“Carrie, listen,” Zach said, “in a way, what I said was true. I study and write about Indonesia and the surrounding Southeast Asia region. I do spend a lot of time hiking and camping in the forest there. And I’m not actively working right now because I’ve been busy with you.”
“In a way?” she shouted. “In what way is an anthropology professor a travel guide?”
He blew out a breath. “You’re missing the point.”
“I’d say she got the point just fine,” Muriel said smugly.
Muriel kept talking, but Carrie couldn’t hear past the roaring in her ears. Fury like she’d never known ripped through her. He’d lied to her. Lied about who he was. Lied about what he did. Lied about not doing long-term. Hello, Muriel! Not a travel guide or unemployed. She’d had the harrowing results of lies during her time with Edward and she would not tolerate them again.
“Goodbye, Zach.” She headed for home on stiff legs, cold to her core, feeling like an absolute fool.
“Carrie, wait!”
She kept going.
He caught up to her and held her by the upper arm. “Carrie.”
She shook him off. “Don’t touch me. We’re done. You lied to me.”
“Let me explain.”
She waited.
“Okay, it was a lie, but—”
“Zach!” Muriel called. “Can you toss me the key?”
Zach looked to the sky before barking, “No.”
“Go ahead and talk to her,” Carrie said. “We’re done.”
His light brown eyes narrowed. “Let me get this straight. Are you saying that now that you know who I really am, a respected professional in my field, you don’t want me?”
She swallowed hard. This was just like her ex, lying and then turning it around like she was the one with the problem. She couldn’t believe she’d ignored the signs, letting herself be fooled all over again. “I’m saying goodbye.”
He glowered down at her. “Good luck with the next random guy you pick up. I’m done playing white knight for you.” He stalked off back to his waiting ex.
“No one asked you to!” she hollered to his back.
He turned, opened his mouth and shut it with a snap. “Bye, Carrie,” he muttered.
She headed for home on shaky legs. But not before she heard Muriel cry, “I’m here because I still love you!”
Carrie didn’t stick around for Zach’s response.
~ ~ ~
Zach took a deep breath and reached for patience as Muriel pronounced, “I’m willing to take marriage off the table to be discussed at a later date. I never should’ve given you an ultimatum.”
“Muriel, I’m sorry. We’re not getting back together.”
“Because of her?” she spat.
“Not just because of her. You and I broke up more than a year ago. We’ve both moved on.”
“But I love you!”
He didn’t know what to say. He had loved her at one time, but he was in a different place. His heart was for Carrie. It was time he let Carrie know that. Though something was bothering him about this whole Muriel showing up on his doorstep thing. It was strange after more than a year. “How did you even find me?”
“I called your dad and told him how much I still loved you. I asked him not to say anything because I wanted to speak to you face-to-face and I wasn’t sure if you’d let me.”
He stared at her, not entirely convinced at her reasoning. “Are you going through a breakup?”
“Not exactly.” She looked away. “It’s very difficult to meet people at my age.”
She was only a year older than him. “You’re thirty-five.”
Her eyes flashed. “I’m aware of how old I am! It’s different for women. Men want a pretty young thing. Like that girl, Caren.”
He let that slide. She purposely called Carrie by the wrong name. “Why would you want to be with me when you know I’m a lone wolf? You must not have believed I’d ever commit. You said it went back to my childhood. Did you think anything would be different this time around? I’m still the same person.”
Her face crumpled. “You’re not a lone wolf! I said that out of anger. I’m sorry.” She sank to the porch step, buried her face in her hands, and quietly sobbed.
“But I never liked to spend the night. Remember? I couldn’t sleep with you.” But he’d slept with Carrie. He’d even fallen asleep holding her in his arms.
Because she was his mate.
The knowledge made the blood rush through his veins, exhilaratingly alive.
Muriel lifted her head. “Sleeping in different beds was irritating, not a deal breaker.”
