by Candis Terry
Why?
She could only guess. But if he’d just wanted sex, he could have gotten that back at the house. So something else was on his mind as he poured deep red cabernet into the cups and handed her one.
Curiosity peaked when he lifted his cup in a toast.
“Just wanted to say thank you for jumping in and rescuing my brother’s wedding when I know you were set on getting out of town.”
“It’s no big deal. It’s what I do for a living.”
“It’s a big deal, Allison.”
The expression that darkened his face was serious, and she knew exactly why that stung just a little. She didn’t want to do something nice for someone only to have it seen as a big deal. She wanted to do something nice for someone and have them think it was just an everyday thing for her to be so thoughtful. She didn’t want to be like her mother, who rarely showed consideration for others. She wanted to be like Jana, whose compassion went without question.
“I know you question how so many things could go wrong and why they’d want to go through with it,” Jesse said. “I know you think Reno and Charli’s marriage will probably be cursed and that they’ll end up in divorce court along with hordes of other married couples. But I can tell you that will never happen.”
“How can you be so sure?”
He took a moment to compose his thoughts. She was completely captivated.
“Because I believe that true love doesn’t come around every day,” he said. “I believe that some people meet, have a few things in common, maybe some great sex, and think that’s enough to base a lifetime when they really should have moved on and discovered the person they were really meant to be with. How many times have you seen someone get divorced after a short run, then marry someone they call their soul mate, and that marriage lasts forever?”
She didn’t have an answer for those statistics and shrugged.
“Haven’t thought that far, have you?”
“I guess not.”
“Some people marry for the wrong reasons, Allison.” His big warm hand covered hers on top of the blanket. “I believe true love is tested. It doesn’t come easy because it’s a gift, and it has to be treated with respect. You don’t walk out on someone just because you’re having a bad day, or the kids are cranky, or you don’t get the TV remote enough.”
His strong fingers curled around her hand. “Reno and Charli have been tested. They respect each other. And I guarantee neither of them would ever run out on the other. They’re meant to be.”
“But how do they know?” The million-dollar question. “How does anyone know?”
“You feel it in here.” He lifted his hand and settled his warm palm above her heart. “Once you get past the butterflies that come with the newness of a relationship—the infatuation—you listen with the most important tool in your body.”
“I thought that was your head.”
“Uh-uh. Your head will tell you someone’s good-looking and would be easy to wake up to every day. Or that they make a good living and can provide you with the lifestyle you want. There are usually warning signs when it’s not right. Most people ignore them. Or they think they can change someone. Your head will fool you. Your heart never will.”
A smile tweaked the corners of his mouth. “My mom always says that if you listen carefully, your heart will help you find that one person whose hand you want to hold until they take their last breath.”
“Your mom is really grounded.” And wonderful. And so unlike her own mother.
“She is.”
“So that must be how you—renowned playboy of Sweet, Texas—got so smart about relationships.”
“Maybe.” His broad shoulders lifted. “I just pay attention to what I see. And I allow myself the right to believe that my heart won’t steer me wrong.”
She pulled a deep breath into her lungs and wondered what his heart said about her. Most likely, there were flashing red lights and sirens warning him off.
“Enough about me.” He took a drink of wine and firelight danced in his eyes. “Your turn.”
“For what?”
“In case you haven’t noticed, this is called sharing time.” He gave her a hopeful look. “So this is where you get to reveal something about yourself you wouldn’t normally share.”
She set her paper cup down on the ground, crossed her legs, then held her hands up to catch the warmth of the fire.
“You’re stalling,” he said.
“You do pay attention.”
“Which means I’m a good listener. Believe me; as the middle child in a family of five brothers, I’ve pretty much heard it all. Nothing you say is going to make me judge you. But it might help clear things up a little. So tell me something new. Something you might not share with others.”
She studied his face as flickering highlights and shadows leaped up from the flames.
“So reluctant.” He trailed his index finger over the top of her hand. “Would it make you feel better if I shared something first?”
“I don’t want to know how many lovers you’ve had if that’s where you’re going.”
His face grew serious. “I’m going to tell you something because I feel safe telling you. Even though telling you is wrong. There are others who should know first.”
“You don’t have to.”
“I know. But when two people care about each other, they share.”
She swallowed down her fear and opened her heart.
“The last time Jared and I met up at Camp Leatherneck, he told me he’d fallen in love.”
“That’s wonderful.”
“With a man.”
“Did it matter who he fell in love with?”
“No. But he made me promise not to tell anyone. He’d told our dad, who, in turn told him to keep it quiet until they could figure things out.”
“So your father was against homosexuality? From everything I’ve heard about him, that doesn’t sound right.”
“He wasn’t against it at all. He was only concerned for Jared’s and his partner’s well-being. For their safety. The military isn’t always accepting of homosexuals, and Jared had always had his sights set on a military career. But my dad asked Jared to keep it private, then Jared was killed. The guilt my father felt for denying his son love ate at his conscience until his heart just . . . broke.”
