by Karen Anders
“Please tell me you’re not doing this because I nagged you into it. I want you to do what you want to do, Mark. Not what I want you to do.”
“After all the nagging and all the lectures, you’re actually trying to talk me out of this?”
“I just want you to find your own way and I promise that I’ll stop nagging you. I just wanted the very best for you, that’s all.”
“This is what I want to do.”
“Bree and I can help pay….”
“No, I wanted something that’s my own, Tally. You’ve provided for me since Mom left. Don’t you think I know what you had to give up for me? Don’t you think that bothers me? You and Bree have had to take these mundane jobs because of me. I wanted to spare you having to pay my college tuition, too. But it seems that I didn’t have to worry. I got a full scholarship.”
“Oh my God. I’m so happy for you. Why couldn’t you just have told us?”
“I wanted it to be a surprise.”
Christien walked toward the door, brushing past her as he left.
“Christien.”
He watched her with an intensity that made her heart climb up her throat and nearly stall. Finally, he hauled in a deep, uneven breath, his eyes fierce with emotion. “You could have told me, Tally,” he whispered huskily.
“I couldn’t,” she replied, her voice quiet. If she had trusted in him that much, leaned on him that much, and he had let her down, she would never have forgiven herself for being such a weak fool. Love was an illusion, after all.
“Why?”
Tally looked away. The silence stretched out between them, and she shifted her feet, trying to blink away the burning sensation in her eyes. “Because it’s not about us, Christien.”
He folded his arms across his chest. “No, you made that clear a few moments ago. I was just your P.I.”
She met his stormy gaze head-on. “I told you I had plans,” she said. She shook her head and looked away. “They’re more important than anything.”
“Your plan to buy the Blue Note?”
She nodded.
He snorted. “This isn’t about your plans. This is about your fears. You’re afraid to love me. You need security, and love gives you no guarantees, but real estate and money do.”
When she didn’t answer, he gave her a humorless smile. “Did you think that I would try to undermine your plans?”
She answered immediately, “No.” Her voice soft and uneven. “I told you that I don’t need a hero.”
“So you did. Glad you got what you wanted.” He stalked away.
Mark sighed. “Looks like you’re batting a thousand, sis.”
Tally drove home on autopilot. She tried not to think about Christien. As soon as she walked in the door, the captain appeared and she couldn’t seem to show any reaction.
“Did you get the map?” he asked, his eyes taking in her face, a face she tried to keep neutral. When his eyes filled with sympathy, she knew she’d failed.
“No.”
“What happened?”
“Christien didn’t know about you or the map. I deliberately kept it from him. I didn’t want anyone else involved.”
“Would he have believed you?”
“I think he would have. He feels betrayed.” She rubbed at a headache behind her eyes. “By me.”
“He has a right to. Does your brother still have the map?”
She turned dazed eyes on him. “I think so. He says he can find it.”
“What are you going to do about Christien?”
“I don’t know. Tell me what you think I should do.”
She studied his ghostly face and his kind eyes, hoping for some kind of answer.
“You have to do what is best for you, Tally.”
Her shoulders slumped. “I’m going back up to the attic to search for something to convince the museum curator that you are an authentic rescuer of New Orleans. Are you coming?”
“In a minute,” Gabriel replied as he watched as Tally walked listlessly up the stairs. He might be a ghost dead for two hundred years, but his heart was breaking for her right now.
“You could have told her what she wanted to hear,” the crone said in a soft voice.
“I know.”
“You can’t break the curse without her.”
“I know!” Gabriel said, turning on her. “Leave me be, old woman. I’m not willing to manipulate her for my own gains. She has to make the decision for herself.”
The crone’s eyes narrowed. “What kind of trick is this, Gabriel?”
“It’s no trick.”
“You would not give up this opportunity to break the curse. I know how much you want eternal peace.”
“Because you want it, too, Belle.”
“Don’t call me by my first name,” she said and disappeared.
“Are you coming?” Tally yelled from the attic.
HOURS LATER, STILL SWEATY, hot and disappointed, so disappointed in the outcome of the day, Tally went into her bathroom and started running the water.
She’d never forget that cold, hurt look in Christien’s eyes as long as she lived. Suddenly weary, she couldn’t even seem to dredge up enough worry whether or not Mark could find the map.
She’d lost something precious today and it had nothing to do with buried treasure.
She sat listlessly on the edge of the tub and swirled her hand in the water.
“You are better off without him.”
Tally’s head jerked up toward the mirror to find the old woman staring at her.
“There can be no place for love in ambition, girl.”
Calmly, Tally picked up a round candle on the side of the tub and threw it at the ruined mirror. It hit with a satisfying splintering sound.
THE DAY AFTER CHRISTIEN had closed Tally’s case, he sat at his desk. He had already contacted his landlord and terminated the lease. He was heading back to the force tomorrow, but his enthusiasm was dimmed.
