by Janeal Falor
“It sounds like a wise plan.”
A coronation, then. I should set that in motion.
“You know, you shouldn't worry about Daros coming back, when you defeated him once.”
“Who says I’m worried?”
“It's there, in your thoughts, unguarded.”
I cross my arms. “So what if I am? I have every reason to fear him. Beating him was a fluke. There's no telling I could ever do that again. Though this time I won’t be alone, neither will he. Besides, he controlled me almost my entire life. What's to stop that now? He may not come after me, but someone will. I will pay for what I've done.”
“You need to move on. To live your life.”
I'm silent, trying to keep my thoughts away from her soft touch.
She sighs. “Please move on with your life, though it's hard. The coronation is a good idea. You should do it.” When I don't respond, she says, “It's all right to have a weakness. Everyone does.”
“What's yours, then?”
She looks down. “Mine doesn't matter. I'm no longer living a real life. I'm simply guiding you.”
Can it be true? Is it okay to have a weakness? To have a soft spot for something? For myself and my people?
“You know it is. Be true to yourself.”
Her words stir something in my heart that I’m not sure I’m ready to face. “You’re not mad at me for killing Queen Deedra?” I ask.
“No, dearest. It came from Daros, not you. It was not your choice to be the Shadow Wraith. He forced you into it. Now that you’ve seen the light, you’ve left that persona behind. You have to forgive yourself for the part you played in it.”
Maybe.
“No maybe about it. But no matter what I tell you, you’ll have to believe it for yourself.”
I sigh. I wish things were easier.
“I do, as well.”
This makes me think of something we haven’t talked about in the past few weeks. Why could I feel her presence during my fight with Daros, when I captured him?
“Because of the Mortum Tura. I told you, the more you drink it, the stronger you will become. The more connected we’ll be.”
I don’t know how I feel about that.
“You don’t have to decide now, but I must go. We'll talk more soon,” she says.
“I'll think about what you said.”
“That's all I can ask.”
Will it help, or will it be my undoing?
Chapter 4
The morning is bright and cheery. I’m not.
It’s still early, and Inkga has yet to arrive, so I dress. I concentrate on concealing weapons and on what the First Queen said. I can't handle all of it. But the part about setting the coronation in motion and helping my people? That I can do. I should have done it right after the first failed attempt on my life, but I was too busy trying to undo the damage Daros did by telling everyone who I am.
After the ball, the people shunned me. They still shun me, in truth. They’re scared of the Shadow Wraith, coming to destroy them now as their queen, instead of an unknown assassin. Despite that, I’ve been trying to meet with them, to ease their fears with kindness. Most still quiver before me.
I hurry through my rooms to where Nash is waiting along with some guards. I want to ask him how long he's been here. How much sleep he's gotten. What he's thinking. But I don't want to be more familiar than I already am. Not when I'm so worried for him. For all of us.
“Your Majesty.” He bows at me, as do the other guards, one at a time so they have someone always watching the hall.
“I would like you to arrange some things for me,” I say. “If you will step in here, we can discuss it.”
“Certainly.” He follows me in.
I take a seat in the corner, where I can watch both the entrance and the window. It's something I'd normally do but now feels even more imperative.
The coronation would take time to put together, but there is something else I could do to make the people happy. To make me happy.
“I have some things I’d like you to help with,” I say.
I should talk to Timit about it first, though I’ve talked to him about it a little in the past. He’s always so hesitant—doesn’t want money going anywhere but to him. I may as well go ahead with it and deal with the consequences later. I should also give a decree, but I’d rather do it myself. I want my people to hear from my own mouth what I’m doing for them so there’s no mistaking it.
“Go ahead.” His words are stiff. Formal.
I don’t like it at all, but I brought it on myself. “I would like to have a meeting with as many citizens as you can get together this afternoon. I need to tell them about a new law.” What I should have told them. I was to lower taxes at the ball, but it never happened. It's far past time to do so.
“I can arrange that. I can’t guarantee many people will be there on such short notice, but I'll do what I can. Where would you like them to gather?”
“The throne room or ballroom. Which do you think is better?”
“If it's official business, the throne room. Otherwise, the ballroom.”
“The throne room, then.”
“It will be done.”
“Good. And for the other business—I would like you to arrange a coronation, since it was canceled at the ball. You can enlist the ladies-in-waiting or anyone else you’d like. The Head of Relations with the Queen can help.”
He nods. “I'll make sure it is. When did you want to hold it?”
“Let's say one week from today. If that’s not a problem.”
“That’s soon, but I'll take care of it.”
“Thank you.” I want to say more—tell him my thoughts, feelings, and fears—but I don't dare. It was hard enough talking to the First Queen about them. I don't want to speak about them anymore.
“Are you all right?” He sounds more like himself than he has the whole time he's been here.
“Fine.” The word cracks, betraying me.
He narrows his eyes. I know he doesn't believe me, but will he ask?
He stands. “If that is all, Your Majesty, I will get it in order.”
I relax back into my chair, uncertain if I'm glad he is ignoring my response. “That is all.”
