by Mary Brendan
Dawn took a bite of bread and honey, swallowed, then kept her voice level when saying, ‘We shan’t be long eating this, then we can set out on the road.’
Jack pushed himself away from the window and came to the table.
‘There’s no rush and no need to bolt your food. The horses are rested and refreshed. We’ll make good time and be back by noon.’
Lily held out her spoon, offering him some scrambled eggs.
He ruffled her fair hair. ‘I’ll go and pay the shot. We’ll all soon be home,’ he said before quitting the parlour.
No doubt it would be a blessed relief for him to get back to normality with his friends and family, Dawn thought. He had been hijacked by an odd, tragic episode and who could blame him for wanting to put it behind him? Whatever store he put on marriage was his own affair, but there was no getting away from the fact that he did have a wedding and all that entailed in front of him to concentrate on. And she had her granddaughter’s well-being as her priority. She’d wanted a child of her own to love, to fill a lonely place in her heart, and although Lily wasn’t her flesh and blood, she adored her. And that was enough.
* * *
‘Oh, my dear, I can’t believe what has happened. I’m so very sorry to hear the news. I was desperate to come and comfort you. What can I do to help?’
‘Please tell me not to blub so much, Em,’ Dawn said wryly. ‘I fear I am turning into a veritable waterworks.’
‘I’m not surprised to hear it and you should cry as much as you need to,’ Emma said gently, dabbing at her own eyes with her hanky.
Moments after she had received Dawn’s letter, and before properly digesting the awful news, the Countess of Houndsmere had hastened to ready herself to visit her best friend. A brief message had informed her that Dawn had returned early to London following the tragic death of her stepdaughter in Essex. Emma had been primed for bad news. Just hours earlier she had got the gist of the calamity from her husband. The Earl had bumped into Jack at his club where he’d learned that his friend had escorted Dawn home from Essex following very sad circumstances. Under intense interrogation from his wife the Earl had explained that he didn’t know all the ins and outs as his friend had believed it best that Dawn broke the news about her family. But now, having sat with Dawn for an hour, listening to the story unfold, the Countess of Houndsmere was struggling to combat her shock.
‘I must buck myself up or Lily will sense something is wrong,’ Dawn croaked. Her friend’s tears had prompted more of her own.
She had been home for almost a week and had believed herself coping well with her grief. But sometimes a certain way Lily smiled like Eleanor would stab another ache beneath her ribs and make her retreat to a corner where she might weep unseen.
‘Yes...we mustn’t upset her, she’s a real darling,’ Emma agreed, straightening her shoulders with a livening sniff.
The two young women had been deep in conversation while Lily played with her toys on the rug by the fire. Several times the child had looked over at them as though wondering what kept them huddling quietly together, hankies in hands. Dawn had so far managed to avoid receiving visitors, or answering any awkward questions, other than Polly’s. The first day they’d arrived home Dawn had had to send her maid to find her bed to calm down. Polly had started howling on learning why her mistress had brought her granddaughter home with her and Dawn had feared her distress would frighten Lily.
Emma, of course, was different. Dawn relied on her as a confidant and greatly valued her advice. After some days spent settling Lily into her new home, she had written to her friend. She’d known that the letter would prompt an immediate visit. It was good to be able to share the burden of her fears for Lily’s future with her best friend. While the child’s father still loomed in the background Dawn always had a worry on her mind.
‘Mansfield sounds as though he is either a buffoon, or a monster.’ Emma commented quietly from behind her teacup, then took a sip. ‘Thank goodness you managed to make him see sense and could bring Lily to London.’
‘It seemed he would continue to object until Mr Valance stepped in. Or Lord Sterling I suppose I should call him now.’
