It didn’t help matters that we ran into Jessica, and she saw me shopping for a dress. And since she’s MacKenzie’s BFF, that means she’s going to BLAB all of my personal business.
But the good news is that there are STILL four more shopping days until the dance!
I’m pretty SURE I’ll find the perfect dress.
Somewhere!
I mean, how HARD could it be?!
!!
MONDAY, FEBRUARY 24
Okay, I’m starting to PANIC! Mom said she would take me shopping for a dress on Wednesday. But that’s only two days before the dance!! She said if we can’t find a new dress, I can just use the very ugly silver and seaweed-green bridesmaid dress from my aunt Kim’s wedding.
Mom, are you KA-RAY-ZEE?! I REFUSE to go to the Sweetheart Dance looking like some kind of MUTANT FISH!
Sorry, Mom, but this is a formal dance—NOT a COSTUME party!
Anyway, after dinner I got the sweetest text from Brandon.
SQUEEE!! I think hanging out at Crazy Burger really helped our friendship.
*****
FROM BRANDON:
Hi Nikki,
Looking forward 2 going 2 the dance with you. Good luck finding a dress that will actually make you look beautiful!
7:39 p.m.
*****
Wait a minute!! Did he just say . . . ?!
Now I REALLY need to BURN this DRESS!
!
TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 25
Today in gym class we were having timed swim races against each other.
For some strange reason, whenever I try to swim more than twenty feet, my legs cramp up and get stuck in really weird positions. I look kind of like one of Brianna’s old Barbie dolls with TWO broken legs. And once my legs are all messed up, I start to panic and rarely make it to the other end of the pool.
But mostly I was SUPERworried because this race was going to be 50% of our swimming grade !
Our gym teacher blew her whistle. TWEET, TWEET!! “Next group, please take the starting line!”
It was finally time for MY race to begin.
Chloe gave me a big hug and jazz hands for good luck. Zoey gave me a hug too and recited another of her inspirational quotes, this time from John Lennon . . . .
“ ‘When you’re drowning, you don’t say “I would be incredibly pleased if someone would have the foresight to notice me drowning and come and help me,” you just scream!’ ”
I was like, “Thanks a million for that, Zoey!”
I think that quote was supposed to encourage me. But quite frankly, it scared the SNOT out of me! You just SCREAM?!! What kind of advice is THAT?!
Oh! And did I forget to mention that I was swimming against MacKenzie and three CCPs?
“So, Nikki! I see you’re going to attempt to swim today without your scuba suit or ridiculous floaty toys.” MacKenzie sneered.
Her friends snickered. I just rolled my eyes at that girl. I wanted to say something. But right then my knees were so shaky I was more worried about accidentally falling face-first into the water before the race even got started.
Our teacher stood on a podium to begin the race. “Swimmers, take your mark. Get set . . .” TWEET!
ME, TRYING NOT TO FALL FACE-FIRST INTO THE WATER
I dove into the water and began swimming frantically.
Although we had just gotten started, I could already clearly see I was way behind.
Yep! Dead last! It was so HUMILIATING !
To make matters worse, I was slowing down and my leg muscles were starting to cramp up.
Finally I stopped swimming and started to doggy-paddle.
MacKenzie was in the lead, and the three other girls were close behind her. I wanted to give up!
That’s when I looked over my right shoulder and caught a glimpse of a dark shadow slightly behind me. Actually, it looked a lot like a . . . shark’s fin?!
I took another look and . . . YES! It WAS a shark’s fin, just several feet away. I couldn’t believe my eyes!
OMG! I think I actually peed in the pool!
And judging from the size of its fin, that thing was GIGANTIC! Out of sheer terror, I started swimming as fast as I could.
A shark in the pool?! How in the HECK did that get in here? I wondered as I swam for my life. I came up with three possible theories.
It could have been living in the Westchester County sewers like those alligators, pythons, and other scary creatures we hear about in the news.
Or if it was in the drainage system, it probably got too big for the pipes and burst through the drain and into the pool.
Or maybe it escaped from the Westchester Zoo and was swimming down the creek behind our school when it decided to stop off at the pool for a quick LUNCH!
