“More like raises some,” Alessa said, standing over Cadence with hands on her hips.
“I knew I took a risk talking about you,” Cadence muttered but Farah laughed it all off.
“He’s right, you know,” she giggled. “We’re not special at all.”
“You’re agreeing with him?!” Alessa yelled, turning to Farah.
“Why not? He’s telling the truth.”
“He said all I do is open my mouth!”
“It must be tired,” Farah said and sped off into the air, gone in a blink. Alessa pursued her in rage, screaming the entire flight about how if Farah was ever going to break through the barrier a second time, now had better be it. Their chase continued over to the other side of the island, and I was sure it wouldn’t stop in a timely fashion.
“We like you,” Marcus grunted abruptly, making me jump up to a standing position. I had been watching the chase so intensely, I was unaware that he and Cadence had been left behind too.
“We like you,” Marcus said, “because you funny.”
I didn’t know what to make of his description, whether it meant I was a comedian or a joke. I assumed the latter at first, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt in the end.
“What Marcus is trying to say,” Cadence began, “is that sometimes you do strange things that make us laugh.”
So much for benefit of the doubt.
“My intention is not to make you self-conscious, Lysander. It’s just that you’re entertaining in your own way. Like how Alessa never shuts up. We get irritated occasionally, but most of the time, we’re curious about what she’ll say next, and that provides its own level of amusement. Yes, it may be a little perverted to think of it as entertainment…but still, we all laugh at each other from time to time. And it’s always out of fun, not maliciousness.”
“You laugh at me?” Marcus asked and we couldn’t help but chuckle into our palms.
“Marcus, you’re hilarious,” I said to him, and he beamed with pride.
“Thank you.”
“So what was all that about?” Cadence asked me casually. I could see that this question had been on his mind for the past few minutes.
“What?”
“The whole participating thing. Where did that come from?”
“I was feeling like I didn’t belong here with the rest of you.”
“Why’s that?”
“I can’t say…”
I had decided earlier to stay with my friends on the island, but for motives I could not explain, I was having second doubts. Cadence had given an excellent rendition of our lack of importance on my account, but it didn’t alter my perceptions. I felt like I was a solid line, trying to break into a complete circle. No matter how hard I incorporated myself into their activities, something was missing. Maybe Heaven would give me what I needed.
“It’s because you’re leaving us,” Cadence blurted out, “and you want to fit into Heaven easily without having to worry about us. Am I right?”
I stared at him in horror while Marcus shifted to the right nervously. How could he have known? Had he been watching me?
“You don’t have to say a word, Lysander. I figured it out on my own.”
“You must be one great detective.”
“I get it. If you feel like you’ve never belonged here - there’s no attachment, no emotions invested. Makes for an easier transition. Listen, I’m not going to tell you what to do, but as your friend, I can give you some advice: next time you want to try causing division to make your options easier to manage – don’t. It’s true I like helping the new angels, but at some point, I let them make their own decisions. Most don’t stick around. Some become Absent, others survive alone, but we rarely get a new family member. Because everyone thinks they can make it on their own. Maybe you can, but it all depends on if you want to take the risk. You could have left us for good whenever you wanted.”
“Any time I was by myself, you or Alessa would show up looking for me. I would hardly call that respect of one’s privacy.”
“It’s because we wanted to make sure you wanted to be alone for you - that you had weighed all the consequences and made a decision on your own. But you never refused us. And whenever we came looking for you, you came right back…willingly.”
“I think I was just scared.”
Cadence let a smile loose for once. It was so eerie, I wasn’t sure if it was real or fake.
“Scared of me? What am I going to do? Beat you up with laziness?”
“You’re not lazy.”
“Listen, whatever decision you make is yours. But don’t hurt others in the process, that’s all I’m saying. It’s about principle.”
“You’re really not going to try to persuade me to stay here...or to go?”
“Why would I? All I have are opinions. It’s yours to take or trash.”
“Then this could be the last time I see you.”
The words came out before I realized. Apparently, my inner desires had leapt out and made a decision. Heaven was where I ultimately wanted to be, even if that meant I couldn’t enjoy my friends’ company any longer.
“Then I’m happy for you,” Cadence said, giving me a sudden, big hug. The display of love overwhelmed me with squirmy uneasiness. I almost decided to stay again.
“Take care, my friend,” he said solemnly and stood up to give me a hand to my feet. I accessed my database for a quick check of the clock.
“Cadence, do you mind telling the others what happened? It looks like I can’t if I’m going to keep my schedule.”
“Of course,” he said as I turned to Marcus. I punched him in his gigantic chest playfully and followed up with a soft right hook to the jaw. Marcus placed a meaty palm on the crown on my head and rubbed my hair.
“Do well,” he said, and I was more surprised by his endearing good-bye than the fact he understood my conversation with Cadence. What went on in that head of his?
