Mykah held the microphone over XO’s head, then Rick’s and the next thing she knew, Rick reached his hand out and XO pulled him into a back slapping hug.
Then XO took a step off the platform into the arms of the drunken girl.
She heard Mykah call another name as she watched Rick’s gaze light on her, his eyebrows up. Asking her? Couldn’t he hear all the noise?
She mouthed the word deliberately. In-cred-i-ble.
He didn’t smile, his cheerful expression faded, disappearing into a solemn look that stopped her heart.
Then his fist touched his chin.
The beats filled the room again, and Rick’s attention was gone just as the comprehension shot through her.
Thank you. It means thank you.
The heat of too many bodies overpowered the inefficient air conditioning, but Carolyn wrapped her arms around herself and shivered.
28: Fallout
He lost, eventually, because it wasn’t a damn movie, despite Mykah’s smart-ass comment about how he was feeling like Mekhi Phifer. Rick grinned at the sound of a few boos and decided not to bother with a punch line when the straight line was so unoriginal.
He’d kept the mic through three more guys after XO — and one not-bad girl — so five total. Just enough to feel like he might hang on, until a Japanese kid with a triple-tongue that rivaled Twista’s won over the crowd. Rick stepped down to the cement floor, defeated and not feeling it. His hands connected with ten, fifteen, or twenty others before he recognized Terrance’s grip on his. Then, finally, unbelievably, Carolyn’s. In the dark corner with most of the eyes on the stage, she didn’t seem to think it was too public. She slid her arms around his neck, pulled him against her and this time she didn’t catch him by surprise.
Rick felt the scrape of the wall on the outside of his arms, her soft skin inside. He went to her, drawn in by her smile, her fingers on the back of his neck, through his hair, and he felt weightless when his mouth connected with hers. Shouldn’t have made him feel like he was sinking. Goddamn.
She turned away some, said something in his ear that he didn’t catch until the second repeat. “Can’t believe you let that guy beat you.”
She was still in his arms, and Rick was glad that guy did beat him.
“Mekhi Phifer,” she muttered. “Maybe if he goes on Extreme Makeover.”
That was funny, because it was true. Carolyn’s attention drifted back to the battle, in small increments. Her fingers twisted into his t-shirt at his waist, and his hand glided over the same shoulder that he’d been watching from Letterman’s green room. She felt better than he’d imagined.
He caught Terrance’s eye over Carolyn’s head, as she Oh’d on a line that Rick didn’t hear. Terrance shook his head, maybe knowing what Rick was thinking. It wasn’t the same at all.
An hour later, after another DJ took the tables and the battles were over, the magnitude of just how different it was struck him hard. Some fifteen people followed them out, but it wasn’t for the fresh air. Terrance stayed near him, but Carolyn drifted away, after she whispered in his ear: “I’m not the only one.”
Same as last night, giving him space he wasn’t used to. The few times Mary was with him, she’d hung on him, forcing him to sign shit with one hand. Carolyn just walked away. Rick wondered what that was about, but he was overwhelmed, first by the people, then by the reality that this kid was handing him his own CD when there wasn’t a merchandise table here. Rick popped the jewel case closed, swapped fists, and didn’t hear what the guy said. He heard the silent word coming from Carolyn in the corner of that cave. Incredible.
Not me. He looked between two NBA prospects to see where she’d gone.
“What the fuck?”
Rage poured through him, clenching his neck and shoulders as he strode toward the wall, until he caught the warning in Terrance’s eyes like a magnet pulling him back. He forced himself to slow down. XO watched him from where he stood on the back wall of the building on the right side of the door.
Less than a foot from Carolyn.
A distance he really fucking casually increased. “Ricky. What’s up.”
Rick stopped between them and felt Carolyn back up behind him. He forced his voice to stay even. “What I’m wondering.”
XO turned on a wide, shit-eating grin. “Just talking.”
“No shit? Now you deaf?”
The grin faded into a puzzled frown.
“I’m asking if you can’t hear no more.” Rick lifted a shoulder. “Can’t see no other reason why you need to be talking with your fucking hands.”
He’d kept his voice as steady as he could, opposite the surge that still ran through him at what he’d seen between the basketball players. One hand moving, ready to start the next play in his game, reaching for her hair.
Rick felt a hand on his elbow. He jerked his arm and it disappeared.
XO smiled easily. “Didn’t know she was yours.”
“ — Rick — ”
The bullshit look on the asshole’s face matched the lie. “Oh, you didn’t?”
Another smart-ass grin and he glanced over Rick’s shoulder. “She didn’t mention it.”
A flash of irritation passed through him, but he pushed it down. “You really that big a pussy? Can’t take it on the mic so you get it back with my — ”
“Rick!”
Carolyn’s voice. He spun around.
“Rick, he didn’t … ” She pressed her lips together, her eyes wide. Her arms wrapped around her belly, and he stared until he was sure she wasn’t going to say anything else.
He turned back to XO, still lounging against the wall.
“So what’s up, XO? You seriously want to fuck with me?” Rick took a half-step sideways toward the wall, to block the path of the dark eyes that kept moving behind him. Fucker.
