“Can you give me a minute before you start?” he asks, sounding tired and uninterested in this conversation.
I laugh once. “Before I start? So, I’m bothering you now?”
“No, you’re not bothering me. I just have a splitting headache and you’re talking loud as shit.”
“You boys are a disaster,” I say, shaking my head.
“Where’s Jace?” he asks.
“He’s out there on the couch.”
He rubs the side of his face. “I feel like I got hit by a Mack truck.” He lifts his hoodie off, and with it goes his shirt. My eyes dart down to his stomach. His muscles move and black ink stretches over his white skin. He’s beautiful even like this.
His Mad Hatter tattoo grins, showing perfect teeth and crazy eyes.
“So last night. That girl. Is that a normal thing for you?” I ask.
“Was,” he says, standing and walking over to the fridge.
“Was?” I repeat.
“Yes, K. That was a normal thing for me.” He opens the fridge and grabs a beer, twisting the cap off before he tosses it into the trash. I take a seat on the bed, looking at him as though he’s a stranger.
I get things are nuts right now. His mom is in the hospital, his brother is a train wreck, but this is too much. I’m not sure I signed up for all of this. I mean, he’s easily jealous, he’s got a temper from hell, and now he’s drinking at noon. Our relationship just started, and it’s already looking bleak.
He leans back against the countertop, blue eyes gazing at me as he takes a few big gulps of the beer. Wiping his mouth, he licks his bottom lip. “Don’t look at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like I’m disgusting to you.”
I shake my head. “Last night was pretty disgusting, but this is just sad.”
“Sad.” He tests the word out like he’s trying to understand its meaning.
“Yes, sad.” I stand and walk over to the counter, resting my elbows on the top as I lean my cheek in my hand. He stares at me, and I wish I knew what he was thinking. “Maybe we should take a break.” It comes out without me meaning for it to, but I do mean it.
How did we end up here?
In my hometown, when I was dealing with Bethany and being back there, I felt like we were strong together. But as soon as we returned here, everything fell apart.
“Fuck that,” he says, lifting his chin. Temperamental shows no sign of giving in to this. But I feel like it’s needed. We should clear our heads here. Take a step back and deal with certain things: Mary, my relationship with Mills, his brother, the shop.
“Bryce,” I say exhaustedly. “I think we may have rushed into…”
“Rushed into what? We acted like friends for weeks before we did anything. Don’t you dare say we moved too fast. Slugs move faster.”
I roll my eyes. “Don’t you think you have enough going on without throwing our messed-up relationship into the mix? I mean, you can’t worry about everyone, Bryce.”
“I have for years. This is nothing new for me.”
“And it’s killing you.” I look down at the beer as he holds on to the neck of it. “You’ve got a lot on your plate, and you can’t beat up people because you’re mad at the world.”
“That guy grabbed your ass, Kathrine. What was I supposed to do, give him a high five?”
I roll my eyes. “You can’t beat people up. You’ve got to learn to control your anger. You think you’re the only one who has issues? Look at me.” I place my palm on my chest. “Look at what I grew up in. You don’t see me walking around with some chip on my shoulder.”
“You’re better than me,” he says before downing the rest of his beer. “I need a shower. This conversation is over. We’re not taking a fucking break.” He tosses the beer into the trash and heads to the bathroom. “And I needed the beer for the hangover. I’m not an alcoholic.”
I groan and rub my hands over my face as the door shuts.
“I’m pretty sure I’m part of the reason he’s like that.”
I turn my head to see Jace standing at the door. “I’m pretty sure we both are.”
He kinda laughs and looks down at the floor. “Sorry about last night.”
I shrug. “Like I said, it’s your life.”
“Yeah, but Bryce didn’t want you seeing that, and I didn’t either.”
I roll my eyes. “Why?” I ask. “I grew up seeing people stick needles in their arms, Jace. I’ve seen a lot worse than powder.”
“Damn,” he says. “Care to explain?”
“My stepdad was a heroin dealer. He let his customers do it at our house.”
“Wow,” he says, scratching the side of his stubble.
I bite my lip as I look back in front of me before turning to him again. “Can you tell me why you’re doing the drugs?”
He shrugs. “Helps me forget, I guess.”
“What are you trying to forget?”
My love’s brother looks pained as his eyes go to the floor. He stares down at it, as though he sees something I don’t. Something that I probably wouldn’t ever want to.
“You come back from the war with things attached to you. It’s not easy to shake that shit.”
“And this is how you try?”
He looks back up at me. “I’m just trying to cope, Kat.”
I nod. “I think a man who served his country deserves a better life than the one you’re choosing.”
“I think there’s a misconception about that. Just because you do good things doesn’t mean life is going to be good to you.” He chuckles. “Besides, I did one bad thing and they kicked me out.”
“Kicked you out?”
“Yeah. Dishonorable discharge.”
“Why?”
He clears his throat and looks down again. “Same shit I’m doing now.”
Jesus. This boy is a wreck. “Are you addicted?”
“No.” He shakes his head, looking up at me.
I glance toward the kitchen window. I guess my way of coping was to make sure I didn’t end up in that sorry ass town. I made sure to finish school and worked hard to better myself despite my bad childhood.
