by Candis Terry
He raised an eyebrow at the outrageous pricing and tossed the brochure in the round filing cabinet at his feet. Maybe next year. Till then, he’d just have to tolerate the creaking and groaning that sounded like something out of a Paranormal Activity movie.
The knock on his door didn’t surprise him. Abby usually took a break around this time to run over and check on things at her rescue center. When the door opened, he was surprised to see his mother standing there.
“Hey, sugarplum. Looks like you’ve got a busy day ahead of you.”
He leaned back, sensing something more than a casual visit was at hand. “No busier than usual.”
The door opened wider, and in walked Jackson and Jake.
“Reinforcements?” Jesse asked, eyeing the stubborn expressions on their faces. “This must be good.”
“We told her she could handle this on her own, but she seemed to believe you might need some ass-kicking,” Jackson said.
Jake grinned. “Couldn’t miss that opportunity.”
Jesse ignored the somersault his heart turned, and he held up his hands. “Look, I know Brandy Huckabee was a little tipsy at the reception and at the end of the night she was hanging all over me, but I did not take advantage of her. I can assure you of that. I respect her position as Miss Rodeo Texas.”
“This isn’t about Brandy Huckabee, jackass.” This from Jake, who was heading back to his troops at the end of the week.
A chill zapped his spine. “Are Reno and Charli okay?”
“They’re fine.”
Relief settled in his stomach.
And then Jake’s image and unspoken message floated through his mind.
It’s time to tell them all.
“I’m glad you’re all here,” he said. “There’s something I need to talk to you about.”
“Oh?” His mother planted herself in the chair opposite his desk. Wearing twin scowls, Jackson and Jake leaned against the wall, arms folded.
“It’s about Jared.” He took a deep breath, cleansing his soul, looking for courage. “And Dad.”
Lines of concern pulled at his mother’s forehead. “Go ahead.”
Jesse set the scene regarding the night he and his brother had talked. Right down to the Snickers bar Jared had pulled from his pocket and munched while pointing up at the stars. Avoidance tactics were always so obvious to his mother, and her brows pulled tighter.
“Jared told me he—”
“Was gay?” his mother said.
“What?” Jackson and Jake said, their shoulders abruptly coming off the wall.
Jesse nodded.
“Oh, sugarplum.” His mother reached across the desk and patted his hand. “Is that the secret that’s tied you up in knots for so long?”
“Jared was gay?” Jake said.
Jackson remained quiet as he dropped down into a chair.
“There’s more.” Jesse relayed the rest of what his brother had revealed about finding love, and the promise Jared had asked him to keep. He told them of the conversation Jared had shared with his dad, to which his mother’s eyes welled up with tears.
“I wasn’t sure you knew,” he said to his mom. “But I was determined to uphold my end of the bargain.”
“And now you believe that had you spoken up sooner,” she said, “your daddy would still be alive.”
He nodded.
“It wouldn’t have changed a thing, son. I’m only sorry you didn’t say something sooner, so you didn’t have to bear this burden alone.”
“I’d have done anything for him.” The emotional clog in his throat made it difficult to speak. “He was my big brother.”
His mom reached across the desk and covered his hand with her own. “He looked after all of you like you belonged to him. And I know he’d never want you to be so miserable about his path in life that you’d give up your own.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It does,” she insisted. “And I bear as much responsibility as anyone.”
Jackson finally spoke. Quietly. “Why didn’t he tell us?”
“He wasn’t sure how all y’all would feel,” their mom said.
“Yet you’ve known all along?” Jesse asked.
“Of course. He was my firstborn. I knew when he’d have a stomachache before he’d reach for the Pepto. We were thick as fleas on a dog. But I respected him enough to allow him the right to let everyone know when he felt comfortable. Your daddy didn’t know until Jared told him. To him it didn’t make a lick of difference. He just wanted Jared to be careful moving forward. Especially if he wanted a military career. Your daddy would never deny any of you happiness. But that’s what he felt like he’d done with your brother. And that’s the guilt that broke his heart.”
Silence hovered in the office before Jackson finally lifted his head and spoke again. “I wish he’d told us.”
“Would it have mattered?” Jesse asked.
Jackson’s blue eyes narrowed. “Only in the fact that he would have been able to lead a fuller life. It sucks when you have to hide your love for someone.”
Jesse nodded. Jackson had done exactly that. But now he’d found happiness with her. Jared would never have the opportunity to spend his life with whoever it was he’d loved.
“Jared had a lot of love to give, that was for sure.” Jake ran a hand over his buzz cut. “Does anyone know who his partner was?”
They all looked at their mother, who shook her head. “I hope he’ll come forward. If he loved Jared, he must be a special man. And, like us, he must be devastated at the loss.”
“Then let’s keep our fingers crossed that he’ll step forward someday,” Jake said. “So we can welcome him into the family.”