“So I’m not a lone wolf?” But even as he asked the question, he already knew. Yes, it was in his nature to observe, to be a little reserved, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have real connections. His family, Muriel for a time, and now Carrie. He was still like every other human in existence made to gather in groups for survival. He would’ve reached that conclusion earlier if he hadn’t let his emotions cloud his thinking. The lone-wolf label had stung, made him feel like a failure, like he’d never find a relationship that lasted. Damn Muriel. Being a psychologist, she really knew how to screw with his head.
“I need to go talk to Carrie,” he told her. “When I get back, I want you gone.”
Her eyes still glistened with tears, her voice choked and small. “Don’t you care about me at all?”
He did, once, but no more. “Goodbye, Muriel.”
“Bye,” she whispered. She stood and slowly wheeled her suitcase down the sidewalk.
He took off at a loping run, veering around her, eager to talk this through with Carrie because the path forward had never been clearer.
When he got to her door, he was pumped from the run and from all the bright hope for their future. He took a few deep breaths and knocked. And knocked and knocked. Then he rang the bell. Her car was parked out front. He rang the bell again. Nothing.
Then he pulled out his phone and texted her. She replied, go away.
“Carrie!” he hollered through the door. “We need to talk. Just give me five minutes.”
The door suddenly sprang open and he started in surprise. He’d thought he’d have to work harder.
“What?” she asked.
He studied her face, no signs of crying. She was just mad. He could work with mad. “Can I come in?”
She backed up, her lips pressed in a flat line.
He stepped inside and shut the door quietly behind him. “I’m sorry I lied. I just wanted to be with you. I felt like pretending for the sake of role play, you know, the bad-boy thing, was the best way to give you the experience you wanted.”
“You must’ve thought I was so naïve,” she said, her lip curling.
“Not naïve, inexperienced. Now you’re experienced.”
She glared at him.
He rushed on. “I swear from here on out, complete honesty. I’m usually very honest, I always keep my word and carry through on my promises. Ask anyone in my family.”
She swallowed visibly, but said nothing. Shit. He’d hurt her even more with that. He’d basically said he only lied with her.
He reached out to stroke her arm, but she pulled away from his touch, crossing her arms. “Carrie,” he said gently, “it was just because I wanted to make it good for you.”
“Don’t put this on me!”
He jammed a hand in his hair. “Sorry, I’m messing this up. Here’s me being honest, okay? I want a relationship with you. I want long-term. I want—” he took a deep breath “—I want you to come to Singapore with me. Then when we get back to the States, I’ll apply for a new job wherever you want to live.”
She slowly shook her head.
His stomach dropped. She was slipping away. “Just think about it. I’m here through Christmas. You can give me an answer in a couple of months.”
A heavy silence dropped between them. Her voice was subdued when she finally spoke, which was so unlike her, he knew whatever she
said next would not be good. “Even if I believed that you plan to be honest from here on out, which I’m not sure I do, you know I’m starting grad school next week. Am I just supposed to drop everything and follow you around the world? Give up what I’ve worked so hard for? My career is important to me. I’ve put my own dreams on the back burner for too long because of a man and I won’t make that mistake again.”
“So you want me to give up my fellowship? Even though it’ll probably boost my résumé enough to open up opportunities for a job at the university of my choice?”
She held up a hand. “I’m not asking you to do anything.” She went to the front door and held it open, waiting for him to leave.
“Just give it some thought,” he urged.
She looked at the floor and then back to him. “I’m sorry, Zach. This just isn’t going to work.”
He didn’t know how to convince her. Her expression was closed against him. It was so unlike her usual open warmth it made him feel cold all over. She just kept standing there, holding the front door open in an obvious request for him to leave.
He slowly walked out of her apartment, still scrambling for the words that would fix this. Nothing. He had nothing.
The door slammed shut behind him.
He stood there for a full minute just outside her door, his entire body numb with shock. One thing after another had gotten between him and Carrie. Her ex, his ex, his lies, their jobs. Maybe she was right. It just wasn’t going to work.