“Oh my . . .” She pulled him into a hug and stroked her hand down his back. “I’m so sorry. Your mom told me he’d died of a broken heart. I had no idea just how broken.”
He leaned back, and his long fingers framed her face. “After my dad died, all I wanted was to make sure everyone found happiness.”
“Oh, Jesse.” She touched his face. “And so you’ve been denying yourself that very thing?”
“Apparently.”
Her heart expanded. She could not love this man more if she tried.
“I’m sure neither Jared nor your father would ever want or expect you to give up so much.”
“The only other person I’ve spoken to about this is Reno.”
“How did he take the news?”
His broad shoulders lifted with the weight of the secret he’d held on to for so long. “The same as me. Don’t care who Jared loved, just wished it could have all been out in the open, so he could have enjoyed his life more.”
“I guess in situations like this, life really is too short.”
He nodded. “Thanks for listening and not judging.”
A smile touched her lips. “I’ve spent a lot of time in your brother’s truck. I only wish I’d had the chance to know him. If only to tell him to quit smoking.”
A chuckle rumbled deep in his chest. “You wouldn’t have been the first to nag at him for that nasty habit.”
“I’m sure I wouldn’t.” She reached up and combed his hair
back with her fingers. “He was lucky to have you, you know.”
“I was the lucky one.”
The way she saw it, all the Wilders were lucky to have each other.
“Thank you for trusting me,” she said.
“Ditto.” He gave her a quick kiss. “Your turn.”
“I . . .” She blew out a slow breath. “Have a blog.”
“A blog?”
She nodded.
“Tell me more.”
Clearly, she’d stepped off the cliff, so at this point she had no choice but to spread her wings and fly.
Even if she crashed and burned.
“I started it after my parents’ divorce because I needed somewhere I could release all my frustrations. All my life, my mom and dad fought and argued. I heard more yelling than I did laughter.”
The nightmares of her parents’ battles still haunted her. She captured a breath in her lungs. Jesse smoothed a hand down her back. Only because of the compassion he offered was she able to continue.
“I have memories of my mother’s ripping me and Danielle from our beds in the middle of the night and forcing us to stay in a hotel away from my dad. Sometimes for days. My father did his best to keep us out of their battles. My mother preferred to drag us right into the core. She took us away, not because she wanted us with her, but because she knew it would hurt my dad.”
“I’m sorry.” His hand gently rubbed up and down her back. “That must have been really hard for you and your sister.”
“It wasn’t easy. But it also explains a lot about me.” She glanced away because the truth stole the breath from her lungs. “You only get to see things as they’re presented to you. From my observation, marriage seems to bring out the worst in people.”
“I guess from your standpoint, in a very cynical way, that makes sense,” he said.
“It’s not that I like being cynical.” She hesitated, surprised at how badly she wanted to look at life through less skeptical eyes. “But it’s been pounded into my head since I can remember. Guess even though you become an adult, and you think you’re your own person, you’re just fooling yourself.”
“What do you mean?”
“My mother has always told me I’m just like her. That I’m unsuitable for being with just one person for the rest of my life.”
“Bullshit.”
“It’s probably true.” She shifted her gaze to where the horses stood beneath the trees because she couldn’t handle the disappointment darkening Jesse’s eyes. “Settling down has never even entered my mind.”
“Never?”
Lately, something had changed, and the truth of it made her snap her gaze back to the man who sat beside her.
In the past weeks, she’d found herself surrounded by loving couples she couldn’t help but admire. People she was learning to respect and aspire to be.
When she looked at Jesse, a funny tickle in her heart whispered, “What if he’s the one?”
She’d been taught from early on that there was no such thing. But it appeared her heart wasn’t listening.
Maybe Jesse was right. Maybe a person needed to listen to their heart, not all the nonsense that had been shoved into their head.
“Well, maybe not never,” she said, going for a smile that probably wavered with her uncertainty.
“Allison, I’m glad you found an outlet for dealing with your past and your doubts. I’m a strong believer that if you have too much weight on your shoulders, there’s always someone to help you through. Next time?” He cupped her face in his hands. “I’ve got your back. Talk to me. Okay?”
His willingness to step up and take on her issues brought tears to her eyes. “I’ve never had anyone I could talk to about this before,” she admitted. “My dad couldn’t handle it. My sister was too busy building her own life. And my mother didn’t want to hear it.”
“Not trying to talk smack about your mother,” Jesse said, “but I’m pretty sure her reasons for getting married and divorced so many times are a major personality flaw.”
“Well, she does have that,” she agreed. “But no matter how many times I try to find my way around everything, it all comes right back to my mother’s DNA and her insistence that I’m just like her.”