He wished he could have stayed angry at Tally. Somehow that would have been easier than this ache in his heart that wouldn’t go away. But Tally was too caught up in her own fears. Fears he understood. She had decided to give up any chance at a future with him.
Releasing a heavy sigh, he packed the last of his files in a box near his desk. His phone had already been disconnected and he just had to return the keys to the landlord on his way home.
“You closing up shop?”
Her soft voice startled him so much, he dropped the files and they scattered across the floor. He glanced up at her as she came forward and knelt down to help him.
An odd sense of déjà vu washed over him. It had been just over a week ago that she’d shown up in his office asking him to help find her brother, starting an affair that had changed his life and turned out to be more than he’d bargained for.
When they both reached for the same file and his hand brushed hers, she jerked back. He had hoped she’d come here to tell him that she wanted to continue their relationship or what he most hoped for. That she loved him.
But by pulling away from him, she told him that wasn’t the case. He stacked the files haphazardly into the box and rose, setting the box on his empty desk.
“What can I do for you?”
“First, tell me what’s going on here? Are you no longer a P.I.?”
“Yeah, I’m a cop again.”
“That’s wonderful.”
He smiled in spite of himself.
She smiled in return, though the motion didn’t completely ease the guarded look that was back in her eyes, a tangible sign for him to keep his hands to himself. So he did, no matter how much he ached to reach out and touch her, to pull her into his arms. And hold her.
“How did that happen?”
“You were right all along, Tally. I’d rather lose some than not have a chance to win at all.”
“And the suspect you were tailing?”
“Caught him red-handed.”
“Why were you limping? Did he hurt you
?”
“No. I went over a fence in pursuit of the suspect and got a very unhappy Doberman who had no problem letting me know it.”
She winced. Her eyes flowed down his body and back up again. He clenched his teeth at the longing he saw in her gaze.
“So, why are you here?”
She fidgeted with her keys and her tone was distant, evidence that she hadn’t come here to resume their relationship. She was all business, as if they’d never been intimate.
“I just wanted to thank you for everything you’ve done for me, and for finding Mark. I’m so relieved that he’s okay.”
“We found Mark together,” he pointed out, doing his best to keep a tight rein on his frustration.
“Regardless, I appreciate your advice and guidance along the way.”
She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and shifted on her feet. “You know that Mark can’t find the map, so I guess it serves me right for worrying about it at all.”
“I’m sorry about that, Tally. I’m sure it means a lot to you.”
Her chin came up at his hard tone. “I brought you this.” She extended a plain white envelope. He could see how the paper trembled in her hand.
He sat down in his desk chair, making no attempt to take what she offered him. “What’s in it?” he asked even though he knew what was inside the sealed envelope.
She thrust the envelope at him. “You know what it is. It’s the rest of the money I owe you for finding Mark. Don’t be difficult. Just please take it.”
His mouth hardened and a tiny muscle pulsed in his jaw. He knew what he wanted to tell her and it was too important for him to blurt out in anger. Dangerously important. But he didn’t want to push her. He knew a stone wall when he hit one. He’d had more than he could take of her need for independence. Her blatant need to throw his help right back in his face. He resented the fact that with the check she offered, she thought that ended their relationship, tied it up in a nice little bow.
“Is that all that’s between us? A transaction?” He stared into her beautiful, fearful brown eyes. “I told you at the Blue Note that this wasn’t a job for me. This relationship might have started on business, but I’m not ending it that way, Tally.”
What he wanted, she wasn’t willing to give and he couldn’t take it or make her go against her fear.
She blinked rapidly, not willing to give an inch, ruled by deep insecurities that controlled too much of her life.
She stiffened defensively. “Don’t do this, Christien. It’s hard enough, don’t make it worse.”
“How could it get worse, Tally? Does what we shared mean anything to you?” he said, unable to hold back the roughness in his tone. “When are you going to stop hiding behind treasure maps and real estate?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” she said, her denial coming much too quickly.
“I believe you do.” He rose and she stepped back, her hand with the envelope dropping to her side. He didn’t want his words to cause her pain, but he really didn’t have anything left to lose.
“It’s easier and safer for you to have plans and stay independent. If you don’t let another person in your life, you don’t risk getting hurt. I don’t want to hurt you, Tally—I want to love you. But you have to let me in.”
She shook her head jerkily. “I wish it was that easy,” she said, her voice husky and loaded with regret. “I’ve got to stick to my plan and that doesn’t involve anyone else.”
He held up his hand, bringing her excuses to a halt. “Are your plans so rigid that you can’t fit anything else into them? Did your mother leave only yesterday? Don’t let your baggage rule you, chère, handle it and then together we can move forward.”
Reaching out, he ran the back of his fingers down her cheek, the skin so silky and soft. “You need to take risks, otherwise you’ll have nothing but things around you. Life is about living fully and, without love, how can you do that? Don’t let that day come when you wake up all alone with nothing but regret for what might have been. Grab it now with both hands. Let me be there for you to lean on, support you, hold you.”
Her silence broke his heart. “Give me that chance,” he whispered. “Give us that chance.”