He headed for home, his eyes watering, chest aching, limbs heavy. They’d only been together a little over two weeks, yet it hurt like hell. How had he gotten in so deep so fast?
Chapter Fourteen
Carrie dragged through the rest of the week, working and then crashing on the sofa, eating too much ice cream. Ally was sympathetic and supportive, but when she suggested maybe talking to Zach would help, Carrie retreated to her room. Ally didn’t understand letting someone go. She still clung to the hope she’d get back together with her ex-boyfriend from college. The only thing Carrie looked forward to was the Happy Endings Book Club meeting at Something’s Brewing Café on Thursday night. She needed their support. She was sure her friends would understand the pain of the betrayal, sure they’d have all the right words to reassure her that she’d done the right thing by ending it with Zach.
Thursday night finally rolled around. The first sign that things weren’t going to go her way was the choice of book. The hero was a real alphahole, and as the discussion flowed over her about his redeeming qualities, all she could think about was how much Zach wasn’t that kind of bad boy and how lucky she’d been to have him initiating her into erotic pleasures instead of some guy that was only in it for himself. Even pretending to be a bad boy, he’d been good to her. She felt herself softening toward him, but then she reminded herself he’d flat-out lied when she’d asked him about his job and what he was doing in Indonesia. Lied about never doing long-term too. Those were only the lies she knew about. Maybe there were more.
She looked to the ceiling, blinking rapidly at the threatening tears. She couldn’t believe how attached she’d gotten to him in such a short time. It had been three days since their breakup and the emotional pain was getting worse not better.
Hailey, sitting next to her, reached over and put a hand on Carrie’s arm. “What’s wrong?”
She looked at Hailey—perfectly put together in a dark green designer dress with matching heels, her perfectly made-up face etched with concern, her long strawberry blond hair perfectly smooth and straight—and thought she’d never look as put together as this woman because Carrie was a mess. Inside and out. Her emotions were a tangled mess, her hair was a mess, her clothes weren’t even matching. Her whole life was a mess and everything sucked.
Carrie looked around the room at the women who were like sisters to her and realized half of them weren’t even single anymore. They were beyond this kind of heartbreak and she had a whole future full of it. There was Lauren (engaged), Mad (engaged), Charlotte (married and pregnant), even Ally was gearing up for a committed relationship with her ex. Never mind that Hailey, Missy, Sabrina, and Lexi were currently single, they’d probably all find the love of their lives before Carrie did.
Her lower lip wobbled. Ally rushed over to hug her. Hailey handed her a tissue.
“I’m sorry,” Carrie said, wiping her eyes with the tissue. “It’s just been a rough week.”
“What happened?” Missy asked. She was a tough practical woman but great at support. “It’s better to share the burden.”
Suddenly she couldn’t bring up Zach. Hailey had told her all along that Carrie was the one who was going to get hurt by the stupid fling idea. She couldn’t bear an I told you so, even if said with love. Instead she focused on the other shitty thing. “You guys remember about my ex? How we were together for six years?”
“Yes,” the women said in near unison notes of sympathy.
“Well, I just saw him and he’s getting married and she’s pregnant!”
“Oh, Carrie.” Hailey stood and pulled Carrie into a hug. Then she announced, “Group hug!”
The women surrounded her, murmuring sympathies. A few moments later, they pulled apart and returned to their seats.
“Thanks, ladies,” Carrie said, her voice wobbling.
“Fuck him,” Mad snapped, probably the toughest of all the women. She’d been raised with a posse of big brothers and a cop dad. Her brown eyes blazed with fury on Carrie’s behalf. “I mean it, Carrie. You say it too. Fuck. Him. He treated you shitty and you wouldn’t want to be his pregnant wife anyway.”
“Yeah,” Ally chimed in.
“Fuck him,” Carrie said, her lower lip wobbling again. She bit it.