“I will report when I have news.” He bows.
I watch him walk. I miss his realness. His charm. The kiss we shared and have avoided mentioning since.
It should have never taken place, but I ache for its comforting reassurance. For the warmth that came with it. The nearness. The connection.
Pushing the feelings aside, I walk out into the hall, to find my guards waiting like always. Wilric, Eldim, Stird, and Afet—I'm getting better at keeping track of them. There are still a lot of guards whose names I don't know, though, including a few women who are helping today.
I hurry to the corridor, where I run into Inkga.
“You're ready, my lady,” she says. “Should I have breakfast sent up?”
“Please do. Enough for my ladies-in-waiting. I’ll eat later, so we don’t have to worry about poison meant for me getting mixed into one of their plates.” After Inkga being poisoned when I was supposed to be, I can’t chance it happening again. “Once you have that going, will you please let the ladies know I would like to meet with all of them in my sitting room?”
“Of course. Anything else, Your Highness?”
Egh. They still call me these names much too often. But I don't want them to stop now with Daros on the loose. I don’t want to show familiarity with anyone. All my life, he’s known everything about me, except for when I decided to run. Maybe because that was a spur of the moment decision, he didn’t have time to learn it. The people I care about, though? There’s plenty of time to learn about them. What would I do if he took Inkga away from me? She's much too sweet to have to deal with his form of punishment.
“No, that will be all,” I say.
I slip back in my room and settle in my chair to wait. It takes much too long. I tap my
foot on the ground, wanting to pace, but not wanting to show nerves, even if my room is empty of people.
Something flashes out of the corner of my eye. I whip to the side, daggers drawn.
No one is there.
I swallow and try to quiet my pounding heart. Daros isn't here. None of his men are here. I'm safe. My people are safe.
For now.
Who knows how long it'll last?
A knock sounds.
“Enter,” I say, not caring that I have no one here to answer it for me.
The ladies-in-waiting pile in the room—all twelve of them. The thirteenth one, Faya—the grandmotherly lady I trusted—is now in the dungeons. I still can't believe she was behind the plot with Ranen and Borkus to take my life.
They curtsy, and I tell them to be seated. Jem sits farthest from me, though I can see her dainty mole above her lip and to the right. Having her back to the window is a bad choice, but that's her decision. The rest settle around in various chairs. It's then I realize I don't know most of their names. I've been remiss.
Time to fix that.
“Before we start, I would like each of you to say your first name. No Your Highness, Your Majesty, or my lady. Just your first name.” And I'll try to remember them.
They look at me with rounded eyes. Why, I'm not sure, so I choose to ignore it. I nod for the first one—a girl several years older than me, with the typical brown hair, grey eyes, and a tight smile—to go ahead.
“I'm Suyla of Trentin,” she says.
“Thank you, Suyla. No need to say where you are from, though.”
She nods, and the next woman speaks.
“Lipla.” She looks to be in her thirties and has golden skin, which reminds me that I know her from before.
“Freza.” She’s in her late twenties and has a light dusting of freckles across her fair skin.
“Pina.” Her voice is dainty, though she's the biggest of the group. She looks younger than me, but not by much.
The next girl, I remember, with her golden hair and eyes, and her loyalty to Jem. “I'm Inyi,” she says.
“Jem.” There's a snide quality to Jem’s voice, but I ignore it; it's always been there. Besides, it’s not as bad as it used to be.
They continue around the room, but I have a hard time concentrating. I'll ask their names again if I need them. When I need them. I'm determined to utilize them more than I have previously.
When the last one finishes, I say, “Thank you. In case you don't know why we're meeting, I've asked my Head Advisor to arrange my coronation for one week from today. You are to be included in the preparations.”
They beam, except for Jem, who stays expressionless.
“How may we help, Your Majesty?” Inyi asks.
It was nice, losing the title. For a moment, anyway. “In any way my Head Advisor asks you to. I'm sure he'll hand over most details to you. It should take place in the throne room and have a mixture of classes there. I don't want to cater to just the upper class.”
“We can do that, Your Highness,” Pina says, joy folding through her words.
“Excellent. Do you have any other questions?” I ask.
They stay silent. I suppose they trained for this. I would have nothing but questions, but since I put them in charge, I'll leave them to it.
“Good. One more thing. I am making an announcement this afternoon. Afterward, and for the next couple of days, I want you to go out among the people of Poruah, Medi, and Kurah class and figure out how they feel about it. You ladies are to be my eyes and ears.”
I have to trust them with this; there's no one else to do it. The guards I can count on are taking turns protecting me and sleeping. Normally, I wouldn’t think I needed protection, but with Daros on the loose, anything can happen. Messengers or servants would work, but I’m not putting Inkga in harm’s way, and she’s the only one I know. I can read people I know better than those I don’t, and I know my ladies-in-waiting a little. I should, after all the time I’ve spent listening to them prattle.
“Forgive me, my queen,” Freza says. “We aren't accustomed to such tasks.”
“It's time to become accustomed to them. This won't be your last.”
She raises her eyebrows, but she says nothing further.