“Until we meet again,” I said, walking away from them for good. I gave a half-wave and flew off, worried about the future, uncertain about my life to this point. Without the support of my friends, I only had myself to rely on…oh, and God, wherever He may be…
CHAPTER 3: Alternative Darkness
“Are you ready?” the shroud spoke as I descended from the air. It was hard to see if he was looking at me or the view behind me. Maybe it was my imagination, but his head seemed to be pointed upward, or his hood…or whatever it was. The closest similarity my database could rustle up was a stereotypical picture of “Death,” with a hooded cloak, scythe and all. I wouldn’t say the mystery angel was that scary, but his lack of definition did make me uneasy.
“Am I late?”
“Two minutes are left on the clock. You have until they expire.”
“I know why I was given an hour,” I said. The shroud didn’t speak. “It’s because I needed to grasp what I had learned, understand the importance of the lesson for myself. Without that hour, I would be second-guessing myself the entire time in Heaven.”
“So are you ready?” he asked and I scowled at him. Did he hear a word I just said?
“Yes, I’m ready,” I said flatly and he extended his shadowy palm out toward me. I grabbed it.
“Then welcome to Heaven,” he said.
Instantly, it felt like every atom of my body separated and was swept up into a rushing mighty wind. It was so jarring that I lost all of my senses and yet, in a strange way, they were also heightened in intensity. I spiraled throughout the cosmos, too fast to appreciate its beauty, but slow enough to know that I was traveling across a massive universe that stretched out to an unfathomable distance.
Before I hit the end, I saw it…I saw it…I saw Him!!!
The light.
My Father.
I ran into the light like a freight train and my atoms dispersed on impact to soak in His love, like each piece was a child being hugged by its parents. My entire body was mesmerized and entranced, having no desire to speak or to eve
n think. I slept in His comfort, forgiving His absence entirely.
Angels are unable to sleep since there is no need to, whether physically or psychologically, but I promise you…I slept. And when I awoke from my warm, divine cradle, I wept like a ravenous baby for nourishment. And I was fed once more with pure, complete love. It warmed me and made me feel cozy, like I was wrapped in a soft blanket on a chilly winter day, staying inside next to a crackling fire – my cheeks becoming rosy and my face full of happiness and contentment.
For three earth days, this exhilarating cycle repeated itself: sleeping, waking, “eating,” then going back to my rest. In truth, it felt like seconds, but I was grateful for the confirmation that God existed, that I hadn’t lost my mind…
After the last minute of the third day, I was cast away, for I still had to learn about the world beyond the island. And just like waking from a dream, I woke out of my slumber shaken up and confused, uncertain as to where I was and if what had transpired had been real.
My body was tremulous, and my vision was strained from looking into the light of God for so long. The area I found myself in was lit up adequately, but dim by comparison, and it would take time for my sight to adjust to this relative darkness. I was on my hands and knees, scrambling for an object that could instill an ounce of familiarity. A boot of some kind eventually met my right hand.
I craned my head up and saw an angel standing over me. The room was still in a type of smoky haze but the angel was as clear as glass. His eyes were of a bronze tint with a half-circle the color of magenta placed on the left of each of his retinas. His hair – if one could call it that – was wild and stretched in all directions, including skyward. His nose was small, and his face – boyish but chiseled at the jawline. He was toned, not too big or too small, but still at least twice my size. An immaculately polished breastplate adorned his chest, with the same material protecting his forearms, shoulders, stomach and legs. My mind informed me that he was a force worthy of respect and I desired to give it. But even respect could not satisfy my renewed insatiable hunger.
“Where is the light?” I asked him, my first words dripping with selfishness, my focus only on his answer and not on our location. I used his presence as an anchor to reality for I had been in this state before. Focusing on something specific, even words, were already beginning to help me adapt.
“I will explain all in time,” he said in amusement, extending a hand toward me. I grabbed it with the little effort I could muster and he lifted me to my feet with ease. His touch was nothing like that of God’s light, which shocked me, considering I was supposed to be in Heaven. As a matter of fact, no luster emanated from him at all.
“Where is the light?” I repeated timidly, my head down as the angel shook his head and his bottom lip wrinkled humorously.
“I find it interesting you keep saying ‘light’ when it was, in fact, God.”
“Where is He? Where did He go?” I whined. This relationship was beginning to turn borderline abusive in my eyes.
“Why, He’s all around you.”
My head swiveled left to right, refusing to examine the room itself but searching for the sensation that drove me. I cringed in frustration.
“No, He’s not here,” I told him through a clenched jaw, feeling a little betrayed. Wasn’t Heaven the place where God lived? Or was it another type of confinement? I wouldn’t be able to maintain my composure if I was told I had left my friends on the island for a lonely substitute. The angel placed his right hand on my shoulder to cool my kindling rage.
“You have just begun to understand the universe around you, Lysander. Your senses are dull. Do you not feel that He is still here?”
“Where am I? Will my friends be here?” I asked him frantically. I didn’t entertain his last comment simply because of all the turmoil and pain that speculation had caused on the island. Until I actually felt God’s Spirit for myself, I couldn’t say He was here.