“Fuck yes, we would,” Jackson agreed.
Jesse leaned back in his chair and felt a sense of pride. He should have known his brothers would never judge Jared for whom he’d chosen to love. For who he was. And he hoped his big brother was looking down right now and knew that they all loved him without question. And that should his partner ever show up, they’d love him too.
Relief flowed through him, even as he realized Allison had been right. He should have told them all sooner. But now it was time to let all that go.
Time to move forward.
Even with a broken heart.
His mother patted Jackson’s knee and verbalized what Jesse felt.
“Y’all make me so proud. All I ever want for any of you is for you to live your lives to the fullest.” Her smile turned into the evil eye as she zeroed in on Jesse. “Which is exactly what brings us here.”
“It’s about Allison,” Jackson said.
A horde of butterflies hit his stomach at Mach speed as he looked at his mother’s grim expression. “Is she okay?”
“She’s fine,” his mother reassured him.
“Then, she’s made her feelings pretty clear. And I’m not enough of a glutton for punishment to be interested in anything else you might have to say in her direction.”
“Oh, stop being such a stubborn ass,” his mother said.
“Look, Mom, I—”
“We know she took off on you and that you might be a bit miffed about that,” his mother said.
Miffed?
The emptiness in his soul went way beyond miffed.
“Fact is she had a good reason for taking off.”
“Really not interested,” he said.
“Just shut up and listen,” Jackson said. “You forced me to take a good look at the truth with Abby. Now it’s your turn with Allison.”
Resigned, Jesse leaned back in his chair and did the proverbial la-la-la-la in his head.
Childish?
Maybe.
Self-preservation?
Absolutely.
“Martin received a call early thi
s morning,” his mother said over the la-la-la’s. “Apparently Danielle’s husband has been involved in . . . some very bad stuff.”
“Such as?” Jesse asked, knowing if the man had been injured—or worse—Allison would be devastated.
“It appears he was doing undercover work and was caught in a compromising position with a confidential informant.”
“No shit?”
“No shit. And stop cussing.”
“Sorry.”
“Danielle called Allison just after the wedding and broke the news. Danielle is devastated and embarrassed and didn’t want anyone to know until the local media turned it into a circus, which has now happened. She made Allison promise not to tell a soul—not even their father—until she figured out how to handle it with her two little girls.”
“What a jackass, right?” Jake said, referring to the husband.
“Clearly.”
“That’s why Allison took off without a word,” his mother said. “She’d made a promise to her sister—just like you did with Jared. Then she grabbed the last flight out Saturday night, so she could get back to Seattle.”
Family first.
A conviction both he and Allison had in common.
He’d vowed to put his own life on hold until those he loved had found happiness. Could it be that in Danielle’s time of need, Allison had put her own happiness on hold to be a supportive sister?
Possibly.
Did he understand why she’d leave so abruptly?
Yes.
Would he have likely done the same thing were he in her situation?
Hell yes.
Family first.
Was he unhappy that she’d left him an impersonal note instead of telling him face-to-face that she had to leave?
Undeniably.
But he knew there was more involved than just her going back to help her sister.
Allison had put her sister and her brother-in-law up on a pedestal. Their marriage had been her one hope in believing in a forever kind of relationship. And then she’d discovered it had shattered right before her eyes. So why would she believe that their relationship, which was so fresh and new, wouldn’t eventually fall by the wayside?
She’d lost her one hope.
No wonder she’d bailed.
“I know you boys well enough to know when you’re in love even when you don’t.” His mother sat at the edge of her seat and planted her doubled-up fist on his desktop. “And I’m not the kind of mama who will stand by and watch you let that love slip through your stubborn fingers. At least not ever again.”
Jaw clenched, his mother got up out of her chair, came around to his side of the desk, and dropped her fingers to the keyboard of his computer. She typed out a URL and hit ENTER.
The blog that popped up on the screen had a white background with a broken-heart design that made a powerful statement. Project Happy Ending was obviously a blog where love did not triumph.
“I could stand here all day barking at you,” his mom said. “But if you’re the smart man I think you are, you’ll read every word on that Web site. The girl makes her feelings pretty clear. If after that, you still have questions . . . well then, you’re dumber than I thought.”
When his mom went back around the desk, Jackson stood, and he and Jake followed her out the door.
Jesse returned his gaze to the computer monitor and scrolled over some of the headings. Then he dropped to a post written on the same night Allison had been introduced to the Wilder family.
An image flashed in his mind of her sitting beside the creek campfire while the flickering highlights and shadows of the flames danced across her face.
“I have a blog,” she’d said.
Holy shit.
His eyes jumped back to the words on the screen. He scanned words like love, and trust, hope, and forever. All were used in a promising manner that made his heart skip a beat.
This was Allison’s blog.
She’d used it to express her fears and doubts, her hopes and dreams. But mostly she’d used it in a way that let him know she understood there was more to finding happiness than living in the past. Her most recent entry had him picking up the phone.
