by Janeal Falor
It's going to be a hard road. One I’d rather take with Nash back at my side. I sweep his name away, trying to pretend it never crossed my thoughts.
If he’s not back, maybe I should revert the taxes. There’s no sense keeping them like this if Daros isn’t going to fulfill his end of the bargain. The thought of telling Nash’s family I’ve given up haunts me. I can’t do that to them.
We enter the palace and turn through the halls instead of going straight to the chalice room as I did that fateful day.
“Is there anything else you need me doing today?” Jaku asks.
“Make certain that the people are properly searched before they come and see me. I don't want any surprises. And someone see that Julina gets stitched up.” Not that I couldn't handle any surprises, but like earlier, they won't thank me for leaving them bleeding.
“Yes, Your Majesty.”
Several minutes later, when we reach my rooms, he bows. “If you will excuse me, Your Highness, there are some things I need to take care of.”
I wave him away as I step into my sitting room. Inkga is here, twisting her hands together so hard they're turning red. I excuse my guards.
“Are you all right?” I ask her.
She drops her hands to her sides. “I've been worried about you, my lady.”
“I'm here now. Sorry to leave you without a word.”
“You're the queen. You don't have to leave word.”
“I should have done it anyway.” Because, despite my reservations, I care for her as a friend, and I don't want to her to worry about me.
“I'll get breakfast if you're ready,” she says as if compromising.
I nod for her to do so and move to my bedroom. While she's away, I pick out a dress. Something more formal than I care for—stately, but not overdone—but that will hopefully show the people how serious I am about addressing their concerns, even if I can’t fix them all right now. It’s all I can give them without reverting the law. I decide on a simple purple dress with a slash through the skirt, revealing white fabric beneath. It’s not Poruah clothing, but neither is it Kurah.
Mostly though, I want to get back out there and look for Nash. There's no sense worrying about it with so much to do. Besides, I’m not sure I was doing any good out there, anyway. It’s not like I know where Daros stashed him. Daros trusted me with so little.
There's a knock, and Inkga comes in with a breakfast tray. I sit down at my vanity to eat. Though it’s like sand in my mouth, my body is grateful for the sustenance.
“Would you like a bath and a trip to the queen's spring?”
“Just a bath, please.” I have no wish to relive the memory of the spring I almost let myself be killed in.
“I'll have one sent for right away.”
She leaves the room and comes back a moment later. She idly chats while I eat my breakfast. At one point, the chatter would have bothered me, but now I find it soothing.
“Is this the dress you picked out to wear for the day?” she asks.
“It is.” I shove my mostly empty tray away. I wasn't hungry but needed the sustenance. “I was hoping for something that looked a little queenlier, for the people to see me in.”
“That is a good choice.”
There's another knock. She answers it, and I spend the rest of the morning in a flurry of activity, getting ready. Once I'm bathed and dressed in the deep-purple outfit, Inkga helps me with my hair that's grown a little longer. When it's done, she brings me my crown from the royal treasury, and I place it on my head.
“Do I look like I could face a crowd of angry people?” I ask.
“You do, and you'll do fine.”
I sigh. “I wish I didn't have to give into someone else's demands in order to keep Nash alive.”
“I know. You’ll find him, and then you can make everything right.”
I have the strangest urge to hug her, but I refuse to bring the law down on her head, even if it means feeling lonely.
I make my way to the throne room, a new group of guards accompanying me. The ones from last night should be off, getting some rest. I could too, but I must do what little I can to calm my people.
Once I'm seated on the throne, I take a steadying breath. Bring on more complaints about me. I'm ready to handle them.
The day starts off much like yesterday. The complaints are many, and mostly to do with my tax changes. There’s not much I can do for them, though I offer food and clothing where I can. If I have to take their money, then I can at least spend it on helping them however I can.
Little is seen from the Kurah class, but the Poruah and Medi class abound. It’s all the same, hurting my chest with each new person.
Until a woman, dressed in a simple green skirt and white blouse with a kind face but with brown eyes that are full of anger, enters. She stands straight, like she has a backbone of iron.
“How can I help you?” I ask.
“Your Majesty.” Her curtsy can barely be considered that. “I have a complaint against your guards. They are beating people. Injuring them so severely they can’t work.” That doesn’t sound like my guards or any other complaint I’ve heard, but maybe there’s more going on that I’m not aware of. A problem I can finally fix. “My husband had a dagger thrown into his shoulder. He’ll be out of work for months, if he can ever return.”
A sick feeling settles in my gut. “Is he with you?”
“He didn’t want to come in.”
“I’d like to meet him anyway, if you would please bring him.”
A guard leaves the room and returns moments later with a familiar face.
One of the men I daggered. As he approaches, recognition etches his features. “You did this to me,” he says.
“You will not address Her Majesty this way,” the guard says, blocking the man from coming at me.