“It’s okay,” Hailey said, stroking Carrie’s hair. “You’ll find the person for you, and when you do, you’ll be his pregnant wife.”
“Geez, not everyone wants the husband and kids,” Missy said.
“Carrie does,” Hailey returned. “Right, Carrie?”
She couldn’t speak past the ball of emotion lodged in her throat. For the longest time that was what she’d wanted most of all. Now she had too much baggage to be willing to try again. Not for a long time. This only reaffirmed that she’d done the right thing calling it off with Zach. It was time to focus on her own well-being, on her dreams, her career.
She looked around at all the concerned faces of her best friends in the world and blurted, “Zach and I aren’t seeing each other anymore.”
“Because of your ex?” Mad asked.
Some of her previous anger returned, the pain of betrayal still fresh and bitter. “Because he lied.”
Mad stiffened. “What do you mean he lied?”
Carrie shut her mouth. Zach was one of Mad’s honorary brothers. Carrie should’ve known Mad would take his side.
“I’m sorry, Carrie,” Mad said, “but Zach’s not a liar. He’s a stickler about being honest. You must’ve misunderstood.”
“No, I didn’t,” Carrie snapped. “What, do you think I’m an idiot?”
“Carrie,” someone said in a soft warning. Probably Lauren, the peacemaker.
Mad merely stared, unperturbed by her outburst.
“He pretended to be a bad boy,” Carrie said. “When I asked him about his job, he said he was an unemployed travel guide.” She left out the fact that he also lied when he said he didn’t do long-term. It only made her look more the fool for continuing to see him. And she didn’t even want to mention his crazy ex-girlfriend showing up at his door with a suitcase. Who does that?
Mad cocked her head. “What? Why would he say that?”
Ally chimed in. “Probably because she gave him a sex list she wanted a bad boy to do.”
Carrie whipped her head to glare at Ally.
Ally shrugged. “Just a guess.”
“Duh,” Missy said. “A guy will say anything if you offer him unlimited no-strings sex.”
Several of the women agreed.
Carrie stared at the ground, a sour taste in her mouth. She’d made it all too easy for him. She lifted her head and said with a bravado she was far from feeling, “So my bad, end of story.”
Mad crossed her leg, her ankle over her knee. “That explains it. I saw him at Garner’s just before I came here, growling at everyone like a wounded bear.”
Carrie winced. “Maybe I’ll skip drinks tonight.” They always went to Garner’s after book club for drinks. Was that why he went there tonight? She didn’t want to see him. She was still too upset.
“Coward,” Mad spat.
“Mad!” Hailey exclaimed.
Mad jabbed a finger at Carrie. “What? She is. She’s upset; he’s upset. Just fucking talk to him.”
“He lied to me!” Carrie exclaimed. “He’s an anthropology professor.”
Mad scowled. “So fucking what. You don’t want him because he’s a professor? What the hell’s wrong with you?”
A stunned silence fell. Their group had always been about a sisterhood of close support. Especially in broken-hearted territory.
What the hell was wrong with her? Why was she so upset? She wasn’t broken-hearted. That would imply—
“Damn, Mad, that’s harsh,” Missy said. “The girl is hurting.”
Mad ignored that. “You have any idea how hard he worked to get where he is today? PhD. That’s four years after college plus a dissertation that’s practically a book that he had to defend in front of a committee.”
“I know what a PhD is!” Carrie exclaimed.
Mad went on, each word harsher than the next. “After years of people telling him he’s a bad seed. Did he tell you how he got drop-kicked through the foster system? Nobody wanted him. A runaway who lied and stole his way through their homes. You know how many people told him he was a no-good ungrateful kid?”
“I didn’t—” Carrie started and then stopped, her throat choked, her heart aching for the kid he used to be. She knew he’d been in foster care. She hadn’t known he’d been told he was a bad seed. That kind of thing could stick with a kid, make you believe you were less than.
Bad Boy Done Wrong Page 15
