants over my hips as I kicked my shoes off. Pausing, he arched an eyebrow. “Ass.”
I scowled, which caused him to chuckle as he pulled my panties off as well.
“Okay. Okay. So maybe no ass.”
“Good call,” I said, sitting up to remove my shirt. It was still in my hand when his mouth crushed over mine and his hand dove between my legs. “Sam,” I gasped as two fingers suddenly filled me.
“Sit up,” he ordered, kneeling on the couch while continuing to piston his fingers in and out.
I wasn’t going to argue. I was, however, going to take it further.
While Sam used one skilled hand to unsnap my bra, I flipped the button on his jeans and snuck my hand inside.
“Fuck,” he cursed.
A moan escaped my own throat as I closed my hand around his length.
Sam’s dick was incredible—the perfect combination of long and thick women dreamed about. However, it was the memories of the barbell that graced the head that had caused me to kill more than one set of batteries over the last week. I’d never been with anyone who’d been pierced before, but after having felt the metal glide over what I assumed was the elusive G-spot, I knew it was about to become a requirement for all future boyfriends.
Or maybe, somehow, someway, I’d be lucky and get to keep Sam.
Leaning down, he took my mouth in another hasty kiss. I matched the rhythm of his hand until he suddenly stepped out of my reach. He removed his fingers and peeled his shirt over his head. I would have complained about the loss, but his fingers quickly returned, and within seconds, his mouth followed, sealing over my clit.
“Oh God.” I arched off the couch as Sam attempted to settle between my knees. His tall body wouldn’t fit on the couch, so he hooked my legs over his shoulders and turned us so he could kneel on the ground in front of me.
My fingers tangled in his hair as he trailed a hand up to my breast, deliciously rolling my nipple while his mouth worked me from all angles. It wasn’t enough though. He was devouring me, and I could have easily come within minutes, but I wanted more. We were wrong on so many levels, but the way he made me forget about the free fall while he was inside me made it absolutely right.
At least, for me.
After the night we’d had, I didn’t want to come against his mouth. I wanted his weight on top of me, grounding me while reminding me of what we now had. And, better than that, what we could possibly have in the future.
Giving his hair a rough tug, I said, “I want you inside me.”
His tongue continued to flick against my swollen clit, but his eyes lifted to mine.
“You’re driving me mad, but I need you inside me. I need to know I’m driving you mad too.”
“No,” he murmured. Then his tongue darted out.
“Sam, please,” I cried, pulling on his hair.
His hand left my breast and disappeared out of my view. His shoulder moved against my leg as he stroked his dick while he watched his fingers moving inside me. “Rest assured that you’re driving me in-fucking-sane. But I get one night with you. Then all I’ll have for the next month are those memories. Stop fighting it, and give me one of this sweet cunt coming on my mouth.”
Jesus.
Like I was going to say no to that.
Who was I to deny the man a memory?
I was going to need the memories too.
“Okay. Umm…I guess you should stop talking and get back to work, then.”
A devilish grin grew on his lips.
Then he did just that. Sam licked and teased with a fierce determination. His tongue swirled and his fingertips circled, working me harder and pushing me higher than ever before. I still wanted to feel him inside me, but once I let myself go, I was no longer willing to lose his mouth.
As my muscled tensed, attempting to fight the impending climax, Sam’s hands disappeared. His tongue stayed the course, and even with as lost as I was, I became vaguely aware of his shoulders shifting and the familiar crinkle of a condom wrapper. I lifted my hips, silently asking for more, and Sam more than answered. Two fingers thrust inside me, curling as he sucked hard on my clit. I couldn’t even fight.
I sat up straight and ground against his face as the orgasm tore through me.
I was still pulsing and riding the high when Sam was suddenly gone.
Less than a second later, he was everywhere.
His body covered mine, forcing me down to the couch just as he slammed to the hilt inside me. He cursed loudly, but all coherent thoughts had escaped me. A new orgasm sparked within even before the first had left. My legs shook as he wrapped them around his hips. His hand snaked into my hair, and he roughly drove into me, each thrust deeper than the last.
Sam’s golden eyes filled with feral possession as they rose to meet mine.
In that moment, the perpetual free fall was no match
for the way he made me feel.
I was still falling at unstoppable speeds—only, in his arms, as his body claimed me without a single word spoken, I was suddenly falling…up.
A tear slipped from my eye and a smile tilted my lips as I clung to his back while another orgasm washed over me.
Sam continued to chase his own release until finally he came whispering my name. It was more musical to my ears than any note I had ever sung, written, or played.
“Hey.” His gravelly voice caught my attention as he pushed up to catch my gaze. “Good or bad?” he asked, using the pad of his thumb to wipe away the wet trail then pressing it against my lips.
“Good,” I mumbled around it. “Really, really good.”
“Good,” he whispered, replacing his thumb with his lips. He breathed deeply, but kept it chaste. “Let me get rid of the condom. I need a smoke. Then we can take a shower.” He winked, climbing off me and sauntering away.
Sitting upright, I collected my clothes off the floor with a silly smile.
Yeah. We can do this.
“You want something to sleep in?” Sam asked, emerging from the hallway in a new pair of jeans riding low on his hips with a shirt slung over his shoulder, an unlit cigarette already dangling from his lips.
He looked downright edible. My eyes raked over the tattoos covering his chest and down his arms and his sides.
Under my scrutiny, he stood proudly, flexing to define his six-pack. “Fuck, I love when you look at me like that.”
“Perfect, because I love looking at you like that.” I motioned my finger up and down his body.
“It’s official. I’m burning all of my shirts. You want to rescue this one from the fiery pits and sleep in it tonight?” He offered me the one off his shoulder.
“Please.” I laughed as he threw the cotton top in my direction.
As I tugged the oversized rePURPOSEd T-shirt over my naked body and stepped into my panties, he slowly made his way over to me.
Cupping my jaw, he rubbed his thumb back and forth over my cheek. “I’m really fucking happy you’re here.”
“Me too.” I smiled.
