by Janeal Falor
“I need to take care of a few things, but thank you for saying so.” Venda gives me a faint smile before going out the door.
Inkga grins as she comes over to me. “Are you having a good day so far?”
“The best.” Given the circumstances. “Venda gave me a new toy.” I hold up the dart flinger and explain what it is.
“I’ll be sure to stay clear of its path,” she says. “I’m happy you have a way to protect yourself. I know that’s been bothering you.”
“Is it that obvious?”
She winks. “Let’s take a look here. I thought you might like to read this one first.” She opens the letter.
“Who’s it from?”
“Slipa.”
My interest is immediately piqued. Nash’s mother wrote me back.
Kind enough to look away, Inkga places it before me. I eagerly take it in.
* * *
Queen Ryn,
I was happy to receive your letter. Thank you for your interest in our family. We are all doing well. The girls are more settled now that their brother is home, though I have a feeling he won’t be here for much longer.
Nash is doing well—better than he has been since he first returned—though I know he’s still haunted by what happened to him. I appreciate your concern and have let everyone I know how kind you are. You are always welcome in our home, whenever you should desire to visit.
Thank you again, for taking such good care of Nash and of our family,
Slipa
* * *
He won’t be home for much longer? What does that mean? I’m grateful to hear he’s coming around, if it’s true. It’s hard to know for certain when it comes from his mother. Despite not trusting my own, I know they can be biased toward their children.
Maybe she doesn’t know how bad he got, and he’s worse than ever.
The thought makes my stomach churn. I don’t want him worse; I want him better. I need to see him myself, to know how things are actually going, but I don’t dare call for him. Sending a letter to his mother would be showing him preferential treatment.
“Thank you, Inkga, I’m finished with that one,” I say. Probably had her hold it way too long, considering how short it was.
“I thought—” She stops herself.
“Thought what?”
“Forgive me. It’s not my place.”
“We’re friends, aren’t we?”
She nods.
“Then you can tell me or ask me whatever you want.” And I’ll do my best to answer.
She bites her lower lip. “I thought that you would be happier about that letter—unless it was bad news?”
I’m very aware of Afet and Eldim in the room, though I trust them both. “It wasn't bad. I am happy, but I’m also still worried. There’s a lot that could go wrong, and that seems to be all I can think about.”
“I understand.”
“Do you?”
She nods. “It’s hard having people you lo—care about going through hard times.”
Too true. It hurts to think about.
“Are you ready to read the next letter?” she asks.
I give her an affirmative. No matter how many letters from Shillian or ladies-in-waiting I read, they don’t take my mind off the first one. Off Nash and how he may be doing.
Chapter 21
It’s almost time for dinner as I’m wheeled into my sitting room. My mind has been on the letter regarding Nash for the past two days. I wonder how he’s doing as I practice strengthening myself, my magic, and my country. It’s a lot to take in.
I haven’t been worrying enough about the First Queen because she’s been leaving me alone. But what is she planning?
Inkga lights a candle and gives a squeal.
“What is it?” I demand, readying my dart flinger.
Her squeal of fear turns to delight. “A great surprise. I’m going to get out of your hair.”
And he steps into my line of sight. Nash. My heart flutters wildly. I want to press myself against him. To give him my lips and remind him he has my heart. Instead, I point my dart flinger away from him and keep my voice formal. “Inkga, please go get Jaku. Nash Zorris, it’s good to see you.”
He winces. Whether it’s because of how I look, my formal tone, or something else, I can’t tell. My fingers twitch. Eldim and Afet each take a corner while Inkga sets me in place on the side of the room by some chairs and leaves the room.
“What is it you wish to discuss?” I ask.
“Mother got your note.”
“And I received hers.” This is so formal. I hate it. Why do I feel a need to set this tone? I wish we didn’t have an audience, but I’m not sure it would be any better. There’s so much standing between us right now.
He glances around the room, stopping on the unlit candelabra. “May I light this for you?”
It is rather dark with only one candle. Inkga usually lights more, but she must have forgotten since she left in a hurry for Jaku. “If you’d like.”
Nash takes the lit candle and goes around the room, lighting more. As the room brightens, my heart grows heavier. He’s silent. I’m silent. It’s like there’s a chasm between us that can’t be crossed.
Nash nods at Afet and Eldim. They nod back, but otherwise, the room is still. Quiet.
Jaku enters the room. He takes one look at the situation and says to Afet and Eldim, “Why don’t you take a break? Come back in two hours to relieve me.”
“Yes, sir,” they both say.
They exit the room, and Jaku says, “It’s good to see you, Nash.”
“It’s good to see you too.” He hesitates a moment. “Don’t suppose it’s possible that you give me and Ryn a moment alone.”
“Afraid I can’t do that.”
“I didn’t think so, but I had to ask.”
Jaku gets in a corner. “Ignore me the best you can.”
Like we’ll start kissing in front of him. Not that it would happen anyway. He takes one look at me, and resolve hardens his face. He strides closer and kneels in front of me. “Ryn, I know I can’t ever earn your full forgiveness for what I’ve done and how I’ve behaved, but I want you to know I’m trying hard. The time away and talking to Jaku were what I needed. I’m not perfect, but I’m doing better. You made the right decision.”
