‘Sit through it?’ Kit shrieked, aware that probably only dogs could hear him now. ‘Sit through it?’
Ethan rolled his eyes. ‘It’s not a big deal. You always put way too much importance on that kind of stuff, you know.’
‘What kind of stuff?’
‘You know, what bands it’s cool to like and all that.’
‘Bands?’ Another one for the dogs. ‘Seriously, you think I’m talking about bands?’
‘Look, I know Romy likes Take That, okay? And I’m not saying it’s been easy, but I’ve come to terms with it,’ Ethan said solemnly.
The little shit was being sarcastic, Kit thought. He was trying to help him, and he was taking the piss. He should be angry – but instead he just felt sorry for him.
‘And if she wants me to go to a concert with her next time they’re on tour,’ Ethan was saying, ‘I’m sure I can cope. I’ll be there for her.’
Kit gave him a pitying look. ‘Ethan, I’m not talking about Take Bloody That.’
‘You’re not?’
‘No.’
‘Well … whoever. I don’t care. Even if she likes Chris de Burgh. I don’t care, okay?’
‘You don’t mind if she likes Chris de Burgh?’
‘No,’ Ethan said, but he looked upset at the thought. ‘Well … I wouldn’t be happy about it, you know? Obviously. But it’s fine,’ he said, shrugging. ‘It wouldn’t change the way I feel about her.’
‘Wow!’ Kit breathed. ‘You’ve really got it bad, haven’t you?’
‘I know.’ Ethan ducked his head, smiling sheepishly.
Bloody hell, Kit thought. If Ethan could get over Chris de Burgh, maybe Romy’s sexual proclivities wouldn’t be such a big obstacle after all.
‘She doesn’t, does she?’ Ethan was looking at him anxiously.
‘Sorry? Doesn’t what?’
‘Like Chris de Burgh.’
‘No, not as far as I know.’ Kit thought. ‘No, I’m sure not.’
‘Phew! That’s good. I mean I’ve nothing against Chris de Burgh fans per se, but—’
‘You don’t want them moving in next door and marrying your children.’
‘Exactly. Bringing down the neighbourhood.’
‘You could test her, just to make sure.’
‘How?’
‘You could put on ‘The Lady in Red’ and see if she squeals and demands that you dance with her to it.’
‘I’d have to download it first.’
‘That would be a bit awkward. It would be on your iPod. Your iTunes would think you liked that sort of thing.’
‘I’d get recommendations based on it.’
‘It would follow you for the rest of your days.’
‘I think I’ll just give her the benefit of the doubt.’
‘Good thinking.’
‘So this thing you were going to tell me …’ Ethan began nervously. ‘Is it better or worse than Chris de Burgh?’
Kit thought. ‘Worse. No, better! Hang on … I’m not sure. You’ll have to decide for yourself after I tell you.’
‘Okay. So?’
Kit was almost sorry he’d started now. Romy and Ethan had been so happy tonight. They obviously loved each other and he didn’t want to spoil things for them. But wasn’t it better that Ethan knew up front what he was getting into?
He thought for a moment, not sure where to start. ‘Has Romy ever told you about Luke’s father?’ he said finally.
‘She doesn’t know who he is,’ Ethan said, relief passing over his face. ‘She’s told me that.’
‘But do you know why?’
Ethan shrugged. ‘It was a one-night stand—’
‘It’s because it was at some kind of kinky orgy where everyone was wearing masks and blindfolds.’
‘I don’t believe you!’ Ethan reddened, but he looked more scared than angry.
‘It’s true,’ Kit said with an apologetic grimace. ‘Romy told me so herself.’
‘But—’ Ethan spluttered.
‘That’s the sort of thing Romy’s into,’ Kit said gently. ‘S&M. She wants to be tied up to stuff and whipped. She wants a boyfriend who’ll boss her around and make her call him “Sir”.’
‘But that’s – that’s not true. I mean we’ve …’ Ethan shifted uncomfortably. ‘We’ve … done stuff. And she’s never—’
‘Well, I suppose it’s not the easiest thing to come out with when you’re with someone new. Maybe she’s afraid you’d laugh at her – or run for the hills.’