One thing was for sure. I had no intention of becoming its next MEAL.
You know, yummy Nikki Nuggets dipped in chlorine.
I must have had a surge of adrenaline or something because I kept swimming faster and faster until I reached the end of the pool.
Then I jumped out and zipped right past my teacher, screaming at the top of my lungs . . . .
MACKENZIE, TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW I BEAT HER TO THE FINISH LINE
Hey, there was no way I was going to hang around poolside. Sharks swim ashore, attack their prey, and then drag them back into the deep to be eaten!
At least, that’s what they do in movies and on TV! And personally, I wasn’t taking any chances. So I kept running until I got to the very top of the bleachers. Only then did I check behind me to make sure that shark hadn’t followed me up there. Hey, it could happen!
That’s when I heard my gym teacher make an announcement over the loudspeaker. “May I have your attention, please? I’d like to congratulate Nikki Maxwell. She not only won first place in the swim race, but she set a new school record for the fifty-meter swim. That’s an A+ for you, Miss Maxwell. Job well done! Please come and pick up your award certificate.”
I cautiously walked back down to the pool, where Chloe and Zoey gave me a big hug.
“Did you not see that humongous shark in the water?” I gasped.
“All we saw was you give MacKenzie a good beatdown in that race!” Zoey gushed.
“OMG! You won by a mile!” Chloe giggled. “You were out of the pool before she even finished.”
“But I could have sworn I saw a SHARK!”
My BFFs walked to the other end of the pool and returned with something big and shiny with a huge fin. Only, it DIDN’T have pointy teeth.
“THIS is NOT a SHARK, Nikki!” Chloe said.
“Um . . . try plastic SCUBA FIN!” Zoey giggled.
“Sorry, guys! But it looked like a shark to ME!” I muttered.
OMG! I was SO embarrassed.
Anyway, after winning the race and then getting fifty extra-credit points for breaking the school record, I ended up earning an A as the final grade in my swim class!
That stupid class had been kicking my butt all month. I never would have thunk this could happen.
Woo-hoo! I was beyond HAPPY!
And now the swim coach actually wants me to join the girls’ swim team.
How CRAZY is THAT??!!
!!
WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 26
Today after school, Mom and I went shopping to try and finally find a dress for the Sweetheart Dance. First we went to the dress section of Forever Sixteen, but the clothing racks were empty and there wasn’t a single dress in sight.
A pile of broken clothes hangers littered the floor. It looked just like the aftermath of an elephant stampede!
Then we went to five more stores, and all of them were in the same condition.
“No place in this ENTIRE mall has a dress?” Mom asked, clearly frustrated. “I can’t believe that! Let’s try finding a sales clerk.”
We were at a fancy department store, and we finally found a sales clerk hiding behind the checkout counter. In the fetal position!
“Excuse me, ma’am,” Mom said to he
r. “We’re looking for a dress. Could you help us, please?”
“D-d-dress?!” the sales clerk gasped in horror. “Did you just say . . . DRESS?! AAAAHHH!!!” she screamed hysterically and dashed out of the emergency exit door.
What I didn’t realize was that thousands of desperate middle school and high school girls had descended upon the mall and turned dress shopping hunting into a brutal gladiator sport . . . .
Back home, Mom suggested again that I wear that “adorable” mermaid bridesmaid dress.
EWW!!
Clearly, she has a bad memory, because that thing is HIDEOUS!
Sorry, Mom, but vomit green is NOT my color.
And that dress is impossible to walk in! It’s so tight around my legs that it looks like a giant fish tail.
While the other bridesmaids walked gracefully to the “Wedding March” song, I flopped my way down the aisle like a human-sized catfish or something!
Those rug burns were pure agony!
It was getting late, and I was running out of time!
The last thing I wanted to do was to traumatize Brandon by showing up at the dance looking like a MUTANT FISH GIRL or something.
Right now I’m SO frustrated that I’m seriously considering just NOT going to the dance.
Why is my life so hopelessly
CRUDDY?!
!!!
THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 27
I had an unexpected visitor after school today! I was in my room doing my French homework when suddenly I was rudely interrupted . . . .
“There you are, Miss Nikki! I, Miss Bri-Bri, Fashionista and STYLIST to the Stars, have been looking all over for YOU!” Brianna exclaimed. “Come quickly, dah-ling! Miss Bri-Bri must style you before her next appointment!”
“Don’t take another step toward me, or you’ll be sorry!” I screamed. “I have a French book in my hand, and I’m NOT afraid to use it. Last time you TOTALLY ruined my hair! Are you even a licensed professional?”
“But all of that was my assistant’s fault. I fired Hans. Now come! Miss Bri-Bri shall make you booty-ful! Yes?”
“NO WAY! Miss Bri-Bri can go jump in le LAKE! I’m still mad at you!”
“Zen I shall make it up to you. Miss Bri-Bri pinkie promises! Or she’ll eat a thousand boogers!”
WHAT kind of promise was that?! I was pretty sure Miss Bri-Bri ate boogers anyway! On the other hand, whatever dress she had to offer me couldn’t be any uglier than the one I already had.
I didn’t have much to lose! Well, other than another hair chunk. But that was a risk I was willing to take for the dance. And for Brandon!
“Okay, Brianna! I’m going to give you ONE more chance! So don’t screw this up!” I warned.
“Dah-ling! We have much work to do! Please follow my new assistant, Miss Penelope.”
Miss Penelope waved at me and then grabbed my arm and led me down the hall.
She was wearing lots of rings and bracelets, glittery nail polish, hot-pink lip gloss, and drawn-on cat-eye glasses that matched Brianna’s.
“Dah-ling! Here we are! Welcome to BOUTIQUE BRIANNA!” Miss Bri-Bri announced, taking me into the upstairs bathroom. “Miss Bri-Bri has designed a gazillion booty-ful dresses for very famous and important people, like Princess Sugar Plum, Selena Gomez, Beyoncé, and Mrs. Claus! And I have created zee perfect dress for you, dah-ling! Miss Penelope, please show Miss Nikki to zee dressing room,” she ordered.
Suddenly Brianna raised her hand to her ear, whispered something to Miss Penelope, and then frowned.
“What was zat, Miss Penelope?” she asked. “You are on zee phone with Dora zee Explorer and Boots zee Monkey? You say Boots needs new boots? Very well, dah-ling! Pencil him in before my six o’clock appointment with SpongeBob!”
Brianna turned to me and smiled apologetically. “Please excuse zee interruption, dah-ling. Miss Penelope’s up to her knuckles in phone calls and paperwork. Now, where were we? Oh yes! Zee dress for YOU!”
She walked up to the bathtub and pulled back the shower curtain. SWISH . . . !!
“NOW, MISS NIKKI, PLEASE STEP INTO YOUR DRESSING ROOM!”
I was really shocked to see a clothing bag with my name on it hanging inside the “dressing room.”
But I was afraid it might be a trick.
“Hmm . . . You want me to step inside?” I eyed her suspiciously. “Why? Is this a prank? Did you put a shark in there or something?!”
“Of course not! My boutique has a no-shark policy, dah-ling!” Brianna replied, slightly offended.
“All right, already!” I muttered under my breath as I climbed into the tub.
Brianna closed the curtain behind me. SWISH!
“I’ll check back with you in a few minutes, dah-ling. As soon as I finish up with Sasha and Malia Obama.”
Although the clothing bag looked new, I expected to find Brianna’s ratty old hot-pink Barbie robe inside.
I read the note attached to the bag . . . .
I was right! Brianna WAS up to something!
That delusional little SNEAK had contacted Grandma and arranged a wonderful surprise . . . . The most BEAUTIFUL dress EVER!!
It was absolutely PERFECT for the dance. I couldn’t wait to show my BFFs.
SQUEEEEE!!!
All of the CCP girls will be so JEALOUS!
I paid Miss Bri-Bri for her “services” with a bag of Skittles.
“See, dah-ling?! Miss Bri-Bri made you a very BOOTY-FUL dress! Yes?!”