“Where am I?” I demanded and he chuckled at my attempt to sound courageous.
“You’re in Heaven…of course,” he stated slowly, “although we are currently inside my home – one of many buildings that make up its infrastructure. Your database offers you specific images to Heaven’s layout, and I assure you that you will see it in its entirety, but you must be patient. As for your friends, it is not in my power to say what their fate will be.”
“When will I get a real answer?”
“In time, young one. But do not be surprised if you find yourself making some new acquaintances in their stead. If you concentrate, you can see that there is more to behold than my impressive residence.”
He swept a hand into the air, allowing me to examine the room. We were in a hall colossal in length – about three football fields, though the diamond ceiling was only a few yards above our heads, reflecting sharp arrows of light throughout the room like a prism - all the colors of the spectrum lighting up the walls like a disco ball. The walls were made of solid krillic and metallic purple adorned the drapes hung across the horizontal walls, which extended to the entrance - where it all came to an arch. I could see something darting back and forth outside and as I squinted to get more details, the lights in the room ceased their theatrics and allowed me to interpret what I saw. The angel before me explained my curiosity.
“They are angels, like you – traveling to and fro. You will join them soon.”
I barely heard him. My mind was still concentrating on God’s light…the general sensation was fading, and I could no longer feel its warmth. If I was to be separated from God, what was the point of having me commune with Him, not once, but twice?
“I see it all over you,” the angel said thoughtfully. “What you’re feeling is natural. I don’t blame you. It was difficult enough leaving Him the first time. However, we have our duties, Lysander. And no matter how hard you try, you cannot escape your role in His plans.”
Role. Plans. Duties. What could I offer God?
“I was the same way when I was created,” the angel affirmed, “but within seconds of our separation, I understood that I was not made to bask and play before Him for all of eternity. This epiphany may have contributed to my early release from the island, I might add. You see, we were not destined to be spectacles or mere entertainment. We were given great potential. And it did not have to be so. We could have been mindless drones, with specific abilities designed only for His amusement. But this is not true of us. The fact that you can reason, that you have your own desires – it tells you that we have been chosen for a greater calling.”
“What are my duties?” I replied instantly, letting emotion subside and logic reign. If I would never see my friends or God ever again…then I would keep my mind busy, if for no other reason than to keep my thoughts from wandering to places they shouldn’t. The angel was slowly starting to make sense, and once I was done with my internal tantrum, I realized that my mental database had been trying to talk to me the entire time, confirming that I had a job to do. And what that duty was – could only be explained by the angel in front of me. His name was Raphael – and I knew this, but I had been too involved in my own greed to let the knowledge come forth. Raphael knew what happened the moment I stopped sulking.
“There you are,” he said cheerfully. “Now we can have a real conversation.”
“Sorry about that,” I said sheepishly. “It’s just so cold and lonely now.”
“I understand it’s hard to pull you away from God so abruptly. You might even say it’s cruel, but we cannot allow you to be with Him for too long. The longer you are there; the harder it will be to remove you.”
“Then why do it at all?”
“We must let every angel experience His presence whenever they are transferred to a new location – before any other greets them. It’s essential that He stays at the forefront of your mind at all times.”
“But why? It would’ve made more sense to whisk me away directly from the island. Putting me back with God was so…addicting. I didn
’t want to leave.”
“I know, but that’s what God wants. He needs you to not only be able to function in Heaven and carry out your purpose, but to remember His power and glory as well. If we were to just let you traverse around Heaven without ever knowing your Father, there would be a disconnect, even upon your inevitable meeting - a disjointed relationship. So you’re given quality time with Him upon each transfer – enough to remember Him forever, even when you may feel He is absent. You see, most of the time He is invisible to us. We may be spiritual in composition like He is, but we are still unable to grasp Him completely. Those moments, those few instances we are with Him, sustain us for an interminable amount of time.”
“Invisible or not, how can one forget?”
“You would be surprised…but enough of that. We must begin our training – to learn how to fight. My name is Raphael, and as you may have surmised, I will be your instructor.”
Fight? I knew the meaning, yet it made no sense. Even my database turned up no search results on why an angel would have to learn combat skills. In Heaven, there was no such thing as war. Even if two angels disagreed on a matter, it never got to the point where they would duel each other seriously. Also, God was undeniably in control. This fact sounded off in my head like an air raid siren. Maybe it was for sport…but if it all came down to mindless fun, what would happen if an angel refused training? Someone like me?
All I cared about was getting back to God or bringing my friends to Heaven. Little else mattered.
“You’re spacing out again,” Raphael stated. I immediately turned my attention to the conversation at hand.
“Why do I have to fight? There is no one in all of existence who would defy God.”
“God is omnipotent, and these are His orders. His motives may be unclear, but they will manifest if we are patient. But enough stalling – for now, you will accept your training.”
The Works of Julius St. Clair - 2017 Edition (Includes 3 full novels and more) Page 65