‘I’m sure you’re wrong,’ Ethan said. ‘You must have got the wrong end of the stick.’
‘Sorry, Ethan. I know it’s hard to believe. She seems so … normal. But it’s true. You should see some of the books she has in her flat,’ Kit said, widening his eyes.
‘Well, just because she’s reading books about it doesn’t mean she wants to do it.’
‘It’s not just that. Have you ever met her tenant May?’
Ethan shook his head.
‘She’s some kind of sex expert on the internet. Anyway, she knew I was supposed to be Romy’s boyfriend and she told me that Romy was getting lessons from her about how to be a submissive. She thought Romy was doing it for me, so I had to pretend to be thrilled that she was making the effort.’
Ethan just blinked at him uncomprehendingly. Then he looked down, his brows beetled together, his eyes darting back and forth as if he was searching his brain for something and coming up blank.
‘Still, could be worse,’ Kit said cheerily, trying to lighten the mood.
Ethan lifted his head and looked at him hopefully.
‘She could like Chris de Burgh.’ He threw in a wink for good measure, but Ethan still looked gloomy.
‘God, I wish she just wanted me to dance with her to “The Lady in Red”.’
‘Come on, cheer up. It’s not the end of the world. You know, maybe you should try some of that stuff. It might be fun.’
‘I doubt it.’
‘You never know until you try. Maybe you’d like it.’
‘I just – I really don’t think I could do it.’
‘Hey, you were willing to go to a Take That concert a minute ago,’ Kit reminded him. ‘It’s amazing what people will do for someone they love. Look at Dad – hasn’t had a decent bit of grub in over thirty years.’
Ethan laughed a little at that. ‘And he’s the happiest man in Ireland.’
‘Exactly. Maybe you should try and find some easy things you could do that would keep Romy happy without having to go the whole hog.’
‘Like what?’
‘I don’t know – do some light bondage, work a few slaps into your routine or something.’ He tried to remember some of the images from the books he had flicked through in Romy’s kitchen. ‘You could make her give you a blow job while she’s hanging upside down off a table. That doesn’t sound too bad, does it?’
‘Ugh! It sounds awful. Why would I want to do that?’
‘Don’t ask me. I’m just trying to help you out here. Why don’t you look it up on the internet – maybe you could come up with some ideas?’
Ethan shrugged miserably.
‘You could spank her—’
‘Look, I know you’re only trying to help, but I don’t think we should even be talking about this.’ Ethan bowed his head, raking a hand through his hair.
‘You’re right. Why don’t I take you to see May?’
Chapter Twenty-Six
The first weeks of January brought more snow, making a return to Wicklow impractical, and Romy was secretly glad that work on the house was on hold once again. Ethan started work and began looking for a place of his own as soon as the holidays were over, and she was glad of the excuse to stay in Dublin with him and spend as much time together as possible while they could. He had been practically living with her since New Year’s Day, sleeping at her place every night and taking her apartment-hunting with him, seeking her approval before making a decision. She was touched that he was clearly ta
king her and Luke into account – he didn’t say it in so many words, but she knew it was no coincidence that he only looked at two-bedroom apartments or that the place he finally chose was only a couple of streets away, within walking distance of her house.
But even though they spent almost every moment together, and despite the fact that he was very much behaving like they were a couple, Romy couldn’t help feeling that he was drifting away from her. He had seemed preoccupied lately, and more guarded – even a little distant at times – and she worried that maybe he was having second thoughts. It probably wasn’t much fun for a guy his age to suddenly find himself sitting home with a baby every night. Perhaps living at her place had brought the reality of it home to him and he had got cold feet.
She had thought he might suggest they move in together on a more permanent basis, but when he didn’t, she wasn’t going to push it as everything Kit had told her about Ethan came back to haunt her – how he liked his freedom and didn’t tie himself to one person. If he was already having doubts about commitment and monogamy, she didn’t want to do anything that might make him feel trapped.