The urge to throw myself at him is stronger than ever. “Why didn’t you visit, then? Or write?”
He glances down. “I was ashamed of my behavior. Truth be told, I still am, but I’m hoping you can find it in your heart to forgive me.”
“Of course I can, Nash. I forgave you the moment it happened. I just wanted you to get the help you needed, to get better.”
His head jerks up. “You mean that?”
“I do.”
“Thank you, Ryn. That means more to me than I can say.”
And the fact that he’s here, asking for forgiveness, means more than I can say. “You don’t have to talk about what happened if you don’t want to, but I need to know you’ll never beat a defenseless man again.”
“Never. I’ve gotten a hold of myself. What’s more, after speaking with Jaku, I know the best option is to not put myself in that situation.”
“Good. I’m glad that’s settled.” Now would be the perfect time to hug him, but I can barely move my hands. Besides, I’m not sure how keen Jaku would be on our touching. He might have told us to act like he wasn’t here, but he wouldn’t be all right with seeing us hug and kiss. Or fight. Oh, how I miss our sparring.
“I have to ask. How are things going with Androlla? I’ve been worried about it the whole time I’ve been gone, and wondered if…”
“If she’s taken me over yet? No, she’s left me alone for the past while. It makes me more nervous than if she tried to gain control all the time. I worry she’s planning something.”
Nash stands and paces. “I don’t like the sound of that.”
“Neither do I,” Jaku says. “You didn’t tell me that.”
�
�Because I have it under control.” And I’m scared to talk about it, but it has to happen sooner or later. Better it come from me, than they see it happen with their own eyes.
“Don’t keep things like that from us,” Jaku says. “We’re trying to help you, but we can’t do it if we don’t have all the information.”
“Sorry.” I glance at Nash, to see how he reacts—and if I’m honest, just to look at him. It’s so good to be able study him.
He shakes his head. “We need to get this figured out before she gains control permanently over you. How’s the magic coming?”
“Inkga and Venda are doing a good job helping me, but it’s been a struggle. Daros said I needed to learn a healing enchantment next, but despite practice, it hasn’t come to me.”
“A healing enchantment. Is that to help you?”
I hold back a grimace. “It' not strong enough.”
“What could that be for, then?” Nash stops his pacing across from me, facing my direction.
“I don’t know. I’m wondering if I’ll need a huge spell that will help me heal myself. Heal her out of me? That, or it’s practice for another big spell.”
“Perhaps he’s leading us on,” Nash says.
“That’s always a possibility,” Jaku replies.
I hate to think like that, but it’s been a wiggling worry in the back of my mind ever since Daros started taking me on this path. “We need a plan in case he’s not being honest with us. I’ve been researching more magic with the help of the books you found me, Nash, and with Venda’s assistance. The problem is I haven’t found anything that would help us defeat the First Queen.”
Maybe there’s nothing. Maybe she made herself indestructible and that’s why she’s always mocking me.
“There’s got to be something,” Nash says.
“She’s close now.” I try to ignore her pressure in my head. “And mocking us.”
He strides over and gets so close to my face that we’re almost touching. My breath gets knocked away by his sudden proximity. “You tell her that we’ll find a way, no matter what,” he says.
My fingers twitch and flex before aiming the dart flinger straight for Nash and pushing the buttons on both sides.
Chapter 22
Nash cries out and scurries away. Jaku is asking what happened. I’m screaming on the inside because I can’t control myself. I can’t do anything but feel my hand aim for Nash again as the First Queen prepares to shoot him again.
A second dart slips out and hits Nash in the arm. He weaves across the room, toward the door, as she aims again. I’m counting in my head, hoping against all hope that he’ll get out before I get to three. A third dart flies through the air and pierces his leg.
Jaku jumps across the room in a few long leaps and knocks the dart flinger from my hand.
Tinkling laugh fills the room. It comes from my mouth, but it doesn’t sound like me.
The presence of the First Queen withdraws as sudden as it came.
“Nash, are you all right?” is the first thing out of my mouth. “Jaku, send for Venda. Quick.”
“I’m fine.” But Nash’s words are slurred.
Jaku’s at the door, calling for a servant to run and get Venda. Puneah stalks out of my room and reaches Nash as he falls to the floor. She nudges his face with her nose, but he doesn’t respond.
“Nash, you have to wake up. You have to be all right.” I'm desperate.
Venda said only three darts wouldn’t kill, but I’m still worried because the poison has the potential to be lethal. Three is a lot—almost a deadly amount. What if something bad happens to him? What if there are long-term side effects? Why—oh why—did I agree to take the dart flinger from Venda?
Jaku is at Nash’s side, feeling for a pulse underneath Puneah’s watchful gaze. “He’s still alive.”
“Venda said only three shots wouldn’t kill. She said it takes all five, but I don’t know. I don’t think he’s been exposed to something like this before.” And then, I remember. “Quick, grab my poison pouch from around my neck. There’s a powder in there that counteracts most poisons.”