‘If I’d known about that I would have told you the last time I saw you. I had no idea of Jack’s title until he came to dine with us that evening.’ Emma paused, looking reflective. ‘He seems different to how I remembered him and not just in looks. That exotic foreign air suits him, but I’m not sure I like how cynical he has become. It was lovely to see him, of course, for he is such good company and made me laugh a lot. But he hardly mentioned becoming a nobleman or owning a vast estate in Essex. Lance told me later that Jack had been rewarded for combatting piracy and recovering plundered cargoes for the Crown. It all sounds very thrilling.’
‘It does!’ Dawn could only agree and made no attempt to disguise her awe at hearing about it. Every time something new was revealed about Lord Sterling she realised how little she knew of Jack Valance.
‘It would be easier, though, to extract blood from a stone than get Jack to talk about himself, or his future plans.’ Emma rolled her eyes.
‘Indeed, he can be reticent when he wants to be, which is most of the time,’ Dawn said a touch acidly.
‘You mean his betrothal?’ Emma put down her cup, gazing into her friend’s eyes. ‘Those whispers you overheard at the circulating library proved to have some foundation. Did he tell you about it?’
Dawn shrugged. ‘He seemed to want to avoid the subject and I decided not to pry. With all that had gone on it seemed inappropriate to be nosy.’ She gave a smile. ‘Don’t look so mournful, Em. Our very brief romance is long past. Why should Jack not get married and have his family life?’
‘He is not in love, that’s why,’ Emma said bluntly. ‘It is an arrangement and I am surprised that he has entered into it when he has the means now to settle down with a soulmate. The girl is an orphan and he is her guardian. Perhaps he feels duty bound for some reason.’
‘She is an orphan and he is her guardian?’ Dawn echoed in astonishment. That she also had not known, although she’d guessed his heart wasn’t involved. No man in love would sound so cavalier about overnighting at a tavern with another woman in case he hurt his fiancée’s feelings.
‘Lance knows no more than that about Sarah. He says although he and Jack are old friends, from mutual respect they never delve too deeply into matters not willingly shared.’
‘We all have our secrets.’ Dawn knew that included her. Though she and Emma were also old friends she wouldn’t speak about bedding down with Jack at a tavern on an icy night. Some things were too precious to share. She knew that Jack wouldn’t mention it to a soul either. Looking back on it, Dawn realised it had been a rather sweet episode that she would cherish. Just for one night they had been bound together as a couple...a family...even if it had been a make believe that had dissolved as quickly as the snow in morning sunlight.
After an amicable quiet, Emma asked in concern, ‘Tell me true...are you really coping with it all? You know I will do anything in my power to help with Lily. It is such a great change in both your lives.’
‘Yes... I am coping, I promise.’ Dawn gave a smile. ‘And every day that passes I learn a little more about how to handle a little girl with a mind of her own.’
Emma chuckled. ‘Thank heavens Jack was in Essex and could help you quickly come home.’
‘I like Jack. He does magic...’ Lily piped up.
‘We all like him,’ Emma said. ‘And I like you, young lady. And I know somebody else who would love to get to know you.’ She got up from the sofa and went to Lily, sitting in front of the fire. ‘I have a little son called Bernard and I know he would like a friend.’
‘Has he got a doll?’
‘He’s got some bats and balls and a rocking horse and tin soldiers, but I’m not sure that he has a doll. Would you share yours with hi
m?’
‘If he shares his things,’ Lily said pragmatically, hugging her doll to her chest.
‘Of course...that’s only fair.’
Dawn got up from the sofa to see if there was any tea left in the pot. She felt she had talked enough about her woes now and it was time to find out how her friend had been.
‘You look well, Em. Are you feeling better now?’
Emma strolled to join her and helped herself to a treacle biscuit from the plate. ‘Now the horrid nausea has passed I’m feeling fit as a fiddle.’ In between nibbles of biscuit she added, ‘Which is just as well as there are months yet to go.’ She patted her small bump. ‘Will you see Jack again, do you think?’
‘I expect he might call when he has a moment. He promised Lily he would spin the coin with her again. She liked him, especially playing with his sovereigns...and keeping them,’ Dawn added wryly.