“Miss Bri-Bri TOTALLY ROCKED!” I giggled.
“Then we can forget zee little haircut problem?!”
“Forgotten!” I said, and gave Brianna Miss Bri-Bri a big hug.
Then I excitedly rushed off to my room to try on my new dress.
!!
FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 28
Today the entire school was buzzing about the dance. Students excitedly lined up between classes to vote for Sweetheart Princess. The latest gossip was that MacKenzie was going to win by a landslide.
I avoided voting entirely. It was just a reminder of MacKenzie’s nasty prank, which I was trying very hard to forget.
I still didn’t have the slightest idea how she got her hands on that Salon Brianna photo. Maybe it was my imagination, but in every class it seemed like kids were staring at me and whispering !
So I just zoned out and spent the entire day staring at the clock and counting down the hours until the Sweetheart Dance ! 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4 . . . !
Before I knew it, school was over and the dance was starting in less than an hour. I took one last look at myself in the mirror.
On the inside, I felt SUPERinsecure. But on the outside, I looked like a real princess . . . .
Well, MINUS the scrawny arms and shoulders !
Mom’s new Get Toned in 20 Minutes DVD was a total rip-off. I had used it for forty minutes after school to tone up my arms, but they STILL looked EXACTLY the same. What’s up with THAT? Mom definitely needs to get her money back!
For some reason, I was having a severe case of the last-minute jitters. I felt super self-conscious about EVERYTHING.
I sighed and popped a Tic Tac into my mouth. Then I stuffed my cell phone into my purse, grabbed my coat, and headed downstairs.
Suddenly my phone chimed. I was pretty sure it was a text from Chloe and Zoey letting me know they were on their way to pick me up.
There was just NO WAY I was going to risk public humiliation by riding in my dad’s ROACH MOBILE! It was MY brilliant idea to have Zoey’s mom drive us there and Chloe’s mom drive us home!
But surprisingly, the text wasn’t from Chloe or Zoey.
It was from BRANDON! SQUEEEEEE !!
I guessed that he was probably sending me a message telling me he couldn’t wait to see me or something. You know, like in all of those romance novels. SQUEEEEEE !!
Swooning massively, I held my breath and read his pre-Sweetheart-Dance text message out loud:
I blinked in disbelief and read it again. This had to be some kind of mistak
e!
Obviously, some other dude named Brandon had just decided, at the very last minute, to “TEXT DUMP” his poor unsuspecting date!!
And then sent it to ME by accident!
NOT !!
I felt like I had been hit in the stomach. By a seventy-pound bowling ball.
WHY would Brandon do this to me?!!!
Okay. Maybe because he was SICK! But STILL! What harm is a little flu bug between really good friends?!!
Since the dance was such a big deal, I was hoping he would have gallantly ignored his fever and nausea and just showed up with a barf bag or something.
If I had the flu, I would have done that for HIM!
Hey! If I had gotten hit by a bus, I would have come to the dance in a full-body cast with some SUPERcute matching earrings!
This was the last straw!
I felt like I was on a crazy emotional roller coaster, plummeting into a deep, dark bottomless pit. And I wanted off!
I knew I couldn’t blame Brandon for getting sick! But why did he wait until the very last minute?!
And why did he drop the bomb on me in a very tacky text message instead of apologizing profusely in person? Or at least in a phone call?!
It was like he wasn’t thinking about my feelings at all!
Deep down in my gut, I suspected that Brandon was not sick at all. He had probably taken MacKenzie up on her Fuzzy Friends cash offer.
And after changing his mind about going to the dance with me, he wasn’t brave enough to tell me to my face.
I was stupid and delusional to think we’d ever become good friends. I really hated to admit it, but MacKenzie was right !
I dragged myself back to my room, slammed my door shut, and collapsed on my bed.
Then I sobbed hysterically into my pillow.
OMG! I felt beyond HORRIBLE. My heart was actually hurting.
I had been lying there for what seemed like FOREVER, when suddenly I heard footsteps and two familiar voices outside my door.
Dork Diaries 6: Tales From a Not-So-Happy Heartbreaker Page 8