“No, he’s right.” Guilt makes my words bitter. “I did harm him.” I turn my attention to the man. “Your group attacked me and my guards. We were searching for someone who is being hurt. We weren’t doing anything bad to your area when we were recognized and attacked. We protected ourselves.”
He spits on the gleaming wooden floor. “You were taking whatever you wanted from us, and you know it.”
“I’m truly sorry for how this played out. I will send you home with several months’ pay and food to see your family through.” I motion for a servant.
“I don’t want your stuff,” the man growls.
His wife takes him by his uninjured upper arm. “We could use that money.”
“I don’t want anything that comes from her.”
He turns and storms out of the throne room, stomping his boots. The wife gives me a pleading look before following him.
“See that they are given what I promised,” I tell the servant. “Do your best to get the wife to accept it.”
“Yes, Your Highness.”
As the servant scurries from the room, my heart is tight with pain. What am I doing to my people?
Chapter 24
I pace a frantic path across my room. There’s nothing on my mind except Nash. Where is he? What’s happening to him? What can I do to help? The thoughts swirl over and over, making it hard to think.
There’s a knock, and I rush to open it. Wilric stands before me. I hurry him in. “Any news?”
He shakes his head, mouth set in a grim line. “Nothing out of the ordinary. Everything seems to be as it should. The people we’re interviewing know nothing. The places we search are coming up empty.”
“What about Daros’s known associates? Did anything come from the list I gave you?”
“We found Merloch, but he insisted he knows nothing about Daros’s current whereabouts.”
That can’t be. “He must know what’s going on. Give us a small clue. Anything.”
“He said he hasn’t seen Daros in several years. And before you ask, yes, I checked out his story. He seems to be clean lately. Owns a tavern and does honest work. If he’s had any contact with Daro
s, it’s well-hidden.”
“Nash is suffering somewhere. This isn’t good enough.”
“I agree completely, but we’re doing what we can.”
I slouch. “He has to be somewhere.”
“He is. We just have to find out where.” He looks me head on. “We’ll find him. It’s a big city, and it’s going to take some time, but we’ll find him.”
“Before they destroy him?” The words are out, though I should have stopped them.
“It’s going to be all right.” The words are soothing, but with nothing to go on, I can’t believe him.
“You don’t know that. No one does.” I shouldn’t say such things. I should be working on finding solutions, but I’m at a loss as to what move should be made next.
He sighs. “Perhaps you’re right, but I have hope that everything is going to turn out fine.”
“I don’t know what it means to hope.” Nothing in my life has led me to do so. That’s not changing now since Nash has been captured by the worst person alive.
Wilric takes a step closer, bending his head down. “It means a lot of things, but all you have to focus on is that I will get Nash back.”
“I can’t believe that, as much as I want to.”
“Then I’ll hope enough for the both of us.”
Some of the tumultuous noise in my chest settles down. “Do you mean that?”
“I do.”
“I can see why Nash counted you as a friend.”
He almost smiles, but it’s tainted with the devastation in his gaze. “Thank you, my lady.”
“How long have you known Nash?” I ask.
“Almost my whole life. My family moved near his when I was six. I’ve been friends with him ever since.”
Wilric has much more of a claim on Nash than I do. It doesn’t stop me from worrying or caring. If anything, it gives me a stronger reason to bring Nash home.
“Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to get some rest so I can have an early start in the morning.”
“Of course.” I don’t want him here, talking to me, if it’s going to cut into the time he could be searching for Nash. “Please make sure you take whatever resources you need to find him.”
“I will.” He bows. “I’ll update you again as soon as I can, Your Majesty.”
He leaves the room. I almost start pacing again, but it won’t help me find Nash any faster.
But there is something I can do that will mean a lot to Nash’s family.
I send a servant for Pina. Only a few minutes later, she arrives. “How can I help you, Your Majesty?”
“I want you to take down a note for me and deliver it to Nash’s family. Make sure you bring a couple guards with you. The city is a dangerous place for anyone associated with the palace these days.”
She waves away my concern. “I’ll take some guards then, and everything will be fine.” She pulls out a quill, ink, and paper from a drawer in my low table. “What do you want the note to say?”
I give her a quick overview of Wilric’s report. It’s not the news I want to send, but I want to keep them as up to date as I can.
Once the note is written and Pina sent on her way, cloaked and with an armed escort, I start exercising. My thoughts should be with my people and how I can make it up to them—how I can fix what I broke. Instead, I’m struggling to come to terms with the fact that Nash is in Daros’s hands.
Chapter 25
Hours and hours and hours later, I'm exhausted. I'm trained to go with little sleep, but this is ridiculous. I’ve rested for a few snippets here and there, but I keep jostling awake with fear that something’s happened to Nash. And I’m exhausted.
I finish my supper, eyes closing.
“I think you should go to bed, Your Majesty,” Inkga says.
“Maybe you're right.” And maybe tonight I'll be able to sleep for long enough to talk to the First Queen.