I didn’t want to be another statistic.
Girl grows up in a broken home in a shitty town. Girl gets pregnant with some fuck-up from the same shitty town to make another broken home.
Life’s tough, man, but it’s how you deal with it. Jace clearly hasn’t dealt with it well.
“Bryce really loves you,” Jace says, grabbing my attention and changing the subject. I turn my head as he leans against the doorframe with a wrinkled shirt and dark jeans. “I’ve never seen my brother like this before. He’s never been one to show his emotions. Now he’s showing everything.
“We all saw him beat that guy last night. Bryce has a temper. Always has, but he’s been able to control it. It’s like you came along and opened Pandora’s box.
“A compartment where he kept all his shit. Now he’s angrier, jealous. But he’s also in love. He just needs to figure out how to deal with it all.”
I lift my brow, thinking we both do. Neither of us has dealt with something like this before. I was too busy trying to get life right to worry about boys, and my ex Mark wasn’t a good start. Bryce has been too afraid of commitment. This is all new to us.
“The man’s over thirty and has never had a girlfriend. It’s mind-blowing, but if you know Bryce, then you know why.” He steps into the loft and walks over to the table, grabbing his coat from the back of a chair. “Just give him some time to learn how to deal with it all. He’s good at everything he does. He’ll be good at this, too.”
“What if we destroy each other?” I ask.
“Well, that’s something you’ll have to risk, I guess.” He gives me a wink. “I’ll see ya. I’m headed back to the ranch. Tell my brother I’ll call him later.”
“Okay.” I smile, glad to hear he’s going home and not having another night like last night. The door clicks shut, and I hear
the shower turn off.
Moments later, Bryce walks out with a towel around his waist. The light from the bathroom brightens the loft, but with only that and the stove light on, it’s dark in here. Bryce leans and turns a lamp on before walking over to his dresser. I see water river down his back as he shuts the drawer and drops his towel.
His ass is perfectly toned, as are his thighs and back muscles. I know he jogs to the gym, and punching that bag does nothing but good for my guy and his temper. But it also makes his body look insanely gorgeous.
He slides his jogging pants up after his briefs and turns to me.
I look up at his face. Tension is not a normal thing for us, but I feel it now.
“Your brother went home. Says he’ll call you later.”
He nods as he bites his cheek.
I’m not sure what else to say. I feel like I’ve said it. We need some space. He needs to check his temper.
“I’m sorry,” he says after a moment passes. “I don’t want to take a break from you. Hell, thinking about it fucking burns.”
I swallow as he looks down, clearing his throat. “But if it’s what you want, then okay.” He nods, and it’s obvious he’s trying here.
And even though that’s what I think is best, my heart splinters like wood.
“Your car is here now. Ben dropped it off this morning. I’ll stay clear of Mugs & Books. Just call me if you need anything.”
Panic causes me to say something to derail this. “I don’t want to break up, Bryce. I just need a little while to think about things.”
“You see, that’s what I don’t understand. What do you need to think about?”
I exhale, about to speak, but he holds his hands up.
“Don’t. You know what, it’s cool. I get it. Like I said, just call me if you need anything.”
I shut my mouth as he walks over to the couch. He flops down and turns the TV on, and it appears our conversation is over.
I stand there for a few more moments before grabbing my coat and walking out, and as I do, I hear something smash against the wall.
And there’s that temper.
Chapter Eighteen
Bryce
Cold wind sweeps across the pasture, lifting snow and the horses’ manes. I stand at the fence with a warm cup of coffee and two weeks’ worth of stubble. Kat wanted a break, and I figured the best way to give that to her was come out here. I’ve been working my ass off to keep my mind off her, and it’s been working like water in a gas tank.
I roll my neck and slip a hand into the pocket of my Carhart. Warm black coffee coats my throat after I take a sip, and I look down at the hand holding my cup as I rest it on the fence. My knuckles are well busted and bruised, but my face is finally healing.
The scars from my past are still visible, though. Inside and out. The car wreck still replays in my mind, and the cuts from broken glass still mark my skin.
I’ve been thinking about my parents a good bit this past week. I’m afraid I’m just like him, and when I look in the mirror, I want to punch the reflection staring back at me because I’m fucking up the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I’m not sure how to fix it.
“We got a good snow last night.” I turn to hear Pop’s rough voice behind me. He walks in old worn boots and faded jeans, a darker shaded Carhart coat, and an even thicker beard.
I sniff and shake off the cold as I look back at the field of grazing horses. Cold breath blows from their snouts, and snow is sprinkled in their manes.
The sky is azure blue, and the sun is just starting to peek over the horizon, gifting us some warmth and natural beauty.
“Yeah,” I agree as I take another sip from my cup.
“You find what you’re looking for?” he asks me a moment after he rests his arms on the fence.
I look over at the man who raised me. “Ah, I’m not looking for anything.”
“Bullshit,” he says. “My city boy son doesn’t come out here too often as it is, and you’ve been here for a week now.”
I lift a brow. “Nothing gets by you, does it?”