By the third Friday in January, she was starting to wonder if it was over. She hadn’t seen him all week. She had helped him move into his new place the previous weekend, and he had started work on Monday. She knew he was working long hours at the hospital and he was busy getting settled in his new place, but she missed him and apart from a few brief calls and texts, she hadn’t heard from him. They hadn’t even christened his new bed yet.
She wished she knew what he was thinking, but at the same time she dreaded finding out that he wanted to end it. She was just about to cave in and call him that evening when the phone rang and the caller ID showed his number. She let it ring a few times, almost afraid to pick up.
‘Hi, Ethan.’
‘Hi. How are you?’
‘Good. You?’
‘Yeah, good. Tired. Sorry I haven’t seen you all week. I had a lot of stuff to sort out here.’
‘That’s okay,’ she said, picking nervously at a cushion as she waited for the axe to fall. He was going to tell her he’d changed his mind, she thought, her body rigid with tension.
‘So, do you want to come over tomorrow night?’
‘To your place? Yeah, sure – that’d be good.’ Relief coursed through her body.
‘Can you get a babysitter? I thought just the two of us—’
‘Yes, I’m sure Mum will do it. We can finally christen your new bed.’
‘Um … yeah.’
Oh God, he sounded so awkward and shifty. That clearly wasn’t what he had in mind at all. Maybe he just wanted to break up with her in person?
She couldn’t bear any more waiting. She had to know. ‘Ethan, you – you haven’t changed your mind, have you? About us?’
‘No! No, of course not.’
Thank God, he sounded genuinely shocked by the idea.
There was silence. Then he said, ‘I really want to be with you, Romy. But—’
Oh, God – that ‘but’ filled her with dread. He was supposed to reassure her that she was worrying about nothing. He wasn’t meant to get all serious and admit that there was a ‘but’. She swallowed hard and forced herself to ask.
‘But?’
He sighed heavily. ‘I’m just not sure I can be what you want me to be – that I can give you what you need.’
‘But you are – you do!’
‘I just … I don’t know if I can have the kind of relationship you want.’
And so began the age-old commitment speech, she thought.
Despite all the warnings, and the efforts she had made to prepare herself for it, it came as a blow. Ethan was always so open, so ready to take life as it came – it was one of the things she loved most about him. She couldn’t believe he was being so rigid about this. Didn’t he realise how happy they were together?
‘But I want to try,’ he continued, and her body sagged with relief. ‘Just don’t expect too much, okay? I don’t want to disappoint you.’
‘You won’t,’ she said. ‘You could never disappoint me.’
‘Well, I’ll see you tomorrow night, then. Eight o’clock?’
‘Tomorrow night.’
The following evening, she arrived at Ethan’s apartment at eight on the button. She had decided to go all out, and she was feeling sexy and pretty in a purple jersey dress that clung to her curves, the scooped neckline showing plenty of cleavage. Underneath it she was wearing her sexiest underwear, confident that it wouldn’t be wasted on Ethan as it had been on his brother.
‘Hi.’ She smiled when he opened the door, feeling suddenly shy. It seemed like a long time since she had seen him. He looked casually sexy in black jeans and a tight black T-shirt.
‘Hi.’ He didn’t smile, but led her in and helped her off with her coat. He seemed nervous, his fingers trembling as they brushed against her skin. ‘Wow, you look amazing!’ he said as he hung her coat on a hook by the door, his eyes devouring her. Then he seemed to pull himself up and his expression was blank once more.
He led the way into the living room. Candles flickered on the mantelpiece, and a stapled sheaf of A4 paper lay on the coffee table beside a tumbler of dark amber liquid.
‘The place looks good,’ she said, looking around.
Ethan stood in front of her, his hands on his hips. She could smell the whiskey on his breath. She waited for him to pull her into his arms, but he just stood there. She was about to close the distance between them when he spoke.
‘Go into the bedroom,’ he said. ‘Take all your clothes off and wait for me.’
‘Wh— what?’
He just continued to regard her impassively.
‘Oh, er, okay.’