“Anyone else?” I scan the room, taking in their reactions. Most are like Freza, but Jem is straight-faced, appearing indifferent. “I expect a report from each of you in a couple days. You are dismissed.”
They stand and curtsy. A few give backward glances, but most shuffle away. Once they are all gone, I give a sigh of relief. Handling others is stressful. I don't know what to do with them. How to act.
There is one good thing, though—for a moment there, I forgot about Daros. Maybe this is the key. Serve my people; let my worries slide away.
If only it was enough.
Chapter 5
After Inkga helps me change into more formal clothing,—a dress, ugh—I head to the throne room. During the coronation, I'll have to walk the length of the huge room, but today, we wind through the hallways toward the back of the room.
Several guards are with me, along with the council that fell in line behind me at some point. I glance back and see Nash leading them. I turn back around before we can make eye contact. Before I do something I'll later regret, like throwing myself in his arms and sobbing. That wouldn’t do.
We come to the door, and the council filters past me to find their places to stand—according to their rank, no doubt. Nash doesn't even look at me as he goes by. The only one who makes any comments toward me is Yuka, my Head of Arts. She says, “I'm anxious to see what you're going to tell everyone, Your Majesty.”
I nod to her, and she continues on. We'll see if she's just as anxious when she hears I'm lowering taxes for the Poruah and Medi.
After the council is in, Wilric peeks his head in the room. “The crowd is ready for you, Your Highness.”
“Thank you.”
“Her Majesty, Queen Ryn,” a male voice calls out.
I enter the room and hold in a gasp at the amount of people gathered.
They're everywhere, crammed together in the huge space. There must be at least a thousand. Maybe more. All to hear my announcement. Those in the back won’t hear me well, though.
“The Shadow Wraith isn’t my queen,” a female voice yells.
Though I fear she’s right, I ignore her. Not being the queen means being dead, which isn’t an option.
I make my way over to the throne on the dais, the only piece of furniture in the room. I stand in front of it, not wanting to sit, despite my terror threatening to creep its way into me. Someone sent by Daros is probably in this crowd right now. They can't make it to me. My escorts are lined up in front of everyone, and more line the wall behind me.
That doesn't hold much comfort, not if they have a projectile weapon.
But no more wasting time. I can do this. “My people.” The room quiets. Every gaze is focused on me. I can even make out those in the back.
“I have news I want to share with you.” May as well get right to it; I was never good at making speeches. I wasn't supposed to talk. “I am lowering the taxes for the Poruah and Medi class by half. To combat this, I'm raising them for the Kurah class by a quarter.”
The room is a cacophony. Gasps and hisses. Cheers and growls. The Kurah may hate me now, but I don't regret it. The Poruah needed this. I needed this.
I don't know what to do now. The noise is too much. People seem to be talking to each other as much as they are talking to me, though I can’t hear them.
I glance at Nash. He's smiling.
That little expression made this worth it.
There's nothing else for me to do. I turn and leave the room. The door closes, taking out most of the noise. The guards nod at me, and I lead the way back to my room.
It feels good to do something for my people. Really do something. Now to figure out what else I should be doing for them.
It’s been a d
ay since I lowered taxes, and I’m still thinking about what the First Queen said. Is it really okay to have a weakness? I don't know.
There's a knock. Lunch is here. “Enter.”
Nash strides in. My pulse speeds up. Seeing him is like an adrenaline rush.
He gives a stiff bow. “I wanted to know if you had anything for me to do, Your Majesty. I've got people working on the coronation for next week. It should turn out well.”
I grin. Daros’s escape doesn't matter. Now that my panic has worn off, I know he can’t see into my room. Into my heart. “Please have a seat.”
He takes the chair Jem sat in, farthest from me. He must be upset.
I wonder again about that softness I need to have. The ability to trust others. Can I say what I need to? Can I do it? I care enough about Nash to try.
“I'm sorry.” The words feel like they’re choking out of me.
Nash's eyes are wide. “What was that?”
“I'm sorry I've been rude to you. That I haven't been communicating better.”
He stares a moment. “It's fine.”
“No, it's not. I was scared of Daros”—still am—“I didn't know how to respond. I'm…not used to letting people in.”
Without hesitation, he moves to the chair next to mine. “Please don't think about it again. After seeing his house and…everything in it, I can't imagine how you must feel. How terrifying this must all be for you.”
I don't say anything. Can't. Despite my panic lessening, it's stuck in my gut with my fear, roiling about like a monster let loose.
My lunch arrives. and Nash gets lets the servant in. She sets a tray on the low table in front of me. “Do you need anything else, Your Majesty?”
“No, thank you. Wait. Yes. Would you please bring up a tray for Nash?”
“I'd be happy to.” With a curtsy, she leaves.
“You didn't have to do that,” Nash says.
“I'm not about to eat while you sit and watch. Though I do worry. Last time I asked them to bring more food, Faya tried to poison me and instead poisoned Inkga.” And killed someone to allay suspicion.
“We’ve tightened security, and no one has tried for your life in a week. I think I'll be all right.”