The next smile was slow. “Probably ain’t worth it.”
“Rick!”
He slammed him against the wall, heard XO grunt on the impact before he caught his breath and shoved back. Rick’s foot slipped on loose gravel and XO spun away. The blood pounded in his ears, drowning out the shit spilling out XO’s mouth as he circled away, hands up, goading him back.
Terrance was suddenly in front of him, and Rick pulled the punch at the last second.
“Goddamn — ”
Terrance yanked Rick’s wrist — hard — and hissed in his ear:
“You know this motherfucker? Or his crew? You know a single goddamn thing?”
Terrance shoved him away, and Rick was staring at his back a split-second later. The tension in Terrance’s voice rang more with what he didn’t say. Did you forget that people get fucking shot over less?
Rick felt a grab on his arm and spun around. Only Carolyn, again. He jerked free. “What the hell are you doing?”
“What am I doing?”
He hardly heard what she was saying until he registered some content, and nothing close to what Terrance was thinking. “Shut up.”
Her jaw dropped. Rick threw an arm around her. She tried to pull away, and he tightened his grip, pressed his lips to her ear.
“Carolyn. I don’t know what kind of game you’re playing, but I need you to get your shit together — now — and get in the car.”
Her eyes widened, and he slipped both arms around her, mostly to keep her from moving, because he had the idea that she was thinking about starting something else right here. He kept his mouth close to her ear. “You got two choices. Either you smile and get in by yourself … ”
He figured the second choice was obvious. He ran a hand over her ass and squeezed. The rush was almost painful. “You hear me?”
She nodded against his shoulder. Stiff.
“Could you put your arms around me? Now?”
After a second, he felt her comply. He heard Terrance behind him, sounding laid-back, and he listened for a minute to be sure it was real before he eased back to see her face. Half expecting it, but the blaze in her eyes cut into him, beca
use he couldn’t get a handle on what she was so pissed about.
She didn’t mention it. He knew that was true. “Christ, Carolyn. What are you trying to do to me here?”
Her mouth opened, and he was sure she was about to go off again, but then she didn’t.
Rick took another breath and blew it out. “You ready to go?”
Her face shifted back to anger, and Rick grinned. If there was a more beautiful woman in the world, he wouldn’t believe it. Happy, concerned, surprised, elated or pissed as hell, it didn’t seem to matter. He was still waiting for one expression, and he figured that would probably send him completely over the cliff. The thought of it combined with adrenaline and her ass still in his hands brought the inevitable physical response.
“You scare the shit out of me, Carolyn.” He brushed his mouth over hers, then across her neck, before he whispered in her ear. “But I never wanted anybody so bad in my life.”
* * *
She must be in the Twilight Zone. She couldn’t be in Brooklyn, standing in an alley, listening to this whisper in her ear. Feeling him backing up the words as he pulled her hips against his. Was she responding to this? She was, she was nearly melting, at the affection, at the amusement. At the unvarnished honesty of the echo in her ear.
Her face pressed into his neck as she took a deep breath. She was losing her mind in a fog of pheromones.
She let him lead her to the car, his arm still tight around her, hers still around his waist, soft cotton over hard muscle under her hand. She caught a flicker of apprehension on Terrance’s face as he checked behind them before she, then Rick slid into the back seat of the car.
Her vision blurred as the Lincoln pulled away and Rick chattered over the seat back with Terrance like a couple of Monday morning quarterbacks.
“What a dick,” Rick muttered.
Terrance laughed. “Man, he got you.”
“He tried. Where the fuck was his girl anyway?”
“Too drunk to notice. See, there’s another argument for sobriety.”
Rick squeezed Carolyn’s shoulders. She jerked away and slid down the seat.
He raised his eyebrows. “What’s wrong?”
“What’s wrong?”
Rick’s eyes narrowed. His gaze flicked toward the front as the volume on the stereo increased. It didn’t hold his attention long, but he didn’t seem to know what to say.
Finally, he shrugged. “Carolyn, I ain’t mad at you.”
What?
“I mean, you scared me there for a second, thinking you was going start telling me off. I don’t know what’s up with that, but there was people around there. Most of them probably expecting you to thank me — ”
“Thank you?” From the look on Rick’s face, she might as well have just told him she was really a man. “For starting a fight with someone over talking to me?”
“By the time I saw it, he was done talking!”
“I could have handled that myself!”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
Carolyn felt as bewildered as he looked.
Rick raised a hand. “You didn’t need to. I was there.”
She could only stare at him.
“Look,” he said, “I know we got some kind of fucked up thing going on here, whatever it is, but there ain’t no way I’m a stand around like Psycho Pete while some cocksucker’s trying to pull you — and I still don’t get why that’s okay with you!”
His voice had risen, and she shrank against the door.
Rick took a deep breath. “This is bullshit.”
Her head wouldn’t stop spinning. It felt like they were speaking two different languages.
Rick apparently agreed. “Was you even in the same places I was tonight?”
“Yes, I was,” she said, trying to control the tremor in her voice. She thought she was in control of this, she thought she could handle it. She couldn’t, because she was falling for him so hard that she was going to wind up like all those women who could never let go.