‘Clever girl.’ Emma chuckled.
‘The teapot’s empty. Shall I ring for Polly to make more?’
‘I’d love to stay longer, but I ought to be going.’ Emma sighed. ‘I promised Bernie I would be back in time to have tea with him before his bedtime. Then my sister-in-law has invited us to dine this evening.’ She paused. ‘Are you observing mourning and not socialising or will you come over soon and bring Lily so the children can play together?’
‘Eleanor wouldn’t want me to keep her beloved Lily cooped up instead of making a new friend. And I shall be quietly going about my business as usual. So we’d love to come over so Lily can meet Bernie.’
‘I’ll send the carriage one day next week then.’ Emma said a fond goodbye to Lily, placing a kiss upon her fingertips, then patting those on the little girl’s rosy cheek.
Dawn accompanied her friend into the hallway, holding Lily by the hand so she might also wave goodbye to Emma. Polly was in the process of brushing down the stairs and as Dawn closed the door the maid said, ‘It has turned quite fine this afternoon, m’m. Shall I take Miss Lily into the garden and give her a push on the swing? It will be time for her tea soon.’
‘Thank you, Polly. She would benefit from some fresh air.’ Dawn had noted her granddaughter yawning while sitting warm and comfortable in front of the fire. She didn’t want Lily napping or she wouldn’t sleep at her bedtime.
Polly took the excited child’s hand. Lily had heard the magic words ‘garden swing’ and was keen to get to it.
Dawn watched them from the dining-room window, smiling contentedly as a laughing Lily swayed to and fro beneath a bough of the apple tree. Her husband had told her that Eleanor had loved playing on the garden swing as a child. Thomas would have adored to see his little granddaughter enjoying it, too, Dawn realised with a lump in her throat.
She turned away and returned to the parlour, aiming to tidy the tea things on to the tray. Instead she seated herself at the table, resting her sharp little chin in her hands and dwelling on what Emma had recounted about Jack’s adventures overseas. She understood what her friend meant about him seeming to be a different man to the one they’d known. He was harder in character and quite wickedly good looking. She wondered what had occurred to rob him of his carefree spirit. He’d obviously endured dangers; no buccaneer gave up his booty lightly. Perhaps Jack Valance had suffered greatly for his transformation into Lord Sterling.
And why was Sarah Snow his ward as well as his fiancée? How had he met her? On his travels, Dawn guessed. It was quite an intrigue...but one that she must not allow herself to get too involved in. His life, his future, his wife...they were not her concern.
The journey home from the Bell Inn had been as speedy as Jack had promised. It had been quiet, too. As the horses had thundered on through countryside, bringing them ever closer to London, Dawn had been increasingly aware of a subdued atmosphere. She had retreated into pondering on the practicalities that awaited her at home: buying Lily clothes and a few more toys were top of her list. She had rushed to get away from the vicarage and had grabbed only a handful of her granddaughter’s things. Jack, too, had seemed to prefer to brood than talk, although she had felt his stormy gaze on her profile on many occasions. Even Lily had been quiet, behaving herself for the duration and only indulging in a minor tantrum when it was time to say goodbye to Jack. He had helped them alight, then had assisted the driver in carrying in Dawn’s trunk, stowing it in her bedchamber. He had loitered while Dawn briefly introduced her maid to Lily, then asked Polly to take the child off to the kitchens for some refreshment. She had wanted to say a private, uninterrupted goodbye to Jack and to renew her heartfelt thanks for all his help. Though courteous, he hadn’t seemed to want to tarry. A featherlight kiss to the fingertips he’d raised to his lips, then he had repeated his commiserations on her loss and secured her permission to call again.
But...so far she’d seen nothing of him. She was eager to see him, she realised, far too eager, and that wouldn’t do. All her good intentions to keep their friendship platonic could so easily unravel. Yet she hadn’t changed her mind about being an attachment to his life once he was a married man. If he was unfaithful, that was a matter for his conscience. She couldn’t allow him to seduce her into abetting him in adultery. She would end up hating herself...then him...