I climb into bed, and Inkga takes away my tray.
“Please call me if you need anything,” she says. “Anything at all.”
“And I'll let you know if I decide to go out looking for him again.” I slur my words, but I can't seem to help it.
“That would be appreciated. Goodnight, Your Majesty.” Her voice is soft. Distant.
I find the daggers under my pillow and let my hand rest on them. With my other hand, I grab hold of the doll the sweet girl gave me and hold it close.
The colors of the sunset merge together in a beautiful array. “You have had a hard few days,” the First Queen says.
“I'm so glad to be able to talk to you. I need your help.” My voice is desperate. At least she's the only one who can hear it.
“Before you ask—no. I can't use magic to find Nash Zorris.”
I slump down into a sitting position. “Why not?”
“Because magic isn't that easy. It has to be imbued into an object to work. It takes time and patience. More skill than you have.”
“But I need it. I'll do anything to get it.”
She lifts an eyebrow. “Anything?”
I think before I speak. Would I do anything? I've already gone further than I should have. “I just want him back. Want him safe.”
“I know.”
“You can't know.” I'm being rude, but I don't care. “You never lived through what I did. You don't understand what they're doing to Nash.”
She sits back against the bright oranges and reds. “It's true. I don't know. I'm afraid you keep those memories locked up tight, though we've talked about it. You won't let me understand.”
I turn away. “It's too much for anyone to deal with.”
“I can't imagine what you went through to make you feel that way.”
I release a breath in a huff and turn back around. “What do I do about Nash?”
“You don't want to hear my opinion.”
“I know, but I need to.”
She stares at me a moment. “You know taking care of a country is bigger than one person. One man.”
I cringe. “I know. But I can't leave him to his fate.” My voice is small.
“You need to think of the greater good.”
I don't reply. What's the use?
“I know you care deeply for Nash.”
I do. More than I thought. I close my eyes, willing away the tears building.
“You need to think about what’s most important.”
“What do you mean?”
“Exactly what I said.”
This is getting me nowhere, or maybe nowhere I want to go. “You said I needed more skill to use magic, how do I get those skills?”
She purses her lips. “It’s complicated. Time, patience, practice, and I’m afraid you only have the practice part down.”
She’s right. I don’t have time or patience, even if I do know how to practice. It’s not good enough, though. I need to do something, anything, to get me closer to finding Nash. “You know magic. Teach me.”
“It’s not that simple. I wish it was, but it’s not something I can cover in the short amount of time as a dream. It takes years and years of practice to have any small result.”
“That’s not good enough.” My words are harsh.
“That may be, but it’s what I can give you.”
“You’re not giving me anything. You’re no help at all.” I grit my teeth.
She frowns, creases marring her smooth features.
I rub my head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.”
“It’s all right. You’re under a great deal of pressure.”
“It’s not all right. I want nothing to do with being like Daros, yet here I am losing my temper and raging at you like he would. I have to do better.”
“We all have to do better, but it takes time. Change doesn’t happen overnight. It’s hard work that comes with practice.”
There’s that practice word again. I want to curse it. Little good it does me now when I have no time for it. “Don’t you have anything that can help now?”
&
nbsp; “I’m sorry.”
I feel myself waking. Not yet. I'm not ready to go; I still need to talk to her.
But before she answers, I wake.
Chapter 26
Well into the morning, I'm stewing over the First Queen’s words, though it does me no good.
I meet with several groups.
Timit is in the long line of people who want my attention. “I have papers for you to sign.”
“And what are they about?” I stop myself from rubbing my eyes. Despite getting some sleep last night, I’m still worn to the bone.
“They are for funding the new section of the palace.”
That wakes me right up. “Who’s building that?”
“You are, Your Majesty. Every queen does.”
I dismiss him with a wave of my hand. “There’s not to be such waste while I am queen. What I want from you is a report on how we can handle lower taxes for the Poruah.”
“But, Your Highness, you just raised them.”
“Pretend I didn’t. I want to know how we can make it work on a limited budget.”
He purses his meaty lips. “I put together that report before you went back on the changes, but may I respectfully suggest that you keep the taxes as they are? There will have to be too many cutbacks if we lose the income from so many.”
“They are poor enough to begin with. We don’t need to be taking more from them.” I hold out my hand. “Give me the report.”
With a scowl, he places a thin stack of papers in my hands. I scan them over several minutes, an uncomfortable relief filling me. This is more workable than I thought, but I have no plans to change it soon. I need Nash safe first. For his family. For Wilric.
For me, if I’m honest with myself.
I shove the thoughts away. “It looks like we could lower the taxes on the Poruah some as well, and still have plenty of money in the treasury.”
Timit splutters. “What do you expect us to live on?”
“You are getting far more gold than one person needs.” Which was hidden well within the many documents. “I suggest you stop buying so many expensive things and live more simply.”