She felt a bit unnerved by the way he was acting. He was so cool and aloof. But he obviously had something planned and she decided to go along with it, heading for the bedroom.
Feeling a bit silly, she took all her clothes off and folded them neatly, putting them on a chair by the bed with her boots lined up underneath it. So much for her sexy underwear, she thought sadly as she placed it on top of the pile. She wasn’t sure what to do with herself while she was waiting. Should she lie on the bed in a provocative pose? She felt a bit stupid just standing here naked in the middle of the room. In the end, she opted for sitting on the edge of the bed with her legs crossed, feeling slightly less exposed and ludicrous that way.
Then she waited and waited. She looked around the room as the time passed. It was still full of boxes that Ethan hadn’t unpacked yet. She tutted as she thought of their jumbled contents. She had tried to impose some kind of order, but Ethan’s method of packing had consisted of sweeping the contents of drawers, cupboards and wardrobe higgledy-piggledy into boxes, claiming he would sort them out at the other end. It seemed likely that might never happen.
She wondered if Ethan would be naked when he came in. If he came in, she thought, looking at her watch. Then she realised her watch looked silly when she wasn’t wearing anything else, so she took that off too and placed it on top of her clothes. She hoped this wasn’t some awful practical joke. Maybe she was being secretly filmed. This didn’t seem Ethan’s style at all. He hadn’t even offered her a drink.
Finally, the door opened and she jumped off the bed as Ethan strode into the room. He was still dressed, making her feel more naked than ever. His eyes widened, as if he was surprised to see her there, and he looked a little freaked out for a moment, but then he seemed to compose himself again.
‘I bought you a present,’ he said, handing her a long, thin box from behind his back.
‘Oh, thanks.’ She smiled, taking it from him. ‘Will I open it now?’
He nodded, and she opened the lid to find … What the hell?
‘Oh! Um, it’s …’ She lifted it out of the box, expecting it to turn out to be something else altogether. But no, it was a riding crop. ‘Um … thanks?’ she said, looking at him in confusion.
‘Do you
like it?’ he asked with a strange smile.
‘I’m sure it’s very nice, but … I don’t ride.’ She felt like there was some joke that she wasn’t getting.
‘Well, I wasn’t—’ Ethan gulped. ‘I wasn’t planning to whip a horse with it.’
‘Oh!’
‘Maybe we can use it later,’ he said, taking it from her hands and tossing it on the bed.
Crikey, what the hell had got into him this evening? Why was he acting so weird?
‘Now, get on your knees,’ he said, pointing to the floor in front of him, ‘and, um …’ He put a hand to his mouth and the rest of what he said was muffled, but Romy could have sworn it sounded like ‘suck my cock’.
‘Sorry? What did you say?’
‘You heard me. I said get on your knees.’
Romy sank obediently to her knees in front of him. This was the most bizarre evening ever! He’d better get to the punchline soon. ‘But after that?’
‘Oh God,’ Ethan groaned. ‘Don’t make me say it again.’ He put a hand to his forehead and took a deep breath. ‘I said … suck my cock,’ he said, with an apologetic wince. His face was bright red and he was breathing heavily, and Romy was worried that he was going to pass out.
She popped open the button of his jeans and pulled down the zipper, her fingers brushing against the front of his boxers. Hmm, he didn’t seem very excited about this blow job he was demanding. She sank back on her heels. ‘Ethan, are you sure you want to do this right now? You don’t look very well. Maybe you should lie down.’
‘Don’t argue. If you don’t do what you’re told, I’ll – I’ll be very cross with you,’ he said, shaking a finger at her like an angry parent. ‘I’ll … um …’ He swallowed hard. ‘I’ll put you across my knee and … spank you.’ He closed his eyes as he said the last words, seemingly in an agony of mortification.
‘Like hell you will,’ Romy said with a laugh.
‘Oh God,’ he groaned. ‘This is terrible, isn’t it?’
Laughter bubbled up inside her at the absurdity of the situation, but Ethan looked so embarrassed and miserable that she tried to swallow it down.
‘It’s pretty awful, yes.’
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