Abruptly Dawn got to her feet, knowing she needed to keep herself busy to keep the yearning to see him at bay. She stacked the used crockery on to the tray, willing herself to stop thinking of him. She would take Lily out to the swing again after her tea, she decided, and properly tire her out before reading her a bedtime story. Then tomorrow they would sally forth to the shops.
She couldn’t cocoon Lily or shut herself away from probing questions about her granddaughter. She would bump into neighbours and acquaintances who would be curious to know who the pretty little girl was and how long she would be staying with her. Eventually, when Lily was older, she would ask questions herself about half-recalled memories of her mother. And her granddaughter deserved to be told the truth about her baby brother, too.
At first Dawn had not felt comfortable leaving Lily’s side for a minute. But Polly had fallen into the role of nursemaid exceptionally well and Lily liked her. Probably because the maid spoilt her dreadfully.
Dawn approached the window to gaze along the street. The peaceful neighbourhood looked as it had just a short while ago...before her life had changed so dramatically. She spotted people she knew going about their business. The lime trees were unfurling their leaves again now the cold snap had passed. She let the curtain drop into place, then a second later again whipped up an edge as her mind registered having glimpsed a face she longed to see.
She held her breath, peeping at the tall handsome gentleman with very fair hair, mere yards away. She knew he was heading towards her front door.
Chapter Nine
A rat-a-tat made her hastily smooth her skirts, then begin tucking loose chestnut curls behind an ear. She whisked into the hallway, then hesitated to take a deep breath with her hand hovering in mid-air. What did she want to say to him? What would he say to her? He had looked rather stern and purposeful as though this wasn’t simply a courtesy call. Had he news from Essex about Peter Mansfield? She recalled that Jack had said his valet would follow him home at a later date. The servant might have turned up and told his master something of note...
Whatever reason had brought him she was simply glad to see him. Quickly she opened up in case he went away, believing nobody home.
‘My apologies; I should have sent word of my visit... Is it a bad time?’ He glanced past her, wondering why she’d attended her own door when he knew she had a maid. ‘May I come in?’
‘Yes...of course, sir.’
Jack stepped into the hallway and she immediately gave him a welcoming smile.
‘Have you forgotten we agreed not to be so formal, Dawn?’ he reminded her.
‘It is a shame you didn’t come just a little earlier. Emma was here with me.�
�� She avoided responding to his ironic remark. ‘It was wonderful to see her, too.’ Dawn had brought a quirk to his lips by making it quite obvious that she was delighted he’d called. ‘Please come and sit down, if you will.’
‘How have you been? And Lily?’ he asked, accompanying her towards the parlour.
‘We are very well, thank you. Lily has settled in nicely...better than I dared hope. My maid has taken her into the garden for some air. Soon it will be her teatime.’ Once inside the cosy room, Dawn said, ‘Oh, please do have a seat.’ She indicated a fireside chair, then took the one opposite. The embers in the grate crackled quietly, the only sound in the room as they settled to sit face to face, much in the way they had at the inn.
‘I must bring up something,’ Dawn said, feeling flustered beneath his steady, thoughtful regard. ‘I omitted to reimburse you for settling our bill at the Bell and that was very remiss.’
‘You’ve no need to pay anything,’ Jack said. ‘You and your granddaughter were my guests, travelling with me at my request. It was a pleasure having your company.’
‘Are you sure about that? Have you recovered from sharing your coach with Lily?’ Dawn asked.
‘Just about,’ Jack replied, sounding equally rueful. ‘Anyway, she was very good on the last leg home.’ He rested his elbows on his knees, frowning at his interlinked fingers. Having remained so for some moments he suddenly looked up. ‘What I haven’t recovered from, Dawn, is you. Being with you, lying beside you...wanting you...’