As a man of action, he jumped in and did what he did best.
Chapter 17
Three days into catastrophe and damage control, Allison dropped into the chair behind her desk and laid her head down. Exhaustion had managed to fill every nook and cranny in her mind and every pore in her body. She was currently surviving on a high-octane caramel macchiato and was seriously highly considering the Starbucks next door for a refill.
When she’d arrived back home on Sunday morning, she’d gone straight to Danielle’s. Her sister had answered the door in stained sweats, a blotchy face, and a red, drippy nose. Her perfect marriage had not only disintegrated, so had her fashion sense. The nose had gotten redder as they sat together on the couch, her big sister curled into her looking for comfort and bawling her eyes out. Later, after a long shower, Danielle had somewhat pulled herself together. Allison picked up the girls from school and took them to Mickey D’s while Danielle responded to some follow-up phone calls from the Seattle PD and the FBI.
As Allison had sat across the table from her two precious and adorable nieces, her heart sank. She’d hoped they really could live the perfect life with a happy mom and dad. She’d wanted that for them more than anything she’d ever wished for herself.
Somewhere in her life, she’d heard the phrase “life isn’t fair.” No shit. At the moment, it sucked for everyone.
Including her.
In a moment of pure panic and an obvious loss of brain cells, she’d walked away from the best thing that had ever come into her life. There wasn’t a chance in hell he’d ever understand why she’d left behind a stupid heartless note to explain her sudden disappearance.
She should have stayed. She should have told him in person. She should have asked him to understand. To give her time to figure things out. That night at the campfire, he’d told her if she ever needed to talk, to go to him instead of spilling her guts as an anonymous person on a blog. So what had she done? She’d spilled her guts on her blog instead of talking to him.
Dumb. Dumb. Dumb.
One of these days, she’d figure out the whole behaving-like-an-adult thing. Until then, she’d pull her usual hiding-behind-her-cowardice trick and bury her head in the sand, so she didn’t have to face her stupid mistakes.
After Lily and Angeline had picked all the breading off their Chicken McNuggets and devoured their Oreo McFlurries, she took them home. Danielle had tiptoed around the truth and simply told them that their daddy’s work was going to keep him away for quite a while. The girls asked few questions and seemed more interested in the Happy Meal toys they’d received than anything their father might be up to. Fortunately, they had no idea their comfortable little world had just blown apart.
On Tuesday morning, Allison had awakened in Danielle’s guest room with a crick in her neck and a headache the size of Texas, which only served to remind her of the mess she’d left behind in the little town of Sweet. Danielle’s crisis had forced her to put a stop on all her intentions to further explore what she’d found with Jesse.
Though they’d only shared a few weeks together, she knew he was special. She felt something very different than ever before. He gave her a sense of belonging, a sense of home. He made her laugh. Made her think. And Lord knows he brought a level of sensuality to the table she’d never imagined even though a table had never actually been involved. As a woman, he made her feel loved and wanted. As a human, he made her feel admired and respected.
Where on earth would she ever be lucky enough to find that again?
Before Danielle’s urgent call, she hadn’t intended to leave Sweet no matter how many events were pi
led up on her calendar. She loved being a part of the Wilder chaos. They were like a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day. You wanted them all at full volume: laughing, loving, and caring for each other with every breath they took. But with Danielle’s devastating news, life took a sharp left turn.
At the time, so many confusing thoughts had clouded Allison’s clear thinking. Before she’d come to Sweet, Jesse had a reputation a mile long as the love ’em and leave ’em type. What if all those oogly-googly feelings that danced through her heart were only on her side? What if he didn’t share them? What if he’d been ready to toss her aside for the next brunette or blonde who sauntered into Seven Devils?
Now, as she gave thought to those questions, she knew they were ridiculous.
In a very short time, they’d come to share something special. She knew it. And now she had to live with the regret that she might never have the chance to really know if happily-ever-after could come true.
On Tuesday afternoon, she’d face-planted with exhaustion on her desk. Exhaustion begged her to keep her eyes closed, but her heart pushed that option away. She’d never considered herself a slow learner. She’d always been the top in any class she’d ever taken. But when it came to life, it appeared she was quite sluggish.
Why was she just now realizing that whatever her parents had done with their marriage, whatever Danielle and Andrew had done with theirs, had nothing to do with her?
Happiness wasn’t an illusion.
Life was what you made it.
She glanced at her watch.
Maybe it wasn’t too late.
Maybe if she called Jesse and explained, he’d understand. Or maybe not. She at least had to give it a try.
Flexibility. Determination. Heart. That’s what it took to make a relationship work. If you were willing, it was never too late.
With a quick call, she told her assistant to reschedule her remaining appointments for the week. She was on a mission to face the fear factor in her life. Because the biggest risk in life was not taking a risk at all.