“I don’t get it, Carolyn.”
She turned toward the window and willed her tears away. She was falling in love with him. She had to be, because this man had ordered her into a car, threatened her if she didn’t follow his orders, and all she wanted to do was let it go.
Rick wasn’t letting anything go. His voice was stung with anger. “Where’s the fucking crime in standing up for you?”
Carolyn spun around. “It wasn’t about me! It was about you — you’re getting too close to my woman — ”
“Well, shit, what do you expect? Excuse me, sir, but I believe the lady doesn’t appreciate your attention?”
She pressed her lips together, but it didn’t stop the internal smile.
“And, Carolyn, I hate to tell you, but you’re right. It was about me.”
She felt her mouth twitch at the unexpected hit to her pride.
Rick saw it and slid across the seat, his arm back around her. “Next time, you could just say thanks. It’ll work out a lot better.”
“Rick — ”
He didn’t let her finish, cutting off her protest with his mouth, but not with words. She’d started this, and she felt the desire that had built with every moment since she’d stood in the green room, felt it swell when his lips and his tongue found hers and poured out the memory of his whisper in her ear.
I never wanted anybody so bad in my life.
She broke away from him and pressed a hand on his chest. “Rick … ”
His eyes widened. “Oh, no. You gotta be kidding me.” He shook his head. “No way. Nine? Nine? I can’t play this game no more, Carolyn.”
“I’m not … ” It wasn’t a game. It was her life, and she knew too much now. “I can’t do this.”
He reached for her anyway, but she caught his hand in hers.
Rick groaned. The look he shot her was pure frustration, but still tinged with enthusiasm. “Christ, Carolyn, what else do I gotta do?”
Be somebody else. Not who you are. Not who you’ve been.
She didn’t want him to be anybody else. She just wanted him to be with her, and when she closed her eyes, she saw the girls in the crowd who’d reached for him, the ones he’d ignored.
Tonight.
“Carolyn — ”
“Rick, please. This isn’t going to work.”
“No, listen. It will. It’s rough getting there, I know that, but … why are you shaking your head? You know this.”
Carolyn swallowed. She did know. Too much. And past behavior was as close to a guarantee as anyone could get. This display tonight wasn’t the issue at all, but it had broken her heart free from the emotion long enough to realize what really mattered. That if she ignored what she knew, if she stayed with him for another minute and if he went back to Mary.
She knew her heart would be left in shreds.
The car slowed, then stopped, and she glanced past Rick to the brass poles supporting the awning of her hotel.
“Rick, I — ” Carolyn faltered when his eyes locked on hers. She swallowed again. “I really believe you’re going to make it.”
She couldn’t breathe at the look of astonishment he gave her.
“You told me that already. Say something else.”
“I don’t know what else to say.”
For once, she thought, neither did he.
“I have to go.” She reached for the door handle, but he caught her hand.
“Carolyn. Tell me what’s going on.”
It wasn’t an order. It was a plea. She felt her throat thicken. You said no one believes you that it’s over, and I want to believe you. But if I’m wrong … if you’re wrong …
“Rick, I’m sorry, I can’t … ”
“I know, you told me, nine times — ”
“No. I mean, I can’t … I can’t see you anymore.”
His eyes widened. “What?”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry, just don’t say it.”
“No.” It came out too weak. She forced conviction that she didn’t feel into her voice. “No. I’m sorry, I really am, and I wish … ”
She didn’t know what she wished for, but it didn’t matter, because he dropped her hand and like a door slamming in her face, she was apologizing to hard edges of emerald ice.
Ricky Rain leaned back against the dark plush of the seat and gave her an indifferent shrug. “Whatever.”
“Rick — ”
“Save it, Carolyn, unless you was planning on apologizing by giving me what I been fucking working for the past three days.”
She gasped. “You — ”
She bit it off, because it seemed to amuse him.
“What I wish,” he said, “is that I’d never gone after you. I sure as hell don’t want that getting out.” He smirked. “I got a reputation.”
Bastard. She held it back and climbed from the car in such a rush that she was nearly picked off by a passing cab. She fought the urge to slam the door and closed it gently, the metal sliding away from her fingers as the wheels began to turn.
The black car pulled away into the night, and the trailing exhaust burned her nose, burned her throat. And her eyes.
29: Aiesha
Fuck the music business. He ought to open up a place where anybody could walk in and buy his ass free reign over a room full of shit to break. Rick had the feeling it would be a pretty fucking busy place. He sure as hell would be there right now. Instead of standing here looking at his own fool face in a five-hundred-fucking-dollar mirror. Pretty white boy. Shit.
No mirrors in his break-joint. No goddamn mirrors.
“What the fuck is wrong with them?”
Terrance looked up from the couch. He didn’t ask who ‘them’ were.
Rick emptied the miniature bottle into his glass and turned away from the mirror. “What the fuck did I do?”
Terrance shrugged and didn’t say a word about the bottle, or that it was the second one.
Rick slammed it in the trashcan and drained the glass. “Like I’m a stand there while she goes off on me? Why was she even bitching in the first place? Christ.”
He banged the glass down on the table and thought about another one. He hadn’t thought about it at all in two days.
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