Jaku rushes to me and reaches for the cord that holds the pouch around my neck. It takes him a moment of fumbling with the cord, and then he gets it and pulls it over my head. It becomes tangled in my hair, and he stops to loosen it.
“Just yank it,” I yell.
He does, and I grit my teeth against the pain, but the pouch comes free. Jaku opens it and rifles through the contents. He pulls out another, smaller, black pouch. “Is this it?”
“No. That’ll kill him. It’s the light green one.”
He flounders before pulling out a green pouch.
“Not that one. Light green.” I try not to let frustration creep into my voice, but it’s there.
Finally, he pulls out the right pouch.
“Yes, that one. Give him several pinches’ worth. Put it under his tongue, if possible,” I say.
He scrambles back to Nash. Between him and Puneah, I can’t see what’s going on. I want to know if Nash is safe. Want to know Androlla didn’t end his life. She can’t take away the man I love, even if I can never have him. We’ve been through too much for me to lose him.
Venda bursts through the door, guards pouring in after her.
“Nash is injured. You have to help him.” The words tumble from my lips.
She takes in sight before her and says, “What have you done, you foolish girl?”
Jaku jumps out of her way, and Puneah comes to my side and nudges my hand. My traitorous hand.
We’re quiet while Venda looks him over and pulls the darts out of him. “Only three?”
“Yes,” Jaku answers for me. “Ryn had me give him some type of antidote.”
“It was hulic,” I say.
“That will help.” But her words come out angry. She takes something out of a pocket and waves it over him while chanting something under her breath.
The air is heavy with my betrayal. The lack of noise makes me want to scream for Nash. Tell him to wake up. To come back to me. That I didn’t mean it.
But Nash lies still.
“Is he…” I can’t finish the thought.
Venda glares at me. “Silence.”
I swallow my guilt as she goes back to chanting and waving the object over his body. The image is too much like what I last saw of Wilric, struggling for breath. He didn’t make it. Will the same happen to Nash, or will Venda be able to save him?
She drops her hand. “A bowl. Quickly.”
Jaku hurries to my room and is in the door with my washstand bowl in his hands when Nash jerks and vomits. Venda rolls him onto his side as he continues to be sick.
As much as I don’t want to see him like this, my worry eases from seeing him react—do something other than coldly lie there.
Until Venda says, “He’s not clear yet.”
“What do you mean?” Fear ebbs its way into my chest.
“If he has a bad reaction to it, the poison can be as deadly as if he’d been hit five times.”
“Bad reaction? He’s throwing up,” Jaku says.
“You should have told me there could be a bad reaction,” I practically yell.
Venda looks at me. “I didn’t want to scare you. I wanted you to protect yourself.” She turns her gaze to Jaku. “He would vomit regardless. What we are watching for now is seizures.”
Please tell me this isn’t happening.
Venda calls servants in to clean up the mess as she keeps an attentive eye on Nash. He’s still on his side, pale as pale can be. He has to come through this. He just has to.
I want to send a note to his mother, but I don’t want to scare her without knowing if he’s going to be fine or not. “How long do we have to wait?”
“We’ll know within the next five minutes.” Venda keeps her focus trained on him.
That’s not enough time to get his mother here. I’ll have to settle for finding out what happens before I bring her wrath down
upon me.
Time ticks by slowly. Is he getting paler? I wish I could go to him. There’s a deep ache inside me, to comfort him. To fix him. I don’t know how to do either. Besides, I can’t move, and even if I did, I’m not supposed to touch him, unless it’s to save my life, not his.
Valcora and its stupid rules. Things have to change. If not for me, then for those that come after me.
Puneah whines.
“Here it comes.” Venda’s words send a shock of fear through me.
His body tenses and then starts convulsing. I watch in horror as he shakes uncontrollably and Venda sits by him, doing nothing. “Help him,” I say.
“Anything I do now will only harm him more.”
This is it, then. Tremors wrack his body violently, and I can only watch. We all do. It feels like an eternity. It doesn’t seem fair that this is happening now, when he was doing better. When he was getting over the shock and pain of being tortured.
It’s too much. I want to close my eyes, but I force myself to keep them open and keep watch over him. All I can do is hope this isn’t the end. It’s not how he’s supposed to go—killed by his own queen, the woman who loves him.
It’s not fair or right. The movements wrack my heart with pain. I’d give anything to take his place. For Androlla to have shot me and not him. Though it wouldn’t be easy, with my limited mobility, it would be better than this pain and torment.
Finally, his shaking eases, but he’s so pale. So still. I want to ask if he’s alive, but I can’t bring myself to say the words when he looks so deathly.
Jaku does it for me. “Is he going to make it?”
Venda holds up a hand, palm out, and continues to stare at Nash. He gives a shuddering breath, and she’s over him like lightning, moving her object and chanting like her life is on the line. She has to help him. Has to bring him back to me.
Her murmured words only last a few seconds when his eyes flutter open. She stops and sits back, watching him. “He will live.”
Relief pours through me—I didn’t kill the man I love. But it was close. Way too close.
His eyes are glassy, looking around but seemingly not taking anything in. He blinks several times, and the glassiness fades while he tries to sit up.