Looking away, she let out a shaky sigh.
Taking her hand and turning it over, he pressed a kiss to the center of her palm. Her fingers trembled against his jaw, and he knew he’d said everything he could.
The rest was up to her.
“I’ll be here, Tally, waiting. You know I’m not very good at that, but I’ll try, for you.”
She set the envelope on his desk and glanced at him one last time before she turned and left.
The tears in her eyes shredded him, hoping that this wasn’t the last time he would see her, hoping that she would find the courage finally to give her heart to him without fear.
TALLY SAT ON ONE of the park benches in the piazza, bundled in her jacket, while a sharp wind blew across Court du Chaud. The miserable feeling wouldn’t leave her whether she was waitressing, surrounded by customers at Café Eros, or singing at the Blue Note.
She’d kept her mind and hands busy the entire day in an attempt to work off the uneasy feeling that had plagued her since she’d walked out of Christien’s office the previous afternoon.
She watched people move about the court, curling her hands around a cup of Café Eros’s strongest brew.
Idle since she’d gotten home from work, she had too much time to think. Too much time to replay her conversation with Christien in her mind. Too much time to question herself, her actions, her life and her future.
Too much time to wonder if letting Christien go and believing that was for the best was about the stupidest notion she’d ever had.
He loved her.
The mere thought made her chest tighten and her pulse race. The last night he’d made love to her had been magical, a joining of not only their bodies but their hearts as well. She might not have been able to speak the words aloud, but there was no denying that she’d fallen in love with him, too.
She just didn’t know what to do about it, because her fear of letting Christien in her heart was stronger than her desire to let him so completely into her life.
Sighing discontentedly, she dragged her fingers through her hair and took another drink of her coffee. The warmth settled inside her and took away the bone-deep chill. Unfortunately, there was no remedy for the ache in her chest.
Besides the loss of Christien, Mark hadn’t been able to locate the map. She’d missed the deadline for the Blue Note and she was sure that Chuck would sell the restaurant to the person he had waiting in the wings.
She set down her coffee and eyed the memory box she’d brought down from the attic and placed on the bench beside her. It was time for her to open it and face her fears.
She opened the dusty lid. Six years ago, she’d returned from college and had begun to care for her brother. At that time, she’d put a bunch of things from childhood and her college days into this box along with the flowered envelope from her mother.
Bitter and angry, she’d had no intention of opening the envelope to read her mother’s excuses. Tally had only hate for her.
The first thing in the box was a photo of Tally standing between two women she’d met in college, women she was sure would have turned out to be great friends.
She felt the loss of not only her chance to pursue her plan of becoming a businesswoman, but the relationships that never came to fruition. The loss of those experiences the result of her abandonment by her mother.
The second piece of paper was her first-semester class schedule, the classes she’d had to withdraw from. She set it aside after taking a moment to remember her thirst for learning and the sheer pleasure of each moment spent in the classroom.
She went through the box, noting every memory, soaking up those past times until she came to a picture of herself, Bree and Mark all sitting in their family room right before Bree and Tally had been sc
heduled to start college. Tally had her nose in a book, Bree was sewing a dress for her prom and Mark was strumming a guitar.
She’d had so many plans then, so much ambition.
Finally, she picked up the envelope from her mother and broke the seal. She pulled the letter out and opened the stiff pages.
Dear Tally—
I haven’t been the best mother to you. I fear that it is best if I leave. Hand Mark over to you for safekeeping as I would fail him as I have failed both you and your sister. I will say what I have to say to you. Although you probably won’t listen to me now, maybe one day it will all be clear to you.
Don’t fall into the same trap that I’ve fallen into with searching for something that’s empty. I’ve lost love and time with my frantic search for wealth. The old adage is true. It can’t buy you love. Make your brother and sister understand.
The only real thing in this life is love and the people you share that love with. Please don’t forget me.
Love, Mom.
The words were a balm to Tally’s heart. The hatred she’d harbored, the resentment and the pain all dissolved to leave her feeling wrung dry.
Suddenly there was someone standing in front of her.
“Found it!” Mark exclaimed, handing the map to her.
Tally threw her arms around him and hugged him close.
“Wow, the thing means a lot to you.”
“It’s not the map, Mark. I’ve been so terrible to you. Pushed you to succeed, denigrated what you love to do. I’m so sorry about that. I don’t think I’ve ever told you how much I love you.”
Her brother blushed and shuffled his feet. “Ah, sis, I’ve always known that. Stop getting all mushy.”
Tally brushed at her eyes. “Aren’t you staying?”
“Nope, I’ve got a date with Marie.”
“You don’t care about the treasure?”
“I care, Tally, but not more than I care about Marie. Let us know if you find it. See ya.”
She leaned back and looked at the sky, her heart squeezing so tight in her chest. What had she done? Christien had been nothing short of wonderful to her and she’d thrown everything right into his face.
The captain’s voice penetrated her misery. “Tally, I see that your brother found the map.”