“That might be wishful thinking on her part. Misery loves company, right?” He plucked a long blade of grass from the ground and twirled it between his fingers. “Look, if everyone thought that way, then Reno would be a drug-addict dealer who’d abandon his own kid. Can you imagine him that way?”
“No! He’s one of the finest people I’ve ever met.”
“Exactly. But that’s his past. That’s who his birth mother was. So maybe instead of focusing on your past, you should look toward the future. Find the things that outshine your mother’s misguided prophecy.” He tickled the blade of grass across the top of her hand. “What about your sister’s marriage?”
“Danielle and Andrew truly are my one hope,” she admitted. “Their relationship has always been perfect in every way. They’ve never had a fight. They communicate—something I don’t think my parents ever managed to do. Andrew has always been so supportive of my sister. Especially when our parents went through their divorce. She could call on him at any time, day or night. He’s always been so understanding and compassionate.”
Allison took a breath. In her eyes as well as her sister’s, Andrew walked on water. “Danielle had morning sickness the entire nine months she was pregnant with Lily. Andrew would hold her head when she got sick. He’d rub her back, legs, and feet. One time, in the middle of the night, he even went to the store in the pouring rain to buy crackers and ginger ale because they’d run out.
“Danielle is equally devoted to him. When he went through the police academy, the hours were long and hard. Danielle stood by him and took care of everything, so all he had to do was focus on his career. Though he works in such a violent profession, he’s never lost his warm and generous heart. When you see him with his wife and his little girls, there’s no question he can block out the horrible things he deals with in his job.”
She smiled, knowing that her brother-in-law was a man to be admired and a man you could trust. And though she’d occasionally found herself a little jealous of the prince her sister had found, she was pleased that at least someone in her family had found utopia.
“If anyone can go the distance, it’s them,” she said with confidence.
“That’s great.” He leaned in and cupped her cheek in his hand. His smile warmed her from the inside out. “It’s better to have one hope than no hope. Because that means there’s room to grow.”
The ache in her chest lifted, and her heart seemed to float like a happy-face balloon. “Jesse Wilder, you never cease to surprise me.”
“Darlin’, I’ve only just begun.”
Jesse didn’t need more unpleasant details to figure out the pattern that had been Allison’s childhood. It was now clear why she was so afraid to let go of her beliefs. It crushed him that she’d lived such a complicated life, one with so little love and affection. Right now, he just wanted to reach out. Touch her. Feel her. And give to her. To find that connection they shared. Hopefully, she’d come to realize there was more to life than the bad stuff she’d been dealt.
Regardless of the way she’d been raised by an obviously heartless woman, Allison had an amazing heart. The way she quickly jumped in to rescue Reno and Charli’s wedding spoke volumes about her. She might want to believe that it was the knowledge of her profession that made her volunteer, but he believed it was more. Helping out, making things happen, making people happy was as much a part of who she was as those amazing gray eyes.
While her cynical side might assume the prewedding disasters were a sign the marriage shouldn’t take place, he believed the disasters happened in order to keep her here. To show her the other side of the coin.
And maybe that they were meant to be together.
As the middle child, he’d spent most of his life trying to figure out where he fit. When it came to Allison, all questions stopped.
He fit with her.
As he drew her into his arms, the heavy pull of desire spread in a hot flush across his chest and down his abdomen. He drowned in the heavy lust that beat through his veins, pounded in his chest, and rasped through his groin. He inhaled that sweet scent that was hers alone as a sliver of air separated their mouths. Firelight danced across her face as he lowered his head.
Her mouth tasted like sweet wine and passion. As his hand dipped beneath the hem of her shirt and his fingers grazed her bare flesh, she moaned her approval into his mouth.
They came to their knees, and their hands got busy removing clothes. From the waist up they were skin to skin. Her fingers slipped across his shoulders, down his chest, and explored all that was bared to her. Her touch spread fire across his skin. And then, with her satiny hair falling across him in a curtain of soft caramel, she lowered her head and licked her warm, slick tongue up his throat. Desire shot white-hot pleasure into his groin.
He slid his palms down the small of her back, tucked his fingertips between her jeans and warm, soft skin, and pulled her tight against his ache. She reached for the band holding back his hair and pulled it free. Then she tangled her fingers in the strands at his nape.
She leaned back and smiled up at him. Firelight reflected in her eyes and shimmered within the flecks of silver and gold. “I never knew I was such an outdoorsy kind of girl,” she said through a ragged breath. “Until I met you.”
“Stick with me . . .” His fingers skimmed down to caress her plump, luscious breasts. “I’ll be happy to take you places you never had on your radar.”
“Such as?”
Love, he wanted to say. But that would only scare the hell out of both of them.
“How about we start right . . . here?” With his palms, he held her by the waist while he licked and suckled her nipples until they were wet and erect. Until she moaned, and squirmed, and reached for him.
He didn’t let her.