He shakes his head. “I try not to let it when it comes to you two.” He rubs a hand over his beard, his soft blue eyes narrowing. “This about the girl?”
I nod and squint my eyes toward the sky. “I’m afraid I’ve run her off.”
He chuckles. “We men are good at that.”
I look over at him. “Can’t imagine you running anyone off.”
“Aw hell, boy. I was just like you once.”
“Just like me?” I ask, surprised.
He nods. “Yeah. Hell-bent on messing things up for myself. God bless that woman in there.” He nods back toward the house. “She was strong enough to handle me at my worst and I have a feeling your Kathrine is, too.”
I look down, soaking up the words he’s saying.
Just like me.
“Give her a little time, Bryson. She’ll come around.”
I shake my head. “You’d think I was a teenage boy and not a man in his thirties with how clueless I am to what women want.”
He laughs. “Shit, son, you’ll never know that. You’ve just got to bend when they say bend and ask how high when they say jump.”
I smirk, but exhale as I think about my relationship with Kat. It’s intense and full of fucking passion, but the arguing. The jealousy. I don’t know.
“We’ve been fighting a lot lately.”
“All couples argue, Bryson. Listen to me.” He turns his body toward me. “Relationships are hard. They ain’t always passionate lovemaking every night, cuddles on the sofa, and I love yous. They’re fighting about the bills and trying to figure out a way to live with each other’s shit.
“Sometimes there are bad words said that you can’t get back and things you do that you think will end you. But strong couples go through all of that and come out better in the end.” He pulls a cigar out of his front pocket and I watch him light it.
“You’re gonna argue—hell, you’ll scream until your faces turn red, but it’s knowing at the end of the day that’s the person you’ll be lying beside, pissed off or not.” Smoke blows out double from the cold when he exhales, and the scent of the cigar takes me back to growing up in that house behind us.
I sigh before looking off toward the horses again, and neither of us says anything for a little while. The sun rises and the snow glistens. A flock of birds fly out of the trees and I miss my girl like the birds miss summer.
“I’m going to ask Emily to marry me,” he says a moment later.
My head snaps back to him. “It’s about fucking time, Pops.” I smile.
He chuckles. “I agree. I’ve already told Jace.”
I nod, unable to stop the grin on my face. Emily’s been a part of my life since I moved here. She’s always been there for Jace and me, and I’ve always thought of her as a strong mother figure.
“I’m happy for you.”
“Thank you.” He takes a toke of his smoke, leaving it in his mouth as he says, “Now come on. It’s colder than a well digger’s ass out here. Emily’s got breakfast cooking.” He grabs my shoulder as he turns, and I dump my coffee by the fence before I follow.
__________
Kathrine
After Bethany left, Christmas turned into just another day for me. I no longer got to experience the joy and warm feeling it brought up until I was eight. Bethany made sure we had a tree, and lights were hung outside and inside throughout the house.
Saw wasn’t into it, but this was something she put her foot down about, which wasn’t something she did too often. I swore I’d never let a man run my life like she did, but here I am, letting a man do exactly that.
I often wondered what happened to Saw growing up for him to become such a monster.
Was he mentally and physically abused like me? Or did he have it worse? There had to be a reason he was the way he was.
Maybe I just want to believe that a person can’t be born into this world so ominous.
I walk through the enormous antique store looking for gems to put in the shop to give it more character.
The space is double the size it was before, and it’s everything I dreamed it would be.
There’s a kitchen and an area just for sitting with charming iron tables and chairs with cushions. Window seats are now covered with bohemian throw pillows, and an area with a few wingback chairs are placed where people can sit in private or sit together if they choose.
There are new plug-ins and the built-in shelves are packed full of new books from both Indie authors and traditionally published ones.
A double set of French doors can be opened if the weather permits, making the space feel even larger than it is.
This is my dream, and the fact it’s finally coming to life is unreal to me. I know who I have to thank for this. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him.
His touch, his smile that I hardly ever got to see when we first started dating. But I also know I’m not cool with his temper or the fact he’s super jealous. I can’t live like that. I grew up with arguing. I grew up with it all. I don’t want that in my adult life. I want peace.
As much as it pains me to even think about this, maybe we aren’t right for each other.
And that’s just fucking great, because he’s the only man I’ve ever loved.
Love is a powerful thing; it can suck the life out of you if lost and give you wings to fly when it’s at its best.
I’ve spoken to Mills a few times. He’s on the road heading up north. I’m not sure how our relationship is going to be without actually visiting each other often, but with social media and everything today, we can make it happen.
I haven’t heard a single sound from Bethany, and I’m okay with that. Maybe one day we’ll cross paths again and both of us will be in a better place. But for now, I don’t want her in my life.
I’m trying to heal from all of that, move on, and let it all go.
Chapter Nineteen
Kathrine
Zesty lemon makes the house smell like clean heaven and my hands burn from the bleach I’ve scrubbed the countertops with. “Lonely Boy” by the Black Keys does its best to lift my mood and put some oomph in my step, but my therapy cleaning and happy music aren’t doing what it normally would. My heart’s beat is slower, my bones are heavy, and my lungs struggle.
Give Me Perfect Love (Give Me Series Book 2) Page 12
